Percy Jackson

A negotiation was not in the plans that we discussed at Luke's apartment. I just realized that, if I shut up, it would seem suspicious, so I kept talking.

Chiron was far from happy, but that's okay, because I don't have to return to Camp until summer— if I return at all.

I have to admit that the feast after the meeting was delicious, and I was in such a good mood from the food and from getting to be attached to my boyfriend's hip for reasons that weren't related to having a mental breakdown that I didn't know how to react when my sperm donor approached us.

Can you blame me? I was having a good night, and the last time we spoke...

Well, okay, the only time we spoke, he called me a mistake and apologized for the fact that I was born.

"There he is, my little hero," Poseidon's voice cut through the air as he approached, a smile that said he would be proud of me if this wasn't an expectation of me to meet (what this is, I'm not sure). It just seemed fake. "Three successful quests is no simple feat, Perseus, you should be proud."

With that, and before I could answer, my bio dad attempted to pull me into a hug, or maybe he was just going to put a hand on my back, I'm not sure.

Regardless, and just like last time, I didn't like it, so I pulled away. Stepping closer to Grover, my boyfriend was able to sense my discomfort. Wrapping an arm around my waist, he provided a barrier for me against Poseidon that I was grateful for.

Poseidon's smile turned strained.

"Still odd about personal space are we?"

I didn't say anything.

"That's fine." He said, even though it was obviously not fine. "This one of your friends? I didn't realize satyrs hung around with humans more than they have to. Keeping Perseus company? I know he's always had a hard time making friends."

How would he know that?

"Percy." I corrected him, just like I did last time, meaning he was choosing to ignore it. "Never Perseus. And I have friends— Grover is my boyfriend, so you don't need to act like he's my escort or something. It's not his job to keep me company."

This fact seemed to surprise the god.

"Oh! I see— my appoogies, it's not everyday that I see nature spirits date non-nature spirits." Zeus apologizing to Hera for having an affair would've sounded more genuine than my sperm donor did. "I suppose you're still young, so those differences still seem meaningless in your life. But then again, you lot don't tend to live all that long. Which, really, is a shame. Maybe we'd get to know each other better if you lived longer."

And maybe I won't wake up tomorrow. My brain retorted. You wouldn't even care.

"Yeah, well, you guys have the power to make that happen." I chose to extend my life until sometime around the middle of the night instead of having it end right now my pissing off the god of the blob fish. "The Romans live pretty long lives compared to us, so it's not like there's not a way for it to happen."

My father chuckled.

"Yeah, well, we'll see what Luke and Chiron have to say— I'm afraid that's Chiron's department more than it is ours, kiddo." And because he always wants to think we're buddy buddy, he decides to call me kiddo. "trust me, I'll argue for it. The only thing I can do besides go to the meeting is offer you a room in the palace— it would be safer than New York City, but something tells me you wouldn't want to leave your mom. You'd be miserable?"

I shrugged.

"More miserable than I already am? That's no easy feat to manage, but you're probably right." I could agree with the Olympian on that much at least. My initial comment seemed to peak his interest as somebody dragged Grover away, leaving me alone with my bio dad. I crossed my arms. "I wouldn't want to move out of my parent's place."

"Your parent's... That's right, your mother married Dionysus' son." The god recalled, tilting his head and refocusing his gaze. "But you're miserable? Percy, son, you've just accomplished an amazing feat: returning from a third hero's quest alive. I understand that a young demigod is missing, so I could understand why you may be worried or stressed about this child, but miserable? You should be thrilled not only about the quest, but that you and that Annabeth girl spoke with such conviction during the meeting. You should want to celebrate those victories like your peers are. You and your boyfriend, as odd as I find it that you're dating a satyr, should be singing and dancing together. What is there to be miserable about? You're so young."

I looked down, wondering if he deserved the truth.

If he actually wanted the truth or if he was putting up an act.

It's hard to tell with gods. If they're acting or not. If their care is genuine or if they just want to get you to stop talking as soon as possible so they can talk.

Trust me, I've started to notice how many gods and immortal beings are just... Selfish.

So is Poseidons concern genuine? I don't know.

But if it's not, maybe he'll go away if I make things uncomfortable.

"Yeah, well, I guess there's just something wrong with my brain." I knew it was a shitty way to phrase kt as it came out of my mouth, but I honestly don't care about my relationship with Poseidon, so I didn't care about how I sounded right now. "Probably because I tried to kill myself like three weeks ago after also trying to this summer, so..." I shrugged. "At least I'm here, right? Might not be tomorrow, or maybe in a few weeks I'll try again and see if it goes anywhere, who knows. Mom and Gabe are renewing their vows later this week and they're finally throwing the wedding they always wanted, so I should at least pretend to be happy during it. Not that I'm not happy for them, I'm just... Kind of numb most of the time until things become overwhelming, so."

There was a pause as my sperm donor took the news in.

