Chapter 63 | New years resolutions

Lucas:

***

Dad

Dad: Where are you?

Dad:
Pick up the phone.

***

"Hello?"

"Where are you?" A gruff voice greets me the moment I pick up.

Ah, the first call I get from my either one of my parents since they left for Switzerland 9 days ago and I don't even get a proper greeting.

I sigh and begin to manoeuvre my way past the crowds and make my way up the second floor before peeking into various rooms to see if they're empty so I can take the call. After pushing open the second door, I find a vacant room at last and my eyes scour the interior to double check that it's empty before I stroll in and shut the door behind me.

"Sheesh, I don't even get a hello?"

"Don't give me attitude Lucas. Where. Are. You?" My father continues to grit out.

"What's it to you, aren't you guys still in Switzerland?"

"No. We arrived back 20 minutes ago."

I blink. "You're back?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me? You didn't even call-"

"Are you at another Goddamn party?" He cuts me off, not even bothering to listen to what I have to say. I literally have to pull the phone away from my ear and stare at it incredulously. The audacity of these two jeez.

"Yes, I'm at a party," I respond curtly.

My father scoffs and I roll my eyes, beginning to walk deeper into the room.

I hear him start to bark something else into the phone but my focus is completely out of it because I'm too busy having a fucking heart attack and almost dropping my phone in shock when the sight of another figure suddenly catches me off guard. Jeez, I thought I was alone in here.

I clutch a hand to my heart and squint to take a better look at who the person is, the darkness in the room making it hard to see and ever more so seeing as they're not even standing in the room but in the balcony attached.

Looking closer however, I notice that it's a girl with her back faced to me. She is leaning over the railing slightly, on her tiptoes with her arms resting on the metal bars. The cold wind, wraps around her, ruffling her hair and the flowy part of her dress. Her head is lifted slightly as she gazes up at the sky, more so at the moon that shines brightly in the middle of the dark night. Although the girl is merely a silhouette in the darkness of the room, she is easily recognisable to me as Isabella. What's she doing up here all alone?

"Lucas? Did you hear what I said?" My fathers voice breaks me out of my trance and I furrow my eyebrows, drawing my eyes off of Isabella who still hasn't taken notice of me yet.

"Oh sorry what?"

"I said bring your ass back pronto, your mother wants to spend new year's eve with you seeing as how we missed Christmas."

"Mhm," I nod like he can see me. "I'm gonna stay at the party, don't wait up for me."

I hang up before he can respond and shove my phone back into the pocket of my jeans, pushing away the feeling of frustration that has subtly overcome me.

I hadn't even known that my parents were due to arrive back home today, they hadn't notified to tell me when they arrived at Switzerland or when they were coming back and I had been too petty to ask. A feeling of tightness settles in my heart - a feeling that I've noticed always appears every time I'm done arguing with my parents or even just done speaking to them in general.

I rub a hand over my chest like I'm physically trying to remove that feeling and draw my lips into my mouth as I shake my head and begin walking towards Isabella on the balcony.

The sight of her just standing there outside, with tufts of her hair flying around her head because of the wind and hands braced against the metal bar of the balcony as she stares up into the atmosphere is so pretty. In her drunken haze she looks so fascinated by the moon and the stars and as I draw closer, her side profile comes into view, white puffs of smoke leaving her mouth every time she exhales into the cold.

"Hey Izzy," I announce when I get near, crossing my arms across my chest and crossing my ankles over each other as I lean against the side of the balcony's door frame.

Isabella snaps out of her daze and whips her head around so fast to look at me I'm surprised it doesn't just snap of her neck completely. She clutches her heart with her hand and her lips fall open slightly in surprise.

"You scared me," she murmurs, when she's recognised me before turning back to face the sky when I move forward and join her at the railing. "Silly Lucas."

I ignore her remark. "Why are you out here by yourself Izz?" I ask frowning. "You're drunk and it's not safe, where's Mia and Grace?"

"Alright Mr dad, calm yourself," she retorts, turning to me with narrowed eyes. "Mia is puking her guts out in the toilet with Grace and it was making me feel sick so I came out here to get fresh air." I raise my hands up in surrender as she jerks a finger into my chest. "Anyways what are you doing out here? Where's Aidan and Dylan?"

