Chapter 74 | Moods

Somehow Isabella being in a bad mood, directly correlated with me being in a bad mood.

Since she had stepped into my car, it had been obvious that Isabella wasn't having the best of days and instantly I had felt my mood dimming slightly as a result.

I hated seeing her upset, it made me upset.

I would never let it show through however, Lord knows there would be nothing more that she hated than seeing how her being down in the dumps caused someone else to be down in the dumps too.

All throughout our shopping trip, I had been thinking of ways to discreetly cheer her up. To be honest however, I've not been doing a particularly good job. The most I had managed, was to elicit the teensiest smile from Isabella when I had begun to ramble about my fucking shoes and I bet that's only because she had been catching on to the fact that I always ramble about random things and ask her random questions to help her get distracted so she can eat.

I knew a note would most definitely cheer her up but the issue was...I was having a little bit of writers block. Don't get me wrong, there were about an infinite amount of things I could say about Isabella, ranging from her appearance to her soul, but right now everytime I even attempted to put pen to paper, all I would end up spitting out and writing would be 'I love you' and I definitely could not give a note to her that said that.

Yesterday, exposing my feelings for her had been a mistake. It had been impulsive and rash (like all my choices that day) and I'm grateful that I hadn't managed to freak her out.

She hadn't even properly responded to my confession or brought it up today, but that makes sense seeing as she had other things preoccupying her mind. However, it had lead me to believe that she may have interpreted whatever I had said wrongly which is fine by me because I'd rather she think I was being possessive over her and meant I 'liked her' in a super 'best friend' way or something rather than her realise what I really meant and freak out and go all awkward on me.

I should've thought before I had said anything because if I had given it a little bit of thought, I would have realised that clearly, there was very little way Isabella could reciprocate feelings for me. She was just about on the threshold of forgiving me so there was no way she was falling for me yet...or ever for that matter now that I think of it.

I wonder if her view on me would always be tainted by 'the guy who bullied her'. I wouldn't blame her if it was, the things I had said and done lead to a whole full fledged eating disorder and there was only so much making up I could do.

Will there always be a little bit of hatred towards me in her?

Man, just thinking about that made me feel like my heart was being severed into two. Fuck did it hurt; the prospect of realising that Isabella may not ever reciprocate my feelings.

"Hey you alright?" Isabella asks me, snapping me out of my daze, falling into step beside me as we walk out of the food court. "You're frowning."

I quickly plaster on a smile. "Yeah, I'm good," I reply but Bella still continues to eye me with suspicion. I turn the conversation back on her to deter her from curiously glancing at me. "How about you?"

This manages to shift her attention and her face almost lights up slightly. "I'm good too, feeling a little better than before," she smiles, a little more warmly this time. "I'm...I'm proud of myself for managing to eat least 4 sushi rolls."

My heart grows and my smile becomes genuine. "I'm proud of you too."

Isabella looks up to me with hopeful eyes. "Really?"

"Yes," I nod and throw her a look to show that I'm serious. "You need to stop doubting yourself Izz, you're doing amazing."

She nods almost shyly and ducks her head, gazing down at the linoleum floor like it's the most interesting thing in the world.

Isabella almost never gets shy...the only exception being when she's getting praised. I've noticed that she finds it hard to accept compliments or even believe them, it makes sense because of all the times she had been put down as a kid so not doubting compliments but also not solely relying on others validation is something that I've been helping her with.

"I know," she says softly, kicking the floor with her scuffed up sneakers. "I'm doing well, even on bad days."

I nod once again, gazing down at her. "That's right baby."

We continue walking together, following Grace and Aidan to whatever shop next they're dragging us to. Mia has her arm looped through Dylan in front of us and they're both laughing loudly at whatever the other had said. The mall is slightly more packed now, seeing as how it's nearing 4PM and Isabella and I have to weave through the bustling crowds and stand close to Mia and Dylan to ensure we don't get lost amongst the throng of people.

Oh, it also takes me almost a full minute of silence to realise what I had just said to Isabella, what I had called her.

Immediately I stiffen, the moment realisation washes through me.

Baby? My eyes widen slightly. Did I just call her baby?

Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. That slipped out. That was not meant to slip out.

My gaze swiftly drops down to Isabella and I feel my cheeks begin to heat from my slip up. She, however, either did not hear me call her fucking baby or is ignoring it because Isabella seems unfazed and is just walking silently with her hand tucked into the pocket of her hoodie, a passive expression resting on her features. Just in case however, I quickly speak up again to divert the conversation onto something else before awkwardness or my awkwardness seeps into the air.

That sort of fails.

