dahlia

oh my god.

i am so high i can't look down.

wait- isn't that a lyric? from what? i'm not even sure.

i was sitting in a daze. i hit the stizzy to test it after johnny left. then again.

already being high, it made me even more.

i broke into my snack drawer in my other night stand and pulled out sour patch kids and cheddar and sour cream ruffles.

i grabbed my remote and turned on the powerpuff girls.

i wasn't sure how much time had passed but i was no longer high. i still felt a little cloudy.

i looked out my bedroom window, which was the smallest window in the world and saw it was dark.

i put my snacks away and turned on shameless. this was my third time rewatching the show. it was just so good.

then i heard a knock on my door.

i paused, thinking if i should answer it or not.

"dahlia?" someone whispered.

it was johnny. he was the only one who called me by my full name.

my brothers only did it if they were mad or trying to be serious.

i opened the door and smiled.

"hey, get dressed."

"what? why?"

he looked behind him and walked in the door.

"because we aren't smoking here. it won't be as fun." he shrugged, closing the door behind him.

"where are we gonna go? we don't have a car." i crossed my arms.

"there is a park down the street. it's much more fun there." he smiled and i smiled back.

he was right. fucking around at a park was always really fun.

but i had never gone to the one close to my house because my brothers were close to it.

"yeah, you're right. i have always had a good time at playgrounds." i grabbed a jacket out of my closet.

"like when you all went to the park and got drunk?"

my head whipped around to him.

"how'd you know?"

"whenever my sister drinks she can't spell anything right."

i nodded. neither could i.

i threw my hoodie on and slipped in my shoes.

i grabbed my stizzy and phone before standing up.

"let's go!" i whispered, throwing my arms up.

we quickly walked out the door and carefully shut the door.

"i'd be lying if i said i wasn't a little nervous right now." i breathed.

i had snuck out before, but this was just a little different.

"would you say.. adrenaline rush?" he smirked.

"maybe a little." i shrugged as we slowly walked down the drive way.

once we got to the end, we looked at each other and smiled.

without saying another word, we bolted down the street.

i laughed and stuck out my arms, feeling the wind go through my hair.

i wasn't a runner. like at all. but this was fun. 

i looked over and johnny and laughed. he smirked and tried to run faster to get in front of me.

we ran and laughed and yelled at each other until we got to the playground.

as soon as he saw it, he ran as fast as he could. pumping his arms and breathing hard, running to the slide.

"wow! let's go!" he yelled.

i caught up to him and held my side.

"nice job, try hard." i panted.

"you ok?" he breathed out.

"i'm fine. i haven't ran like that since i had to run away from a wasp a couple months ago."

we both started laughing and walked over to sit down on the slides.

as soon as we caught our breath, i pulled out my stizzy and hit it.

i passed it to him while exhaling.

he took a hit then started coughing.

i laughed as he smacked his chest to stop.

"little rusty, ay?"

"hey, that's my thing." he choked.

"i'm pretty sure saying 'ay' is a canadian thing, johnny not just you. and let's not forget, you stole my 'oh?' thing."

"oh?" he smirked.

i playfully hit him on the shoulder and took another hit.

"i haven't smoked this much in a day since high school." i rolled my eyes and passed it back to him.

"neither have i." he took a hit and didn't cough.

after he handed it back to me, i slipped or in my pocket and stood up. he looked up and furrowed his eyebrows.

"come on, come push me on the swing or something." i shrugged and walked off.

half an hour later we ended back on the slide, laying down next to each other, looking at the stars.

"you're a fan of the stars aren't you?" johnny asked.

"a big one. you can see they so much better in boston. god, i miss it so much." i breathed.

"what did you miss about it?" 

"everything. my parents. my friends. we would always hang out, all the time. i would always walk to their houses in the middle of the night and we would just walk around the neighborhood. it's not like my friends here are bad. they aren't. i love them all, it's just... my friends in boston i've been friends with my entire life. i just miss everything about it." 

"can i ask you something you promise not to get mad at?" he looked over at me. 

"i promise." i held up my pinky finger and interlocked it with his.

"do you miss decker?"

i took a deep breath and reached my hand down towards his. if he took my hand he was either too high to notice or he welcomed it.

i wished for the latter. 

just then was my wish granted. he took my hand and started rubbing his thumb back and forth on the top of my hand. 

"i miss the old him." i sighed.

i grabbed his hand because i wanted to let him know that i didn't feel for decker the way that i once did. that i now liked him. not decker. 

"i miss when he was sweet and kind. the boy who would invite me to his baseball games and wave and smile at me from the field. i don't like the new him."

"i understand that. you want to give people the benefit of the doubt. do you think people can change? like really change."

"on the outside yes. maybe they can realize and want to change or have some life defining moment where they force themselves to change. but they are still the same person. on the inside they still have the same thoughts. they might not act on them but they are still that person.

"like with decker, even if he changes, he is still the same guy who hurt me. he might not do that the other girls but he still did it to me. and he still probably  thinks the same. i think that the way a person acts can change, but i don't believe a person can truly change in the sense of everything they have done just goes away. it doesn't."

"i think thats one of the best answers i have ever heard." 

"thank you." i giggled. 

we continued to lay on the slide, hands still interlocked, looking at the stars. 

thats when i saw the sun coming up. 

"holy shit. we've been here that long?" he asked.

"no, we just didn't leave the house until 4 or 5 this morning. remember, when hanging out with me and my brothers, you're sleep schedule will get so fucked up you don't even know what sleep is." 

"really?" 

"yes! it is a full taylor anti-hero 'midnights become my afternoons'."

he laughed as we continued to watch the sunrise. 

i thought i would have fallen asleep if it wasn't for the brightness of the sky. 

"we should probably go back." he mumbled when the sun was fully up. 

"i guess." 

we started to walk back and i realized once we got to my house.

we had been holding hands the entire time. 

i felt my face heat up as i opened to front door. 

"do you just want to hang out in my room until we fall asleep or something?" i asked him, pointing to my bedroom door. 

"yeah, sure." he smiled and walked in with me. 

we laid down on my bed and just talked. pointless conversations that made us laugh until we fell asleep. i was one of the best night i had in a while. 

i always told people that my crush on johnny wouldn't go anywhere. i never thought he would like me back.

but tonight gave me hope.

tonight made me feel like i actually had a chance. 

lilys words<3

OMFG THANK YOU GUYS 

SPARKS FLY HAS HIT ONE IN JOHNNYORLANDO AND ONE IN YOUTUBE 

LITERALLY THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH

I LOVE ALL OF YOU

I FOUND A WAY TO COME BACK AND I AM SO HAPPY

<33333

bye bye <3