⚠️WARNING: Chapter contains mentions of drug use/overdose, mentions of loss of life as well as mentions of death. If affected, please read with caution. ⚠️

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*Mallory*

"Hey, chief," Brooke smiled as I walked in after clocking in.

"Hey yourself," I chuckled as I approached the desk, pulling my white coat on.

After having the weekend off with Nikki at a new lake house (we got it a year after getting married), its really helped us relax a little bit.

I also talked to him about how I was considering going off the Prozac, to which after discussing it we decided to talk with my therapist on weaning me off of it, or what the best option could be.

"How was your weekend?" Brooke asked me.

"Refreshing and well needed," I smiled, then sighed. "Now, back to reality."

"Sucks," she snickered, making me roll my eyes with a smile.

"How's it been so far?" I asked. "Anything new?"

"Not much for now," she said, taking the clipboards and reading through them. "We got a severe peanut allergy on a guy, he almost went into anaphylactic shock.... A skateboarding crash on a teenager on his way to school that just came in an hour ago, but he's mostly got a concussion and sprained wrist and we're waiting on his mom, and...... Oh, and an OD case from last night, she's still in recovery, though," she said.

"Another one? That's the 5th one in less than 2 weeks. God, what's with people lately?" I said, taking the file she handed me.

"The world's gone to shit," she shrugged. "She was pretty out of it from what I heard, but her high should be almost gone by now."

I sighed as I read through the report. "Denise Matthews, 34, took a speedball, no coding.... Paramedics did administer one 10 mg shot of adrenaline when she became unresponsive in the ambulance..... She got lucky."

"Yeah..... I have her on fluids now, despite her high coming down, she still seemed pretty on edge," she said.

"Okay, I'll take it from here. Have Allie prep the MRI room for the teen once his mother arrives, and as for the peanut guy, administer another dosage of epinephrine if he has any discomfort, but page Dr. James for more insight since it looks like the guy has a history of asthma according to his file, so do that and also have him on oxygen for a little while, just in case," I said, handing her the clipboard.

"Got it," She nodded as I walked over to the urgent care center, finding the curtain the patient was said to be in and walked in as I continued looking through the clipboard.

"Miss Matthews, I'm Chief Nurse Sixx, and I'll be your caretaker for the da-"

"Mallory?" a familiar voice cut me off and I looked up, freezing at who laid on the bed, connected to an IV and heart monitor.

"Fucking hell...." I said in complete shock. "Vanity?"

She gulped and nodded, looking down. "Y-Yeah..."

She was pale and flushed, connected to an IV giving her fluids, a familiar bruise forming over her chest.

I sighed as I pursed my lips. "First Nikki's mom is lurking around Los Angeles and then here you are..... now I'm scared of who else the universe is going to send my way."

"Not like this was on purpose," she mumbled, looking away.

"Well, accident or not, Vanity, there was still a lot of fentanyl and cocaine in your system," I said with a scold as I look at the results of her blood work. "Charts here say you had enough to take out an entire herd of elephants."

She sighed and pursed her lips.

"You pretty much got lucky," I said.

"Then I guess me and Nikki finally got something in common," she said.

"Watch yourself," I snapped at her. "I'm not in the mood for any of your foolishness, got it?"

She was quiet. "Alright, jeez... You know, you were a whole lot more laid back when we first met, Mallory, even lying about your past with Nikki as if I didn't know so it wouldn't be awkward..."

I sighed. "Shit happens," I said, going to check on her IV's.

She looked up at me. "I heard...."

I curiously looked over at her for a second before continuing what I was doing. "Heard what?"

"Your baby...." she said softly.

I froze and kept my gaze forward and sighed.

"I'm sorry.... I really am...." she said. "I can't imagine what you're going through...."

I took a deep breath, looking over at her. "Thank you....."

"How are you and Nikki dealing with it?" she asked.

I was quiet as I looked down, adjusting the tubes. "We both fell off the wagon.... But we didn't go back to drugs, just alcohol," I admitted. "..... It still made the feeling worse..."

She was quiet as I decided to just brush it off and continue, checking her vitals.

"Well, looks like you're going to be okay," I said, pulling the eartips of my stethoscope out and draping it over my shoulders. "We can have you here for a little while to rest, finish flushing out whatever you have left in your system, just until you're strong enough... Do you need anything while you're here? Food, water? Anyone you need me to call?"