"Sohowlongdoyouermthinkit'sgoingtotakeGracetochooseanoutfit?" I end up saying all in one breath and immediately mentally face palm myself and fight the urge to throw myself down the escalators. I already feel the fucking awkwardness settling around us. Fuck, it was fine before when it was only silent, I should've just played it off casually or like it wasn't a big deal because it wasn't. Jeez.

I clear my throat and continue, ignoring the fact I can feel the escalators, as we walk past, calling my name and telling me to throw myself down them. "I'm betting on another 3 hours minimum."

Isabella taps her chin as she gives my distraction question a little thought. "I'm betting on 2 hours max," she responds after a bit, not a hint of uncomfortableness or weirdness in her voice. "Grace takes a while but not too long, Mia on the other hand takes 5 hours just to decide on a shop she wants to look in."

I chuckle nervously. "Yeah...Mia...haha."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Isabella raises her eyebrows at me, tilting her head to the side. "First you looked upset and now you're turning an unnatural shade of pink."

Christ, I have a blushing problem.

I nod my head. "Yeah," I say. "I'm um...fine."

"You sure? You're very pink."

I nod my head again, possibly a little too enthusiastically this time and pause, racking my brain for a more believable excuse. Isabella probing gaze is unnerving.

C'mon...why is my brain is empty.

My lack of answer as I think leaves the awkward silence hanging in the air that I desperately want to fill. Thankfully, before I end up free styling a reply and uttering something random and possibly even more awkward, our attentions are directed elsewhere.

Isabella and I stop to look at Grace who has screeched to a halt in front of a shop and is well...screeching.

"Ouch my ears," Isabella winces, covering her ears with her hands as I pull a face at the same time.

Grace wags her finger at the store window excitedly. "Clearance sale! There's a clearance scale!" She screams before running inside the shop before either of us can blink.

The five of us are left standing outside the store, simply stare at Grace's retreating figure, rushing through the automatic doors. It's like we all lag for a second because once the doors shut closed again, we all jolt into action and collectively sigh before shooting each other knowing looks and promptly following Grace inside.

Clearance sales = crazy Grace.

"God, we're going to be in this store for ages," I mutter under my breath.

As we step inside the store, immediately I'm met with a surge of heat and the scent of overly powerful perfume. I'm pushed forward, into the crowd of people, away from Mia, Dylan, Isabella and Aidan and I swear I almost get trampled over when turning around and trying to locate them again.

It is so packed in here. People are pushing other people, trying to get to the racks of clothing. I'm stepping all over t-shirts and dresses as I try to weave through the crowd. I see Grace, already in the middle of the store, grabbing item after item off the racks, not even checking for her size or even what article of clothing she's picking up. Mia is now close behind, doing the same and Isabella is to the left, clutching onto Dylan who is clutching onto Aidan so they don't all die in the mass of shoppers.

"Go over there!" Mia's loud voice booms across the store and she waves her hand in the direction of the back of the store where it's a little less packed, her frame barely visible underneath the huge pile of clothes clutched in her arms.

I nod although I doubt she can see, and 'excuse me' my way past everyone to try and reach the destination. I slide past women and children and bored boyfriends until I get to the back of the store, near a mannequin dressed up in a silver sequin adorned dress where Grace and Mia are now leaning against.

A group of of tweens and their mom's almost run me over in the process as they all rush towards the other side of the store, heading in my direction after they spot God knows what clothing item behind me. They surround me as they storm past and I feel like a lost deer stuck in a stampede of buffaloes.

I've literally broken out into a sweat by the time I reach our meet up spot. Hunching over and taking deep breaths when I'm finally away from the crowd, I wait until I can breathe properly again before straightening up.

"That was a whole workout," Aidan pants as he, Isabella and Dylan join the three of us a moment later.

Dylan huffs out a breath in agreement as Isabella nods her head.

"It was worth it because look how many nice clothes I managed to pick up!" Grace squeals, pushing away her bangs from her face before reaching down and plucking t-shirt from the ridiculously large pile she and Mia had collected.

Dylan, still wheezing, snatches the t-shirt from Grace's hands. "It's a neon green top that has 'taco Tuesday' written all over it, how is this nice?"

"Hey!" Grace narrows her eyes defensively before making a grab for the t-shirt again and clutching it to her chest protectively. "This would be such a cozy pj shirt."

"What about this?" Dylan picks up a dress from the pile and snorts half heartedly. "It's bright orange with light blue ponies on it."

"Leave my clothes alone!" She returns with a whine. "Aidan tell him!"

Aidan holds his finger up as he continues to try and catch his breath and after a moment, open his mouth to defend his girlfriend, but before the words even get to form in his mouth; Mia butts in.

