"Being me can only mean feeling scared to breathe. And if you leave me, then I'll be afraid of everything."

MY EYES WERE ALREADY HURTING OVER MY PREVIOUS CRYING. I couldn't believe what I was told minutes ago, My body rested on Conrad's bed trying to calm down before heading downstairs again. He was right behind me throughout this, his arm hugging me tightly over him trying to comfort me.

Mom, had cancer again...she hadn't told anyone. Why? Why would she keep this a secret? This has been the reason why Conrad's been so distant and moody all the time...and we didn't realize the right way.

Conrad: "I'm sorry for keeping this from you, Nova." -he whispered, breaking into cries in between sentence.

I shook my head side to side, sitting down on his bed to breathe deeply.

Nova: "You don't need to apologize...you were just trying to keep mom's secret safe."

Conrad: "Yeah but I should be telling everyone here. Sooner or later they'll find out and it would break them."

Nova: "We can't! Mom, is just going to be sad." -I whispered, tying my hair up into a bun.

Conrad: "I just...I don't want to see everyone's faces when they find out."

Nova: "Me neither, but we have to stay strong for her. She doesn't want this to be out until further more, let's do this for her."

He nodded in agreement, once again having the same old saddened expression he has had for weeks now. I hugged him tightly, rubbing his back as soon as he started to sob again.

Nova: "We'll be okay." -I reassured, feeling how he nodded onto my shoulder.

I then heard what sounded like my name being called, I pulled away from the hug to take a better listen.

Belly: "Nova?! Ethan, is here!"

Nova: "Shit, I forgot." -I mumbled, facepalming myself after remembering.

I then also remembered I completely left Belly, probably waiting for me on her room. My eyes widened completely, turning to look at Conrad, completely horrified.

Conrad: "It's okay, go see what he needs."

I quickly stood up from his bed to make my way out of his room, running downstairs as soon as possible. But before I reached the hallway, I wiped my face as best as I could to avoid being seen with a saddened expression.

My hand reach for the stair's railing, helping me walk down easily to reach the hallway finally. Belly stood at the end with Ethan, as they both talked within each other in between laughter.

Ethan: "There you are! What were you doing?" -he asked, stretching his arms my way.

I smiled faintly, hugging the boy, back tightly.

Nova: "I was just helping Conrad, clean some stuff." -I replied, fidgeting around with my hands.

Ethan: "Oh, I'm sorry I forgot to call first. I can leave if you want me to?"

Nova: "No, it's fine! Come on, let's go get your stuff settled up." -I smiled, closing the door behind him.

I then turned around to face Belly, seeing how she beamed my way.

Nova: "I'm sorry for not heading to your room sooner."

Belly: "Hey, it's okay! Maybe we can do the sleepover in a bit? I think I'm going for a swim."

Nova: "Yeah, that's fine. I'll wait for you in my room with Ethan, okay?" -I requested, receiving a nod from her, then seeing how she walked off with a towel on her shoulder.

Both Ethan and I, looked at each other, proceeding to head upstairs quickly. I reached my room eventually, followed by the boy, who kept mumbling a song faintly.

Nova: "My room's cleaned up, don't mess anything up." -I demanded, pointing my finger at him.

He raised his hands up with a smirk, placing his backpack on the floor. I then watched how he took off his shoes, quickly walking to my bed to rest in it. My legs moved then to sit right beside him, beginning to look at my ceiling.

Ethan: "We're still going tomorrow to the tournament, right?" -he asked, hitting my arm gently with his elbow.

Nova: "Yeah, we are. Did you find a partner?"

Ethan: "I'm playing with a friend of mine, her name is Pearl, I think you'll like her." -he replied, smiling brightly my way.

I nodded in agreement, watching how the sun was already setting. My eyes darted towards the boy, smiling faintly at him which he quickly noticed and frowned his eyebrows.

Ethan: "What's up?" -he questioned, putting his hands behind his head.

Nova: "Want to take a nap?"

He chuckled after my comment, eventually agreeing and adjusting his way of resting. I also did the same, hugging the boy, quickly.

A couple of hours later, I woke up to the sound of my room's door being closed. The light was turned off by someone, I instantly questioned who it might've been but decided to stay in bed.

I then remembered Belly's words, this making me turn to see if it was already dark. It indeed was, I wasn't surprised to think Belly, was still in the pool. That girl, could swim for days in that pool and she wouldn't even notice. I stood up from my bed, putting on my sandals rapidly to make my way out of the bedroom.

As I made my way downstairs, the house was still pretty quiet. I guessed Mom and Laurel, hadn't arrived yet at home. Just remembering Mom brought back the news that Conrad, said to me earlier. I instantly stopped my tracks, taking a deep breath to hold in the nerve of crying again.

I continued to walk downstairs carefully, eyes looking around the space in search for Belly or Jeremiah, and I did find them. Except, they were both inside of the pool...kissing.

