The way to the train is a whizz of cameras, people shouting, car rides, and what is probably going to be a last look at District 12.
As we are about to walk onto the train, the peacekeepers force Connor, Miguel, and I to stand on the platform facing the rest of the district and all of Panem over the cameras.
I find Julia in the crowd. She stares back at me and nods. 'You can do this,' she mouths. I nod back.
Then I find my family. They stare up at me, all with the same hopeless expression. And I don't blame them, there's no way I'm coming back. And neither is Miguel, no matter how hard I try.
I glance over at Miguel and Connor. Miguel's face is a little red. He was probably crying, but he's doing a decent job at hiding it. I take his small hand in mine.
Then I look over at Connor. His jaw is set, keeping up his emotionless facade. But he's biting his lip and fidgeting with his hands. I reach out and take his hand too. He takes it and gives my hand a squeeze, which I return.
Lucretia then joins us on the platform and says some words to the crowd. Usually there would be a mentor with us too, a previous victor, but our district has no such luck. District 12 is the only district without an existing victor, and may very well stay that way.
"Goodbye," and "Goodluck," start to echo around from the entire district.
I force a smile. My eyes start to brim with tears, but I hold them back.
"Let's go," Lucretia orders.
The three of us turn our backs to the crowd, but before I'm fully turned away I take one last glance at my family. It might be my last one.
I push Miguel in front of me, and walk into the train car behind him. Connor follows me in. As soon as he steps off of the platform, we are off.
Lucretia turns to face the three of us and I place my hands on Miguel's bony shoulders.
"Welcome. As you already know, I'm Lucretia Talbert and I'll be your capital escort for the games. Tribute cars are straight ahead. Meet me back here at 6 for dinner, and then we'll watch a recap of the readings."
The three of us all nod.
"I'll leave you to yourselves now...I'm sure you will want some time alone." With that, Lucretia turns on her enormously tall heel, and saunters off, out of the car.
"Miguel...there should only be two tribute cars, so why don't you go find one for us, okay?" I ask calmly, trying desperately for his sake to hide my emotions.
"Okay," he replies in a small voice. Without even looking back, he walks out from under my hands, and out of the train car.
Connor and I are left alone.
"I...should probably find one too..." Connor says in a stiff voice.
"Okay," I barely whisper.
He pushes past me and I stay frozen, staring at the back of his head until he leaves the car.
I stay in the same spot, for probably about another two minutes, before I sigh, and will myself to move.
I walk slowly out of the car and into the next, and the next, searching until I find Miguel.
About four cars later I find a door open to a luxurious looking bedroom. He's standing at the window, on his tip-toes, staring out at the scenery as it rushes past.
I knock lightly on the door. "Miguel?"
He turns his head to look at me, and then turns back to the window.
"I thought you would like this room," he mumbles.
I look around the room. The walls of the car are a bright blue and a lot of the furniture is white and simple. He's right, I do love it.
I walk further into the room until I'm standing right behind Miguel, resting my hands on his upper arms.
"I'm not going to make it," is all he whispers.
"Yes," I say, rubbing my hands gently over his arms, "you will."
He closes his eyes. I lean down and press a kiss to the top of his head.
Someone knocks on the door, but it's so quiet that I barely hear it.
I turn halfway, it's Connor.
I ruffle Miguel's hair and then make my way over to the door, sliding it closed behind me.
Connor doesn't say a word, he just steps in front of me and starts walking. I walk behind him in silence. He leads me into another train car, where he opens a door and holds it open for me as I walk in. I saunter over to the dark mahogany coloured bed and survey the room. I hear the door close and the patter of footsteps, and then silence.
I turn to Connor to see him standing less than a foot behind me. I stare up into his eyes. He bites his lip, finally letting that emotionless mask drop. Connor pulls me into his chest and holds me tight. I wrap my arms around his torso and bury my face in his shirt.
The tears finally fall. "I-I can't believe this is happening..."
"I know..." Connor replies, his voice breaking at the end.
I sob into his chest, finally letting out all of the pent up emotions from just the last few hours.
He pulls me down to sit on the edge of the bed with him, wrapping his arms around me even tighter.
A minute later I feels something dripping one my shoulder. Tears. I look up at Connor to see tears streaming down his face too. I've never seen him cry, but boy is he crying now. I rub his back with one of my hands.