"I know Grace chose ugly...things but I managed to get better clothes so let's look at mine!" She promptly shoves the the top of Grace's pile of clothes off of her pile of clothes and watches as all the items fall onto the ground with a splat before grinning as Grace groans and begins to rifle through the bunch of material until she picks up a couple of skirts and tops.

"I managed to find these really cute two piece skirt and blouse and crop top sets!" Mia exclaims, holding up a purple-y picnic table cloth material looking two piece. "Look! There are way more styles as well!"

"See Grace, learn from Mia!" Dylan grins teasingly. "These clothes are actually decent."

"I hate you Dylan." Grace huffs defensively.

"This one is cute," Bella adds, leaning down and picking up a second set from Mia's pile and holding it up. The one she picked up is red with cute white floral designs all over. "I like this."

Mia grins in agreement. "That would suit you so much Bells, red is so your colour."

Isabella peers down at the skirt and blouse hesitatingly for a moment before nodding once and holding the outfit in her arms. "Okay, it's pretty."

"It is," I agree. "That'll look really good on you."

"I don't know..." she says reluctantly before squaring her shoulders. "But I'll try it on. It is quite cute."

***

Grace and Mia both continue showcasing the different outfits they had found to the rest of us. It takes a while seeing as how they had both collected so many items and by the fourth orange and neon green dress Grace picks up, Dylan has moved away and is sat on the box where the mannequin is standing on defeatedly, after having run out of insults. His spirits lift however, after one glance down at his phone when a notification comes through and immediately I'm piqued with curiosity as he begins busily texting away the person who had messaged him. I'm so going to ask who he's texting, there is literally a permanent smile fixed on his face and his eyes are glued to his phone.

Mia directs her outfit showing onto Isabella and I as Grace does the same to Aidan, who, looks bored out of his mind but tries to appear enthusiastic on behalf of his girlfriend who is bustling with excitement over the new clothes with no Dylan to critique her.

After what feels like hours (but probably was only a couple of minutes) of presenting the clothes they had found, the three girls, Aidan and I make a beeline for the dressing rooms where the line has shortened significantly for a moment.

Aidan takes a seat on the green love seat situated outside and begins to watch a youtube video on his phone, Grace and Isabella enter the two free changing rooms to try on their clothes and Mia and I linger against one of the walls to the side.

When the two girls have disappeared behind the curtains of their individual stalls, Mia immediately swivels her head and turns to face me, her hair whipping around at the abrupt motion and almost taking out my eye in the process.

"Hey Lucas," she calls me excitedly, her voice hushed which is very unlike Mia. She glances cautiously at the changing room Isabella is in before turning back to me with a small smile. I raise an eyebrow curiously, wondering what she has to say.

"What time should I bring Bella tomorrow?" Mia is buzzing with enthusiasm as she says this and it takes a moment to register what she is referring to, but when it does, my face lights up.

"Oh shit yeah," I say in realisation, tucking my hands into the pocket of my jeans. "That reminds me, I need to properly update you and Grace on the way I want tomorrow to pan out."

"Alright, we'll discuss that after, so what time then?"

"I guess around two." I return, after a moment of thought. "I want Isabella to see everything in full swing."

"Okay," Mia nods, beaming. "I'm so excited! She's going to love this."

"I hope so," I say worriedly causing Mia to level me with a look.

"She will." Mia assures me before clasping her hands together. "I still can't believe you managed to organise this!"

Her words take on an almost starstruck tone causing me to let out a huff of breath that is mixed with a small laugh.

"It took a while," I admit honestly. "Getting everyone together and persuading the principal to let me use school grounds was tough."

"Yet you still went through and pushed to make it work and get everything all together."

I shrug my shoulders. "It's the least I can do Mi."

She shakes her head and her smile widens.

"What?" I say when a twinkling gleam appears in her eyes.

"You really love her huh?"

Not expecting that question, I feel my cheeks begin to heat and I drop my gaze to the ground.

"I'm just making amends Mia."

Mia of course chooses to ignore me. "You looovveee her."

"Shut up."

"Ha you're so in love!"

"Shut up."

"So when did you realise?" She continues probing me and I'm surprised she doesn't start jumping up and down, that's how thrilled she looks. "That you were in love with her?"

I scrunch up my nose.

"Go on!" Mia encourages. "Tell me Lucas, I know you want to talk to someone about this."

I send her a look and Mia raises her eyebrows back in a way that tells me she knows I know she's right.

I sigh.

"So...when did you realise?"

Keeping my eyes trained to my shoes and drawing my lips into my mouth as I ask myself the same question.

When did I realise I was in love with Isabella?

