I readjust my position so I can look at Spencer easier.

With a sharp inhale he prepares himself and a beat later starts, "My parents both came from extremely wealthy but rivaling families, regardless they married even though my mom's parents were against it, and when she did, they cast her aside."

"My mom made the second biggest mistake of her life with transferring everything that was under her name to her husband. When she was pregnant with my sister, she found out he is cheating on her, again. His mistress was pregnant, and he was ready to leave my mom. And when he left us, he didn't even leave a penny for my her."

A cynical smile arches his lips. Each time he mentions his dad the venom dripping from it is astounding. I never imagined anyone can be capable of so much hatred towards their own father.

"I was really young, four or five years old and my mom had lost everything. She was too proud to accept the child support money he would send and always returned it until he stopped. She had nothing, no one, and had to take care of two kids. We lived in a house that was way too small for three people, but we were fine. My mom was a strong woman, mentally... not physically."

He pauses, pursing his lips and pushing his glasses up his nose. I watch him closely to decipher his emotions but fail. He's way too good at hiding them away.

"She used to get sick a lot, but couldn't afford to go to a doctor, and when she did it was too late. Cancer was ravaging her... it was a hard time, but we made through it, the three of us." A sad smile spreads on his face.

"After two years of chemo and everything, she was finally clean and life went back to normal. Everything was fine for over a year, until cancer came back, worse than before."

I note his Adam's apple bobbing and I have to stop myself from reaching out to him.

But he continues, "She started the medication, or so I thought, I don't know why, or when she just stopped. And I was too busy studying, sending application letters to different universities, keeping up with SATs, and everything. The excitement of finally getting out of high school I suppose, I didn't realize she has stopped going to doctors."

"There are only ten states in the entire country that permit assisted suicide, and Washington had to be in one of those states. I don't even know why we stayed in Seattle after my parents got divorced, we could have moved anywhere, but we stayed. And she didn't tell me she has stopped her medication, didn't tell me she contacted Death with dignity, and definitely didn't tell me they'll be performing it exactly an hour after my last exam."

Shit.

That's bad. I can't even imagine the younger version of him, happy that finally, high school is over, coming back home only to find out his mom is killing herself with a physician or something supervising the entire process.

That's messed up.

With my mouth agape, I stare at him. He gives me small smile.

"Obviously I didn't handle it well... I was furious, couldn't understand why. I had so many questions that thirty minutes wasn't enough to ask them and hear the answers. I did the stupidest thing I could have done, I left. She went through with it; I still regret leaving that day. Leaving her and my sister."

"Savannah was too young to witness and go through that all by herself. But I was so angry I... forgot to even consider that aspect. I don't think she ever forgave me for that, I know I didn't." He presses his lips into a thin line as his brows furrow, his eyes looking into the far distance.

My heart breaks for him and his sister. They've been through an unimaginable hell. I couldn't even stand yesterday when they had Dad in the casket, with everyone coming and going. But to see your parent kill itself right in front of you, that's whole another level of messed up shit.

He smiles. "My... dad showed up at the funeral." He chuckles, shaking his head. "He had never been part of anything in our lives. It was like we didn't exist for him, then suddenly he shows up out of nowhere acting fatherly, so obviously I got angry."

"Angrier than I was today?" I arch an eyebrow, and his smile broadens slightly.

"Way more. I think I broke his nose or something, there was so much blood it was hard to tell. Not that I cared."

"I wanted to claw out Benjamin's eyes today," I mumble and he laughs.

"Believe me it wasn't that hard to tell."

I giggle lightly and roll my eyes. I gaze at him, trying to picture the scene in my head, but it's so unlike him. Or maybe he has fixed his temper that makes envisioning these scenes so hard.

"Savannah is still mad at me for doing that." His smile falters. "Saying I made everything worse for her. She left with him. She didn't have much choice though, she was underage, even I was too, but I ran off, applied to a bunch of internships and workshops in different states, and stayed in the dorms they offered, until I turned eighteen and finally college began."

"I used to waste the money he'd send me. He even bought me a car, and I drove for over fourteen hours, all the way from Harvard to Chicago, just to blow up the car in the headquarters of his company."

My jaw almost hits the ground. "Holy shit," I gasp, with widened eyes.