She was quiet. "No... My now ex-boyfriend doesn't want anything to do with me," She said.

I frowned softly. "I'm guessing that's why you ended up here?" I asked.

She looked away. "You could say that..."

I sighed. "Look... I may not have tasted what you and Nikki had before, but doesn't mean I wasn't dealing with my own demons and found comfort in substance abuse as well... Its not worth it, believe me..."

"What were you on?" She asked.

She sighed quietly. "Mostly cocaine and booze like the others..... Ecstasy... Marijuana and some crack from time to time..... Benzos.....  I was on meth for about a week or two after my first miscarriage, but it never help...." I said.

"Shit.... You were never curious about some Persian?" she asked.

I frowned, looking up at her. "Never... Not after how I had to watch Nikki waste away day by day.... Just watch him become this empty shell of what he once was, because of that god damned drug..." I said, then remembered something and looked at her. "He even almost died once because of you."

"Me? Honey, him getting on heroin was all his own choice," she scoffed.

"You still encouraged him!!" I snapped. "Every damn time Nikki even tried getting clean and you showed up, he caved and was back on smack every time!!"

She just gave me a look.

"What? You thought because I was living with Mick at the time that I didn't know about you always showing up at his place back in Van Nuys with all the speedballs and the smack and pills all the damn time, even after you guys fought like cats and dogs?" 

She just glared. "You weren't exactly Miss Perfect back then either, you know," she said.

"No, I wasn't, and my spot in Hell is reserved and ready for when I croak," I said. "But at least I didn't push Nikki to take that shit, ever."

She scoffed. "You sure about that?"

I frowned. "What....?"

"Every time that big lug had a syringe in his arm," she said, sitting up. "He had it there because he wanted to try to forget you... Because he thought he lost you... That you left him like everyone in his life did...... If he wasn't freaking out about voices or people coming after him, he was crying because of you abandoning him."

I frowned as she continued.

"He cheated, I get it, but you were so determined to get away from him, leave him hanging dry without zero explanation, same with the others," she said. "I don't even get what was so great about you and why he forgave you so damn easily for everything. You are just like everyone else in his life who abandoned him. Hell, you are practically at the same level as his mom at this point."

I spun around, feeling my anger starting to rise. "That's it, you're discharged," I snapped and was disconnecting her IV's, carefully removing them (even though I had a right mind to just yank them out in a single go). "I really don't have the time or patience for this right now."

"Fine," she said as I finished and wrapped her arm up. "Avoid your problems like always. Nikki always said you were pretty good at that."

"You don't know shit about me," I snapped as she got up.

"Whatever," she scoffed with an eyeroll, grabbing her jacket and pulling it on. "Do say hi to Nikki to me, will you?"

I glared as she started to walk past me.

"Or hey, maybe I'll even stop by, give him a nice little pain reliever, for old time sa--"

I quickly grabbed her arm, stopping her as she walked past me and  making her gasp as I spun her around to face me and pushing her against the wall, my blood already past its boiling point.

"You listen here..." I snarled. "If you so much as approach Nikki with a fucking needle full of anything, even water, Hell you even give him a fucking TicTac for all I care...... I swear on the graves of my children, I will make your life a living Hell..."

She gave me a look as she tried to break free but I kept strong grip on her.

"Nikki was literally dead because of that crap, in case you forgot. That night it took two high doses of adrenaline just to bring him back, he was gone for a long time, his body was already in autolysis, do you know that means? It means his whole body was almost completely shut down, and even his cells were already dying along with him. In other words, his body was practically starting to fucking rot before he was bought back to life!!"

She gulped as I felt her shudder at my words.

"I don't know what kind of person you think I am, but I sure as hell am not the same girl I was back then, trying to hide from her problems behind pounds of blows and pills, washing it all down with gallons of booze...... I'm Mallory fucking Sixx, and if you got something to say to me, then say it to my face so I can just fucking deal with it however I see fit!"

She looked at me in shock as I pinned her to the wall.

"You always talk about your God and Jesus and all of that, how about pulling your head out of your ass and actually practice what you fucking preach, damn it!" I snapped.

