Percy

I chickened out. I never came out to my family. There was no reason. I just didn't. It scared me. I don't know why it did. I've gone through Tartarus. I've looked at Death and not blinked.

When Paul wrote me that note letter thing, I felt like I was going to have an aneurysm in the middle of the school. I had Paul's class this year and he gave me an envelope, said it was from an anonymous person. For me.

So at lunch, as was per normal, I sat alone. I've never had friends at school. There's a few guys at swim practice but they hang out with the jocks. And the jocks don't like me.

I don't know why, kids just never liked me. I had one friend here and that was Rachel. But now she's at some stupid fancy school and not at Goode and we don't have the same times for lunch so we can't text or anything. I pass by the time by texting Nico or Grover. It was almost Halloween. Nico and I have kept it a secret for that long. 2 months. But I had a feeling his patience was starting to get thinner. He wants to be out. And he is. But I'm not. It scares me. I've talked to Chiron and I'm confident for five minutes. But once I pick up my phone. Once I actually get home. Once I see somebody who doesn't know?

It's gone and I'm fucking terrified again.

But anyways, I was alone at lunch. No big deal. Nico told me that he'd be slow to respond. Grover was busy today.

I had finished my food in like five minutes and dumped my tray before going back and opening the envelope.

The letter looked nice.

It set me into a panic attack, though.

Because I always say that I'm fine. I don't have any problems aside the obvious ADHD and Dyslexia. Sometimes I have nightmares.

But it's a lie. And Nico knows that. Like I can't come out, I can't admit to hurting to my parents. I trust them. But with River, the baby, I just can't do it. They're hands are so full and they both work and already put up with me. I know I should get checked for anxiety. For depression. But I don't want them to worry about me.

Percy,

Let me begin by saying that you're an amazing student, and you're a good kid in general. Sure, your grades do slack. But I can tell that you try your hardest. You want to graduate next year. You're a kind soul.
But I have noticed something about you lately. Even though you didn't answer much in class, you still talked. And you've stopped talking in class in general. You've been a bit shier. More anxious. And that's normal from freshman because they're intimidated by the older kids. But you're a Junior, Percy. Last year you were loud and outgoing, you weren't afraid of anything. I know a number of people, older and younger, that looked up to that sort of braverism and ambition. I've talked to Paul, and he's even noticed a difference. Claims that he's tried talking about it, but you just seem to shrug it off.
We are worried about you, Percy. Come by and talk to me before you have practice, please.
-Coach Heggerness

My expression dropped. My health teacher and swim coach...

Everything swarmed me at once and all feelings went away. I was numb. And I didn't even realise I was crying. Or that Devon, a dude from swim team, noticed.

Devon

We had been talking about the swim team. So naturally, our captain, Percy, came up in the conversation. He's a really cool guy, an amazing swimmer. I wish he'd hang around with us, though. They'd like him.

"He's been off all season." Alex pointed out after taking a swig of water. "Like, his swimming is great. But how he's been acting... I've never seen him so quiet."

"I noticed that in class." One of the guys on the Cross Country team remarked. He's uh... He's gay. He likes Percy. So it's a given that he pays a lot of attention to him. "I think I've heard him talk once all year. And that was after class when he asked for homework because he was gone the day before. And I mean, it worries me but we've never really worked before so..."

"So it'd be weird." I finished off, knowing how it is. "Makes sense. Maybe you should come after practice and talk to him."

"I could, yeah!"

A few of the guys couldn't picture what Percy looked like, so I went to point out where he always set. And he was there. His hood was up. He was staring off into nowhere, a piece of paper in front of him.

"What's..." Justin, another runner, was the first to speak up. "Did something happen that we missed?"

Apparently. Because, as if he didn't even know it, Percy started to cry. Silently cry.

Having gym next hour, everyone played dodgeball. I asked Coach if I could talk to him. He's like my second dad. My dad's not home much. He doesn't really care about us when he is. He's not abusive or anything. He just doesn't care.

"Is everything alright, Devon?" He asked me, closing his office door behind him.

"I'm doing good. I'm just worried." I tried to explain to him. "Have you noticed that Percy's been off this season?"

Coach sighed before nodding his head.

"I knew he'd never listen to me in person," my swim coach confirmed that he noticed it, too. "A wrote him up a small letter and gave it to Paul to give to him this morning. He worries me. He worries a lot of us. Mr. Blofis included. Why do you ask?"

I paused for a second. When Percy started to cry... Nobody seemed to care aside a few of us at the table. Kids saw and looked away. Glanced and did nothing as they walked passed him. And he didn't look like he was in pain. That's... He looked empty.

"I... I think he got to letter." I went on to explain my worries to him. "He had a piece of paper at lunch. And he was sitting alone. I didn't notice until I went to point him out to Alex. But he was kind of zoned out, staring at nothing. And we figured that weird, Percy's never like that unless it's math class and there's a ton of numbers because of his dyslexia. But even then he looked confused. At lunch he just... He started to cry. Didn't make a sound. Didn't get up to go the bathroom. He saw there and he cried for like a solid twenty minutes, probably, before his phone did something or another and it was like nothing happened. And he didn't look like he was in pain. He just looked like he was empty and didn't have anything left to him. I don't know why we didn't go over to him, but we didn't. We all just talked about how that wasn't normal. Something was wrong. I offered up to talk to you. I just know that Percy doesn't much and he'll never listen to me and he'll lie if I ask him if he's okay. He doesn't want to worry the team. He never does."

Coach looked at me, sort of shocked at what I told him.

"He was actually crying?"

"Tears and all."