My eyes widened completely by the sight, they were making out with each other nonstop. I didn't wanted to interrupt them but at the same time I did. Was Conrad not meaning anything to Belly, anymore? Was she just like that going to forget about him?

Susannah: "Hi, honey."

I jumped up startled by the sudden voice, turning around to see Mom, smiling over to me. I quickly walked towards her, trying to find a way to not make her see Jeremiah and Belly, literally eating each other.

Nova: "Hey, Mom." -I smiled, grabbing her hand to pull her towards the stairs.

She frowned her eyebrows by my action, continuing to follow me still up the stairs. We reached my room, allowing me to open the door to pull her inside. Ethan, quickly woke up by the sound, staring over to us purely confused.

Susannah: "Oh, Ethan...hi." -she grinned, waving at him excitedly.

Ethan: "Mrs. Fisher, hello."

Mom, then glanced at me, frowning her eyebrows.

Susannah: "What do you need, honey?" -she asked, rubbing my cheek gently.

Nova: "I was wondering if you wanted to see a movie with us? We're gonna see "Clueless" one of your favorites." -I smiled, seeing her excited expression.

Ethan: "We are?"

Nova: "Yes." -I replied, giving him a smile that was pleading for him to shut up.

She quickly ran over to my bed, adjusting the blankets to handle one to, Ethan. This one who was still bewildered by everything happening. I then took a sit beside Mom, turning the tv on to search for the movie.

Nova: "Y'all ready?"

Susannah: "Always." -she replied with a grin, clapping her hands excitedly.

Eventually after being halfway through the movie, I noticed Mom and Ethan, were already asleep. I turned the tv off instantly, resting my body comfortably beside, Mom. My arm hugged her body completely, I wanted to hold onto her tightly. Just in case this was going to be one of the last times I got to do this with her.

A single tear flowed down my cheek just by thinking of that, making me stuff my face onto her back.
________________________________

Next Day.

I sat on the dining area with Ethan, while having breakfast silently. He was still pretty asleep even though he had slept the most yesterday, his eyes kept closing constantly. I had to save his head from falling inside his cereal plate four times already.

I heard a pair of footsteps approaching from behind me but I ignored it. Then I felt a hand gently place itself on my neck, suddenly getting my head pulled up. This making me meet eyes with Steven, who smirked at me. He placed a kiss on my lips, pulling away then to smile.

Steven: "Good morning, beautiful."

Nova: "Morning." -I smiled back, hearing a couple of coughs coming from beside me.

I looked to my right, seeing how Ethan, punched his chest continuously while choking onto his cereal. He then stopped, glaring over to us with widened eyes.

Ethan: "What the fuck?!"

Steven: "Man, are you okay?" -he asked, placing his hand on the boy's shoulder.

Ethan, flicked it away, opening his eyes even wider.

Ethan: "Since when did this happened?" -he questioned in a hurry, pushing his plate away carefully.

Jeremiah: "Since when what happened?"

We all stared at the kitchen's entrance in shock, spotting Jeremiah, observing us with crossed arms. He then noticed how Steven, was holding onto my neck, making his face expression change completely.

Jeremiah: "Uhh...what's going on?" -he asked, pointing at us.

Ethan, looked over to me with widened eyes. Noticing how I was actually nervous to tell the truth to, Jeremiah. He then glanced back, smiling brightly towards the boy.

Ethan: "They're showing me how to flirt with people. I'm gonna go on a date with someone soon." -he lied, receiving frowned eyebrows from, Jeremiah.

Jeremiah: "Really?"

Ethan: "Yeah."

Nova: "Is that...a problem?" -I asked, feeling Steven's hand moving away from my neck.

Jeremiah: "It's just weird seeing you guys like that, that's all."

We nodded awkwardly in agreement, later seeing how Jeremiah, clapped his hands while entering the kitchen. He grabbed a box of cookies, soon after serving himself some milk.

Nova: "Hey, have you seen, Belly?" -I questioned, seeing a smile beam on his face.

Jeremiah: "She's upstairs getting ready for the tournament, y'all should start getting ready too."

Ethan, stood up quickly from his chair, placing the plate he was using on the sink.

Nova: "I can clean that up."

Ethan: "No it's fine, I'll do it. Start getting ready, okay?"

I nodded in agreement, standing up from my chair to smile over to Steven, as I walked off. I then met eyes with Jeremiah, again and only received grinned eyes from him. I walked away quickly after that moment, heading upstairs to arrive over to my room.

I grabbed the first clothes I found available, going for some black shorts that were accompanied with a pink crop top. My shoes being a pair of sneakers that used to be Mom's when she was in high school. I then did my makeup pretty quickly, finishing eventually with my hair.

A knock gained my attention making my eyes dart towards the entryway of my room. I then spotted Conrad, smiling towards me.

Nova: "Hey, how was work?" -I asked, applying sunscreen on my face gently.

Conrad: "You know it's not work, right?"

Nova: "It technically is...he pays you."

Conrad: "He doesn't, I told him not to." -he replied, placing a headband on my head, this one rested on my vanity earlier.

