DARTH VADER

Darth Vader left his meditation sphere on his Imperial cruiser, using the Force soften the impact of the two halves, making sure it didn’t make too much noise. Taking shallow breaths and stepping as lightly as he could in the heavy suit, he made his way towards his favored place to sit and think: a secret chamber at the very top of the ship’s observation platform.

His meditation sphere had been supposed to serve as that, but it seemed repressed, somehow. Like the Emperor, his Master, wanted to keep tabs on him. It was only natural, after all; he would get the feeling that his Master wasn’t completely certain if his apprentice was as taken with the Dark Side as he was. And, as Vader knew, the unspoken number one rule about being a Sith was to never trust another Sith. You would only get betrayed in the end.

But he was determined to stay as long as he could, and longer. He didn’t trust Emperor Palpatine. Vader wanted him gone, and he knew that his Master knew that. But the way a new Sith’s training worked was that the Dark Lord of the Sith stayed in power by not teaching his apprentice everything he knew. Not at first, anyways

His Master had once told him the story of Darth Plagueis the Wise, who had mastered the ability to create, recreate or prolong life by influencing midichlorians, the tiny Force-sensitive beings living in every Jedi or Sith’s cells. He had been afraid of losing his power, but was foolish enough to teach his apprentice everything he knew. Then his apprentice had killed him. Vader had searched for the original tale through the Dark Side of the Force, and had found out that the Emperor had been Plagueis’ pupil.

That was the only reason that he kept training with him, and didn’t kill him, along with a few other reasons. He wasn’t very strong in the ways of the Dark Side yet, and he knew that Palpatine was a skilled mental and political manipulator. How else would he have survived being so near the Jedi Council and Master Yoda all those years? Somewhere, deep down, he harbored a hope that one day Sidious would teach him how to recreate life, and then maybe he could bring Padme back.

He bit back a gasp, because somebody in the otherwise silent halls would surely hear that. Vader couldn’t believe that he was holding such rebellious thoughts and hopes within him. The Darkness was his life now, and he would serve his Master until he died, or his Master died… or was killed.

But there was no one to hear his thoughts here now. He lay down stiffly on the small hovering cot he had installed there earlier, and looked up at the sky around him. Then ceiling of the room was one large window, and amongst the stars, he felt safe and free. It wasn’t possible for a Sith Lord to be free and safe in such a way, but he could pretend. And so, for one hour every day – or when he could, at least – he would meditate on his past and on Padme, his one true love. For the rest, he was the cold-blooded, evil warlord and Emperor’s pet that the public saw him as.

“I will find you one day, Padme,” he said, imagining that his voice still sounded like it had before he had become a Sith, and not like someone had charred the inside of his throat and then poured acid on the burns.

“And then, somehow, I’ll get rid of this suit and we can be together, forever.”

Then, underneath the mask, he closed his cerulean eyes and ventured into the past.

“You seem a little on edge.” Obi-Wan Kenobi, the Jedi Master he was training under at the time, glanced over at him, not breaking his relaxed stance.

He straightened his robes, feeling quite nervous. “Not at all,” he denied coolly, but his Master saw right through it.

“I haven’t felt you this tense since we fell into that nest of gundarks,” he continued, as if Anakin hadn’t even spoken.

He shot his Master a look. “You fell into that nightmare, Master, and I rescued you. Remember?”

“Oh…yes.” He chuckled, and his padawan got the impression that Obi-Wan didn’t remember it that way. Oh well. Too bad for him. Anakin knew he was right.

Obi-Wan shot him his famous stare. “You’re sweating. Relax. Take a deep breath.”

“I haven’t seen her in ten years, Master.” Then the elevator stopped. It was time to see Padme Amidala for the first time in way too long.

The next memory Vader saw was the time, shortly after the first memory, when he had escorted Padme to her homeworld, Naboo, where they had gone to hide her from her enemies in the Lake Country. Even now, he could still see the four-toned, pastel dress she was wearing, see the jeweled armlets and necklace that completed it glinting in the sun…

The small boat that he and Padme were in stopped at the landing of a beautiful old mansion. She sat regally on the cushioned seat, her hands folded primly in her lap and her posture straight, yet relaxed.

