Chapter 9 | Apologies, anger and tears

Lucas:

"Why did you say that?" I ask Ivy, my eyebrows furrowed as I watch Mia and Grace drag a frankly, mortified Isabella away.

"What?" She replies, an innocent expression on her face.

"Ivy don't try that with me." I glare at my girlfriend. "Why did you lie? I never said she was big, I just showed you a picture of us when we were little and you said she was chubby."

She shrugs, staring at her nails, looking bored and unbothered. "Whatever it's not a big deal," she sighs exasperatedly. "Let's just get to homeroom before we're late."

I make a mental note to apologise to Bella as Ivy drags me away to class, her acrylic nails digging into my arm like claws.

We spot Luna waiting for us by her locker and she gives me a small smile in greeting before talking to Ivy in that hushed little whisper voice of hers, only loud enough so that only Ivy can hear what she was saying.

As we continue to walk through the hall, I finally peel off Ivy's hand and wince at the little crevices her nails made in my arm just as Jason, one of my teammates sidles up next to me.

"Hey man!" He greets, with a huge grin plastered on his face. "Great party last night!"

I wince at his loud, booming voice. Although I'm able to mask my hangover on the outside, on the inside it's as if someone is smashing a hammer to my brain repeatedly. "Thanks bro," I reply, massaging my temples. "Don't think I'm going to be having a party at mine for a while though."

"What?" Jason asks, his eyebrows furrowed. "Why not?"

"My place got trashed yesterday."

He frowns, looking kind of disappointed. "Oh is that it?"

Not only that, but also because it pissed off Isabella.

Well from what I even remember, I could've hallucinated that encounter for all I know because I had been drunk out of my mind.

But I keep that second thought to myself.

"Alright well, I'll see you around!" I tell Jason as I head into form, Mrs Abbott waving at us as she stands in the doorway.

"Good morning everybody! Take a seat!" She chirps, her voice echoing through the room as the other students file into class.

I spot only familiar faces as my eyes glaze over everybody sitting down and it seems that our homeroom class is the same as it has been since freshman year.

Mrs Abbott continues to natter on about Junior year and how it's so important blah blah and for the most part I zone out, slyly checking my phone from under the desk. However, one sentence does catch my attention and I briskly snap my gaze from my phone back to the front of the class.

"Let's give a warm welcome to the newest addition to our class!" Mrs Abbot gestures towards Isabella, who stands at the front, practically cowering beside her. She has a small smile on her face and waves awkwardly as she introduces herself. "Hi, I'm Isabella!"

"You're British!" someone from the front points out and Bella laughs nervously alongside a couple other people in the class.

"Um not really," she responds. "I mean I grew up here but I moved to London six years ago but now I'm back."

"Oh, well your accent is British!"

"So was your old school like Hogwarts?"

"Do you have tea and crumpets?"

"Have you met the Queen?"

"What's free healthcare like?"

However, Isabella doesn't get to answer the flurry of questions that are directed her way by a various number of students in the class as Mrs Abbott interjects.

"Alright well there will be time for questions later, but I have to complete the register if you want to be on time to your first period." She throws Isabella a comforting grin. "Please take a seat where you wish Isabella."

Her eyes glaze over the class and she almost does a double take as she spots me sitting at the back but quickly composes herself as she see's Ivy shooting daggers her way. She decides to sit at a desk right at the front, next to Faye, a fairly nice girl that I have known since middle school.

My eyes are locked onto the back of her head for the remainder of homeroom and once the bell rings and the class is dismissed, I hastily get up from my seat to try and catch up with Isabella so I can speak to her before first period, but by the time I head out into the hallway...she's disappeared into the crowd.

"What's the rush," Ivy huffs as she finds me standing beside the door, scouring the mass of people filing into the hall.

"Nothing," I sigh, pulling out my timetable form my pocket. "Just excited to go to-" I groan looking down at the piece of paper clutched in my hand. "Seriously Math is my first lesson of the semester?"

