And they tell you that you're lucky, but
you're so confused
'Cause you don't feel pretty, you just feel used
And all the young things line up to take your place
Another name goes up in lights
You wonder if you'll make it out alive
And they'll tell you now, you're the lucky one
The Lucky one (TV)

♠️♠️♠️

Mary had been in her room for days, she hadn't attended any ball and Lady Whistledown had written about it and everyone was starting to get curious of her sudden disappearance. Catherine kept lying to everyone saying, she caught some kind of flu

Mary had met Lord Montgomery, he was kind enough to want to marry him. He was the kind of gentleman every young lady would kill to have as a husband but he wasn't the one her heart wanted to be with

She knew, she only had herself to blame. She willingly gave Lord Montgomery the go ahead and even her brother believed that she accepted his proposal which she kind of did but that was before she went and fell for Alexander Bridgerton

"Mary, you cannot stay here forever" Catherine opened the curtains as the maid got in preparing Mary's clothes "Stop sulking, you're lucky Lord Montgomery is a good man"

Mary didn't feel lucky at all, she was sick of hearing people tell her that she was lucky he was a good man, but even good man are capable of hurting the people they loved. She didn't feel lucky at all, she felt the very opposite

"Did William tell you that?" Mary snarked with a fake smile and Catherine shot her a glare "I do not plan on staying here forever as well, you will get rid of me in three weeks so..."

"Lord Montgomery is waiting for you downstairs, he is planning on taking you for a walk" Catherine informed her blankly before leaving the room as Grace walked in with a frown

"Why is she in a sour mood? What have you done?" She asked curiously glancing around as she watched her mother walk away "Your future husband is downstairs"

"Thank you, Grace" Mary smiled sarcastically before standing up

"You missed the Queen's invitation. Mama and I went this morning... You haven't seen the diamond necklace the prince had gifted Daphne!" Grace told her with a dreamy look "Imagine if I land myself a prince? I would send William and Lord Montgomery to jail, perhaps the Viscount as well for almost giving his sister's hand to Berbrooke"

"I'd still be married" Mary reminded her with a heavy sigh "I cannot... face Alec"

"You're gonna end it?" Grace asked hesitantly and Mary nodded biting her inner cheek to stop herself from crying "Are you sure?"

"What do you want me to do? Run away? This is real life, not Romeo and Juliet... I never wanted this kind of..." she trailed off, she wasn't sure if she should call it love "If Will knows that we kissed? Do you know what he'd do?"

"No, it'll be alright, only our brother will disown you or marry you off tomorrow and kill Alexander" Grace replied with a shrug "But he will not know, no one will tell him"

"Well, I want you to be my maid of honor" Mary smiled at her softly and Grace remained silent, she hated how easily her sister gave up but she also understood that she truly had no choice

"I would love to" Grace wrapped her arms around her and Mary kissed her cheek "You will be alright, Mary"

"I will be" Mary nodded as they pulled apart "Next season, you will choose whom your heart desires... I will not allow Will to take away that choice from you, alright but you mustn't worry about me, Gracie. Lord Montgomery is a good man, his family is good... he will do right by me"

"But will you love him?"

"I will try... I owe myself that much" she muttered with a small nod before wiping away her tears with a chuckle "I will be fine, Grace... I promise"

♠️♠️♠️

After she finished dressing up, Mary made her way downstairs to see Lord Montgomery talking with her brother. She smiled at them and her betrothed stood up, he inclined his head politely as she curtseyed "You are back, my Lord" she said

"May I take you on a walk, I would like very much to speak with you... if you want, of course" he asked her and she nodded even though she felt like she was betraying her heart

While they were in the carriage making their way to the park, Catherine was trying to make a conversation with him while Mary was just silent the entire time. She understood her but she also wanted her to make most of it, even if her heart belonged to another

"I know that your father was the reason behind proposing to me" Mary decided to cut the silence when they started to walk alone while Catherine and Grace were behind them

"I knew William could never keep his mouth shut" he chuckled scratching the back of his neck nervously "I just did not want you to feel-"

"I understand" she cut him off softly with a small smile "I truly do... I know that we do not know each other and this was rather quick but I do know you are good man"

"I am honoured that you believe in me and I truly intend to do right by you" he promised her sincerely. How could she resent him when he was like this?

