A/n Long chapter guys, get ready, lots of things happen ;)

Chapter 50 | Eggnogg

Isabella:

I was confused.

This whole 'friendship' dynamic I had created with Lucas was messing with my head and giving me a major migraine.

I couldn't decide for the love of me what I truly wanted with him.

One minute I hated his ass...and then the next I was acting all chummy with him. I mean, only two nights ago I had been doubting everything and rationalising why I had to stay away from Lucas and then yesterday I was joking about with him when we were building snowmen and now today I was having a whole ass movie marathon with him? What the hell did I want?

I didn't know if I wanted to stay the hell away from him, to simply be platonic with him...or if I wanted something more and that thought alone, that mere consideration of wanting something more with Lucas instantly sets off alarm bells in my brain.

I knew the best thing to do would be to keep things mutual between us and to try to keep my distance. With everything I had associated Lucas with - my eating disorder, my first heartbreak...it really was best for me to keep away but the issue was...that I couldn't. Every time I tried, something, some force, pushed me back to Lucas or pulled him back to me.

***

"Eggnog really?" I quirk an eyebrow as Dylan uncovers the tall glass and places the drink on the kitchen table.

"With extra rum baby," Dylan grins mischievously, shrugging off his jacket and throwing it across the chair before moving around the kitchen in search of empty glasses. "My mama makes it the best."

"I'm sure she does," I grin back, glancing at the drink - it looked really good. "But I don't want to get alcohol poisoning Dyl, God knows how much you put in there."

He waves his hand dismissively, his back still turned to me. "You won't get alcohol poisoning Bell...as long as you don't consume a lot."

I laugh before looking over my shoulder to see Lucas strolling into the kitchen, slapping the top of the doorframe with his palms on the way through.

"Is that Mama O'Grady's eggnog? Please tell me it is," he asks excitedly, his gaze falling on the drink sitting on the table.

I nod my head, answering for Dylan, my eyes quickly scanning over Lucas' tall frame as he makes his way over to me. He's wearing a green, knit Christmas style patterned jumper paired with blue jeans. The jumper is quite frankly ugly...but somehow Lucas pulls it off.

He hops up on the table top, smirking at me as he notices me checking him out and I quickly drag my eyes away.

Grabbing the tall glass, he makes a groan of appreciation before taking a long swig of the thick drink causing me to scrunch my nose up in distaste.

"Ew Lucas, use a glass."

As he pulls the bottle away from his lips, a moustache of eggnog lines his upper lip and I snort at how ridiculous he looks. Wiping the residue with the back of his hand he hands me the glass and motions for me to drink.

He smiles in satisfaction when I roll my eyes and take a swig. Damn, Dylan's mom does make it good.

"Aw look, we indirectly kissed." Lucas states, jumping back off the counter, the corner of his lips quirking into a smirk before swinging an arm around my shoulders. "Now my DNA is in your body for 6 months."

I swat his chest and try to shrug his arm away as I realise that he was referencing what I had told him back on Halloween.

"If that's the case," Dylan adds, bringing over actual glasses for us to drink out of to the table and pouring eggnog into each one. "Then you both have my DNA in your body for the next 6 months too because I got too excited and chugged some of the drink down on the drive here with Aidan."

Lucas pauses for a beat before smacking Dylan across the back of the head, causing Dylan to slap him back and before I know it, the two promptly begin wrestling each other in the middle of the kitchen like children.

I leave the two imbeciles at it and stalk back out into the hallway and towards the living room, in search for Aidan. As I push the door open I spot him immediately: he's struggling to place a blanket down on the floor as he tries to fix the seating for the movie marathon.

"Needs some help?" I ask and he snaps his head up, acknowledging my presence before nodding his head and shooting me a grateful smile.

"Yes please."

We both wrestle with the blankets, layering them up on the floor to make it the more comfortable and as we finish setting up the seating and throw some decorative pillows on top for good measure, the sound of the doorbell echoes through the house and a moment later, Mia and Grace walk into the living room followed by Lucas and Dylan.

Mia, seeing the blankety floor dives head first onto the ground, moving her arms and legs like a starfish as she sighs contentedly.

Grace on the other hand, dives head first onto Aidan, throwing her whole body across him as they begin their daily PDA ritual.

Dylan frowns and rolls his eyes playfully at their embrace. "Can we cancel Christmas, I haven't found anybody to spend the holiday season with."

"I second to that," I agree, extending out my palm for Dylan to high five.

When I look up, I catch Lucas staring at me, a weird look on his face but the moment his gaze meets mine, he snaps his eyes away.

"So," he clears his throat, stepping over Mia who is still on the floor and grabbing the remote from the sofa. "What movies do you wanna watch?"