Ivy ignores my whines. "Oh look mine and Luna's class are right near yours so you can drop us off." She grabs my arm with one hand and Luna's with the other and proceeds to drag us down the hall.

***

The first couple of periods go by fairly quickly and before I know it, it's already lunch. I haven't seen Isabella since this morning so I haven't had the chance to apologise to her yet.

"Mm this macaroni actually tastes amazing," Dylan moans, stuffing another forkful of the pasta into his mouth. Both Aidan and I grimace at the sight of cheese plastered around Dylan's mouth.

"Stop exaggerating, it's not that good, it tastes sort of plain." Ivy rolls her eyes as Dylan stops chewing and sends daggers at my girlfriend.

"And your outfit is plain so shut your mouth you basic ass hoe," he retorts under his breath, aggressively stabbing his plate of food.

Ivy gasps beside me and narrows her eyes at him. I grab at her hand and send her a look before she has a chance to respond and she sits back in her seat with a huff.

"I'm gonna go get water," I state out loud as silence settles over our table. Aidan sends me a pleading look as if to say 'don't leave me with your bitch girlfriend' but I simply shrug my shoulders and walk away.

I spot Mia, Grace and Bella in the lunch queue. Whilst Grace and Mia both pile plates of macaroni onto their trays, Isabella simply orders a bottle of water and toys with an apple in her palm. I'm about to walk over to them and ask them to sit with us but the girls take a seat at another table. I see Sammy wrap an arm around Mia and the four of them, plus some of Sammy's friends delve into conversation and I decide to not call after them.

"What's taking you so long babe?" Ivy sidles up next to me and clings onto my arms and she follows my line of sight.

"Nothing," I sigh and spin back around face to her. I bend my head down and peck her lightly on the lips. She smiles against the kiss and wraps her arms around my neck.

"You look gorgeous today," I tell her as I pull back, stroking her cheek with my thumb, but she doesn't take notice of what I'm saying because he eyes are narrowed as she gazes at something over my shoulder.

I furrow my eyebrows. "What-" I begin but Ivy snaps her eyes back to me and scoffs.

"That new girl Isabelle or whatever keeps staring at us and it's giving me the creeps. She's so fucking weird, I don't like her."

I turn my head to where Bella is sitting and my gaze locks onto hers. Her eyes widen as realisation that she's been caught staring, hits her and she briskly tears her gaze away.

"Babe she hasn't done anything wrong," I point out and Ivy sends me a venomous glare.

"Why are you sticking up for her? Do you want to fuck her or something?" She seethes, the angry look on her face only intensifying.

I knit my eyebrows together, annoyance bubbling at the pit of my stomach. "No! What the hell Ivy, where do you come up with this sort of stuff?"

"Whatever." She rolls her eyes and stalks off, heading towards the exit of the canteen and I shortly see Luna trail after her. I follow them both suit out of the hall and quicken my pace to catch up with them.

"Ivy," I call out grabbing her wrist in an attempt to stop her from walking. She snatches her arm away and spins back around to face me, bumping into my chest.

"Calm down," I tell her gently. "I only have eyes for you okay. Isabella is just a childhood friend," I reassure her, cupping her cheek before letting out a snort. "Hell, I don't even think she likes me because she's been ignoring me since she's been back."

Ivy softens significantly at my statement and smiles guilty, melting under my touch. "I'm sorry," she whispers, looking down at her shoes like they're the most interesting thing on the planet. "I get jealous easily."

"It's okay," I sigh. "But there's no need to be jealous okay?"

"Okay." She says quietly before turning back to her friend who is just standing to the side awkwardly. "C'mon Lu, I want to go to the bathroom to touch up on my makeup."

"I'll see you at the end of the day!" She calls out over her shoulder as the two girls stroll through the empty halls.

I nod and turn back to head into the canteen but just as I'm about to push the doors open, someone comes out and bumps straight into my chest.