"Oh." He said, his lips staying in the shape of an O for a few seconds before he continues. "I didn't realize you... Tyson didn't mention that when he moved in. He didn't mention anything of the sort, actually."

"Yeah, well that's because it happened after be left, so he wouldn't have had any way to know because we haven't spoken since he left." I tried to bite back my bitterness about Tyson leaving because I know that nothing about Tyson was meant as a jab at me or to mock me or to hurt me, but him leaving camp early... Did a lot damage. Mostly because I was alone in my cabin again, which is historically very bad. "Not that— I'm not mad at him, even though that how it sounds, it's just the truth. It happened after he left. After..."

But it's a question that drove me insane last summer. It's the question that pushed me over the edge. The question that put my in the infirmary.

"You called Tyson after the quest?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah, I called not long after you guys returned to congratulate him and to mention him staying with me. Since he didn't even have the option of staying with a mother. It wasn't a very long conversation."

But it wasn't the length of their conversation or the topic of it that I cared about.

"You've never called me before."

Because it's not that I care about my relationship with Poseidon. It's the fact that I don't want to care about it.

For over twelve years, I didn't care about who the man that my mom fucked was. Because I had a dad, and I still do. Gabe always has been and always will be my dad.

And after meeting Poseidon for the first time, I tried to push it off like it was nothing. Like him saying that he wished I'd never been born didn't hurt— like it didn't feed into my depression because I shouldn't care about what he thinks about me.

He's never been there, so why should I care?

My second summer, I started with that same attitude, until...

Until Tyson left.

Until I found out that did seem to care about one of us. That he wanted to talk to one of us. That be wanted to see one of us.

But only one of us.

And that wasn't me.

That person wasn't me, and suddenly I was alone again and I couldn't understand how Poseidon could tell me the only time that we'd ever met how he wanted to be there for me growing up, but he couldn't even be bothered to send me an IM. To write me a letter.

To actually show that he cares about me.

I don't want to care about what my bio dad thinks of me because for most of my life, I had no reason to care. Because he was a nameless man with no face. It's easy to not care about somebody you know nothing about. It's easy to dismiss somebody you don't know.

But now I know him.

Now I know him and I don't understand why he doesn't want to know me.

Is it because of how mean I was the first time we met?

Is it my fault?

"I... I mean, that's the only time I ever sent Tyson an IM," he tried to justify. "And we had already met by then, Pers— Percy. Sure, we hadn't called, but we'd spoken in person. Again, I didn't think you'd want to move out of your mom's place, so an IM didn't feel warranted. Why? Did you want an IM from me?"

But it's such a complicated question that, for somebody like me who is so easily set off by the littlest things now, it got to me.

It's ridiculous, but I was barely folding it together while standing in the middle of the coolest party I'II probably ever stand in my like because there's something wrong with me.

"I don't know if...." Not trusting myself to hold it together if there was a trace of disappointment on his face, I kept my face angled down towards the floor, my eyes sealed shut, my arms wrapped around me tight. "I don't know. I don't know if I wanted an IM, but I... I spent weeks after Tyson left wondering why you seemed to care about him more than me— why you claimed him immediately, why you called him, why you invited him to live with you and I was... And I was mad because I didn't want to care, but I did. I didn't want to care what you thought because I spent almost my entire life not caring about you, but now it's like I have no choice but to care and it's exhausting and I just... I couldn't understand why you were so willing to be so involved with Tyson to just leave me hanging, and I didn't know if it was my fault because of how hesitant I was when we met— if it was my fault, or if I did something and... And that's why..."

Feeling like my lungs would collapse on me at any second, I pressed my palms into my temples, struggling to maintain control of myself.

Why doesn't he care about me like he says he does?

•••

The next time I was conscious, I was no longer in the party room on Olympus.

Based on my surroundings, and on the amount of white marble, I'm pretty sure I was still on Olympus, but I couldn't see or hear the party.

When did I get here?

Also, how did I get here? How long...?

"Percy?" And, as always, Grover was able to sense my return with out mental link. His voice made me realize that he was sitting next to me, holding my hand.

My hand, which was connected to an arm that had a fresh bandage applied to the forearm.

Cool. I thought to myself. I had a complete meltdown in front of my father.

I guess it got the point across, right?

Feeling drained, I just responded to my boyfriend by readjusting to rest my head on his shoulder.

"Hey, Percy," Michael Yew said, which made me realize that he was sitting across from me, though a little to the left. Glancing up, I could see Michael, but I could also see Poseidon and Apollo towards the back of the room, sitting and talking. "Can you hear me?"

I nodded.

"Can you talk?"

My silence was answer enough.

"That's alright, I know it takes a while for you to come around after a breakdown like that, I'm just checking." The son of Apollo said. "I also know you don't like to heal with ambrosia or nectar if it's not absolutely necessary, so I bandaged you up, but there's some ambrosia and nectar on the table right here if you need or want it at all, okay? There's also some water."