Grace breaks away from Aidan.

"You're the host and you haven't even decided on the movies?" Aidan says in a disapproving manner, tsking.

"So-rry," Lucas rolls his eyes. "I was too busy trying to get this one-" he nudges Mia's leg with his foot. "To forgive me for breaking Hamish."

I snicker and Lucas' attention turns to me. He shows me the middle finger and narrows his eyes.

"Well any Christmas movies will do except the Home alone's after 1 and 2," Dylan suggests, lying down on the couch, his long legs extended out in front of him. With his feet, he pushes me off the edge of the sofa so he can rest his leg there. I smack his knee in retaliation.

"There are more home alone movies?" Lucas responds dumbfounded, disbelief lacing his voice.

"Yep, they're a disgrace to humanity."

***

As we're watching the fourth movie of the marathon, The Grinch, Lucas shuffles over to me, where I'm sitting in front of the couch Dylan is laying on, his hands playing with my hair.

"What?" I whisper as he just sits beside me silently.

"Nothing," he replies defensively. "I came to get more cookies."

I side eye him as he leans forward to grab the said box of Christmas cookies from beside Aidan. He's acting weird, I can tell he has an ulterior motive but he doesn't do anything after making a grab for the cookie box. Or even say anything for that matter. He just sits beside me silently watching the movie and munching on his cookies occasionally.

The movie ends and as Mia puts on the next one, my gaze drifts off outside the window where its snowing heavily. It has been snowing like crazy the entire day, the whole street is covered in white. The forecast had predicted it was only going to get worse as the week passed so school had been cancelled due to the intense weather, elongating the Christmas break. I thought the snow was already mental now so I couldn't even imagine how bad it was going to get but despite even barely being able to open the front door, I was excited.

"Do you want more eggnog?" Dylan asks, tapping my head and snapping me out of my daze. I nod and extend out my glass so he can pour more of the drink into my glass.

"So you guys do this every year?" Grace asks, motioning towards the TV where the Polar express is now playing.

Aidan nods as he twists the ends of her golden locks around his fingers. "Yeah, it's turned into a sort of tradition. It started off with us being snowed in, in Lucas' house freshmen year and his parents decided to put on 'It's a wonderful life' and then we ended up binging like every Christmas movie there was on Netflix and then we did it the next year and then it just stuck."

At the mention of Lucas' parents, I'm suddenly reminded of something. "Where are your parents Luke?" I say, turning to face him and suddenly taking in our close proximity. He had inched even closer without me noticing. I create some distance between us as I continue speaking. "Aren't you grounded? Are we even allowed to be here?"

"They went out to meet a client and then are gonna do Christmas food shopping," he explains, before waving his hand dissmisively. "And you lot will be gone before they come home."

"Oh okay."

"Guys does any one want more eggnog? There's more than half left." Dylan says, cupping his hands around his mouth like he's announcing something important. And the way Lucas reacts you'd think it is.

"Hell yes," he says, twisting around as Dylan pours him another glass, filling it right to the brim.

As everyone's attention snaps back to the movie playing on the TV, I notice Lucas glancing at the side of my face. From my peripheral vision I see him open his mouth like he's going to say something but then shuts it again. I turn my head to look at him, his expression tells me he's contemplating saying or asking something.

"What?" I prompt.

The reluctance clouding his features quickly dissolves and he cocks his head to the side slightly.

"Nothing," he says, lying.

"It doesn't seem like nothing," I respond, narrowing my eyes. I nudge him with my elbow. "Go on spit it out."

He chuckles softly, shaking his head and bringing his gaze back to his now empty glass. "I wanted to ask you some questions but I don't know how to go about asking them."

"What is it?"

He pauses for a second before waving his hand dismissively once again. "Nothing important don't worry about it."

I furrow my eyebrows, my curiosity raised.

Before I can prod him for answers he's twisted around to get another refill of drink and then begins taking big sips, probably to stall answering any of my questions if I decide to keep asking them.

But I decide to drop the subject. At the rate Lucas is chugging down the alcohol doused drink, I can tell he is going to get flat out drunk within the next thirty minuets....I can just ask him then.

Eventually, the eggnog glass empties out and the movie playing becomes only background noise. Dylan and Lucas continue chugging back the eggnog as we sit around speaking, and I'm right, 30 minuets later, the two boys are drunk out of their minds.

I've lost count of how many drinks they're both chugged down but it seems to be a lot seeing as how they're acting.

Mama O'Grady's magic eggnog has also seemed to cause Dylan and Lucas to act like little children. Maybe they're on a sugar rush too but I can here their pattering off footsteps as they stumble and run around the house acting like hooligans.