"Ouch," they yelp quietly and I quickly step back and begin to apologise. I look down as they look back up at me and their eyes widen with recognition.

"Oh it's you," Isabella says, grimacing whilst rubbing her head.

I chuckle. "You don't seem very happy to see me."

"Um...well I'm just heading to the bathroom." She begins awkwardly, ignoring my statement and trying to dodge around me, just as I do the same so we're stuck doing this weird dance. I finally step to the side so she's able to get past. "Um bye," she says as she continues making her way down the hall.

I shake my head slightly before pushing open the canteen doors but not before glancing one last time over my shoulder at Isabella walking aimlessly through the halls.

"Down the hall and to the right," I say in offers to help her and she turns back and smiles gratefully at me.

I clear my throat. "By the way Ivy is in there too."

She stays rooted in her spot for a beat and for a second I think I see her tense up. "Thanks for the heads up," she calls out from over her shoulder. "I'll just wait out here until she's done."

I nod my head and begin to push the canteen doors open again but hastily turn back, remembering that this is a chance to speak to her but when I finally spin around...she's disappeared out of thin sight.

Seriously does this girl have magic powers or something? Where did she go?

I snort and am finally about stroll back into the canteen when the bell rings, signalling the end of lunch. I groan out loud as students begin to file out into the hallway. Lunch is over already?

Aidan and Dylan walk out shortly after and smack me on the back. My history class is on the way to their science class so we walk together, talking about the new football season that is about to start up soon and when I finally reach history, I bid them goodbye and head into the room.

I see that Mr Carter hasn't arrived and scour the class. I spot some of my teammates and go over to them and begin making conversation. We're all talking for a while when my gaze drifts to Isabella who is at the back of the class, talking to Faye from homeroom. I excuse myself and briskly stroll over to them and they both glance up to acknowledge me.

Faye gives me a smile in greeting but Isabella rolls her eyes in what seems to be...annoyance.

I furrow my eyebrows at her reaction but quickly turn back to Faye. "Hey, could you give us a moment please, I need to talk to Bella."

"Sure," Faye replies, moving over to the other side of the class. "I'll talk to you in a bit Bell."

Isabella nods before turning back to face me with a frown. "So what do you want to talk about."

"I wanted to apologise for this morning." I sigh, scratching my neck awkwardly. "I don't know why Ivy said that, but I didn't call you...big." I pause for a beat. "Er, Ivy kind of gets intimidated by other girls sometimes."

I can see that she's fighting the urge to roll her eyes again. "Um ok."

I furrow my eyebrows. "She didn't mean it in a bad way, I just showed her a picture of you when we were younger so she thought you'd be a little chubbier that's all."

She ignores me so I continue speaking. "So are you good?"

She shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly. "Yeah." But the look on her face says otherwise.

"Is it that big of a deal? Yeah the comment was kinda rude I guess...but you seem overly mad."

Isabella stiffens at my statement, "I'm fine," she says through clenched teeth.

I eye her once again and the expression on her face indicates that she seems to be really hurt. I guess what Ivy said really seems to have taken a toll on her if she's this angry.

"Look I'm really sorry on her behalf okay."

"Apology accepted," she replies in a bored tone, she's clearly done with the conversation and I have a feeling that she actually hasn't accepted my apology, but I don't have time to continue speaking as at that moment Mr Carter strolls into the room and begins to address the class.

"Good afternoon everybody! Please take a seat."

I sit briskly down beside Isabella. The desks in this class are made for two people.

As Mr Carter rambles on with introductions, I try to edge a word in but fail miserably as we're sitting right at the front and whenever I open my mouth, the teacher sends me venomous glare.

"Okay so now that we've got that sorted, I want to assign you your first project to get it out of the way before we begin the actual lesson."

There are a flurry of groans and one boy at the back speaks up. "Sir it's the first day! You can't assign us a project already!"

Mr Carter presses his lips into a thin line. "Yes I can, it is vital as this project will take up 30% of your final grade."

