The two of you had barely met each other's gaze through your connection, and he turned and ran from the room. It was a jolt that took your balance as you watched, with the motion not being your own; grasping the sink to steady yourself, you hoped that you could convince him to stay just a little longer, or at the very least, walk slower before it made you vomit.

"Bucky, wait."

"We have to find a way to stop this," he argued under his breath. His head was lowered as he pushed his way towards the museum doors, desperate to see the open ground to run. He had been trained to run before being caught, and this was no different. "You have to forget this...forget me. You never saw me, do you understand?"

"It's not like I can control this any more than you can."

"Figure it out. You're calling me a name that I don't even know, so how in the hell am I supposed to have a soulmate when I don't even have one myself?"

"You have a soul, it's just been pushed away," you tried, "Steve told me about who you used to be. You're a good man, Buck, you just don't remember that you are."

"Forget. Me." he continued to argue, only now his voice was much darker, and felt hollow as it echoed through your mind. He was being purposeful in his coldness towards you, with the audacity to think that it would actually stop you. "The only thing that knowing me will bring is pain and trouble that you don't need. Focus on Stark and forget you ever saw this face."

"Buck-"

But that was the end of the discussion. When his voice had changed, so did his emotions, and he was able to shut himself down to convey the distance he needed. Without emotions to feed the connection, there was nothing you could do; if you weren't both open to receive each other, then he might actually get his way, and you might never see his face again.

Thankfully, you knew that Steve had completely different plans and this was far from over.

~~~

What you hadn't planned on was that it would be nearly two years before you'd have the chance again. With SHIELD gone, it brought Steve to live at the tower with the rest of the team, and the two of you were able to give the search for his friend more attention; he even had Sam working on leads with him. It became more difficult to follow them, however, with Tony in such close proximity, and with the three of you running out of reasons to take a jet out so frequently without the team being called to actual missions. After a while, Tony stopped asking, but you knew that all it meant was that he was paying closer attention and didn't need to ask anymore.

But then, a break came. Not a good one, mind you, but a break that allowed you and Sam to run with enough freedom to follow what could be your first real lead. For the first time, Tony's attentions were about to be filled to their breaking point with the next crisis, and JARVIS wasn't going to be around to babysit.

"If I knew it was going to be a firefight, I would've called," Steve smiled, joining Sam as they climbed the stairs at the tower towards where you were waiting for them; watching the team celebration from the level above the lounge, your gaze fixed on Tony so firmly that you were surprised he couldn't feel it from across the room.

"Oh, I'm not actually sorry," Sam laughed in return, "I'm very happy chasing cold leads in our missing persons case."

"Hey, Sam."

"(Y/N), you're looking lovely tonight," he greeted, taking a stand next to you. "Why are you up here alone? I figured that Stark would be parading you around and showing you off to everyone all night."

"I told him that I had to run to the bathroom, but that was about fifteen minutes ago so I'm sure he thinks I might have died. You two are late."

"That's my fault," Steve offered, "but we're here now." He lowered his voice and moved to stand on your other side, looking out over the room as he spoke as to be as inconspicuous as possible, though completely failing. "Where are you two headed next?"

"Barcelona," you answered, "but we get only two days. Fury lined up an actual job there so we can look legit this time, but that's barely a day's work so we get one good day to track a new lead."

"Is it a good one?"

"Are they ever?" Sam joined in with a snicker into his drink. "Seriously, all we're doing is some excellent sight-seeing of the darkest and shadiest corners of the world, Cap. Without the love connection happening between these two anymore, it's really not much to go on."

You turned towards Sam, your body language so immediately cold and closed off that he actually took a step back just to protect himself from whatever surprise you might be ready to throw. Travelling together so much had allowed him to see you at work, and to also learn when he had gone too far and his safety might be an issue because of it. "There's no love connection, Wilson, let's get that straight. There's no connection at all. He won't allow it, and he's been doing a damn fine job keeping himself shut down."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"It's fine."

"Sure doesn't seem like it," Steve agreed, as Sam eagerly nodded along with the support. "Is there something going on with you and Tony? Are you guys okay?"

"How do you think we are, Steve?"

"Not good, I imagine."

"We're okay," you said carefully, "but not great, no. It's getting tiresome trying to convince him over and over that I want to be with him when I'm off chasing your friend around the world. I know that he's been tracking us, and I won't lie if he outright asks me. I won't protect either of you or Bucky if it means having to lie to Tony."

"I would never expect you to do anything that I wouldn't. I mean, come on," he smiled mischievously, "I'm Captain America. I'm always honest."

~~~

Later that night, only minutes after you and Sam had said your goodbyes to the team, and after you gave your repeated speech of reassured commitment and love to Tony, they were attacked and the tower was left in shambles. Tony wanted to call you back, to have as many hands on deck as possible to fight Ultron, but he also wanted you as far away from it all as you could get, so he never did. It wasn't until you reached your destination that you found out what had happened to the home you had just left behind.