The rest of us got exhausted from trying to stop the two from wresting every 30 seconds in order to prevent them from breaking things and had given up trying to babysit the drunken idiots and instead let them roam free.

Aidan, Mia, Grace and I were completely fine, maybe a little tipsy but for the most part we were pretty much sober. We all had just over one glass which wasn't enough to make us drunk.

As we're in conversation, listening to a story Aidan is telling us about his cousin Zak, we suddenly hear a a loud shriek and then the sound of glass breaking.

The sound of the glass breaking causes the four of us instantly jump up and follow the sound of the crash. We can't let anything expensive get broken or Lucas will be done for. Mrs Miller treasures her china and vases like it's her children. From what Lucas tells me, I wouldn't even be surprised if she favoured them more than her own son.

The sound leads us into the kitchen where we see the eggnog glass smashed on the tiled kitchen floor, broken into little shards of glass. And beside it...there is a pile of clothes.

Oh no. I hope what's happened is not what I think has happened.

There is another shriek and we rush over to the glass door that leads into the garden.

"Jesus." Mia's eyes widen as do mine as we take in the sigh that has befallen us.

There are the culprits....butt naked, jumping in the snow.

To the left of the garden, in the fresh, thick layer of snow on the grass are imprints of two 6ft human bodies.

"Fucking hell," Aidan mutters, pushing past us and rushing outside to try and control the two imbecils. Dylan is now doing laps around the garden and Lucas is making a snowman.

"You're going to catch pneumonia!" Aidan yells, trying to still Dylan.

Lucas glances up at Aidan and then looks over at us three girls still standing in the doorway and begins waving at us, smiling widely.

"Mia look! I made you Hamish 2.0" He screams pointing at the sorry excuse of a snowman. His back is turned to us, thank God, so we're not staring directly at his penis but we do have a nice view of his ass.

"Why is he so clenched," Mia half says, half snickers as she breaks out into a fit of laughter. "It looks so funny!"

Grace on the other hand doesn't look so amused. She frowns and crosses her arms across his chest. "Why is he thicker than me?" She whines, stomping her feet. "Life is so unfair sometimes!"

We watch as Aidan finally grabs a hold of Dylan's shoulders and drags him over to us. We quickly usher him inside, trying not to look at his bits, as we try and get him dressed. Minuets after, Aidan hauls Lucas back inside, shutting the door behind him, sending a chilly breeze through the room. I turn around, giving the two boys privacy as they get changed as Mia and Grace go to the store room located by the kitchen to try and find a dustpan and brush to try and clean up the glass.

I can hear Lucas' teeth begin to chatter as he shoves on his clothes.

"Oh em gee, I'm bleeding a lot!" He gasps. The mention of blood causes me to look over my shoulder to see if he's alright and my gaze immediately falls on the large cut that has sliced through his skin up across his forearm. He's dripping blood onto the tiled ground.

Aidan groans. "Luke what did you do?"

Lucas frowns, his eyebrows drawn together as he stares at the blood. "I was just trying to be helpful and pick up the mess I made when I accidentally dropped the eggnog glass." He points at the shards by his feet. "But now I'm bleeding."

I let out a sigh. "Where's the first aid kit?"

"I'll show you," Lucas says excitedly, running out of the room before anyone can stop him and dripping blood everywhere.

"Lucas!" I call after him, quickly running behind. "You're getting blood all over the floor!"

He pauses in the hallway and uses his left hand to cover the cut before continuing up the journey upstairs.

He directs me into the bathroom and opens up a cabinet before pulling out the first aid kit.

"Look it's here!" He cheers and I raise an eyebrow wondering why he seems so bloody excited by the first aid kit.

I motion for him to sit down on the toilet seat, grasping the kit from his hands.

"No not like that you idiot!" I scream as he begins to peel of his boxers.

"Oh like how then?"

I roll my eyes and push down the toilet seat lid then tell him to sit. He begins to shiver, his teeth chattering again as I prise open the kit. He's only in his boxers and still has snow sprinkled in his hair so it's no surprise that he is cold.

"Let's hope you don't need stitches," I mumble, washing my hands before pulling out various items from the box.

I take Lucas' arm in my hand and firstly begin cleaning up the blood. Thankfully there are no shards of glass in us skin and the cut isn't that deep so he won't need stitches by the look of it. I take out an antiseptic wipe form the box and rip the packet open before gently wiping it across the cut, he doesn't even flinch.

I'm standing in between his knees as I do this and once the area is clean I lean to the side to grab a band aid from the box. In my unbalanced state, Lucas hooks his legs around the bottom of my calves and yanks me forward, causing me to loose balance and fall onto him. I steady myself by placing my palms on his chest.

