☾ Ch. 2 | Pain of Love ☽

          I'll never understand people who need drugs to get high. When you're living what you love and you're in the thick of it, your mind is on another plain of existence. At least, that's the way I am on stage. My eyes are blind to everything that's dragging me down. I feel weightless and grounded at the same time. I'm on another planet. We've all talked about it before, that we all feel that way. It's an escape.

          Ghost needed that escape more than anyone else tonight. While he performed, I saw him manage to crack a smile. He still thrashed around and spat out at the crowd. I understand there's got to be underlining anger inside of him. He's always been a tornado on stage, but tonight... It was different. He was different. They say death can change people forever. Honestly, I believe it.

          I've known Ghost long enough to know he's suffered and lost a lot in his lifetime. He's only twenty six, yet he's sacrificed a lifetime's worth. I can't help myself from coddling him. The last thing I want is for him to feel alone again.

          The smog of the stage died down as the lights cut. I handed my guitar off to AJ so he could put it in it's case. Looking around, I saw Ghost was already long gone. No surprise there. He runs from his problems.

          "Is Dev doin' okay?" Vinny asked me as he looked around the backstage area for him, "Where is he?"

          "I don't know, on both counts." I sighed as I tussled my hair.

          Chris stood next to a case cluttered with our costumes. He stared at me with that look he gets. Like he wanted to say a hundred words, but didn't have the voice to do it. He fucking can tell when anyone is lying. It sucks. Luckily Vinny let it go and went to do... Whatever Vinny does. I've found it's best not to watch him too much because sometimes you'll get scared of what you see.

          While he was carefully hanging his coat up in the costuming case, I made my way over to Chris. The case stood at about my shoulder's height, so I rested my arms up on it from the backside.

          "Don't give me that look." I muttered.

          He played stupid, "I... Didn't give you any look."

          "Chris," I panned, "Let's not beat around the bush."

          He set his fisted hand on top of the case and looked me in the eye. "I am not the one beating around the bush. I know you know what's wrong with Ghost."

          "How do you always know when I'm lying? It's really fucking annoying."

          Chris chuckled, "You have a tell."

          I raised my eyebrow, "What?"

          "Yeah, but I'm not going to tell you what it is." He replied, "And from the sounds of it, you're not going to tell me what's wrong with Ghost."

          "He didn't tell straight out to keep it a secret, but it was pretty heavily implied by the tone of his voice that it was told to me in confidence." I said.

          "I understand... Just, on a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst, how bad is it?" He asked.

          I pulled my arms down off the case, diverting my eyes. "It's the kind of pain you can't give a number to." I started to unbutton my washed out dress shirt as I continued, "But, uh, it's pretty bad."

          Ghost had his costume just thrown in his compartment of the case. That's not like him. He's a rather picky person. I wouldn't call it OCD, but he does like things neat. This is going to destroy him. Fuck. I set my dress shirt in my section of the case and picked up my HIM shirt I had left there from before the show. After I finished slipping that one, I knelt down to where Ghost's things were thrown.

          He was Sweeney Todd this tour, again. It's one of his favorites after all. Maybe it's because he can connect with the amount of struggle that Sweeney's been through. I put his blood drenched dress shirt and vest back on the hook in the case. Then folded his jeans and scarf, setting them on the bottom.

☾ • ☽

          When I'm writing, I usually don't pay attention to much. I sat in the back longue with the door somewhat cracked and my back against the wall. It must've been 3AM but I couldn't be bothered to sleep. No one could. Maybe it was just a weird night, or maybe something was in the air that none of us wanted to sleep.

          I heard a rather concerning thud from the front of the bus. I'm sure it was just the others fucking around, but I better check. Of course that's all it was. Ryan and Vinny were wrestling each other on the ground. Their game controllers had both been thrown haphazardly on the couch and the end of an NHL match was displayed on the TV screen.

          "Dumbasses." I muttered and rolled my eyes.

          Ghost was in the very corner of the couch. He was just barely awake and his eyes were glazed over. I leaned over and gently touched his shoulder. He jumped and I softly soothed him.

          "It's okay," I said, "It's just me. You should get to bed. You're falling asleep sitting up."

          He seeped out a breath as he leaned his head back. Ghost huffed and was about to say something. His phone dinging distracted him. With one glance down at the screen, I saw him break. He didn't make a move or a notion, but I could just feel it. He stood up quickly and rushed past me to the back. I heard the bathroom door shut.

          The others realized something was wrong. They stopped fucking around and sat up. Even though I know I shouldn't, I picked up his phone that he'd left in his rush. Obviously I couldn't get into it without a passcode but I could still see the first lines of text on a message from one of his family members. It was informing him that his grandmother had passed away.

          Damn it... I wasn't expecting it this quickly and I know he definitely wasn't. I should've pushed him to leave tour harder than I did. Fucking idiot. I'll never learn when the right moments for tough love are. Silence had fallen on the bus. Enough that I could hear Ghost crying. This brought me to a decision I hate; Do I leave him be or comfort him? I'll give him a few minutes alone, then go in. Yeah, that's a good compromise.

          "Now can we know?" Chris asked me softly. He was sitting across from where I stood with his legs up on the bench and notebook in his lap.

          "His grandma passed away." I murmured, "I, um, I'm going to go check on him."

          "That's a good idea." He replied at the same low tone.

          I went up to the bathroom door and raised my fist to the wood. However I hesitated and didn't knock. He'll shoe me off if I try to ask to come in. I know where his mind can go when he's alone, and I don't want him in that place. My hand found it's way to the latch on the door. I pushed it open slowly. Ghost was sat on the small space of floor between the sink and the wall. He didn't even look up at me.

          Did he even hear me open the door? He's so upset, I doubt it. Every sob he wretched just broke my heart. I knelt down to his level and took a seat beside him. We both said nothing because there was nothing to be said. As if instinct on both our parts, he put his face against my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him and let him cry. That's the best thing I could do.