I don't know how to feel,
but I wanna try.

Adam: "Hi, hun...how are you feeling?"

I turned around to look over to my room's entrance, seeing Dad, holding onto a bowl that I supposed had fruits. He walked over to my bed, placing the plate down so I could take a look inside.

Nova: "I-I'm better...thanks." -I replied, eating from the fruits I knew rested inside.

Adam: "I haven't told your Mom, anything. But she suspects something's up with you cause you weren't outside."

Nova: "I'll go in a bit."

Adam: "Honey, the party's over already. Susannah, had an incident and a fight sort of happened."

Nova: "What?" -I quickly asked, looking up to Dad, who nodded slowly.

He seemed to know perfectly what happened, I knew it probably had something to do with him. And for the party to be canceled, it must've been really bad.

Nova: "Is Mom, okay?"

Adam: "Yeah she's fine, I think she's talking with Laurel, on her room."

Nova: "I'm gonna go check up on her." -I said, standing up from my bed but quickly getting stopped.

Adam: "No, you need to rest. Please just leave Laurel and Mom, figure this out together. They'll explain everything to you tomorrow."

Nova: "No, I need to see wha-"

Adam: "Nova, please?" -he murmured, staring at me with pleading eyes.

I nodded defeatedly, sitting down once again to feel Dad, still staring at me. He was trying to find a way to bring up our last conversation, I knew it over the way he seemed to be nervous or awkward around me.

Nova: "Dad, I'm not mad at you if that's what you're thinking." -I lied, biting a chunk of a strawberry aggressively.

A shaky sigh left his mouth, making me glance up to him.

Adam: "Okay...then what's going on?"

Nova: "I'm just disappointed over what you did." -I spoke, putting on a hoodie that rested on top of my bed.

Adam: "That's worse than being angry."

Nova: "I know, but I can't help feeling that way."

Adam: "I'm sorry, Nova. I really am, I don't think I can ever forgive myself for what I did to this family."

Nova: "You shouldn't be apologizing to me, you should be apologizing to Mom, Conrad and Jeremiah." -I whispered, standing up from my bed.

Adam: "You all deserve an apology."

We both stared at each other silently, seconds continuing to pass without us moving or talking. He nodded a couple of times, proceeding to walk towards my room's exit.

Adam: "I have to go. Susannah, wanted me out of here."

Nova: "Dad." -I mumbled, stopping him from heading out.

He looked back to me, nodding for me to continue speaking.

Nova: "Would things get better soon?" -I asked, searching for a "yes" on his features.

Adam: "I-I don't know, honey. But I'll try my best to make everything right, I promise."

I nodded as I let go of him, watching how he walked off without saying goodbye or giving me a hug. This breaking that promise he had tried doing, cause that's just how he is...that's, Adam Fisher.

My mind was filled with so many thoughts that I didn't even realized I had walked all the way downstairs, meeting eyes with, Jeremiah. He was standing in the middle of the hallway, while his lips trembled. I could tell he was sad by the way his eyes were getting bluer by the second. This happened whenever he was about to cry, same thing happened to me so it was impossible to hide feelings to each other.

I walked towards him rapidly, pulling the curly head into a tight hug. He embraced me completely, holding in his breath to prevent himself from crying.

Nova: "I'm sorry about Dad, I know you wanted him to be here." -I whispered, kissing his shoulder after finishing my sentence.

Jeremiah: "Yeah...I did."

Nova: "I'm sure everything will get better once we're back at Boston, okay?"

Jeremiah: "Thanks." -he mumbled, grabbing my hand.

He tightly gripped onto it, looking up to me with a slight smile formed on his face. I smiled back, grabbing his face to only rub his rosy cheek before walking away from him.

Jeremiah: "Hey, I'm sorry over what happened with Steven, as well."

I turned around by the mention of the boy's name, nodding a couple of times after remembering what happened earlier.