She looked at me in shock before I leaned in closer.

"So read my lips.... Stay the hell away from Nikki.... Do I make myself clear?!" I snapped.

"Alright, jeez , yes," she said, now looking at me worriedly. "Message received."

I let her go as she stepped back, rubbing her arm.

Soon the curtain was pulled over and another medical intern of mine, Felix, walked in.

"Hey, is everything okay?" he asked.

It was quiet for a few seconds as I quietly and calmly composed myself. "Yes.... Miss Matthews is feeling well enough to be discharged, she will need a cab called to take her home," I explained. "Mr. Ramos, can you provide her with a meal while she waits here?"

"Of course, chief nurse," he nodded.

"Good... I'll go have her discharge papers ready and call a taxi, and then I'll be in my office handling some paperwork," I said. "I'll have my pager with me, let me know if any help is needed."

"Yes, ma'am," Felix said as I walk out.

After calling the cab and sending out the discharge papers, I went to my office and shut the door, sighing as I leaned against it as I locked it.

I then stormed towards the couch, snatching one of the pillows and pushing my face over it before I screamed as loud as I could into it.

Once I felt that leave my system, I tossed the pillow back and then it all started to sink in.

Is it true.... Was I really the reason Nikki found heroin in the first place?

He never said anything....

I gulped as I suddenly felt sick to my stomach at the thought and covered my mouth, holding back the bile before I lost it.

Shit.... That was close...

I sighed as I went to my desk and sat down, my face in my hands.

I guess it wouldn't surprise me if it really was my fault... I was the one who walked away, tried escaping my problems without even talking about it.....

God.... I really did abandon him.....

I sighed as I felt my tears get watery and carefully wiped them away.

I need to talk to him.

***

*Nikki*

I flipped through the channels as I sat on the couch, Jack curled up next to me.

I tried making dinner for when Mal came home, something nice since she's worked so hard lately, but let's just say Jack learned a new trick involving crackhead jumps onto the kitchen counter and isn't exactly a super coordinated pooch, so after a serious clean up and giving Jack a bath (which he wasn't exactly too thrilled about), I figured Mal and I can just go out and eat somewhere.

(Picture: Jack; Grown - About 2 years old)

Unless she's tired from work, than there's always ordering take-out and cuddling on the couch.

Note to self, though: Get Jack into obedience school. I'm sure it's not too late for him.

Jack then perked up his head up as he sat next to me, and I that's when I heard the keys at the door jingle and mute the TV as the door opened.

"Hey, honey, I'm home," Mal called out.

"Hey, baby, how was work?" I called out.

"Uhhh.... It was alright, I guess," She said, then walked in, and I frowned, seeing she looked pale.

"You okay, babe?" I asked as she walked over. "You look pale..."

She was quiet as she just sighed and walked over to me and pulled me into a hug, burying her face into my shoulder.

I frowned as I wrapped my arms around her.

"Mal... What's wrong?" I asked. "Did... Did you lose a patient today?" 

She took a deep breath and shook her head. "No...... Ummm..." she said, sitting up a bit to look at me. 

"Come on," I said, pulling her onto my lap and having her look at me. "Talk to me. What's wrong?"

She sighed, pursing her lips. "Baby.... If I tell you..... Just promise me you won't get mad...."

I looked at her in confusion. "Mal..."

"Just promise me, please," She said, now insisting.

"Okay, okay, I promise," I said. "Now, what's wrong? Talk to me."

She took a deep breath before speaking.

"Vanity was bought into the ER....." she said.

My eyes widen in shock. "What the... Vanity? Why?"

"A speedball overdose from last night, but she recovered. She was discharged this morning, she's gonba be fine," she said. "I.... I got assigned to her..."

I sighed and ran my fingers through her hair.

"But.... She said something to you, didn't she?" I said. "Or else you wouldn't be like this...."

She hesitated.

"Mal.... What did she say?" I said, calmly. "What did she tell you?"

She gulped and sighed. "Be honest with me..... Was I a main reason you had started doing heroin back then?"

My eyes widen in shock before I felt my blood immediately start to boil before moving Mal off my lap.

"She's fucking dead," I snapped, getting up off the couch and storming to the door.