"Thank you, my Lord"

"Romeo... my name is Romeo" he told her and she looked up in surprise making him chuckle "Yes, my mother loved Romeo and Juliet when she was little"

"Romeo Montgomery" she tested his name with a grin "Are you planning to name your children Ophelia and Hamlet?"

"If you'd like of course" he joked with a pointed look making her laugh, she knew he was just trying to light up the mood and he did but somehow her mind drifted back to Alexander making her smile drop

"I guess my parents should've gone with Juliet and I am sure you know it but my name is Mary" she said softly "If I am to be your wife, call me Mary"

"Then you shall call me Romeo" he told her making her nod

"So, do you want me in a balcony when I call out your name? Romeo, Romeo, Romeo! Here's drink. I drink to thee." She mimicked trying to sound dramatic making him laugh and she chuckled "Just promise to not kill yourself and we will be just fine"

"I promise"

From afar, Alexander was watching her with Benedict, it killed him to see her smiling and laughing with her betrothed but he knew it killed her just as much to smile when her heart was burning. When he asked Catherine about her nights ago, he knew it was a lie and she wasn't sick

Days were passing by and he had no solution just yet, he knew he could no longer ask Anthony for help. So he tried to come up with something, he knew Montgomery was a good man but he also needed a loophole that could break off his engagement with Mary

"Just forget about her, Alec... she is someone else's wife now" he reminded him and as much as he hurt him to say that to his younger brother yet he had to

"Not yet, she is not his wife yet, Benedict... I won't stop fighting for her unless she says, she does not want me anymore"

♠️♠️♠️

Mary was looking at herself in the mirror, she truly wondered if people started to know the real her, what was truly in her, would they stay? Men had only approached her because of her beauty and that what she had been acknowledged for since she was little

Being an Artois had its perks, she mastered the art of fake smiling from a very young age, so that exactly what she did. She put on a strong façade no one would break. She knew Romeo Montgomery would treat her good, yet her heart was still bleeding

Since she came to London she wished to wed someone like Romeo Montgomery but now her heart was just as treacherous as her mind. She wasn't sure what to tell Alec anymore, how to end it with him because if she didn't marry in less than a month, her brother would with no doubt kill him

"Mary, dearest" Catherine opened the door approaching her daughter who turned around "Are you ready for tonight's ball?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" She asked giving her mother a small twirl showing off her dress "The dress is quite beautiful"

"Mary" she looked at her sympathetically and that what her daughter was scared of, to see right through her lies and fake happiness

"I'm alright... Lord Montgomery is a good man, I will grow to love him with time, I'm sure" she assured her with a small smile and Catherine remained silent for a moment

"Alexander will be at tonight's ball" she reminded her and Mary's heart tightened inside her chest "Will you talk to him?"

"I will end whatever we were... Thank the Lord that William will be staying with Diana tonight or else he would never let me out of his sight" Mary said looking back at the mirror "I owe Alexander that small decency, he deserves so much better than an engaged woman and... I do not want to be married and still having an affair with someone else"

"If I had known that William was already discussing Montgomery's proposal on your behalf-"

"It was my fault" Mary cut her off quickly but she still hadn't met her mother's eyes "I told Romeo to talk to my brother, William asked me if I want him and I said yes... it is not like if I said no, my brother would've accepted Alec's proposal. He did what was right"

"Mary, you are my daughter and I know you... smiling while you're burning inside could only do you more damage than you think" Catherine stated before grabbing her hand and made her sit down "Do you love him?"