"Sam, look at this," you stopped, grabbing a newspaper from a local street vendor. The front page was a picture of the tower, debris hanging from the landing pad, and windows cracked and blown out in the top floors. Beneath that was an article about a killer robot on the loose, with his growing army of clones seeping out into the world to speed his domination from every continent.

Sam stood at your side, reading along with you as much as he could understand of the language. It didn't take that ability to recognize that the picture alone meant very bad news. "Should we go back?"

"We're only here for two days," you sighed, folding the paper and dropping it back onto the pile. "If they needed us, they would have called. We just have to work faster, come on." You gently slid your hand through his waiting arm and walked along the crowded city streets, trying your best to blend in. You were here on official duty for a fast job of data retrieval, then you could get down to the work that you really wanted to give your attentions to. This was the first real, strong lead on Bucky that you had received; your nerves were energized and your muscles were eager to move on the only glimmer of hope that you'd had.

"Maybe we should split up for a bit," Sam offered, "I can run the data retrieval and you can try to catch a brain wave or two."

"I'm glad that one of us is able to take this so lightly."

"I was being serious!"

"Why are you like you are, Sam?"

"Because I'm damn awesome, that's why, don't act like you don't know," he smirked. "But really, let's take a few hours on our own, circle back here and make a game plan for tomorrow with what we find. We've got maybe three hours of daylight left."

You reluctantly agreed and said your goodbyes to each other before releasing his hold, taking a second to coordinate your alerts on your phones to be sure neither of you were late getting back. Once you were on your own, your steps quickened, though you had no idea of where they would lead you. You were getting nowhere fast. "Bucky, come on, just let me in," you whispered as you moved, allowing your emotions to build and filling your muscles with nervous energy; you had hoped that making yourself feel vulnerable might forge a connection, but all it was doing was making you second-guess yourself and everything around you.

It also made you second-guess what you were seeing. A shine of light caught your vision as a man ducked into an apartment building at the end of the block, convincing you that it had to be him. It had to be his metal arm reflecting the street lights; there was no way it could possibly be anything else, when in reality, it could be thousands of other things that your mind wasn't allowing. Your feet practically tripped over each other to catch up to the man, and you burst through the main door with panting breaths that silenced at the sight behind it.

"What are you doing here? You've been following me for hours, when I told you to forget me."

"Bucky, Steve sent us to find you. Please...please don't run."

"You should be the one running."

"What does that mean?"

"You have no idea what I might do to you," he answered quietly. "I'm the Winter Soldier, remember? I could kill you in ways that you haven't even realized."

"But you won't."

"I could."

"Yes, you could. Is that what you want to do, Buck?"

"Stop calling me that," he groaned, shaking his head to deny you, "I don't know who that is."

"If you let me help you...if you let Steve help you...then you could know." You paused, wanting to take a step closer, to try to show him that you were safe, but you realized that his position was blocking a sight that he was trying to keep away from yours. The stairwell just behind him had an open area beneath it, which held a threadbare blanket and a few random snacks that he had gathered for himself, along with a couple of books and a light that looked like it's wiring could burn the building down with the next time he turned it on. "Bucky, do you live here? Is that where you sleep?"

"For today, yes. But now that you've found me, I'll have to move again."

"Or you could come with us-"

"No, (Y/N)!" he spoke your name for the first time, and it was filled with a sadness and rage; it was how you never wanted to hear him say it, and the sound would hang in your memory for years to come. "Don't you understand? If you've been connected to me, then you should. I need to do this on my own, alright? I don't want your help. If I don't do this myself, then I'll just be living a life that I'm being told is mine. Again. Another life that I can't remember. I want to trust you, and I want to trust Steve, because it feels like I should, but I just can't. Now just go home and forget me, like I said. Tell your friend that you need to leave, and don't come back. I can't promise you that if we meet again, it will go this well."

"So, what do we do about our connection?" you dared ask. "We're just supposed to ignore it?"

"Yes. That's exactly what we're going to do."

His tone was that of a man not be challenged, and even though you would never buy into that, being Tony Stark's significant other, of all people, you let the moment stand. The moment hung so long, in fact, that he was the one to turn away first, unable to look at you any longer before he found himself taking it back; he was alone in the world, stumbling through his life now, with no one to help him, and no one who even cared to. Yet here he was, turning down the one person who would.

"Okay," you finally sighed quietly, "I'll go. But here," you paused, pulling a phone from your bag and holding it for him to take, "I want you to take this. It's untraceable, and the only number in it is mine. I had an idea that this is how our conversation would go, but if you change your mind or even just need to talk to someone, I want you to be able to find me if we don't connect again. I won't tell anyone, I promise."

Bucky's hand shook slightly as he reached out and took the offering, hesitant but agreeable. "Thank you. But why are you doing this? You have no reason to care what happens to me."

"You're joking, right? Of course, I care. Even if you weren't my soulmate, you're Steve's friend, so you're mine. Maybe one day, you'll believe it."