"They're downstairs. My dad called, so I came up here so I could hear the call better."

"Oh, did he call from Switzerland?"

"No, from here," I sigh. "They're back and dad wanted me to go home."

Confusion draws across Bella's face and she furrows her eyebrows. "You seem surprised. Did you not know they were coming back today?"

I shake my head. "Nope, they didn't tell me, they haven't called or anything since they left."

"That's rude," she frowns.

"Yeah, well you know how they are."

"Why though?" Isabella scrunches up her face in a quizzical manner. "Why do they act like that with you, they've even been like that since we were kids."

I shrug my shoulders not having an answer for Bella and look away, turning so I'm facing straight ahead instead of at her. From my peripheral vision however, I see her continue to stare at me.

I clear my throat not liking how intensely she's staring. "Anyways, what are you looking at out here?" I say changing the subject and trying to draw her attention away from me. It works as Bella sighs and looks back up at the sky.

"The moon," she replies wistfully. "It's so much more nicer being out here than being inside at the party," she continues, squinting one eye and bringing her forefinger and thumb almost pinched together into the air. "It's fun pretending that you can pinch it. It's like I've holding it in my fingers."

"Yeah?" I chuckle bemusedly, tilting my head to watch her when she's no longer watching me.

"Yeah," she nods her head eagerly. The curls in her hair bounce and one strand falls in front of her face. Before I know what I'm doing I tuck that strand behind her ear. I then proceed to pat her head awkwardly afterwards when I realise what I did and promptly retract my arm. Isabella doesn't seem affected however and keeps her eyes trained onto the sky.

"Do you ever feel like the moon sometimes," she says as an after thought, breaking the quiet when silence falls between us.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Like look at it," she points a dainty forefinger up at the moon. "Right now it's only a half moon. The other part is there but it's hidden. Do you ever feel like that? Like a part of you is hidden from everyone?"

I quirk an eyebrow. "That is deep...and cheesy. Where did you get that from? Pinterest?"

"My drunken mind says a lot of wise things...and yeah probably Pinterest." She frowns and then waves a hand. "Fine if you're not going to answer the question I will."

Dramatically, she takes a step back then sits down on the floor of the balcony, criss crossing her legs and adjusting her dress. "I feel like there are two parts of me," she begins with a sigh, moving her hands in an exaggerative manner when she speaks to emphasise her point. "Nobody see's the part of me that struggles with confidence or with eating or with loving myself or the part of me that goes crazy when change happens - those parts of me are always hidden y'know. So yeah, I feel like the moon sometimes."

I barely have time to process what she had just said let alone reply when her gaze suddenly snaps back up to meet mine and her head cocks to the side. "You're like that too," she says accusingly.

My mouth shuts closed and whatever I was planning on saying in reply to her own moon comparison struggle thing is long forgotten because instead of responding to her, all that leaves my mouth is: "Huh?"

"You hide the part of you that feels alone and unwanted and out of place, you make everyone think you love having your parents gone all the time because it means you get to throw parties and stuff but you actually wish they were around and paid attention to you."

I blink.

She quirks an eyebrow.

Silence falls upon the both us for a beat until I break the quiet with a nervous chuckle.

"What's with the whole psychological evaluation Izz," I say, turning away from Isabella and facing back out of the balcony with wide eyes. "What the fuck," I mouth to no one in particular. Where the hell did she get that from?

I feel a poke in my leg a moment later. "Is it not true?"

I still don't respond and when Bella gets tired of my lack on an answer, she sighs. "Okay you don't have to answer it if you don't want to. I won't force you."

I wait a couple of leisurely seconds before turning around back to face her and after drawing my lips into my mouth I slowly nod my head. "You're right, I guess," I mumble, staring down at her.

Isabella had been in the middle of shifting into a laying down position but at the sound of my voice, she stops moving - she instead pauses to meets my gaze head on, brown eyes twinkling in the moonlight as she registers my agreement to her statement.

I step away from the railing and Isabella quickly shuffles until she is lain out on the floor, legs stretched out  in front of her and hair splayed out on the deck floor of the balcony.

I stroll over to where she is and lay down next to her, staring up at the sky as she bores holes into the side of my face.