Nova: "It's fine, I-I was kinda suspicious about it. Him and I, would be okay in no time."

Jeremiah: "I talked to him about it, he was gonna speak to you soon I think."

Nova: "Oh...thanks for letting me know." -I smiled, waving goodbye as I exited the house into the backyard.

My eyes darted around the whole backyard, instantly noticing how everything was already cleaned up. I wondered what had happened, but I wanted to respect Dad's words. It was better to let Mom and Laurel, figure thing out by themselves. Sooner or later, they'll come forward to let us know what happened...or maybe let me know cause everyone knows what happened except for me.

I still had my swimsuit on and it was completely dried already, but the pool's water looked extremely tempting to swim in it. So I took off the hoodie that was covering my swimsuit, instantly jumping in without caring about how cold it was outside.

I spend a big amount of time inside of the pool, I couldn't even remember how long it had already been. It felt calm being alone as I contemplated everything that happened, but the peaceful moment was sort of cut off by a voice gaining my attention.

Steven: "This is something odd to see."

I turned around to see the boy, glancing down at me. The pool's blue light reflecting onto his face, making his features much clearer since there was barely any moonlight shining down at us.

Nova: "Why is that odd? You've seen me swim in this pool like...a bunch of times." -I asked, resting both of my arms on top of the cold cement floor.

He crouched down to be near my height, fully then sitting right beside me. His legs submerging inside of the water, making me frown my eyebrows.

Nova: "Are you planning on coming in?"

Steven: "Maybe? Can I?" -he whispered, arching an eyebrow midway.

I shrugged my shoulders in response, turning around to avoid him from seeing my face. He laughed behind me, instantly making me wonder what was so funny to him.

Nova: "What's so funny?"

Steven: "Isn't it obvious?" -he questioned, allowing me to hear the way he was smiling as he spoke.

I knew he had that annoying smirk he formed whenever he was feeling playful or flirty, it's sort of a common trait of him already.

My body flinched as soon as I felt the water splash onto me. I turned around to face him again, noticing him swimming towards me.

Steven: "You're so nervous."

Nova: "I'm not nervous...why would I be nervous?"

Steven: "Cause you're obsessed with me." -he replied, smiling my way as I stared at him filled with surprise.

Nova: "That's not true."

Steven: "Yes it is, you make it so obvious." -he added, receiving a glare from me.

We both stayed quiet for a couple of seconds, I looked around the area as I felt his eyes stuck on me. My heartbeat was probably zooming at that point, it was about to explode. I wanted to be mad at him but I just couldn't, it was hard being angry with him.

Steven: "I think it's time for us to stop lying to ourselves." -he whispered, moving closer to me.

I frowned my eyebrows by his comment, swimming away from him to take a sit at the edge of the pool.

Nova: "I haven't lied to you about anything you don't know already."

Steven: "Yes, you have."

Nova: "And what is that?" -I asked, crossing my arms defensively.

Steven: "That you're in love with me."

Nova: "What?" -I mumbled, stepping up from the pool's edge.

Steven: "Come on, don't act like you don't like me."

Nova: "And you didn't knew that?"

Steven: "What?" -he said, his tone sounding the same way as mine.

He had a confused expression on him, making me sigh.

Nova: "This whole time, years literally...you didn't knew?"

Steven: "Uhh...I-I thought we were just playing around." -he stuttered, quickly coming out of the pool to walk towards me.

Nova: "You think our kiss from earlier today was just us playing around? Are you being deadass right now?"

Steven: "Yeah? I mean-"

Nova: "What the hell, Steven? You have a girlfriend and you just decided to use me to screw around?"

Steven: "If you knew I had a girlfriend then why did you do it?" -he asked rapidly, stepping nearer.

Nova: "Because I thought that things might've been over for you guys or something, I thought that was you giving me a chance."

Steven: "Look, I couldn't tell that you were in love with me."

Nova: "You couldn't tell that I am in love with you because you're too busy loving someone else to notice me."

