'This,' Urbosa thought to herself, 'is growing tiring.'

All the awkward moments, the silent glares, the dancing around the subject, the tension. Urbosa didn't understand why anyone would get so worked up over a voe. When she was dating one, she just marched right up and told him something along the lines of, "You're mine now. Any objections?" Then when he had none, they banged, dated a few months, and got married, and that was that.

Until they had a child, that is. It turned out having a child made it far harder to have a husband who you only see when your duties as a chief allow. Perhaps if men were allowed in Gerudo Town, their relationship would have survived. Alas, that was not the case, and Urbosa refused to change the rules to let him live there. It would be selfish, she decided, to change the no-voe-allowed rule just so her marriage would last, when she hadn't changed it for anyone else. And so, she and her husband got a divorce and made an agreement that they would have shared custody of their child.

It was a bit sad that their relationship didn't last, but no longer having to use her time off to visit her husband was admittedly nice. She had a lot more free time, and took up embroidering. She liked that she got to stab the cloth so many times, and in the end she even had a pretty design to show for it. Now that was a hobby she could get behind.

But the point was that getting with a voe should be easy. It should be as simple as finding a suitable man, telling him you want him romantically, and if his taste in clothing is subpar, giving him a suit to wear on your first date and constructive criticism on how to dress better. (Men love when women give them constructive criticism. They tend to take it very well and not at all get offended that a woman would dare know more than him. That would be silly.)

One look at Mipha and Zelda, however, would prove that not everyone had the ability to be so direct. The fact that they both liked Link was painfully obvious, yet neither had made a move. Link didn't even know how they felt.

Urbosa watched as Mipha and Daruk trained together, Mipha's movements as smooth and fluid as a river, Daruk's the opposite, but just as powerful. She watched as Link tried to teach Zelda how to hold a sword, Zelda blushing as his hands touched hers.

Urbosa knew how this would end. She had seen it many times before. Resentment would build between the two vai, arguments would start over petty things, and the team would suffer from it. The champions needed to work together in harmony, as much as Revali's attitude would allow, and that would be impossible if Zelda and Mipha were at each other's throats. She would not let that happen.

'I suppose,' she thought, sighing audibly, 'it falls on me to fix things.'

________________________________________________________________________

The obvious place to start was with Link. He was the one stuck in the middle of this, after all, and Urbosa needed to know his thoughts before she continued with her mission.

"One sec," he signed to Zelda before sheathing his sword. "Gonna use the bathroom."

Urbosa looked around. Everyone was busy, paying her no mind as she sharpened her blade. She snuck out the same way Link had gone, following him until he got to a bush behind some trees. Before she could make her presence known, Link did something that surprised her; he pulled down his pants and started peeing in the bush.

Startled, it took her a moment to fully comprehend what was happening before she looked away to preserve his privacy. Peeing in a bush was a very private matter, after all, especially when one had inexplicably pulled their pants down to their ankles.

After a moment, Urbosa heard the sound of Link walking back toward the trees. Praying he was now fully clothed, Urbosa opened her eyes and stepped out where he could see her.

Link drew his weapon before she could speak.

"Calm down, boy. It's just me."

He lowered his sword. "Were you watching me use the bathroom bush?"

"Absolutely not. I averted my gaze. Wait... the bathroom bush?"

He gestured to the bush into which he had urinated. "Yeah. Have you never heard of it?"

"I have not."

"The bush we all use when we have to go to the bathroom. Assumed you knew about it."

"Why are you using a bush as a toilet? That's barbaric."

"The training grounds are nowhere near a bathroom, so we come here."

"Does this not harm the bush?"

"Fake bush. Don't know why, but it leads into a sewer grate. Maybe it's here specifically to pee in."

"Why would... you know what? Never mind."

"Best not to ask questions. Gift horse's mouth."

"...Hmm. There's certainly a lot to contemplate. Regardless, I have serious matters to discuss with you."

He put his sword up. "Is this about Mipha and Zelda?"

Urbosa raised an eyebrow in surprise. "So you *are* aware of their feelings, then."

Link let out a huff. "Pretty obvious."

"You haven't voiced your thoughts. I assumed you didn't know."

"I don't voice anything."

Urbosa was unsure if he was genuinely confused by the phrase, or if he was being a smartass. It was better to give him the benefit of the doubt, so she continued. "If you are aware of their crushes, why have you not said anything? If you're not interested, at least let them down gently. It's the polite thing to do."

"That's the problem," he let out another huff. "I do like them."

"And why is that an issue?"