If I were to be honest...the realisation hadn't been something huge. It had sort of been an 'oh' moment for me.

It had just hit me one night that Isabella is the only person who has ever made me feel valid or understood. The only person I can talk to without feeling like I'm burdening them. She doesn't make it feel like my problems are insignificant. She makes me feel heard.

It was kind of lame and anti climatic...but it was the truth.

"I think I've always been a little in love with Isabella," I answer Mia after a moment, unable to stop my lips tipping into a small smile. "It's grown over the years and even more so as of recently...but she's my person Mi, she always has been."

Mia squeals, her bottom lip jutting out and moving forward to pinch my cheeks with her fingers harshly. "Oh my God you are so sappy and cute!"

I swat her hand away and rub my cheeks. "That hurts Mia!"

Mia presses a hand to her heart then to her forehead dramatically. "You're so in love with her wow. I see it all over your face."

I wave my hand dismissively and fake grimace. "I'm not that in love with her..." I say jokingly.

Immediate regret.

It earns me a punch on the arm.

"Ouch! Fuck!"

"Shut up Lucas!"

"I was joking!" I cry, cursing when my arm begins to throb in pain. Damn, Mia can punch well.

"You better be!" Mia crosses her arms across her chest and narrows her eyes at me.

"I am," I raise my palms up defensively and chuckle somewhat nervously. "I promise I am very much in love with Isabella."

Mia's demeanour completely shifts and the sunny expression returns back to her face as she waves her hand excitedly. "Good! Because I have your wedding planned!"

***

Mia continues teasing me as she waits for one of the changing rooms to free up and as time draws on I begin to regret ever telling her anything. She's never going to shut up about this.

I attempt, several times, to try and draw the subject onto tomorrow and what Mia and Grace have to do but Mia continuously pulls the conversation back onto Bella and I.

I end up just shutting up and simply staring into space, letting her talk my ear off of how Bella and I should definitely have a tall ice sculpture of the two of us in the middle of the venue for our wedding.

Eventually, after what feels like hours, one of the fitting rooms free up and I happily throw Mia inside and shut the curtain closed for her.

Grace and Aidan have gone to put the clothing articles that Grace doesn't want, back so it's only me out here, waiting for the two girls to finish.

I'm just scrolling mindlessly on my phone when I feel someone's presence approach me.

"Excuse me sir."

I glance up to see a girl, a little older than me, in the stores uniform, holding a couple of clothes hanging from hangers in her hand. She looks breathless and exhausted, probably from having to deal with all the crazy shoppers.

She throws me a tired smile, leaning against the wall for support. "Sorry but could you check up on your girlfriend please, or tell her to hurry up." She points to the changing room Isabella is in. "She's been in there for a while and it's sort of holding up the queue."

I glance back down at the clock on my phone and realise that it's been 15 minutes since Bella went inside. I frown before looking over the worker's shoulder to take note of the very long queue for the changing rooms behind her. People have piles of clothes clutched in their hands and impatient expressions resting on their faces.

I turn back to the girl, who's name tag reads Sasha, and nod before tucking my phone back into my pocket. "Sorry, I'll go check on her right now," I tell her.

"Okay, thank you," Sasha returns as she straightens up and takes a deep breath. "Now I've got to put these goddamn ugly ass clothes away," she mutters as I begin to walk towards the fitting rooms and she scurries away in the opposite direction causing me to snort.

I glance back down at my phone and see that it actually has been a while since Bella had gone inside the dressing room. She hadn't even come out once during those almost 20 minutes  to show us whatever outfit she had been trying on. I get an instinctive feeling in my gut that something isn't right.

I approach Bella's changing room and knock on the side of the stall. "Hey Izzy," I call out. "Are you alright in there? Do you need help taking off a dress or something?"

Jesus Christ. I shut my eyes closed. Why did you have to say that? That sounds so perverted.

I'm about to open my mouth to say something else to correct my perverted statement when I freeze, suddenly hearing a sound that oddly resembles a sniffle from inside the stall. Immediately, I'm met with a flare of worry.

"Izzy?" I say again, eyebrows drawing together. "Hey, is everything okay?"

There is a moment of silence before Isabella answers.  "Yeah...I'm fine, I'll be out in a sec."

Her voice, thick with emotion, wavers as she says this and I'm met with another quiet sniffle only a second later.

Her reply only causes my worry to heighten.

Isabella is not fine.

"Shit, Bells, are you decent? I'm coming in."

I hear Bella murmur a quiet, barely audible yes and I don't wait even a second after her response before tugging the curtain of the stall open. Immediately my breath hitches as I take sight of Isabella.