"You're right, I do hide the part of me that feels lonely, unwanted and out of place," I sigh, a gust of wind wrapping around me as I begin to speak. "All my life I've felt like the second choice to everyone and although it is fucking lonely at times, I've gotten used to it...except when it comes to my parents. It hurts the most coming from them because they didn't choose a person over me, but their fucking work."

As I turn to meet her gaze, I watch as an expression of sympathy draws across her features. "I'm sorry your parents make you feel that way," she murmurs in reply. "That sucks."

Isabella pauses for a beat before continuing to speak again. "If it's any consolation...I kind of understand, it's how I feel with my dad - he prioritised work before me and my family too."

I frown and my hand reaches for hers, squeezing her palm comfortingly. "I'm sorry aswell." Bella squeezes my hand back in reassurance too.

I then raise a brow. "So you can relate to the missed birthday's and stuff too huh?"

"Yeah," she nods. "But at least I still had my mom but for you...it's both your parents." Both of Isabella's eyebrows draw together and the motion creates a little crevice in between her eyebrows. I reach forward and smooth it out for her just as she continues to speak again. "How many birthdays and other holidays or occasions have they missed?"

I respond without missing a single beat. "3 birthdays, 4 Christmases and every single one of my football games."

"Damn that's a lot."

"Yep." I nod grimly. How about you?"

"Dad's missed 4 of my birthdays and one of Sofia's."

I purse my lips. "But Sofia's only had two birthdays and he was here for the second one...does that mean he missed her first?"

Bella nods. "Yep."

My eyes widen in disbelief. His baby's own 1st birthday party. "Damn what a bitch move."

"Yeah," she agrees. She stills for a moment in thought. "But he...he did always made it up...I'm guessing your parents never did?"

I respond with a shake of a head causing Isabella to pull a face.

"Now that's a lot of bitch moves."

I snicker and she smiles sympathetically, her face further softening in pity.

A comfortable silence falls between us after that and we both remain quiet, just simply watching each other. Isabella's tan skin is flushed from heat even despite the frigid cold, her eyes are glazed and blood shot from the alcohol undoubtedly coursing through her vein and although her gaze is locked onto my face, Isabella is clearly lost in her thoughts; her mind completely elsewhere as well as attention.

Neither of us speak for a while and the sounds of the party thumping downstairs fill the silence; the hum of people chattering in the near distance and the muffled sounds of the loud music that can also be felt reverberating underneath us. I continue to watch her inattentively watch me and as I'm trying to read her eyes and figure out what she's thinking about when an unidentifiable expression suddenly draws across her features. I dart my eyes across her face trying to find out what it means.

That discovery is thrown out of the window when the hand of hers that isn't clutched in mine reaches out and in her drunken haze, begins tracing each curve and dip of my face absentmindedly, her index finger trailing across my jaw, cheekbones and nose, her touch feather light.

I try not to react to her touch although I can't ignore the way my heart rate has increased a notch and when Isabella's mouth parts open in concentration and her eyes dilate slightly when her forefinger begins to trace my cupid's bow, my breath hitches completely.

"What?" I ask her, voice barely above a whisper, breaking the silence and slicing the tension that has suddenly wrapped around us.

"Nothing," she replies timidly. "Just thinking."

"About?"

"The last time we were at a party together. What happened then." The words leave her mouth and something shifts in the air in an instant. The tension returns in full force almost suffocating the two of us and I hold my breath when her gaze zeroes in on my lips.

"Do you think about it? Do you remember how it felt? How it felt to have my lips against yours?" Her thumb brushes my lower lip as she says this and the mere touch alone is enough to send tingles all across my body. The innocent gesture of her tracing the lines of my face suddenly taking a completely different turn - all in a matter of seconds.

"Isabella..." I murmur, my tone laced with warning. "What are you doing?"

"Answer my question and I'll answer yours," she mutters in reply, continuing to pull at my lip slightly.

There are a few beats of silence as she waits expectantly for me to answer.

"Do you not remember it? If you don't I'm sure I can remind yo-"

"Yes I remember," I cut her off. "I remember it all. Vividly. But Izz we can't go there tonight."

"Why not? I want to kiss you again."