He closed his mouth soon after hearing my words, closing his eyes shut as well. I stayed observing him, eyes covered with tears that dared to room down.

Nova: "I've been hinting you my feelings for so long and you've never noticed. Or probably you did, but just decided to use them."

Steven: "No, no, Nova, that's not true at all." -he said, stopping my tracks since I was walking away.

I turned around again, feeling his left hand grab my cheek quickly.

Steven: "Look, there's something I want to tell you."

Nova: "I'm not doing this, Steven." -I said, pushing his hand away.

He placed it back where it was, sighing over how determined I was being.

Steven: "Listen to me."

Nova: "No."

Steven: "I think I'm in love with you." -he interrupted, saying his sentence as quick as he could.

Nova: "No you don't." -I laughed sarcastically, seeing later on how genuinely serious he looked.

My smile faded away almost instantly, and my body didn't wanted to react at all in that moment.

Nova: "You don't mean that."

Steven: "Yes I do, Nova." -he argued, tightly holding onto me so I wouldn't walk away like I wanted to.

I was finally able to step back slightly, shaking my head side to side as he spoke.

Nova: "No, you're lying."

Steven: "I screwed my chance up, all right? But something that you already know for a fact is that I've never once lied to you."

Nova: "Stop." -I mumbled, closing my eyes.

Steven: "I've done a lot of shit to you, but you're in my head even when you're not supposed to be."

He spoke quickly not allowing me to process all of his words, his whole body moved over how much he was saying.

Steven: "I tried dating Shayla, because I was trying to get over loving you. Because I knew you were already in a relationship."

Steven: "Conrad and Jere kept texting me about you being with that Tate guy, so I needed to stop looking for an opportunity with you."

Nova: "You never gave me any sign that you liked me."

Steven: "That's because I was afraid to, Nova." -he replied, rubbing his arm nervously.

Nova: "Afraid of what?"

Steven: "Afraid of ruining everything. Like, we've been raised as siblings and I thought that dating you will make things weird."

Steven: "But Nova, I love you. I love every part of you, even the parts you don't like about yourself."

Nova: "Steven." -I mumbled, putting my hand on his chest as he tried getting closer to me.

Steven: "I have loved you since I first saw you picking your stupid shells at the beach, those shells you would later on leave in my room."

I smiled by his comment as he continued to laugh nervously, seeing his arms moving around while he spoke.

Steven: "And even if you don't believe this...I still have those shells. Literally all of them, I've collected those like I was some sort of tooth fairy."

Steven: "You have such a beautiful soul and you make me feel alive." -he finished, taking a deep breath after.

He stopped speaking for a split second, continuing taking breaths. But before he could speak again, I stopped him. I grabbed his face gently, seeing how flustered he got instantly. That had never happened before and I realized it was because he was finally letting his true feelings out.

Nova: "I love you too, you're all that I wanted. Everyone in this house knew how big my feelings for you were."

Nova: "I fell in love with the boy, that would bully me for picking seashells at the beach." -I chuckled, hearing a small laugh coming from him.

Steven: "Can I kiss you?" -he whispered, observing my lips with nothing but temptation on his features.

I smiled by his question, placing his hands on my waist.

Nova: "You just can't help yourself, can you?" -I teased, scrunching my nose in between sentence.

Steven: "I've been wanting to kiss you again really bad."

Nova: "Then kiss me again, but this time...don't let anything stop you."

He didn't waste a second and pulled me in, his hands roomed around my back slowly as he kissed me with nothing but passion. He pulled away for an instant, taking deep breaths while staring at me.

Steven: "Do you want me to stop?" -he asked with a hoarse tone, tightly holding onto my face.

Nova: "No, what did I say literally a couple of seconds ago?"

He laughed by my reply, pulling me in again but this time slightly aggressive. His fingers gently slid down the side of my face, arriving then to my neck.

