Poseidon

I went half way across the country to see my kid. A kid that didn't even want to see me when I wanted to be there for him. That was a fucking waste of my time.

Percy

I felt kind of bad about not letting my dad in, but I just couldn't. I can't face him right now. Maybe if the therapist hadn't come, I could've. But he was there and it just shook up my anxiety and it brought back memories that I didn't want to deal with.

Dealing with my dad was something I just can't do right now.

But I did text him. He's a god. Who knows how he would've taken being told he wasn't needed or wanted right now.

Me: Hey, Dad, sorry. I know you came last minute and like it came from out of nowhere when Mom called. But there was a therapist in here before they mentioned you and my anxiety was kind of all over the place and I just couldn't deal with visitors. Sorry. I apologize too much, but sorry.

After a few minutes, my phone went off again. Nico was being a sweetheart and getting us dinner from a take out place down the road. I was tired of hospital food and I've only had it once.

Poseidon: It's okay! It's not I came half way across the country for you to be your dad or anything. Don't be dumb. I have to go meet with Zeus. Bye.

He was pissed.

Me: sorry. ! message not sent !
!this number is no longer receiving messages from you!

Wow.

Blocked by own dad.

I really was a moron. Just some fucking useless moron that can't even text his dad because he was a dumbass. Because his dad probably hates him now.

Then again, Dad has always favored Tyson. He never did care too much about me.

Suddenly my phone started to ring. Grover.

Of course I answered. I'm not that bad of a friend.

"Hey, dude." I said as I answered, my phone almost cracking because I wasn't expecting a call and anxiety. "Uh. What... What's up?"

Did Grover know about this? I can't remember if Nico told me if he told them or didn't tell them. He said that I went to the hospital. But I'm not sure if he said what for.

"Oh, thank gods!" Either way, he was relieved to hear my voice. Or he at least acted like it. "Are you okay, dude? Nico called yesterday and told us you guys were going to the Mayo, but he never called back. He said you were passed out, but that's about it."

"Oh, yeah..." So they didn't know why. Thank gods. I glanced at my heart monitor. "I'm alive."

On the outside, that is. I've been dead inside for years.

"Well duh," he remarked, naive as to what happened to me in all actuality. "You're talking to me over the phone. That must've sucked, though. Who attacked you?"

"Oh, I uh... Wasn't attacked."

"Then what happened?"

"Just an accident," I couldn't tell him for some reason. Maybe the anxiety. Maybe him being one of my only friends. I don't really know anymore. "I was tired. It was dark. Shit happens."

"Oh, okay!"

I had that same conversation with Thalia all before Nico got back. When he came with the food, though, that was like a saving grace. I was starving and getting more depressed by the minute because I just felt bad and kind of like shit.

We we're in the middle of eating when I got another text. My dad.

Poseidon: You should've died.
! This number isn't receiving messages from you !

So that was lovely. I only had a breakdown.

Nico had to take away Riptide after that night. I wasn't allowed to have my pills in the room. I couldn't have anything that would harm me.

I was incapable of feeling. I was numb.

Nico

He went off the handle after that. He was there for longer than expected, which meant I was, too. And I mean, there was a straight week where he couldn't be left alone. Sally, Paul, and myself were always there. I never left the room aside to use the bathroom and get food and maybe one or two other occasions. When I'm doing that, one of the others are there. Even when I sleep, there's a nurse assigned to the room.

Because he could do it again. Percy's ready to do it again.

All it took was his dad's disapproval.

He hasn't eaten in 4 days. He eats. But he throws it up when his parents aren't here. He doesn't want to let them down.

Easily, Percy lost 30 pounds over the 3½ weeks we were there.

And it broke my heart. We got back to New York, and I mean everyone was happy to see them and he acted happy to be back.

But that was just it.

It's an act.

They can't afford to get him better. They wrote out a prescription that's at least $100 a month.  To go to therapy would be at minimum $100 a session, with multiple sessions a week.

He needs help. Help that they aren't able to get. Sally and Paul have tried to get aid and every other thing.

No one will do it because it's not a chronic disease like cancer. It's mental.

He hit rock bottom. And now he's digging his own grave.

I talked him out of suicide three times that night.