There are more groans and moans.

He claps his hands together. "Okay I can tell that you are all excited about this assignment so let me explain." He leans down and pulls up a power point slide. "Okay so you will have just over a month to compete this assignment. It is fairly simple, what you have to do is make a powerpoint presentation like this-" He points to the board. "On the history behind this very town. It will help with the rest of the topic we are learning this semester so it's important that you put effort into this project. Is that clear?"

The class nods.

"Do we get to chose our partners?" Alex, another jock speaks up.

Mr Carter shakes his head. "No, you will work with the person next to you."

I turn to look at Isabella as she does the same. She has a blank expression on her face and she blinks slowly before facing the front of the class again and proceeding to pinch the bridge of her nose.

From her very enthusiastic response, I can tell that she is extremely happy about working with me on this assignment.

+

Isabella:

I groan internally as Mr Carter natters on about a History project that is apparently essential to our final grade.

It isn't even the assignment I am mad about. It's the person I have to do it with, that has me riled up.

After the incident this morning, when I had come into class, Lucas had strolled up to me and had tried to apologise. But he hadn't sounded apologetic at all. It sounded more like he was trying to excuse his girlfriends behaviour instead.

Now I wasn't one to get angry over petty reasons but I seemed to be extra mad at this situation, especially since Lucas was trying to act like the saviour when he had no clue what that measly comment did to me.

Ivy's comment had triggered those thoughts to come flooding back into my brain and I had spent the majority of the day worrying about my weight instead of focusing on my classes. I couldn't eat lunch either and plus I was still fairly annoyed at yesterday's party events so I believed that I had the right to be mad.

The class goes by agonisingly slow and every now and then I feel Lucas' gaze boring into the side of my skull. I inch away from him as far as I can and continue to ignore him for the remainder of the lesson.

Once the bell rings, I fly out of my chair and hastily rush out of class. I run out into the parking lot where Mia and Grace said where they would meet me. I see a head of long blonde hair and I stroll up to Grace.

"Hey," she greets with a smile as she see's me approaching her. "Mia got detention so it's just us two."

I quirk an eyebrow. "On the first day?"

Grace nods. "Yep, guess what it's for?"

I tap a finger against my chin in thought. "Hmmm I bet it's for something stupid like talking in the middle of class."

"You're close. She got into an argument with Ivy in the last period."

"Ivy?" I furrow my eyebrows. "What for?"

"She was trying to get Ivy to apologise for the comment she made about you this morning about but Ivy's stubborn ass wouldn't say sorry so Mia kept bothering her until the teacher noticed and gave her a detention for apparently 'harassing' a student."

I clamp a hand over my mouth as I gasp. "No way." I swing my backpack over my shoulder as the two of us begin to stroll over to where the school buses are. "Damn, I feel bad, she got detention because of me."

Grace gives me a look. "Ivy deserved to be harassed by Mia."

I swallow and think back to my conversation with Lucas in history.

"Do you think I'm overreacting, is her comment that of a big deal?" I say voicing what Lucas had told me earlier.

Graces face softens and she sighs. "Look for someone else it may not be that big of a deal but for you, especially with everything you've been through, little things like that can act as a trigger, so you have a right to be upset and mad okay?"

She swings an arm over my shoulder and looks down at me, worry drawn across her features. "Don't think Mia and I haven't noticed how you barely ate lunch today."

I downcast my eyes to the floor. The pavement suddenly seeming to be the most interesting thing in the world. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't be sorry Bella, I know you can't help it, it's just worrying sometimes." She exhales and runs a hand through her hair. "We care about you, you know and it sucks that you feel this way and there's not much we can do to help."

"I'm working on it," I say in a small voice. "I'm getting better I promise."

"I know," she smiles softly, steering me in the direction of the bus stop. "Now let's get home, my bed is waiting for me!"

We talk for a while before I bid goodbye and clamber on the school bus and take a seat at the back, Grace crosses the road and goes to the board the bus that goes in the opposite direction as she lives on the other side of town.

