Lionel Weiß

I don't know what I was expecting on a Wednesday night, but my boyfriend ending up with a broken kneecap and then making out with me like two hours after it's put in a cast wasn't a part of what I expected out of today.

Well, okay, I always kind of hope for the second part. The first part was bad, though.

His dad actually brought food up to us, though, which was really thoughtful. Adrian also brought some up, and like, Daniel's dad was here without Daniel? But the five of us ate on Andre's bed. It was nice.

I offered to help clean up a bit so Adrian could talk to Andre without me being there to like, invade that conversation. Plus, I was a little curious about why Daniel's dad was still here, even thought Daniel left like an hour ago by now.

Did I get an answer?

Not really. Because as I was wiping down the counter, somebody knocked on the door. So Andre's dad (I don't know his name, okay) went to answer the door.

And my parents were there. Which...

How did they know where his dad lives?

"Uh, hello?" His dad said, and I noticed that my mom was holding something. My dad was too. "can I help you guys?"

"Hi!" My mom said. "Are you Andre's dad?"

"Yeah, that's me." He confirmed, just like, a tiny bit on edge because our parents haven't met yet because it hasn't even been a week, were not rushing anything and neither of our parents have asked about the others. "are you guys with the school or...?"

"The school? Oh, god no," my dad assured him. "we're Lionel's parents. We uh, heard a little about what happened earlier and figured we could throw together a little care package for him."

I'm sorry.

Why are my parents the sweetest people ever?

They've literally met Andre once. We've been dating for less than a week. But they still throw together a care package for him and said that if wanted to, he could come to Germany with us this summer, so long as we're still together by then or at least getting along.

"Aw, thank you, that's sweet!" His dad remarked. "Do you guys want to come in? I don't have coffee, but I have tea, hot chocolate, water, milk, juice. We just finished dinner, Andre is upstairs if you want to say hi."

Furthermore: why is Andre's dad (I really need to find out his name) so welcoming to just everyone?

He'd be a pretty good foster dad.

My Vati took him up on the tea offer, Mutti saying she'd have some milk. And as they were just like, waiting for the drinks, they were talking to me, just asking what the doctor said and what not.

So of course, because it's easier, we were speaking German. Adrian was now downstairs, and hearing it caught her so off guard. I'm sure Andre's dad knew that I'm German, Daniel's dad seemed to just be going with it as he was talking with Andre's dad anyways.

Adrian looked at my family in awe, though, for like 30 seconds before moving on with her night. Her life has changed just a little.

Once their drinks were ready, though, and Andre's dad and Daniels dad sat down with them, I went back up to Andre's room with the present from my parents. Which included baked goods.

In times of crisis, the one thing my dad knows how to do is bake. This time, it looked like it was lemon bars. Which was nice, Andre's favorite color is yellow I'm pretty sure based on his cast, so he'll least appreciate that.

"I'm back!" I announced as I walked back in to Andre's room, where he was still sitting in bed, looking through Netflix. "You didn't get too lonely, did you?"

"Mmm, no," he assured me, noticing the present I had. "What's that?"

"So uh, my parents are downstairs." I told him. "I don't know if they'll come up later but they're just talking with your dad and Daniels dad right now. But they heard what happened because well... Mutti watched the kids earlier. But they got you a get better present. Also, my Vati made some lemon bars."

Andre chucked a little as I put the present down for him on the bedstand.

"I've met them once, Lionel," my boyfriend reminded me. "Are they always this nice?"

"Usually, yeah." I confirmed.  "They asked me if you'd want to come with us to Germany this summer assuming we're still together at this point in time. Which, I'd hope so. I'm planning on it. So yeah, they are just that nice."

"They asked..."

Andre stopped to process that for a moment.

"Do they think I'd say no?"

"They think your parents might."

Andre rolled his eyes.

"My dad have been saving for a trip to Europe since he was my age," Andre assured me. "And then he got married and had four kids, two of which weren't planned whatsoever, got screwed over in a divorce, and yeah. Lost a lot of money to my mom."