"Nikki, stop, NO!!" she shouted as she quickly got up and grabbed my arm to stop me. "Stop!! You promised you wouldn't get mad!"

"She had no damn right!!" I snarled as I tried to get out of her grasp. "When I find that bitch, I swear to God--!"

"So its true...!!?" she said in a shaky voice.

I went still as I didn't look her in the eye.

"It was my fault.... Oh my god.... I-It was my fault you died," she whimpered.

I quickly spun around and held her shoulders. "Baby, no no no no no no.... That was me, okay? That was my own fault, my own choices... My own decisions caused me to die that night, not yours."

She looked at me with watery eyes. "S-She said that, too, but.... I still fueled it, I... I still hurt you, I abandoned you...."

I frowned as I hugged her, letting her bury her face into my chest as she cried softly, trying to keep herself from doing so.

"Listen to me..... Vanity doesn't know shit, let alone of me or even you. She's just jealous, because you're the one who ended up at my side and not her," I said. "Okay? That's all she is, is jealous."

She sighed as I wiped her tears away.

"The reasons don't matter anymore," I assured. "Its all in the past...."

She took a deep breath, a hand over her chest to calm her down.

I tilt her head up to have her look up at me.

"I'm right here," I assured her. "I'm not gonna leave.... Ever..."

She took another deep breath and smiled softly as she leaned up and kissed my lips softly, wrapping her arms around my neck as I wrapped mine around her waist.

We kissed for a while before pulling back.

"I'm so sorry...." she mumbled.

"Don't be," I said quietly with a small smile.

She kissed my chest before leaning against me as I hugged her, softly rubbing my hand up and down her back.

"Now, I was gonna cook us dinner, but Jack had a bit of an accident while helping," I admitted, making her laugh and look up at me, wiping some leftover tears away. 

"Did he?" she said as she then looked over at him.

"Yeah..... He may need a trainer," I said, pursing my lips as he looked up at us, wagging his tail happily, making me laugh a bit. "So, I was wondering if you wanted a date night at Chili's instead?"

She chuckled softly, looking up at me.

"Of course, we could also get Chinese take-out, a pizza, fast food, whatever you want, and we can just eat here and watch a movie," I also suggested.

She pursed her lips a little in thought. 

"Hmmm..... Well.... Their fried pickles do sound about pretty good right now...... You know, a date night does sounds very much needed right now," she said, smiling. "Give me a few minutes to shower and get dressed."

"Awesome," I said as she pecked my lips and headed upstairs.

I sighed as I then looked at Jack, who trotted over to me happily.

"You are so lucky to be a dog," I said as I pet him.

He barked happily as he pounced on me and started to lick my face.

"Hehe, yeah, don't get too cute about this," I said with a laugh as I tried to hold him back. "You still owe us a Chicken Parmesan dinner. I worked very hard on that dish."

He just panted happily at me with a big smile on his face, clearly oblivious to the trouble he had gotten into earlier.

I scoffed a laugh with an eye roll before ruffling the fur his head and deciding to get changed myself for the night and leave some food for Jack.

Once Mal and I were ready we headed out.

At least we can still have some good moments from time to time....

~~~~~

Hey guy, so I decided to post this chapter since today, had it not been for this pandemic, would have been the day I would have been seeing Mötley Crüe, Deff Leppard, and Joan Jett & The Blackhearts performing in my hometown for the Stadium Tour, which was rescheduled for Summer 2021. Fingers crossed that next summer we all get the chance to see them perform. 🤞🏻

This chapter is kind of sort of a filler in a way. Hope you all still like it. 🌻

**Note: I am IN NO WAY AT ALL demonizing Denise "Vanity" Matthews or her memory. I believe where she did have her own problems and dealt with her addiction her own way as well, she was still an human being who eventually ended up redeeming herself and getting clean, just like Nikki did, before her passing.**

***I am only making her character this way for the plot of this story.***

Also, anyone saw those tiny hints? 🤔🤔🤔🤔

On another note, I have managed to find something to help me fix my issue with gifs, so i managed to put some new ones in previous chapters (still working on getting more), so thankfully that's pretty much resolved. 😁👍🏻

📻 Currently in Sapph's playlist:

Alan Walker ft. Au/Ra
& Tomine Harket
"Darkside"

♡~ sapphire.