My breath hitches again at her blatant reply and my tongue immediately darts out to wet my bottom lip, my eyes falling to her own rouge painted ones. "You don't want to kiss me," I reply, eyes still trained on her parted mouth that is somehow now mere inches from mine. "You're just a horny drunk Bell, you'll regret it tomorrow and plus...you're drunk."

"You didn't mind kissing me last time when I was drunk," she murmurs, hand cupping the side of my face and bringing hers closer to mine.

"I was drunk then too."

When she exhales her warm breath tickles my mouth, sending another shit storm of butterflies to invade my stomach. Isabella's eyes flutter closed and she slowly draws closer. Our lips just about touch when I ultimately force myself to wrench myself away from her.

"You don't want to do this, trust me." I tuck her hair behind her ear softly before moving away and sitting back up, my mind beginning to reply our almost kiss and the tension crackling all around us. The tension that is slowly dissipating every second that passes now.

Instead, awkward silence instantaneously blooms into the air and I fight the urge to wince at what just happened.

We had literally just about returned back to speaking terms only a few days ago, I'm not even sure we were even friends at this very moment and I know kissing Isabella would just ruin everything again. Last time we had, the situation had been different and we had moved past it without creating any awkwardness between us because for her; she viewed our kiss as a mere drunken accident but if we were to do it again...I doubt she'd view it the same way. Things have also changed between Isabella and I again so no matter how much I wanted to, it wouldn't be fair on her for us to go there again.

I feel Bella shuffling as she sits back up behind me. "That's a missed opportunity on your part," she grumbles and I look back at her curiously. "You said before I'm a good kisser and you just missed your opportunity to experience it again," she shakes her head with a sly smirk, looking more pitiful towards me than rejected. At least drunken Bella doesn't think is a big deal.

I quirk an eyebrow at her.

"Ugh stop being awkward about this Lulu." She rolls her eyes dramatically, swatting her hand on my arm. "Nothing happened so there's nothing to be awkward about, let's just change the subject then."

I nod.

"You're still being awkward," she points out in a sing sing voice.

I blink and she waves her hand dismissively. "Okay changing the subject in 3...2...1! Okay lets talk about our new years resolutions because that is what I actually thinking about before you came and disturbed me. Alright so I have a couple which I should so write down when I get home before I forget."

"What are they?"

"I'm getting there sheesh!" She groans before pushing her hair away from her face exasperatedly and I raise my hands up in surrender.

Tapping her chin in though, she begins to speak. "Okay so the first one is to fix my sleeping schedule because going to bed at 4am most nights just isn't working for me anymore and also start meditating or some shit to fix this crazy storm in my head," she pauses to wack the side of her skull for emphasis.

"Then the next is to lose either one of my virginities, because I've lived almost 17 years and the closest thing to a sexual encounter I've ever experienced is kissing some doofus at a chicken and chips shop in London when I was 15 and making out with your dumbass at that party last time," she wrinkles up her nose in distaste and I narrow my eyes at her in offence.

"So that means either losing my first date virginity, receiving or giving oral sex virgnity or the real big one," she points a finger at the sky before pausing to make vulgur hip thrusting movements into the air. "Egg plant insert peach emoji."

I blink.

Then blink again.

Then a third time as my brain tries to catch up with me to make sure what I'm seeing isn't a figment of my imagination and that Isabella is not currently humping the air.

But when she makes an ass slapping gestures my brain suddenly jolts into action and I absolutely lose it.

My eyes shut closed and my head tips back as I roar in laughter, having to bend over and clutch my stomach when it starts to hurt and I feel like I'm seconds away from pissing myself.

"Bella," I gasp, tears springing to my eyes. "What the fuck was that?"

Isabella ignores me and takes no notice of my uncontrollable laughter. "To do the last two," she instead says in a loud voice, continuing to speak, before hushing me. "I have to actually become confident in my body which means I also need to work on loving myself and along with that work on trying to get out of my relapse and finding other ways for control."  She grins up at me, eyes twinkling as she watches me laugh, hands clasped together. "So what do you think of my resolutions?"

"Well you definietly have your priorities straight," I wheeze, trying to catch my breath. "Who do you planning on losing all those virgnities to anyways?"