"What was that for?" I yelp, the rest of my sentence coming out muffled as Lucas suddenly wraps his arms around me and tugs me into his chest, my face pressed against his cold skin. "Lucas you're freezing!"

"I know," he chuckles. "That's why I'm hugging you, because your s'warm."

"Okay well you're making me cold!" I mumble against his chest, trying to push him him away but its no use, Lucas places a large palm on the back of my head and the other on my hip.

"Shhh I know you like this."

"And how do you know if I like it or not?"

I feel his chest vibrate with laughter. "Because I know your secret."

"Huh? What secret?"

At my question he pulls away from me, cupping my face with his icy hands and smiling. His eyes twinkle like he knows something I don't and instantly I'm filled with suspicion.

Before I can ask again what secret he is on about, my gaze falls onto his bleeding arm.

"Ugh Lucas you're bleeding again," I groan. "You best have not got blood on my clothes!"

***

"Wait for me whilst I get dressed," Lucas tells me as we both exit the bathroom after he is all patched up. "I am freezing my tits off and I don't want to catch hypothermia."

"You should've thought about that before you and Dylan jumped in the snow."

"Hey I was drunk!"

Lucas stumbles over the rug in the landing only Nano-seconds after the words leave his mouth.

"Looks like you still are," I snicker. "Also what about your clothes downstairs?"

"The jumper was scratchy."

"Ugly too."

The corner of his lips quirk up into a smirk. "I still pulled it off."

I roll my eyes as we step inside Lucas' room, blowing a low whistle as I take in the sight.

I surprisingly hadn't been in his room since being back, except for when I had walked in on him having sex a few months ago.

That thought quickly reminds me of that night and er, what I saw and I feel my cheeks heating up.

Shaking my head to get rid of that image, I gaze around the room as Lucas heads over to his closet and tugs on a hoodie and sweats. His room pretty much has stayed the same from what I recall: same white walls and dresser but now he just has a ps4 and gaming set up in one corner where it had been empty 6 years ago.

It's also weird to see the view of my room from his point of view and it reminds me that I should keep my curtains closed more often. I walk over to his window, peering out of it to see how much he can really see.

Our houses are pretty close together, I could jump from his ledge to mine if I wanted but I have terrible coordination skills so would probably end up falling to my death instead of landing safely through my window.

I decide against telling Lucas about my evaluation of our windows, knowing he would probably deliberately try to break into my room if he realised he could.

I step back and turn around to tell Lucas to hurry up and as I step forward, I don't watch where I am going and my toes hit the corner of Lucas bedside table. The entire table shakes and I quickly grab a hold of it, groaning in pain at the same time.

And that's when something purple and sparky catches my attention. I forget about the pain in my feet for a second and my stomach instantly drops.

I have to do a double take to check that my mind isn't playing tricks on me and that the alcohol from eggnog hasn't just decided to course through my blood and make me drunk because how on earth would Lucas have my diary?

But when Lucas turns his head towards me, his eyes widening the moment his gaze falls on me clutching the purple book; his stunned expression is all the conformation I need that my mind isn't playing tricks on me and that my diary is here. In Lucas room. On his bedside table. In his possession...when I hadn't given it to him.

I flick the book open, quickly recognising the sprawly handwriting that belongs to my ten year old self and hurt floods through me. Surprisingly not rage, but hurt.

"Why do you have this?" I say, my mind clouding with thoughts. He couldn't have gone through my things could he?

Lucas' face forms into an expression of regret, telling me that yes, he did.

In an instant I watch him sober up. "I-" he begins but I interrupt.

"What do you know?" I swallow, trying not to get worked up. The only thing he can really find out from my diary is that I liked him when I was younger and that he was mean to me. Not a big deal. Not a big deal. Not a big deal.

Then why does it feel like a big deal?

Because he's going to realise why you were mad at him and why you act weird around him and then you're going to half to explain everything that happened, to him when you're not fucking ready to do so.

His shoulders stiffen. "I know your secret." Oh God, that's what he had been talking about in the bathroom.

His eyes stay trained to the carpeted floor. "I know that you had a crush on me when you were younger."

Not a big deal. Not a big deal. Not a big deal.

I don't respond. I don't even know what to say...I don't even know how to feel. I don't feel angry or even embarrassed that he knows...just disappointed. I told him that I would explain when I was ready but he still went behind my back.

"It's okay," he has the audacity to assure me, causing me to snap my head up and re-meet his gaze. I look at him in mortification. "You don't need to be embarrassed because...same."

He looks amused. Amused.

My grip around the diary tightens "What?"

"I liked you too when we were younger."

Okay. Now this is a big deal.

━

AUTHORS NOTE:

I need to edit the end, it's not the best but oops here you go. Shit is about to go dowwwwwn ;)