I nodded my head again.

"Okay, then I'm going to head back out with the others," he insisted. "You can obviously tell that Grovers in here with you, but both of our dads are in here, and at one point in time so was Mr. D, so we're not leaving you alone, because I don't think it's a good idea to leave you alone, right?"

Agreeing with the last statement, I shook my head to confirm that, no, it would be an awful idea if I were to be left alone right now.

Mom and Dad are going to hate hearing about this when I get home.

For a minute, Grover and I just sat there as he rubbed my back and I felt awful and guilty for subjecting him to another breakdown because I know that he can sense and feel them probably a lot more intensely than he let's on.

He also gave me a kiss on my temple, reminding me of how much he loved me.

What did I do to deserve somebody as good as Grover?

"Percy Jackson, hey, glad to see you back with us." One of the more annoying gods that I've met interjected before Grover and I could have a sappy moment together. "Also glad to see that my son seems to be an expert at handling things like this. How you feeling? Not 100%, I'm sure, but... Mr. D mentioned that you were in the hospital not that long ago when he saw us coming in here? Was that hospitalization related to what just happened now?"

I nodded my head.

"Okay, that's good to know," the god continues in a really soft voice, which I appreciated. "We're you only in the hospital, or were you somewhere that you spent the night? Like a facility or a treatment place?"

I nodded, but that doesn't completely answer his question.

"He was in a mental health facility." Grover clarified for the god of medicine. "For 19 days before you saw us in Maine."

"And how long had you been out when I saw you in Maine?"

I shrugged.

"Like a day."

Apollo's hands dropped to his side, a slight look of disbelief crossing his face.

"A... A day?"

I didn't respond, my silence confirmation for his question.

"Percy, why would you go on a mission a day after getting out of a mental health facility?" The god asked as if I wasn't sitting next to the reason why. "And then you stayed at camp after that? Why?"

"Because... Because I was fine at the school," I insisted, looking down. "And I wanted to hang out with my friends. I was also a little worried about Nico, but mostly I missed my friends after being basically isolated for three weeks. I was mostly fine until Mr. D like... Triggered a really bad panic attack. It's just been downhill since then. I have a party to go to tomorrow and then probably I'll end up back in the hospital."

"For the same reason as before?"

I shrugged.

"Probably."

I felt awful admitting that in front of Poseidon, and while I was sitting next to the person who's life quite literally relies on me staying alive.

After all, I don't want to feel like this. But I can't think of a better way to get the feeling to stop.

I know it hasn't been long, but therapy hasn't done much for me, and I'm worried that it won't help. Or, that it won't be enough. That eventually my therapist could reach the same conclusion as me— that suicide is just the easiest answer.

Even if it's not the right one, and I know it isn't, it would be easy.

The god stood, and just like any other deity that's heard about this issue, he offered no real help.

"I see." The god of medicine rose. "Well, as of right now, I can only encourage you to pursue therapy and to speak with your pediatrician or a psychiatrist about these feelings in a setting that isn't mandated— maybe ask your mom to schedule you an appointment. You might even benefit from having a service animal, depending on how frequent your panic attacks are. If they're as severe as the one you just had, I'd recommend it. That's about all I can suggest or do without my father threatening to zap me to bits, so start there— who knows, maybe after this meeting with Hermes' son, I can offer real help. Sorry kid. I know you're struggling but... My hands are tied."

Looking down, I tried to contain my frustration.

"Yeah." I stifled out. "Thanks."

My hands are tied— you can't even tell me which antidepressant would be the most effective for me?

This is stupid.

With that, the sun god vanished in a burst of light. When I looked up, my father was still there, looking like he didn't know how to start a conversation again after I clearly wasn't able to handle our last one.

"Percy?"

Why did I have to find out you existed? The thought remained in my head, luckily. Life was so much easier before I knew who you were.

The only good thing to come out of finding out who my dad was, I guess besides the fact that I made friends, is that Gabe stopped drinking. But even then...

Even then, it was fine when I was at camp before I was claimed.

Before the majority of camp pushed me away in self defense.

Not that I blame them, but... It hurt.

It still hurts. Watching kids give me looks of pity, and other kids steering away from me because they're scared.

Not many kids are scared of me, but there's a few of them who heard the fight I had with Ares and so... There's more than 0 campers who I can tell are afraid of me.

I try to not think about it.

"I'll... Leave you to recover." My sperm donor decided, which seemed appropriate for him— to find me in a state of disrepair, only to do nothing about it. "We can talk later, when you're... More stable."

No check in.

No signs of concern or worry.

No words of encouragement.

Hell, not even a "I hope you feel better soon" that even Chiron had the decency to give me when things got bad this summer.

That was it.

Poseidon got up and walked out of the room.

I was pissed.

•••
Almost done with Titans curse!! The end is in sight it's been so long actually

Out of curiosity what do y'all think my day job is?