"Hm I don't know," she taps her chin in thought. "Maybe Leo-"

My laughter immediately halts and I choke on my spit. "Huh what?" I say in between coughs. "Absolutely not."

She blinks innocently at me. "Why not? He's a nice guy and cute too-"

"No. He's not that cute or nice."

Isabella's face scrunches up in confusion before she cocks her head to the side, trying to figure it out. Something clicks in her mind only a moment later however, and she slaps my knee before beginning to chuckle.

"Do you need some peanut butter to go with that jelly?" She says in a taunting manner before continuing to laugh with glee.

I purse my lips. "I'm not jealous-"

"Save it lulu." Isabella rolls her eyes, a smirk playing on her lips as she leans back so that she's resting on both of her palms that are flat against the ground. "You're so jealous of Leo."

"Am not."

"You so are."

"No I'm not-"

"Okay," she interrupts me whilst still grinning like a cheshire cat. "Forget about that resolution seeing seeing as it's hurting your feelings." I open my mouth to protest but she silenced me with a look.

"I'll figure out the guy later," she waves her hand dismissively. "But what do you think about the other ones."

I stare at her, unamused that she thinks I'm envious of Leo but she ignores my sulking instead urges me to speak with a gesture of her hand.

I sigh loudly. "I like those ones," I nod, replying earnestly before shuffling in my seat copying her seating position and meeting her gaze. I then tilt my head to the side. "But what do you mean by control?"

"Well," she begins. "A lot of people just think that eating disorders happen because people hate how they look and stuff and whilst yeah that typically is the case, there's more to it."

"There is?"

"Yep." She nods her head vigorously. "For me, it was and still is mainly about body image issues but...but it's also about control."

As she speaks, my gaze drops to her legs where I notice goosebumps beginning to prickle the skin. I instantly peel of my jacket and hand it over to her and she pauses to send me a grateful smile, before shrugging on my coat.

"So yeah, um like I was saying it's about control. For example when my parents were going through the divorce I watched from the sidelines as my family began to fall apart and there was nothing to do about it, within a matter of months my mom was talking about moving countries again and so many change was happening so drastically it felt like I had no control over anything so I turned back to the one thing that I could control...which was food. I think that's why I relapsed too like even just me finding out that you did in fact like me as a kid, something as little as that, which just shifted everything I ever thought about you and my childhood, just set of alarm bells in my head. In panic, my mind blew it out of proportion so even that minuscule discovery made me feel like I was loosing control again so I turned back to restricting. It's become like my safety net," she lets out a huff of breath. "Which is not good. So yeah my new years resolution is to find something else more healthy to fall back on when it feels like my life is falling apart and to start my recovery back up again because I'm sick of feeling like I failed."

"Firstly you did not fail anything," I narrow my eyes. "And you shouldn't say that you're going to 'start' up your recovery again because you're not starting you're continuing. This relapse is part of your recovery, sometimes you need to fall so when you get back up you're stronger than before. You're also not a failure. Don't let the couple bad days you take account for all the good days you've experienced. How many days or weeks or months did you manage to not restrict hm?"

"Almost 9 months."

"Exactly," I nod my head encouragingly. "So don't let these past for weeks downplay that progress. 9 months is amazing and even if it was only one day of not restricting it's still progress. One little step is still one step in the right direction so you should be proud of all that you've accomplished. You got that?"

"Alright mr bossy."

My lips curve into a smile. "Also I never knew about that aspect of control," I raise my eyebrows, thinking back to what she had just explained. "Huh," I nod slowly. "I guess I'll add that to my research." The words tumble out of my mouth before I realise what I'm saying and immediately I shut my mouth closed and stiffen. Fuck. Was not suppsoed to say that.

"Your what?"

"Er nothing."

Isabella cocks an eyebrow. "Did you say research?" She asks and I feel heat rise to my cheeks. "What kind of research?"

"It's nothing," I mumble dissmislvely, dropping my gaze to the floor. She reaches forward and tips my chin up with her index finger to make me look at her.

"Tell me." Isabella gives me a firm look, telling me she won't drop it until I explain.

When I still haven't responded she raises both her eyebrows in a stubborn manner.