He offers a tight-lipped smile. "You see I set the bar of doing stupid things when you're mad with rage far up high."

"Yeah, no shit! How did it feel?"

He gives me an incredulous look. I lift my shoulders. "What? You can't expect me to hear something like that and not be intrigued."

"The point is, to some extent I know how you feel, and this path you're starting to enter I've gone all the way down, and I can assure you, you'll end up regretting."

I huff and lean back to the car.

"I was mad at everyone and everything, desperately looking for someone, something, to blame so I could direct the rage to that. I didn't let myself not feel angry so I wouldn't have to deal with the hurt and the rest of the baggage. You can't imagine the damage it did."

"It's been ten years and the day you saw Savannah crying in the café, we were arguing about this. I was so busy being furious I pushed everyone away. I ruined my relationship with my sister, the only person I have left in this world. I destroyed it simply because I wasn't ready to face the pain of losing someone. Don't make my mistake." His gaze stays locked with my eyes until I look away.

He sighs. "I understand everyone grieves differently, but I've been watching you in these few days, and you're pushing everyone away, half of the time you were putting on a strong face like you're not affected and the other half you were like a ghost. You are not supposed to be okay, so stop forcing yourself to be. Let it take its course, it's not easy, but what you're doing will make it harder for you."

"Everything has a right time Gracie, if you don't let yourself go through it now, you'll end up making a bigger wound for yourself, and only you'll hurt more. Don't do this to yourself and your family. You still have your brother and mother, don't push them away, don't rely on anger to fix everything."

I gulp and nod, staring at a tree, watching its leaves moving up and down slightly with each light wind. "I'm not ready to face it," I mumble.

"You'll never be, so instead of fighting it just go with its flow."

I sigh and without thinking, I lean to him, resting my head on his shoulder. When he doesn't move to push me away, I turn and wrap my hands around his arm.

A sharp exhale rushes out of his mouth. He murmurs, "Gracie." And pulls his arm out of my hold and wraps it around my shoulder, pulling me closer to himself.

I give into his touch, settling my head in the crook of his neck, and hug his waist, resting my knees just above his knee. He runs his hand up and down my arm and I close my eyes, inhaling his intoxicating cologne scent as I listen to the sound of his breathing, allowing myself to relax.

We stay like that for long minutes without sharing a word. I never expected he, out of everyone, would understand me this deeply. It's nice to have someone who truly understands you and doesn't judge you.

Maybe it's the exhaustion of the day, or his words have already started affecting, I admit to something aloud, that I wasn't even ready to admit to myself an hour ago.

"When I saw him on Thursday, I did feel something was off."

His hand halts on my upper arm but he gives a gentle squeeze.

"I brushed it off, I-" my voice wavers but he interrupts me.

"You couldn't have done anything. He had made his decision and no matter what you would have told him, it wouldn't have stopped him from taking this step. Don't blame yourself."

"But it is my fault." A single tear escapes from my eye.

"It's not your fault. It was his choice. He had made his mind. You couldn't have done anything to stop it."

But it is.

He doesn't know I was driving the car when the accident happened. If Mason was driving, he wouldn't have been paralyzed and they could have done something together. Start something new, or maybe even Mason could have started working somewhere and send Dad to a psychiatrist.

Dad truly did have depression. We just couldn't do anything fast enough for him.

"I still need him," I say instead, burying the thoughts into my soul.

"I wasn't ready to lose him... he won't even see me graduate." The last word breaks the dam holding back my tears, and a flood streams down my cheeks. "He won't be a part of my life anymore, he won't get to see anything." I sob. "It's like a part of my heart's been torn out and going under the ground."

His hold on me tightens and I curl into him and cry harder into his chest.

Finally letting the pain take over me, the chest caving, heart-squeezing body racking ache digs deep into my bones.

I weep until there are no more tears left. Until I'm left feeling empty and exposed, vulnerable yet at ease. Until my eyes get droopy and I let exhaustion lull me to a much-needed sleep. 

∞ ∞ ∞

Well, what are your thoughts on Wright's backstory?

I hope you liked this chapter, (I really do hope, 'cause I'm super worried these chaps might turn out to be the most hated ones xD) Thanks for reading, don't forget to comment your thoughts.

The next update will be tomorrow

Stay safe, lots of love happy reading <33