I swallowed hard, completely frozen. I couldn't move. I couldn't find my voice. I stayed completely still as I heard him take a step towards me.

He tangled his fingers in my hair, forcing my head back. "I'll ask you again...What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"I-...I don't know." I mumbled, my voice trembling.

He placed his other hand over my mouth as he dragged me back inside. I tried to push him away but he wouldn't stop. As soon as he closed the door, he threw me against it. He slammed my head against it, before throwing me to the floor. He pinned my hands to the floor, hovering over me. He spit in my face, growling. 

"I've been so nice to you, and you just try to leave me." He hissed. 

"I-I'm sorry." I whimpered. 

He slapped me across the face. "Shut the fuck up."

I bit my lip, staying quiet. He was gonna kill me. 

He grabbed me by my hair and dragged me back to the room he kept me in. He forced me down on my knees, wrapping the chain tightly around my neck. He walked out of the room and came back a few minutes later, holding a long rope. 

I whimpered as he tied my hands behind my back before tying them to my feet. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say. I just cried. I want it to stop. I want to go home. I didn't do anything wrong. Why is he doing this?

He left the room, slamming the door as he did so. I tried to move around a bit, but I didn't get anywhere. I was stuck like this, on my knees. 

Why didn't he hurt me more? I wasn't complaining, I was just confused. Unless he was going to do something bad later. I tried to pull out of the ropes, but they were too tight. I just want to go home. I miss the guys. I don't want to be here.

I heard banging come from somewhere outside the door. I'm so scared. I don't want to get hurt. He's violent and mean and I don' t like him. 

I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths. I had to calm down. If I don't calm down, it's just gonna get worse. 

I want the guys. I'm not even mad at Charlie anymore. I don't care about any of that, I just want to go home. I'm gonna die here. I don't think I'm gonna make it out of here alive. He's gonna kill me like he killed that girl. He's hurt me and raped me and keeps hurting me, and I feel like he's gonna kill me. 

I want to go back to the guys. I miss Danny's hugs and Johnny's kisses, and Dylan's cuddles, and the way Charlie always tried to keep me happy. I doubt they're even looking for me. I wouldn't if I were them. All I do is cause problems. I'm an awful person and I'm needy and emotional and I constantly need attention. They're better off without me. They're probably happy without me. If I'm there, I'm a burden and as much as I hate it here, it's better that I'm away from them. I suck at singing and making music and I'm just a drag to them all. It would be for the best if he just killed me. It would make a lot of people's lives a whole lot easier. My friends and my family would be so much happier. I'd be better. The whole world would be better off without me in it. 

The door opened again. He came inside, gripping my chin and spitting in my face. I whimpered but stayed quiet. I don't want to get hurt. 

"I've come up with the perfect punishment for you." He told me, his voice low. 

I shook my head, whining a little. 

I he untied my feet and took the chain off. He pulled me to my feet, keeping my hands behind my back. He dragged me to the room where he killed that girl, opening the door and shoving me inside. He cut the rope on my hands and flipped the light switch. 

"You don't leave this room until that girl is dead." He growled. "You have 2 hours to kill her or I'll kill you."

"W-What?"

He didn't respond. He just slammed the door. I heard him lock it. 

I looked behind me, seeing a girl tied to a chair in the center of the room. She was facing the opposite direction. I saw a table with blades of a kinds. I sunk down on the floor, hugging my knees. 

He wanted me to kill this girl. He would keep me in this room until she was dead. But I couldn't kill a person. I wouldn't be able to. She's innocent. I can't kill someone. I don't want to kill someone. But he'll kill me. I don't want to die, but it would be better. 

Would dying really be that bad? I should let him kill me. I should just wait this out and let him kill me after the 2 hours. But she would die either way. He would make her suffer. If I did it, I'd do it fast. But I don't know if I can bring myself to kill this girl. I don't think I'd be able to handle it. If I killed someone, it would fuck me up. 

I rubbed my eyes, standing up. I walked over to the girl. She was blindfolded and shaking.

"W-who's there?"

I carefully pulled the blindfold off. 

"Who the fuck are you?" She asked.

"I-I'm sorry. He'll kill me if I don't do it."

I walked over to the table and picked up a knife. My hand was shaking. I don't know if I can do this. 

I took a step towards her, knife in hand. She was crying. I raised my hand, my entire body trembling.

I stared at her before dropping the knife. I backed away, hitting the wall. I slid down, putting my head in my hands. What was I thinking? I couldn't kill this girl. 

"W-What are you doing?" She asked.

"I can't do it."  I muttered.

"W-what?"

I just shook my head, looking up at her. She's pretty. I feel bad. She's gonna die anyway. He's gonna kill her. I don't know how much time I have left. He gave me 2 hours. He was gonna kill me too. I don't want to die. 

I closed my eyes, trying not to cry. I wish this was a nightmare I could wake up from. I just want this to end. I hate this. This is all too much. How could he expect me to kill a girl? I don't want to.  I don't want to die either. I don't know what to do. What if I kill myself instead of the girl? If I do that, I save myself from what would most likely be a violent death, and I won't have to kill that girl or watch her die. 

I reached for the knife that I'd dropped on the floor and lifted it with shaky hands. I spun it around and pointed the blade towards my stomach. The girl was staring at me. Is this really what I want to do? I know I don't really want to die, but It'll save me from him. I closed my eyes, swallowing hard, before plunging the knife into my stomach.

I screamed, sliding down the wall. I don't even know what I felt. It hurt for a second, then it went numb, and then it hurt again, and then it didn't. I could feel tears roll down my cheeks as my vision blurred. My hands were covered in blood. The girl was freaking out, but the only thing I could hear was the beating of my heart. It was so loud as it seemed to slow down. 

I closed my eyes, drifting away.

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happy halloween

~xxRy