We stay just like this for what feels like hours.
Or, that is, until we get summoned for dinner.
********
Dinner is an enormous meal, something beyond even my imagination could think of. There is so much to choose from, and also just so much food in general. I shouldn't be shocked, it's the capital after all, but I'm still baffled by it nonetheless.
I end up eating so much that afterwards I don't even think I'll be able to move. Connor doesn't look like he'll be able to either, but Miguel does. Or rather, he does when he sprints to the bathroom to throw up the contents of his stomach after eating a little too much a little too fast. I tried to warn him, but he couldn't help it. Yes, I often brought home food for dinner when I was out hunting with Connor and Julia, but it still wasn't that much food. Enough for a serving each and that's about it. That's all we got most days.
After dinner is over, Lucretia guides us into the living room so that we can watch the recap of the readings across Panem.
I sit myself between Miguel and Connor on a large, overly stuffed red and gold sofa in front of a large television screen. It's passed 8 o'clock now, so the television glows bright in the darkness.
When the reaping comes on in each district, I try to take in as much information about the tributes we will be facing in a few days, but I can only take in so much at one time.
There are two girls and a boy from district one. The two girls escape my mind immediately but the young boy stays out for now, thanks to his strange name, Yanis Wiebold, and age of no more than ten.
District two, however, sticks out to me like no other, because the tributes are in a similar situation to Miguel and I. At first, two boys and a girl are called, and I don't notice anything. But then I see them all side by side and it makes me rethink their names. Zeke Palmer, Juli Palmer, and Lakota Palmer. They're triplets.
I can't imagine what that would feel like, to know you will have to loose both of your siblings, let alone maybe having to kill them. I shudder.
However then a black haired girl of medium height steps out of the crowd, stating her name is Nala Bennel, and saves the female triplet by volunteering to take her spot.
From district three, a young boy, probably twelve or thirteen, and an Asian girl about my age stick out in my mind. Although I don't remember their names at all, not even a clue, I know that their image will stick in my mind.
The two boys from district four catch my eye, as well as Connor's noticeably. One of the tributes is an older guy named Derek Prisco. He's tall and buff, and probably around 20. That's bad news for us.
The other big looks to be around our age. Adam Koch I think was his name...? Tall and muscular, yet he doesn't look menacing. Interesting.
I don't seem to remember the tributes from District 5...and the only one who sticks out from District 6 happens to be an Asian boy named Alex Muto who also looks my age. Geez, how many 15 year olds got reaped this year?
Tributes from district 7 consist of two girls and a guy, only two of which I'll remember. The boy, Liam Katayama, because of his funny last name, and his slightly crazed looking smile. The girl, Fallon Puterman, stands out because she looks like real competition. She's young, but looks strong and dangerous...she could be trouble too.
District 8, 9, and 10 go by without me noticing that much. None of the tributes look to menacing, but you never know. One of them could be the one that wins.
District 11, however, sticks out without a fault. Not because of menacing or crazy looking tribute or somewhat odd names. Not those, but the fact that this district had two volunteers. Two. And in the history of this district, there has never even been one. Not one and now there are two.
First, a boy about my age, named Jeffrey Gambinis, steps up to volunteer for a ten year old boy names Lyson. There doesn't seem to be a relation there, but who knows?
Then, a second volunteer. A very tiny, very slight, red headed twelve year old named Natalie gets reaped from the girls bowl. She makes it halfway to the stage, and is then stopped by another girl her age, by the name of Abby Rutzmoser. The other girl cries and is carried off by an older boy, who could possibly be her brother, while Abby takes the stage and the last tribute is called.
And then it's our turn. Intently, I watch myself get called. Watch as the camera sweeps over the crowd searching for me.
I watch as Miguel gets called and see as the shock and dread suddenly appear on my face, knowing that my little brother will be in the death trap with me.
And then last but certainly not least, I watch as the expression on my face is magnified by ten as Connor gets called, and two of the people I care about and love the most, get thrown into the games with me, to face a lethal arena and certain death.
After the television is shut off, I wobble out of the room in a daze, and set off for my room. I make it there before Miguel, change out of my dress and into some silk pajamas, and slip into bed. Miguel joins me a few moments later. After he turns out the bedside lamp, I turn over onto my right side, drape my arm over Miguel's small torso, and listen to his breathing even out, until I too, fall into a deep, deep slumber.