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i can't remember when
i wasn't tired

──● eeyore
WINNIE THE POOH

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Merlene can't stand being stared at.

She can't stand knowing that her siblings have heard her, and are standing in almost a half-circle around her. They're talking, she knows that, but there's a difficult mix of anxiety and regret that is forcing down every sense that she might have. Her knees are pulled to her chest tightly, refusing to look up as she feels the slow vibration of steps towards her.

Too close.

God, she can't breathe, she needs them away from her. She needs space, and time, and air. But she can't yell at them too, she can't scream at them and chase them from her life like she's done with everything else.

Get away from me.

It feels like she's a spectacle. Merlene doesn't cry often, it's not really in her nature, so when she does it is for a good reason (most likely), but this time Mer feels like she's crying out of regret. Out of fear and panic that she might have just chased out one of the only good things in her life. Even if she was young when she was adopted, she remembers some things vividly. Every rejection, every look of distaste when her temperment flared. An ugly pairing when it came with her anxiety.

Monster.

Kids were so mean. Choked tears spiral down her face, feeling the hovering glances of her siblings. She'd been called a monster very often as a child, mostly by the foster siblings - the people who were supposed to love her as desperately as she needed to be. Angry disquiet swelled up her chest, and Merlene forced her nails into the skin of her arms, the pain a momentary distraction from the looming claustrophobia that ate up her broken heart. 

In another moment, her siblings dispersed and out of top of her blurry vision, beyond the safety of her knees, she saw a figure kneel in front of her. Blinking rapidly, she lifted her head, only to see the wonderful sight of her older sister - her oldest sister, Yume. She had her hair up in some kind of bun, wearing a pretty floral jumpsuit. Her features were gentle and warm, voice mirroring them, "Mer-"

Before Yume could even say her full name, Merlene pushed herself off the door, and into her welcoming arms. In another moment, she was curled into Yume's arms, crying into her shoulder all over again as he sister's arms threaded around her all the same, holding her like the world might end. 

The touch was strong and reassuring, grounding almost with how tight Yume's arms grew around her. She noticed some of her other siblings, a few of the older ones skittering closer to check on her.  This time, Merlene didn't tense, squeezing her eyes shut as tears slipped down her cheeks, pooling onto her sisters arms before trickling down her skin. Her sister's hand glided up, stroking her hair gently, pulling away strands of hair from her face as she spoke. "Do you want some water?"

The question was so simple, so very Yume. Because of course Yume wouldn't ask if she was okay when she so clearly wasn't. Her older sister wasn't perfect, but honestly, she might as well be in Merlene's eyes. A wave of exhaustion washed over her as she turned, keeping her head against her shoulder, nodding quietly.

In less then a beat, a glass of water was handed to her, and Junpei met her gaze, offering his own, almost understanding smile, before standing back up and backing up to give her the space she desired. Another second passed before Elijah spoke, leaning nearby against a wall. "Did someone hurt you?"

Yes and no

"Are you bleeding anywhere?"

Merlene shakes her head again. It feels hard to talk right now, she doesn't trust her voice. She doesn't want to snap again, and she sure as hell doesn't want to burst out in tears all over either. Slowly, she watches Kasumi step forward, raising her hands, and begin to sign.

Were you followed?

Merlene again manages to shake her head, but her body is racked with a new wave of sobs. This is her family. Her siblings, who adore her more than the world. Who care enough to hold her, and comfort her regardless of things she's said to them, how she's acted to them before. 

Yume, who as a child, made up stories for her. Kei, who would watch every archery tournament without a single complaint about the heat. Kasumi, who spoke to her in sign when it was too hard to talk. Reysa, who was the only sibling who trusted her enough to go knife throwing with her. Delaney, who understood how to design a dress she could actually move in. Jasiri, who compassionately would avoid Merlene when the camera was on, and still asked every time she turned it on. Junpei, who invited her on evening runs through the trails in the forest. Elijah, who responded quickly and patiently when she had difficulty in classes. Akiho, who despite his cold demenor, had covered for her more than once when she'd snuck out. Elliot, who researched for months to find the flower that Merlene remembered from her childhood. A flower that she'd only seen once. Jady, who with her exuberance never faltered to cheer Merlene on like she was the hero of this universe.