She curled up into a ball, sitting right in the corner of the fitting room bench, arms wrapped around herself, her eyes are glossy and red and she takes in fast, shuddery breaths like she is struggling to breathe.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong," I say softly, trying not to panic so that she doesn't panic further, tugging the curtain of the stall closed and briskly rushing over to her, crouching down so I'm at her level.

The moment Isabella makes eye contact with me, teardrops begin to well up in her eyes before rolling down her cheeks and her face begins to crumble.

My heart drops all the way to my fucking shoes.

"Hey, it's okay, you're okay," I say tepidly, trying to help calm her. I stroke her cheek gently with my thumb, eyes bouncing across her features. "Focus on my voice alright Bells?" I then tell her, wiping away her tears and holding her face in my hands. "Breathe with me okay?"

She nods slightly and I take a deep breath before instructing her to do the same. I then hold the breath for a beat and then exhale, Isabella copying me right afterwards.

"Good Izz, now again," I prompt her encouragingly, doing the same as before and inhaling deeply before exhaling a moment later.

"Well done, now again for me yeah?"

I repeat this again, and again, continuously doing the same as Isabella copies until she has calmed down.

It takes a moment, but when her breathing is finally in check, I get up on the bench beside her, wrapping my arms around her frame as she sags against me and burrows her head into my chest.

"You're alright baby," I assure Isabella soothingly again, stroking her hair with one hand.  I feel my t-shit begin to dampen as a fresh set of tears spring to Isabella's eyes and I hug her tighter against me. "What happened Izz?"

"The outfit didn't look nice on me," she replies quietly into my chest, still sniffling.

My eyebrows furrow and I pull away from her slightly, eyes drawing down her body as I take note that she's wearing the two piece that she had picked out before. I pull the strap of the blouse up so it's sitting properly on her arm before lazily stroking her shoulder. "What do you mean?" I say confusedly. "You look gorgeous Izzy."

"No I don't," she whispers pointedly, wrapping her arms around her stomach protectively and shrinking down again. "I look so ugly."

"Stop it," I respond. "You don't look ugly."

"Yes I do," she continues to whisper defeatedly and gestures down her body. "My legs look disgusting in this skirt and I look disgusting and horrible-"

"Stop it." I cut her off. "Stop saying shit like that about yourself Bella, that's fucking bullshit."

"It's not," she argues back tiredly. "It's not bullshit. I look bad."

"Listen to me. No you don't."

Tears spring to Isabella's eyes again and she hastily wipes them away. "You don't have to lie to me Luke."

"I'm not lying."

I turn so I'm facing the mirror before grabbing Isabella's face gently and making her look too. "Look at yourself," I say softly. "You're beautiful okay?"

The moment Bella's eyes meet her reflection, another set of tears escape out of her eyes and a choked sob leaves her lips.

My heart clenches tightly, hating this for her.

"Your body is beautiful," I repeat, enunciating each word. "Fucking look at it. It's fucking gorgeous. Look at these gorgeous arms, these gorgeous legs, this gorgeous stomach. All of it. Gorgeous. Now you wanna know why your body is beautiful?"

"Why?"

"Because it's strong. It's fought for you every time you've been ill, it works for you everyday, it allows you to do all the things you enjoy, it lets you dance and move and run. You understand that?"

Bella nods.

"Now let's look at your face." I tell her, running my finger down her nose and her jaw and her cheekbones. "Look at those beautiful brown eyes of yours, your nose, your plump lips, those long eyelashes, that pretty little beauty spot on your left cheek. You're pretty inside and out Izz."

I meet her gaze in the mirror to show her that I'm 100% serious. "I'm not even exaggerating when I say that every time I look at you, I swear my breath catches in my throat. You're literally art Isabella. You're not disgusting or ugly or horrible so quit saying that about yourself."

"I wish I could see it," she whispers in response.

My face softens and I hold her tighter. "Me too," I sigh. "And you will one day."

"You really think so?"

"Yes I do," I return earnestly. "There'll be a time where you'll love every single bit of you." I lift her chin with my hand so she's looking up at me. Her eyes shine with what I hope is belief of what I'm saying and I lean forward and press a feather light kiss onto her forehead. "But for the mean time, I'll love the bits of you that you don't love about yourself yet, okay?"

"Okay?" I repeat when she's yet to say anything.

"Okay."

━

AUTHORS NOTE:

hope u guys liked this chapter <33 i'm so excited for the next one!!!! love you all - mai x

( the end part of this chap is inspired by ks.writing on tiktok, so full credits to them! you should go follow, i love their posts :) )

p.s fun fact: if lucas was real you'd all be his types <33