TITLE | HOMOSEXUALLY STRAIGHT

GENRE | TEEN FICTION [LGBTQ+]

AUTHOR | sarcastic-mess

CHAPTERS REVIEWED | 5 + PROLOGUE

SPECIAL REQUESTS | FLOW, PACE AND ENJOYMENT

TITLE | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

i could not find a single fault! the oxymoron application, the relevance to the plot and the perfect blend of short and easy to remember is what i've always looked for in a book! great creativity, i was immediately hooked!

COVER | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ .5

what was that cover, OH MY GOD? i am freaking out over the beautiful blue you used with the arrows and the model on the cover! it is beautiful, simple, artistic and catches the reader's eyes effortlessly! if that cover was made by you, i'm in awe of your talent.

BLURB | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

okay, here's my take on your blurb. it is mysterious, poses a question, makes the reader think and ultimately results in us getting invested. however, i would suggest not breaking up the blurb so much. cut down on the content; don't explain so much in the plot. put all the sentences into three short paragraphs or less.

allowing breaks after a single sentence messes with a reader's concentration and they might not bother scrolling and reading further down! make sure you let your readers see the blurb at a single glance, that keeps us captivated!

a few grammatical errors you could fix are:

look to the tense. it is either in the past or in the present. here, you are talking about the last day of high school in the present tense with the use of has, but in the next paragraph her dads realized how their daughter was being treated. had would be more appropriate!

A school which was established for homosexuals. . .

PLOT | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

okay so, i've read a lot of lgbtq+ fiction because come on, they are literally the best kind of stories ever, especially with all the dumb stuff happening in the world. going into your book, i wasn't sure what to expect, honestly. was it an lgbtq+ teen fic? some kind of self discovery and falling in love with the girl next door?

and wow. was i surprised? yes. i have never come across a story that talks about a specific lgbtq+ school for either the kids from the community or for the parents. it was a fresh and new take and i was slightly concerned it might come out as offensive but damn, you handled the concept really well.

i could feel kaia's frustration for being discriminated by scum of the earth homophobes, i felt her love for her dads, and i felt their love for her, all in the prologue! so job well done there!

CHARACTERS | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ .5

i'm going to start this off by paying my respects to kirlia's dad, noah benedict, and his amazing gay dad jokes; him and i almost share the same energy and it's absolutely amazing, hahaha.

moving on to kaia, i like her. however, the insane number of times she collides with people is simply too much for my brain to process. i get that she's clumsy and has two left feet (hi five bestie) but i would suggest not making it a personality trait, which would honestly make it an extreme cliché.

i liked jace for a while (olivia, too) before they became batshit crazy after kaia's revelation. zeta is my new favourite human being; i am totally in love with her. the scandalous six is by far the greatest group, ever and i simply cannot wait for more of their shenanigans lmao.

GRAMMAR | ⭐️ .5

proofread! proofread! proofread! i cannot put a lot of screenshots here because the prologue + 1 + 2 chapters filled up the limit on wattpad. this is why i am suggesting that you proofread the seven chapters you have published so far. tense mistakes, punctuation problems, and spelling errors were present in almost every paragraph. i'll try to highlight most of the starting ones below to help you get started!

the word door becomes redundant here. instead, write: Dad pleaded from outside the door as I sat with my back to it, blocking it so it wouldn't open.

"To Pride High," Dad butted in, as he too, was unsure about the choice they were providing me with.

this paragraph needs a complete makeover! there's way too much going on here, without pauses or breaks. remember, smaller sentences, longer impact.

"Dad, trust me, I'll be okay. After all, they are people just like you."

". . .and gave me a side hug, which I gladly returned."

". . .no lingering around. Or else, I will call Pa and ask him to drag you to work," I said, with a sense of authority.

- ". . .my mom," he grumpily remarked, as she shook his head in mild amusement, with a tinge of sadness.
- . . .they had kicked him out. Which was why Pa was always making sure that Dad was loved enough. . .

what's i gore's?

". . .Then I will show you your classes before school starts. We have less than half an hour with us."
I nodded (this is in a new paragraph). . . trusting his bright/wide grin. . .

jace moved his what?

again, the word before becomes redundant here. try using different words in the same sentence to avoid this problem.

. . .started filling the form.

"I was just beginning to wonder where you guys were," Jace gritted his teeth. . .

- so is repeated in this paragraph. you could cut it off from either of the two sentences.
- He questioned, as he stood beside me before he started walking and I hurriedly tried matching his pace.

+ more. i can help you find them if you ever need me to!

DESCRIPTIONS | ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ .5

i have no complaints here, for the most part. you described kaia's emotions, the people around her, their moods as perceived by her, and even most of her surroundings. however, if you could go into more detail about what she sees around her and relates her feelings to them, i think it would give your story a better dimension.

like maybe, she could walk past a pair of glass doors, see her dark circles, and relate it to her fatigue with being stereotyped constantly. just a suggestion, i like your descriptions just the way they are! fix the grammatical errors and shorten the sentences and they'll be more than enough!

DIALOGUES | ⭐️⭐️⭐️

this one is for noah benedict. i love him with all my heart and i would sell my soul for how precious he is. that's it.

on a different un-fangirling note (hahahaha), make sure to punctuate your dialogues properly! use appropriate commas and simple words as much as possible. when we talk, we do not overcompensate or spew heavy words.

writing dialogues are always challenging, so one thing you could do is read them out loud. does it sound like a normal conversation? then go ahead! if not, revisit and say newer words till you find suitable replacements.

FLOW/LOOPHOLES | ⭐️⭐️⭐️

while there were no loopholes that i fixated on, i believe that the pace is turbulent. the first two chapters started right off the bat and perfectly paced, while the third chapter was too long. i know people say they enjoy longer chapters but personally, i feel like it's a huge turn off. limit your word count to no more than 1500 words per chapter +/- 100 words. i swear, this helps keep your readers excited for what comes next and that is why they ask for faster and longer updates.

note for everyone out there: just because your readers ask for updates, do NOT make them wait way too much. leave a message on your board if you're going on a hiatus or something. don't leave someone hanging, it's very rude!

ENGAGEMENT | ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

so far, the plot is very engaging. given that your story also has a unique setting, i'm excited to see where this goes. especially with jace and olivia and felix and zeta and nick and addy and siri and luca obviously! like i said before, shorter chapters and more attention to detail will help the story go a long way <3

FINAL VERDICT | ⭐️⭐️⭐️

in conclusion, these are my thoughts about homosexually straight: wonderful setting, well placed characters and backstories, good pace, and absolutely no loopholes. my only concern are the grammatical errors and misplaced phrases. i would highly suggest proofreading because the mistakes are small and easily fixable. you can use grammarly for help; that website is a life saver. other than that, i'm so stoked for the story you have in mind!