And of course, her father, Dai Morrigan.

Merlene's head snapped up, strangled sobs muffled in the back of her throat, as the door was thrown open, only to reveal the exact person she'd been thinking about.

Her father, who looked like he was ready to fight a bitch. His eyes looked right to Merlene, crossing arms over his chest, "I need a goddamn address. Who the fuck hurt my baby?"

Merlene felt her eyes widen for a split second before she launched from Yume's arms, scrambling up to dart towards her Father, practically launching into him as her arms wrapped around his neck, her buried sob exploding from her chest. "Dad."

He stands still for a moment, as if surprised before his arms wrap right back around her in a very warm bear hug. The sensation only sends another wave of tears crawling down her cheeks. 

Dai Morrigan. The only person who loves her unconditionally. The only person who has picked her over and over again. The person who saw a young child in an orphanage, a monster, a deviant, and said her. He picked her that day, and has picked her every second sense. During every tantrum, every outbreak, every sickness, every screaming match, every failed therapy session, every defensive mechanism, every curse, every blight. He picked her.

For the longest time, Merlene feels like she's been searching for someone who would choose her over and over again. Who chose her as if she was the only option in the entire world for them.

She spent so long looking, she missed the people right in front of her.

Her family picked her. They chose her every day. They didn't have to treat her like they did, she's seen that first hand, but they treated her exactly like she wished her siblings would. With love and compassion and understanding and kindness. 

"I love you." The words feel tight  in her chest, burning her throat as they evaporate into the air. Her dad, characteristically, smiles into her hair, pressing a kiss to the top of her head before holding her tighter. 

"I love you too, kiddo."

Kiddo.

For some reason, the word makes her feel emotional all over again, and she buries her face into the safe embrace of her father to let the remaining tears dry. She feels the gentle, even stroke of his hand on her hair, brushing it with his fingers, "So..address?"

A choked laugh is the only thing that gets out of her, her laugh almost sob-like as she pulls back from him, wiping her face with her arm. Usually, she'd feel embarrassed about crying, but her family has always done a pretty good job about making her feel safe enough to do it. "Me and vale, we, we just fought." Merlene manged a sniff, again rubbing her arm over her face.

"About what?" A different voice, a lighter, almost brighter one poked from the still open door, and Merlene peaked behind her dad to see Suga, who'd become quite the familiar face in their house, appear.

Soft embarrassment flooded her cheeks, her eyes slanting back to her father, who shared a sheepish glance with her. "Sorry Mer, Suga offered to drive me home when I got the call from Kei."

Merlene sent her own scalding glance back to her brother, who only managed an unbothered shrug. "You looked devestated Merlene, I assumed it was something serious."

Annoyed warmth flooded her senses at the quiet realization of how concerned her siblings actually had been, and her eyes softened before she shook her head in mock dissaproval. Suga stepped out from behind her dad, smiling apologetically. "I promise that I had to stop by anyway, so I did have ulterior motives."

Like seeing my dad, right?

Of course, Merlene didn't say that, instead just crossing her arms over her chest, desperate to restabilize her whole reputation in the house. The one that had just been shattered, that is. "Like what?"

"He came to see me!" Raine's voice, bubbly and golden flooded the house, and all eyes looked up to see her bounding from the kitchen, hair prettily braided and bobbing over her shoulders as she clasped her hands in front of her. Gracefully, she scurried over to Suga, linking their arms. "Suga was my best friend in college, he was actually the one who introduced me to Dexter."

A moment later, Dexter appeared, running a hand through his hair, "I'm here everyone, your welcome."

Suga sighed, shaking his head slightly in amusement, and in her periphial vision, Merlene duly noted that her dad was smiling at him, almost fondly.

Of course, all conversations were cut short when there was a soft knock on the open door of the Morrigan estate, and all eyes turned to see the new arrival. Merlene felt her chest retighten at the sight.