Almost before the boat had even stopped moving, Anakin jumped out, holding a hand out to her. She took it, and stepped lightly out, her muted yellow, orange, pink and mauve dress swishing around her. He helped her up the first few steps, then she let go. His fingers tingled, and he was briefly saddened when the contact ceased.

Together they walked up the remaining steps to a terrace overlooking a lake with an island in the middle. “We used to come here for school retreat,” Padme said, leaning slightly on the elegantly carved railing. “We would swim to that island every day. I loved the water.”

She paused briefly before continuing. “We used to lie out on the sand and let the sun dry us, and try to guess the names of the birds singing.”

“I don’t like sand. It’s coarse, and rough, and irritating… and it gets everywhere,” Anakin said bluntly. His own voice sounded husky compared to her sweet one. “Not like here. Here everything’s soft, and smooth.”

Then, before he could think twice, he brushed his fingers against one of her hands gently. Then realized what she wasn’t reacting to it. He watched her face and body language, alert for any negative sign whatsoever. But nothing was showing up. She was just surprised, and her way of hiding it was going stock-still.

Wait. Did she actually like what he was doing? Now he wasn’t seeing the surprise, he was seeing pleasure. She wanted it to continue. Encouraged, but still cautious, he moved his fingers to her back, just a little to the lower right of her shoulder. Same reaction.

He looked up from his gentle rubbing and met her eyes. A slow, cheeky smile grew on his face, and he continued to look into her eyes. They were like pools of melted chocolate, and he just wanted to dive right into them. She was so beautiful.

Then the smile Anakin had on his face became a little more serious. Keeping his eyes fixed on hers, he tilted his head down. He hesitated once, then again, then finally made up his mind. To heck with the Jedi ruled of not forming attachments – he was going to do it.

Her eyes closed as he got closer, and then… he kissed Padme Amidala. And she was tilting her face up towards him, and kissing him back. Just having her lips in contact with his… it was driving him insane even after a few seconds. He wanted more. She seemed happy to oblige, and even after he kissed her harder, she still kissed him back.

But just when he was really beginning to enjoy himself, she pulled away sharply. “No! I… shouldn’t have done that.” She lapsed immediately back into Senator Amidala mode, looking away from him and at the view.

“I’m sorry,” he said, feeling ashamed. Why had he done that? He should’ve known better! But there was something, deep down, that he couldn’t deny, even as his conscience reprimanded him for his rash actions.

He wasn’t sure if he actually was sorry he’d kissed her.

Vader awoke abruptly. He could sense his Master approaching through the Force. His first reaction was to ask himself what the Emperor was even doing away from Coruscant, or on his ship for that matter! The second was to internally freak out. What if Sidious had felt his rebellious and vile thoughts favoring the Light Side? He would be killed on sight!

He calmed his mind, trying to keep his thoughts in check. Then he turned on his lightsaber, and the red light brought his mind back to the Darkness. Now he would be able to be near Sidious and avoid detection. Or at least he hoped…

He put his lightsaber back on his belt and smoothed out a few creases in his black cape. There would be time for his secret meditations on the past later. He completely wiped his mind, then walked calmly out of the room.

After walking down a few hallways, he saw into his Master, who was sitting in a hover chair and looking mildly displeased. “Lord Vader,” he snapped in his raspy lisp, “why are you not at the bridge as Admiral Tarkin requested?”

Busted! He had to come up with an excuse quick. “I am sorry, Master. The communications system is not effective on this part of the ship. I didn’t receive such notice.” It was a limp one, but believable.

Sidious seemed to consider this. “But why, my apprentice, were you so far away from your chambers and the bridge?”

“Nothing worth you consideration, Master.”

“Oh, but I do believe it is.” He smiled evilly. But contrary to most people, smiles always made his face look worse than it already was with its deeply etched wrinkles, milk-white tone and Sith yellow-and-red eyes. And his blood red robes just made his skin tone look even paler.

“As you are very aware, I am an extremely patient man. ‘The truth will out’, as they say. I will find out in time.” With that, Darth Sidious pushed a button on the chair’s armrest and flew away down the hallway.