"Fine." I huff after a beat has passed. "I...research about eating disorders to help get a better understanding of what you're going through."

Surprise floods her features. "You do?"

"Yeah."

"Oh," she sits back, the corners of her lips tipping up slightly. "Thanks, that is quite nice of you to do so."

I shrug my shoulders. "It's the least I can do..." I trail off and she nods in understanding.

"Well that's sweet." Her smile widens slightly but that doesn't last long because seconds later, it drops back down into a frown.

This time it's me lifting her chin up with my index so she meets my eyes. "What is it?"

Bella sigh. "I...don't know if this is selfish of me to think this...but I lowkey wish the others that know about my E.D would research about it too...or even just simply ask about it," she says looking almost shameful for admitting this. "I love them all but you know the day after I came back from the hospital, Mia and Grace's families turned up with a shitload of food and I mean a lot."

"They what?" I respond incredulously, my face scrunching up. "Oh God."

"Yeah," Isabella chuckles lowly. "I spoke to them about it so I hope they understand now."

"But why?" I continue to frown. "Did they not think..."

She shrugs. "I don't know but at least now they won't make the same mistake again."

I nod, pressing my lips into a thin line thinking about how unnerving that must've been for her.

I'm cut out of my thoughts when Bella turns to me again, clasping her hands together. "Okay lulu, so I've said my new years resolutions what's yours?"

I snap my eyes back to hers. "Mine?" I repeat, chewing on the inside of my cheek. "I'm not really sure..."

"You must have one! Think!"

"Okay let's see-"

"Think!"

"Er-"

"Think hard!"

"Christ, woman I'm thinking!" I raise both my eyebrows in amusement and Isabella slaps a hand over her mouth.

"Oops," she says as I begin racking my brain for something that I can reply with. It doesn't take long however, to think of something because I shortly come to the most obvious answer.

"I, uh, guess mine should be to learn how to express my emotions properly."

"Oo good one," Isabella nods her head eagerly. "Go on, explain."

"Yeah, erm ever since I was younger my parents have always invalidated my feelings and stuff," I look down at my lap and begin to play with the rings on my fingers as I recall memories of this happening. "Like if I was ever sad they would just say things like how I have no reason to be sad blah blah...especially my dad...if he ever saw me cry or some shit when I was like 7 or something he wouldn't comfort me," I snort. "He'd just tell me to stop because boys shouldn't cry and show emotions and shit so as I grew up I just suppressed everything I felt because I either thought that I didn't deserve to feel that certain way or because I was not allowed to show how I felt so I never really or now, still, don't really know how to express my emotions and we both know where that's got me don't we," I shake my head solemnly. "So yeah I guess my new years resolution is to learn how to express my emotions properly because keeping everything bottled in is not exactly healthy..."

"That's a good resolution Luke," Bella nods approvingly, patting my shoulder and I smile back at her.

"Also no offence but I don't like your dad," she wrinkles up her nose. "Why does he think it's okay to do stuff like that? And say stuff like that? Also that whole 'boys don't cry' situation gotta go."

"No offence taken," I snort. "And yeah, I agree, I'm pretty sure majority of guys are taught the same thing and then it's no surprise that they turn out like complete tools."

"Mhm," she hums in agreement, "Toxic masculinity can suck my dick."

I snicker. "Mine too."

***

Bella and I sit out here in the balcony for some time longer. No doubt Mia has finished hurling in the bathroom by now but Bella had messaged Grace a while back saying she was safe and with me so they wouldn't get worried and come hunting for her.

We had continued just talking mindlessly, speaking about anything and everything and the two of us had killed a good two hours out here. Goosebumps prickle up and down my arms seeing as how I had given my coat to Isabella but I didn't mind the cold, I'd catch pneumonia if it meant I could spend another hour talking with Isabella out here. My 'friendship' with Bella if you can even call it that is not stable at all so I'll take my chance and just appreciate this moment because God knows when the next time we get to talk freely like this will be.

I love how conversation flows really easily with Isabella. There are no awkward pauses and it's just easy to speak to her. I let her natter on about random things her still drunk mind comes up with and she lets me rant about various other topics. I do really enjoy Bella's company and it sucks that we don't get a lot of time just conversing like this.