Not Vett, but Vale Doran, clasping her hands tightly together behind her back. Her own eyes were teary, but subdued, body tense as Merlene steeled herself. It was Akiho who spoke though, even and cold. Usually, his apathetic tone made Merlene skittish, but the fact that it was directed her Vale made it feel calm. Not inherently scary, but even and unemotional. "Can we help you?"

"Oh." Vale's voice was soft and echoey as her eyes darted around the room briefly glancing at the number of people before catching on Merlene's. "I need to talk to you." 

"Are you going to upset her again?" Jasiri spoke then, clear cut, but warmer than Akiho, as if approaching the situation with a gentler touch. 

"No- I, Mer, I didn't mean to yell at you-"

"You yelled at her?" It's Delaney then, sharper than she usually spoke, and Vale stiffens, but watches Jady put a hand on her sister's arm.

"Merlene, do you want to talk to her?"

In another moment, all eyes are right back on her, and Mer swallows the lump in her throat before forcing a nod. She wants to talk to Vale, she needs too. The outburst was unlike her, out of nowhere it seemed, but maybe it would be good for both of them to explain their behavior. She feels stuck still, right there in her tracks, but is prompted when a gentle hand presses on her arm. It's Elliot, and he offers a small smile before retracting his hand once again, and Merlene steps forward. Her calm, even steps are reminiscent of only an hour ago, when she stormed out from her best friend's house. 

The air smells sweet still, laced with the promise of blooming flowers and distant thunderstorms. It might rain tonight, Merlene decides. The door is left open, but she falls into step beside Vale anyway, trailing down paths far from ear-shot of her family. Silence rests heavy against them both, burdening their shoulders with unspoken words. Merlene feels heavy, at the least, that worming regret residing deep in her gut. In sync with her thoughts, she also understands that she's at fault here too, but she acted out of defense, when Vale made the first lash. 

"I'm sorry." Vale's voice is gentle, epilogued by her own tears. "I didn't mean to yell at you."

So why did you?

"I think that sometimes..sometimes I feel insecure because I've felt alone for a while." She gripped her nails into her own arms. "I guess I felt like I was suddenly loosing two people in the same moment. My parents aren't home very often, and Vett just got home. You're really the only person I've had other than Rory." She chewed her cheek, and Merlene stole a glance at her. She hadn't really realized that Vale might also be experiencing some abandonment issues. "I'm not trying to justify my behavior, cause I acted unfairly, to both of you."

There's another moment of silence, and Merlene debates on interjecting. Her pride stops her in her tracks, overwhelming the anxious regret that deepens the pit in her stomach.

"The truth is that I really wouldn't mind if you and Vett dated. It could be really fun, actually. I mean, my best friend dating my brother would be pretty cool. It was the initial shock, I think. I know you wouldn't have kept that from me if you knew then, Mer. You're a better person than that, and I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions just because of my own insecurities."

"..you really wouldn't care?"

"Well, I would care, but that's just because I don't want to loose my best friend." Vale smiled, light and gentle, "I don't want to loose my brother either. Dating sometimes does that. So I do care, but I also want both of you to be happy, and..well..I think you deserve to be happy with someone more than anyone I know."

Merlene's heart is stitching itself up, and internally, she sighs, reaching over to take Vale's hand. She clasps it in her own, silent for a beat as they both draw to a stop. "..I yelled at him too."

"..you know the great thing about Vett, Mer?"

"What's that?"

"He doesn't take a lot of things personally." Vale squeezed her hand, looking back to face her. "I yelled at you first, to be fair, and you reacted defensively to anyone in your vicinity. Now, I don't think it's okay that you yelled at him, but I also don't think you meant to. At least not in a hurtful way." Vale's grin widened, "You know, it's not to late to text him."

"You don't think so?"

"Well, he said so himself that it wasn't too late, so I think you still have time."

Hesitantly, Merlene pulled out her phone, letting go of Vale's hand to put in Vett's number, swallowing back the fear that resided in her throat. She sucked in a breath, typing the message quietly, feeling the eyes of her best friend on her before the dwindled away elsewhere.

'Hey'

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✦ WYN ✦

- fixed it! (kinda)

Your character's opinions on Merlett [merlene + vett]?

──● answers