We both got interrupted by the sound of a firework popping very near, only making us pull away to look back towards where we heard the commotion.

Nova: "Jeremiah?"

Steven: "Again?" -he grunted, seeing the firework on his hand.

He didn't heard us talk though, instead he went inside the house, looking saddened by something he was staring at.

Nova: "Can you go after him? I'll be right back." -I asked, receiving a nod by him.

He ran towards the house's entrance, following Jeremiah, close behind. Eventually he disappeared from my sight. I then walked towards where the curly head was standing, noticing Conrad and Belly, in the distance. They both were looking back to where I was, placing their arms up to probably question me about what happened.

Nova: "Sorry, I got scared!" -I lied, pretending like I was the one that almost blew them up.

I walked away to go inside of the house, searching then for Steven and Jeremiah, that were nowhere to be found downstairs. Heading upstairs I heard what sounded like crying, making me worry instantly. But this didn't sound like a boy crying...it sounded like a girl.

My hand reached for what was Laurel's room doorknob, twisting it open to peek inside carefully. The woman, covered her mouth to muffle her crying but this wasn't working well for her at all. She hadn't noticed my presence standing inches away from her, my eyes covered in worry. I had never seen her on the state that she was in, it was concerning.

Nova: "Aunt Laurel, what's wrong?" -I asked, closing the door behind me.

She jumped up completely startled, trying her best to wipe the tears off of her face. She sighed over her knowing that she couldn't lie to me, patting the mattress she was sat on. I walked quickly towards her, hugging her without wasting anytime.

Nova: "Dad told me you had an argument with Mom, is that why you're like this?" -I asked, sounding slightly muffled over my lips resting on her shoulder.

I felt her nodding, making me rub her back softly. She pulled away from me, grabbing my hands carefully. She always treated me like I was some sort of porcelain doll, her hands shook whenever she had to touch me somewhere. She was extremely delicate with me, since she knew I sometimes felt uncomfortable with physical touch. Like I said, I was extremely shy when little.

Laurel: "I'm sorry you found out about that."

Nova: "You don't need to apologize, it actually makes me feel better somehow."

Laurel: "What do you mean?" -she asked, moving some strands of hair away from my forehead.

Nova: "You and Mom, never fight in front of us. So knowing you girls have your ups and downs...it makes your friendship feel even realistic."

She nodded in agreement, tapping her thighs continuously.

Laurel: "I'm just feeling horrible about our argument, it was something stupid to argue about. But I said something hurtful to her and that made things worse."

Nova: "Well, I'm sure you'll figure things out soon. Mom, hates being mad at people...especially you probably. She can only stay mad at Dad, and that's it."

I felt how the ambience tensed up after what I said, her gaze was stuck onto me. I looked over to her confused, seeing her worried expression.

Laurel: "She told me about your argument with Adam, and how bad your relationship has gotten." -she mentioned, unlocking a flashback I wished would've stayed locked forever.

Nova: "Yeah...it did."

"Flashback"
Age: 14

Nova: "He was kissing another woman, Conrad. I saw him, I swear."

Conrad: "You're just hallucinating stuff. Dad, would never do such a thing." -he reassured, rubbing my arm while I cried.

We both sat at a nearby park that was close to our house back in, Boston. Also staring into the distance, as the air blew loudly, almost making it hard to hear each other.

Nova: "I think you know something and you're just not telling me." -I assumed, glaring over to him.

Conrad: "Wha-What? Why are you even saying that?"

Nova: "Because you always agree on everything I have to say about Dad, especially bad stuff."

Nova: "But, now you're just not agreeing at all."

Conrad: "Because there's nothing to agree on."

Nova: "That's because you knows it true." -I argued, crossing my arms annoyed.

I stood up angrily, running back to the house. I had left Conrad, calling my name desperately but I ignored him. My feet didn't stop at all, as I arrived inside of the house, my only mission was to find, Dad. I was feeling ready to confront him and ask about what I had seen.