"Mama-"

"Do you love him, Mary? Do you love Alexander?" She repeated her question with a stern tone and Mary remained silent as tears blurred her vision

"It's suffocating me... I cannot breathe knowing that I would only cause him harm, I cannot breathe when I know I will not be able to touch him ever again" she forced back a sob as her voice shook "I shall never call him mine"

"Perhaps but you will... have a wonderful life with Lord Montgomery" Catherine tried to console her before wrapping her arms around her and Mary sobbed against her chest. No mother would like to witness her child completely destroyed and utterly broken

"We have to go" Mary wiped away her tears and forced a smile "I just want to get this night over with"

♠️♠️♠️

The Trowbridge ball was beautiful but Mary was too far distracted to pay attention to it, the more she took a step further inside the house, the more her heart stung. Her heart was nothing but a curse to her and to Alexander Bridgerton

He was the best thing that happened to her since she stepped a foot in London, they were supposed to find a way. He was supposed to be her future, their lives should've been convoluted in a good way. She was not worthy of his love

"Mama, I am going to talk to Alec before Lord Montgomery makes his appearance" she whispered to her and Catherine nodded "And please... do not announce my engagement just yet"

Mary walked through the crowd looking around for those ocean blue eyes that she'd recognize everywhere. She tried to stop the aching clawing at her chest, she wished her feelings for him would just fade away but instead, they were haunting her

Deep down, Mary knew she was doing what was best for him or else she'd lose him for good

Eventually, she just gave up thinking he didn't come to the ball but little did she know, Alexander would never miss an opportunity to see her, even if it killed him to look at her in another man's arms

Mary walked out of the house with her hand on her abdomen, the whole night dread made her feel sick and nauseous. She had a hundred speeches memorised in her mind but she wasn't sure which one she should tell him

"Mary!" A familiar voice called, the same one that had her moan against his lips. The same one that had been driving her crazy for couple of weeks now

"Lord Bridgerton" she turned around facing him with a small smile, yet it didn't reach her eyes

"Since when we're formal with each other?" He questioned with a nervous chuckle and she remained silent, her teary eyes gave her away "No, Mary do not... I will fix this"

"No" she denied sternly as he tried to take a step towards her and she stepped back and that was enough to shatter his heart "I will marry Montgomery and what happened at the exhibition shouldn't have happened. I was... I was not thinking clearly, both of us. We were reckless"

"No, do not speak as if you know of my feelings" he warned angrily but still kept his tone down "I meant every single word"

"Do not make this harder than it already is" her voice cracked pleadingly and he scoffed running his hand through his hair in frustration

"So, everything was a lie?"

"No" she replied quickly shaking her head in denial "How could you say that?"

"Let's just run away together" he cupped her face between his hands as she closed her eyes wanting to feel his touch, even if it was for the last time

"They will find us, we will set shame upon our families" she whispered shaking her head in denial "My brother will kill you, he will, Alec and I am not going to allow it"

"Is this about me? Fuck it, Mary. I do not care" he exclaimed throwing his hands in the air and she motioned for him to keep quiet

"I do! I am a woman, Alec, I do not have a choice... I will marry Montgomery, I want to marry him" she stated with a firm glare, she knew that was the blow to the match that he set "I will be happy"

"Is that what you want?" He asked her blankly and she remained quiet as tears rolled down her face "Goddammit, Mary, answer me!"

"I'm sorry" she apologised sincerely wiping away her tears and he laughed dryly, it was so dark that she could no longer recognise him

"I do not forgive you" he said honestly, even though he knew she had no choice "You could've stopped me from handing my heart to you in a silver platter at the exhibition but it was all my fault, I gave you the knife and you twisted it but you are not to blame. This was all my fault"

Mary raised her hand to her mouth muffling her sobs, she supported herself by putting her free hand on the wall as she cried and cried. Alexander and Mary both drew blood in the name of love but some wounds were deeper than the other

She only wanted to spare him of his own suffering, she was sure he would find someone who would love him the way he deserved to be loved and not behind closed doors, not like they were having an illicit affair. He wouldn't be looking at her longingly the way he stare at Mary

"Miss Artois!" Anthony called rushing towards her with Daphne who seemed mortified "Have you seen my brother?"