"Don't know who to pick! I..." Link seemed to realize he was speaking his mind more than usual, and decided to stop. "It's complicated."

"Complicated, eh? Well, I can't make your choice for you, but I do hope you'll make the right call."

Link made a face that said, 'Well, that's not helpful.' He didn't say this, instead opting to give a single nod.

"We should be getting back to the training grounds," Urbosa concluded the conversation. "We don't want people wondering where we went."

"They know I'm at the bathroom bush."

Urbosa walked back to the training grounds far faster than Link, her long legs lending her a faster stride. It was as if wasn't even trying to keep up. 'Perhaps,' Urbosa thought, 'he foolishly worries what it would look like if we came back together.'

________________________________________________________________________

Revali looked away from his target practice to give Urbosa a nod of acknowledgement when she returned, but no one else seemed to have noticed her absence in the first place. When Link arrived back, Revali was not so kind. "Well, well, well. Look who's back. Finally. Are you done with your time wasting, yet?"

"Ooo! Link!" Zelda said excitedly, ignoring Revali's comment. "Look! I think I figured out how to tell which side of the sword is the top! It's the one with the nick in it, right?"

Link shook his head. "Bottom side."

"Why would it matter?" Revali groaned, "For Hylia's sake. Both sides are dumb and pointy. It takes no grace or skill. Princess, if you wish to use a real weapon, all you need do is ask. There are plenty of training bows in Rito Village."

"I thank you for your generous offer, but I would prefer to master one form of weaponry before learning another."

"In my opinion, you're already more talented than this so-called knight."

"I'm flattered, though I do feel insulted. My knight is quite talented."

"Yes, I know—" Revali paused to wave his arms around, accentuating his point, "Knight who seals the darkness, silent saviour, blah, blah, blah."

"I fear that we've let this go on long enough." Urbosa strode over to where the three were standing, or in Revali's case, flying. "In our attempts to keep the peace, we've allowed your pride to reach a level of utmost rudeness to Link."

Mipha spoke up. "It is mean, to say the least."

"We feared that you'd leave the team if we stood up to you, but this has gone on long enough. From this point on, please refrain from comments that showcase your arrogance."

Revali looked around at the group. Urbosa stared right back. Link had an expressionless face, as usual, and Daruk was looking everywhere but at Revali. Mipha stared at the floor, and Zelda, like Urbosa, stared Revali straight in the eyes, though her expression was slightly apologetic. Perhaps she didn't want to anger him so much as to cause him to leave. They needed him to pilot Vah Medoh, after all.

Urbosa knew that despite his attitude, he had earned his place as a champion. He was the best archer in the land, and in the sky, and his flying skills were unparalleled. The issue wasn't his pride or confidence, for that was earned. The problem was his denial that Link had earned his title, too. More than that, though, was his insistence on voicing this constantly.

Revali sneered. "I can't believe you all. Surely you can see that this- this- this faux pas of a knight is a disgrace to Hyrule."

No one responded. That in itself was a response, as silence often is. The type of response typically depends on the situation, but it rarely bodes well for the respondee.

"Asinine. Every last one of you." Revali didn't even take the time to properly put away his bow before shooting up into the sky and soaring off.

"I do hope he still comes to training tomorrow," Zelda worried.

Urbosa had no such concerns. "Perhaps not tomorrow," she thought aloud, "but he will return. Though his attitude, I'm sure, will remain unchanged."

Everyone turned to Link. He seemed unshaken. "Thanks," he signed.

"I'm only sorry we didn't do it sooner. You are a valuable member of the team, you know."

He nodded. Back to his usual silent self, then. Urbosa wondered if he was uncomfortable being the center of attention.

"We should call it a night," Daruk chimed in. "I'm starving. I brought food! It's rock roast, of course. But for those of you who have allergies, I brought rice with goron spice and lots of salt. Wait a second... I just realised that everyone but Link and I are allergic to rock roast!"

"A true tragedy," Zelda agreed. "Though I attempt, as difficult as it may be, to live life anyway."

"I stocked up on EpiPens, if you want to try it," Daruk said as pulled out a handful.

"I don't think that's a wise idea. Still, thank you for your kind offer."

Daruk shrugged and handed out the rice and rock roast. As Urbosa ate, she thought about her plan. At the end of dinner, before the group parted ways until tomorrow, she went to the princesses. "Do you two have any plans two days from today?"

"I must pack my bags for my to journey to the spring of courage the next day, but I have no other obligations."

"I have no plans."

"Good," Urbosa replied, "Please meet me at seven o'clock in the morning at the Gerudo Town school. I have important matters to discuss."