When my father calls again later, the phone call between him and I leaves me in a foul mood and after that, Isabella lets me treat her like my personal therapist, listening intently as I vent to her about my parents and my rocky relationship with them.

I return the favour afterwards when she begins rants to me about how she's sick and exhausted of her eating disorder, how she feels guilty of making her friends and family worried and how she loathes it when people treat her like she's brittle and weak. Bella tells me how she's determined to get back on track and I help her brainstorm ideas on things to do to make easing back into not restricting again easier and help her find different ways to help achieve her new years resolutions (excluding the ones about losing her several 'virginities' although I do advise her to stay the fuck away from Leo. She merely laughs and tells me that I look green from envy. I tell her to fuck off when she continues to tease me about my so called 'jealousy'. (I'm so not jealous of that turd)).

When the music downstairs comes to a halt, causing the chatter of the party to seem louder without the thudding beat of the music over it, someone in the distance screams. "One minuete left!" And Bella and I look at each other.

"Damn it's time already?" She raises her eyebrows. "That went fast."

"I know." I agree as several voices begin to speak in unison, the countdown beginning.

People begin to rush outside in large groups so that they can witness the fireworks when they begin, still chanting down loudly from 60.

"Bells do you wanna go back down or stay here?" I ask her, sitting up slightly to watch the crowd slowly forming below of the street.

"Stay here," she answers, grabbing my hand and yanking me back down so that I'm seated again. "That way we get a nice view of the fireworks when they start."

I nod and glance down at our conjoined hands before looking back up at her face. Isabella smirks slyly. "So is getting a New years kiss from you still off the table?"

"Yes," I deadpan, shooting her a look.

"I'm like totally sober now though," she tries to justify it with a wave of her hand. "What if we just kiss as...neighbours."

"You're not sober Izzy if you're saying stuff like that."

"Fine," she huffs, dramatically dropping my hand before pushing away her hair from her face. "Your loss again."

"How about a new years hug instead?" I offer when Bella stares straight ahead and begins to fake sulk. Jeez, drunk Bella is dramatic as hell.

Isabella's eyes light up after the words leave my mouth and her pout transforms into a smile as she ponders for a second before shrugging. "Okay. That works."

I grin, nodding my head before shuffling closer to her as the countdown starts to grow more vigorous when the number reaches 10. Bella clasps her hands together and bops her head as she recites each number.

"3...2...1!"

When everyone screams 'HAPPY NEW YEAR' I don't even get to blink before I'm tackled to the ground and all the air is gushed out of my body. I fall back on the floor and laugh as I wrap my arms around Isabella and she presses her head against my chest and hugs me fiercely.

"Happy new year," she sings, rocking us both side to side before pulling away and pressing a kiss to my nose, grinning down at me in excitement, her cheeks nipped red and her eyes crinkled in the corner as she smiles.

The first set of fireworks go off and she tries to scramble off of me but I keep a hold on her wrist, tugging her back down and preventing her from moving.

"Wait I wanna give you something," I laugh when she groans frustratedly and tries to wiggle from my grasp as she tilts her head to the side to watch the colourful display in the sky with great fascination.

"Lucas you're making me miss the fireworks!"

"Wait one second Izz," I tell her firmly and she looks back down at me to send both a glare and stare back at me quizzically as I begin to pull out something from the pocket of my jeans. Her face scrunches up and her hair falls in front of her face but she's quick to tuck the strands behind her ear to see what I'm trying to do.

When I've got hold of the little slip of paper, I take her palm in mine, opening it up to place it inside it.

"What is this?"

"You'll see," I respond ambiguously, closing her hand for her so her fingers cover the slip of paper before I press a soft, barely there, kiss on the inside of her wrist, right where her pulse is and let go of her. "Happy new years Izzy."

━

AUTHORS NOTE:

this chapter is quite long, it's the length of two chapters so i hope that makes up for when i basically lied and said i'd update 3 days ago LFMAOSOSO

also let the making up commence bitches :p

what things do you think lucas is gonna do to make it up to bella? i have a couple of things lined up, one that is fairly big thing but i wanna see your guesses (also i might steal them if they're good teehee).

okay bye love you all <33

ALSO IT FINALLY SNOWED YAY