I plug in my earphones and listen to music on my way home. The bus journey isn't too long but when I get off on the stop that's closest to my house I have to walk at least 20 minuets to actually get home. I make a mental note to ask my mom to sign me up for driving lessons because no way am I taking the bus everyday to and from school if I have to walk this much.

By the time I reach my house, I'm huffing and puffing, very clearly out of breath. My legs feel slightly weak as I have no energy from the lack of food I've eaten today. My stomach grumbles as I unlock the door and head into the kitchen.

"Hey mama, abuela," I call out.

"Hola mija," my abuela greets in reply, stiring something in the large saucepan that is on the cooker.

My mom is sitting at the kitchen island with her laptop pulled open and Sofia is running to and from the kitchen. She stops to give me a hug before she's on her way, whizzing around the house.

My mom tears her gaze from the screen to look at me. "How was school?"

"It was okay, I already have a crap ton of homework," I sigh, sitting down dramatically on a stool at the kitchen island.

"That's school for you." My mom smiles. "Did you eat lunch?"

I pause for a beat, staring at the worried look on my mother's face. "No, I, uh, only had an apple..."

I trail off at the stern expression my grandma is sporting.

"Cariño!" She frowns wiping her hands on her apron. "Only an apple? Bella that's nothing you need to eat more! You hardly eat anything at all!"

I stiffen as my mom looks over at my abuela. "Ma," she clips out sternly. "We've talked about this remember."

My grandmothers frown deepens before she turns back to look at me. "Lo siento mija, I just worry about you."

"I'm sorry," I swallow, trying my best to keep the tears that are threatening to come out, at bay.

I seem to be worrying everyone lately, my friends, my parents and guilt courses through me.

I can't keep the sobs from spluttering out and storm out the kitchen. I hear my mom begin to scold my grandma as I run up the stairs into my room and close the door behind me.

I drop my bag onto the bed and immediately stand in front of the large mirror that is next to the window. I lift up my top and stare at my reflection.

Shifting from side to side as tears roll down my face, I look at my body. My ribs jut out less than they used to, but they are still fairly visible. I still don't have any chub in my lower belly and although that was something that would've pleased me before, now it just made me feel sick. I look at my legs which had always been a big insecurity of mine growing up. I have a thigh gap, which I would've died for before, but now all I want to do is desperately fill it out.

When I turn to the side my ass is flat. I pull down the neck of my top to reveal my shoulders. They are bony and I have no muscle definition in my arms. My collarbones jut out so much you can probably put something in them.

My body just acts as a reminder of the mental torture I had put myself through and I sit down on the floor and cover my mouth as I choke out the sob I had been holding in downstairs.

I remind myself that I am getting better. I am at a much better place than I had been two years ago. But it's still hard. I know that my disorder frightens my family and friends and that adds to the pressure I already put on myself to overcome this sickness.

Most days I do well but there are some odd days when I wake up with those thoughts or like today, something triggers those feelings that cause me relapse or go back to that dark place.

I wipe away my tears and remind myself of that promise I had made myself at Mia's house two nights ago. I'm determined to try and stop letting what other people say get to me and determined to steam roll through those bad days.

With a shaky breath, I turn to my window to shut the curtain so I can change my clothes but get startled at the sight of Lucas staring at me through his window. He's sitting on his bed a textbook in his hand, a worried expression plastered on his face. I freeze on the spot as we stare at each other for what seems like hours even though it's probably only for a couple of seconds, before I quickly tug the curtain closed and lean against the wall, trying to steady my breathing.

━

AUTHORS NOTE:

Hi everyone! So I actually don't like this chapter at all, there are too many time jumps but I've been stuck writing this chapter for almost a week now and this is the best I've written so it will have to make do for now 😣. I just wanted to get this chapter over and done with so I can move on with the plot so I apologise if it seems a little rushed.

Anyways have a lovely day, love you all
- Mai x