But as I went upstairs, I heard grunting coming from his office. Opening the door slowly, I peeked inside to see something I had wished not to see. It was him with another woman, just as I had seen him before. They both kissed each other harshly, almost leaving me out of breath by seeing the sight.

I closed the door rapidly, running downstairs to bump onto, Mom. She smiled right when she saw me, but then her eyebrows frowned as soon as she noticed all of the tears rooming down my cheeks. Her palms grabbed my face quickly, pulling me outside of the house.

Part of me was glad that she did that, I wasn't ready to see her reaction. I didn't wanted to see her smile fade away when she sees her husband kissing another woman.

Susannah: "Sugar, what's going on?"

Her whole face had concern covering it, she rubbed my features gently as I sobbed.

Nova: "I'm just struggling with school, homework is hard right now." -I lied, scratching my neck nervously.

Susannah: "Oh darling, everything's going to be fine. I'm sure your Dad, can help you out." -she reassured, adjusting the bandana she had placed around her head.

Nova: "Dad's not home yet though, but I'll surely ask him when he gets back."

Susannah: "Of course, go find Conrad, he can also help out."

She smiled brightly, pushing me over to the garden's gateway that lead to the small park Conrad and I, were in before. I stopped my tracks completely, looking back to the woman.

Nova: "Okay...what are you gonna do?" -I asked, worried over her going upstairs.

She crouched down on the ground, grabbing some flowers that had fallen out of one of the garden's bushes. She smiled back at me, showing off the dried flower.

Susannah: "I think I'm just going to do some gardening for a little bit while I wait for your Dad, to get back home."

I nodded in agreement, running off to find Conrad, as quick as possible. I needed him to be the one to convince Mom, to go out somewhere. I didn't wanted this day to be ruined for her, she had a lot of bad days before this one over her chemotherapy sessions.

But just when I had found the boy and got back home, we both heard probably one of the worst things you can hear. It was Mom, but she was crying loudly and uncontrollably. I tried barging inside of Dad's office but Conrad, stopped me.

Susannah: "How could you do this to me?!" -she exclaimed, her sentence breaking over her crying.

Adam: "I'm so sorry Susannah, I don't know what came over me."

Susannah: "We're done. You need to get the hell out of this house...now!"

Conrad, grabbed my wrist aggressively, pulling me downstairs to head out of the house. I tried pushing his grip away from me but he was way too strong, he was hurting and so was I. But he hated being there, so if he couldn't be there...I also couldn't as well.

"End of flashback."

Laurel: "Nova, are you listening to me?"

I blinked a couple of times, glancing over to the woman, who only arched her eyebrows confused.

Nova: "Sorry, what?" -I asked, fidgeting with a ring that Mom, gave to me years ago continuously.

Laurel: "I said that you should go change your clothes, you're getting the whole floor and bed wet." -she chuckled, rubbing my back.

I looked down, realizing I was still wearing my swimsuit. And I was obviously wet as well and smelled like chlorine only.

Nova: "Sure, I'm really sorry. See you tomorrow?"

Laurel: "See me tomorrow." -she replied, chuckling after her comment.

Nova: "Good night."

Laurel: "Good night, honey." -she whispered softly, watching how I exited the room.

I stopped moving right when I shut the door behind me, closing my eyes as I still remembered everything else that happened.

Remembering how Adam Fisher, told me once himself while drunk, that I was his least favorite kid. All of our arguments after that one ended badly, and all of his apologies and promises never became true.

I had seen my whole entire family fall apart slowly and I'm still sort of seeing it, but this time with my found family. Does it terrify me? 100%.

End of chapter.

Sofia's notes:
New chapter? FINALLY. I hope y'all enjoyed this just as much as I did. Decided to do a lil flashback cause I needed to explain more about Adam and Nova's relationship. New chapter will be out as soon as possible!! I love you all sm, thanks for supporting me 🥹🫶🏼

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