Mary wiped away her tears and forced a smile "I believe he went that way" she pointed to where Alec walked away and he nodded with a deep frown

"Are you alright?" He asked her and she could tell there was some concern in his tone

"Yes, Daphne are you ill?" Mary asked her friend grabbing her arm and Daphne shook her head in denial "Are you sure?"

"Just a headache, I am taking her home" Anthony walked away with his sister and didn't wait for Mary's response

Mary went back to the ball where her mother and Romeo were talking, she placed her hand on his arm making him turn around. He inclined his head politely and she curtseyed before taking her hand and led her to the dance floor

"I've been looking for you" he told her as they danced, he noticed her red cheeks and bloodshot eyes "Are you alright?"

"I think it's a headache" she lied with a sniff and he frowned but didn't say anything, her throat tightened because if she had to talk more, she'd just breakdown

"As you know, I am the youngest son in the Montgomery family, so I do not have as much responsibilities as my father and my older brother... I will move to London" he informed her with a smile and her face dropped. If they were going to live in London, it meant that she would be seeing Alexandra at least once a week

"Wonderful" she said as he twirled her around playfully making her chuckle. It was easy being with him but her heart was too broken for her to care anymore

♠️♠️♠️

Mary was brushing her hair when her brother leaned down against the doorframe, she turned around when she noticed him from the mirror and he smiled at her before stepping inside further in the room

"I did not mean to be hard on you" he sat down on the edge of her bed and she kept her silence "If I had known you didn't want to marry Montgomery, I wouldn't have accepted... Mary you told me that you wanted him"

"You could've told me when he proposed- no, wait when his father proposed on his son' behalf" she retorted coldly and he sighed in frustration "You never tell me anything because I am a woman, right? Because I do not have a choice, because I do not understand anything"

"That is not what I meant" he defended himself with a soft tone and she gave him a pointed look "Mary, you rejected everyone and the only gentleman who you seemed to be interested in proposed, what was I supposed to think?"

"Montgomery, go propose to my sister" she snarked angrily "As far as I know, you are married and expecting a child, so weird that he is proposing to you"

"Alright, I understand and I'm sorry" he said sincerely and she took a deep breath

"Just promise me, you won't do the same to Gracie" she sat down next to him and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder before kissing the side of her head

"Alright, you have my word"

"I'm just... scared" she admitted quietly and he frowned looking down at her "What if I am trapped in a loveless marriage?"

"You know my story with Diana... we didn't love each other at all yet look at us now" he said rubbing her arm to comfort her. She remembered when Diana first came to their house, Mary was just fifteen but she was also aware of her surroundings

William and Diana were forced into an arranged marriage but somehow they found real love, it certainly wasn't in their first year but with time he couldn't imagine a life without her. She was his everything now

"Can I ask you something?" She questioned hesitantly and he nodded with a hum "What happened between you and Alexander, why do you hate him so much?"

"I do not hate him" William said honestly and Mary looked up with a pointed smile "I'm... We met in Oxford, he is two years younger than me and as you know. Benedict is my friend"

"I know"

"It was Alexander's first year and... I was courting a young lady for two years and he came and... he did what he did and claimed it wasn't his fault that the lady wanted him" William revealed with a heavy sigh "He is... I was worried that he would've done the same thing to you"

"Well, I am not a fool... maybe there are things that I don't know and you men claim that we are to fragile to know them when in fact we endure more than you could ever bear" Mary stated in with a firm glare and he knew she was saying nothing but facts "Alexander is a flirt, I know but he is not a liar"

"How would you?" He asked her suspiciously and she rolled her eyes in annoyance

"William, I am marrying Romeo Montgomery just like you wanted but perhaps whatever childish thing Alexander did... was just that- childish. You are married, you love your wife and you are not the same Oxford William... Perhaps he is not the same Oxford Alexander either. For my sake... please put this feud aside and talk to him"

"Goodnight, sister"

♠️♠️♠️

My babies are hurting 😭