He fell silent for a moment, and I wasn't really sure why. I guess I don't really know how recent the divorce was. It could be a year, it could be... However old Adrian is. It's not exactly a key topic of discussion.

"Hey, are you alright?" I asked my boyfriend, a little afraid that if I didn't ask he'd bottle it up, and that's never good.

"Yeah, I uh..." He started off, his voice drifting. "yeah."

But that was a lie, and both of us knew that. His tone was enough to give that one away. Enough to tell that he was frustrated. That he was upset.

The tears in his eyes were enough to know.

"Hey," I said, taking his hand and just doing what I thought would be good. But again, I'm not a doctor. I'm not a therapist or like, some magical person that can read his mind. "Andre, Schatz, hey. Look at me."

Andre looked at me.

"It's going to be okay."

That wasn't enough, though. It wasn't enough to convince him for just a little while.

Because he shook his head, his breath shaky, his eyes watery.

"How do you know that, Lionel?" He asked me, sounding scared of his mind. "I felt like— like I was on top of the world on Saturday, but outside maybe like an hour worth of today I feel like I should be six feet under. I don't..."

So that made it worse, alright. Cool. Um...

"I'm sorry," Andre apologized, despite not having anything to apologize for. "I'm sor— I'm sorry that I can't just have fun and go out and smile and that— and you've had to deal with me and— and I'm sorry that I can't go— go a day without— without this happening and I'm sorry and I don't want this to keep on happening but it— but it is and you deserve— deserve better and—"

Figuring that anything I said was going to make him either rebound or trail off into something worse, I just pulled him into a hug.

Which got him to stop talking so badly, at least. I'm sure it didn't stop the thoughts. That's a lot harder to do. I'm not sure I can do that on my own. That's what his meds and the doctor and therapy is for.

I'm here to support him. Not to fix him.

It's an important difference.

"Please don't apologize." I told him as he slowly calmed down. "You can't help it, Andre. Your brain not making enough serotonin and dopamine isn't your fault, alright? It's been a really intense day. You don't need to apologize because you feel like shit. Your mom broke your kneecap earlier today, you're allowed to feel like shit. You have depression, you're allowed to feel like shit sometimes. You can't help when it happens. But what you can do is make sure you're taking your meds and talking to one of us when you do feel like shit."

I paused for a moment, wiping some tears away from his eyes.

"I know you feel like you're weighing me down when it flares up," I assured him in a weird wording because... English. "But I would rather know what's going on and be tired and a little worried because it was 3 AM when we talked about it, than be worried and tired because you're in the hospital because you had a bad night and felt like you couldn't talk to anyone. Even if it isn't me that you talk to all the time, Andre. Your dad, your friends, hell, hotlines exist for a reason. But now that you know what's going on that isn't quite right medically, it'll get at least a little easier, okay?"

He slowly nodded his head.

"I'm going to be here," I promised him. "no matter how much you think I shouldn't want to be, I'm going to stay and talk to you and cuddle with you and give you hugs and kisses and watch stupid videos and eat frozen yogurt and go on stupid, fun dates with you because you're my boyfriend and I wouldn't want anyone else as my boyfriend. Alright? Your mom isn't there to hurt you anymore, and if kids really find it fun to pick on you, they won't for long. It's going to be slow, because a lot of things are, but it's going to get better and you might not realize that it's getting better, but that's why I'm here to remind you that it's getting better. You're in a safe place now, with people who care about you and your well-being. And I'm one of them."

Andre pulled me back into the hug, resting his head on my shoulder.

"Thank you." He said.

"Any time, Schatz."

It was still for a moment before he spoke up again.

"Can we split a lemon bar and watch some SpongeBob and also like, cuddle or something?" Andre asked, which made me smile.

I pulled back just enough so I could give him a kiss on the forehead.

"I'd love nothing better."