I chuckled, taking it off instantly. I then glanced up at him, noticing his eyes being puffy. I grabbed his face quickly, rubbing my finger against his eye bag confused.

Nova: "Were you crying?" -I asked, making him glance down embarrassed.

He nodded without exchanging any words, making me pull him into a hug softly.

Nova: "What's wrong?"

He pulled away from the hug to brush his hair back, later on staring at me with a slight smile.

Conrad: "Nothing...I just kinda opened up to Cleveland, about stuff." -he explained, smudging some of the sunscreen better than I did.

Nova: "Did it feel good?"

Conrad: "Yeah...it felt easier."

Nova: "I'm proud of you." -I smiled, placing my hand on his face.

Conrad: "Thank you, sunshine." -he grinned my way, putting the headband on my hair once again.

He then walked away from me, arriving over to the door.

Conrad: "Keep it on." -he ordered, pointing at me with grinned eyes as I was about to take it off again.

Nova: "What? Why?"

Conrad: "It looks cute on you, duh?"

I laughed again, watching him leave my bedroom completely. I did as he told me to, grabbing my backpack filled with books just in case I got bored at the tournament. Soon after, I left my room and stumbled across Taylor and Belly, that were also heading out of the brunette's bedroom.

Taylor: "Hi, Nova." -she smiled awkwardly, reminding me of the last time we talked.

I smiled back, embracing the girl, into a quick hug.

Nova: "Hey, it's good to see you back."

Taylor: "Yeah, are you playing today?" -she asked, readjusting the cap she was wearing.

Nova: "No, I don't really feel like it. But, Ethan's going to play today with a friend of
his."

Taylor: "Is he still here?" -she asked, looking inside my room.

Nova: "No, he left a couple of minutes ago to get something at his house."

Taylor: "Oh okay, I guess we'll see him at the court." -she smirked, later on waving behind me.

I turned around to spot Steven, approaching our way with a smile. He placed his hand on my waist once he arrived near us, making me glance up at him confused. Belly and Taylor, both seemed shocked over the boy's action.

Belly: "What's...going on?" -she asked, scratching the back of her head awkwardly.

Seeing Belly's reaction to our contact made me feel scared to know what she thought about us. I pushed Steven's hand away, seeing how he frowned his eyebrows bewildered.

Nova: "Nothing...Steven's just being flirty as usual." -I replied, smiling at the girl, reassuringly.

I then stepped away from the boy, as the girls nodded slowly.

Nova: "I'll see you girls later, I gotta go already since Mom, wanted to get to the court early to meet the judges."

Belly: "Oh, okay...see you soon." -she smiled, waving over to me as I walked off.

I headed downstairs feeling horrible for what I had done, but I honestly didn't felt ready to tell everyone that me and Steven, were a thing. I mean, were we a thing? He hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend, yet. But we've kissed each other already too many times.

Susannah: "Are you ready to go?" -she asked, suddenly interrupting my thoughts.

I glanced up with a smile, nodding in agreement with her question. She then looked around the space, suddenly opening her eyes widely.

Susannah: "I forgot to fill the cooler!"

Her features changed into a stressed one, as her hands shook uncontrollably. I instantly worried, stepping closer to where she was standing.

Nova: "Oh no, do you want me to go do it?" -I asked, arriving where she was at.

Susannah: "No, no, no. I'll do it, wait for me in the car."

Nova: "Mom, it's fine...I can do it."

Susannah: "I said no!" -she exclaimed, covering her mouth quickly as soon as she realized her mood swing.

Her eyes darted towards me, instantly filling with tears. This rapidly making me walk towards her.

Nova: "Hey, it's okay...don't be sad." -I chuckled, hugging her gently.

I knew Mom, usually got stressed out with herself pretty quickly. But, this mood swing wasn't just because of stress...it was because of her cancer. She would usually get moody when she first got diagnosed with breast cancer, we got used to it pretty quickly. Now the same it's happening, except she doesn't know we know...well, some of us.

Susannah: "Go to the car, honey." -she smiled softly, pushing me towards the door gently.

Nova: "Are you sure?"

Susannah: "Yes, I'll be there in a bit."

I nodded defeatedly, heading outside with no other choice. My hand reached for the car's door handle, opening it quickly to get inside. I couldn't hold it in anymore, my eyes burned due to all the tears I was holding in over that moment. I covered my mouth to sob onto it loudly, my chest only hurting over it.

I felt so afraid currently and all I had been doing was hiding it. I wondered how Conrad, did it? I mean, how does he do it? Cause this is for sure the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

My eyes observed my reflection on the small car mirror in front of me, noticing how my mascara was already smudging over my crying. I wiped my face with my bare hands, taking deep breaths to prevent myself from breaking into sobs again.

Then suddenly, the other door opened.

I looked to my left, sighing after seeing it was Steven, entering the vehicle. He then glanced towards me, having the biggest expression he could ever have...this one being serious.

Steven: "What's going on?" -he asked, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

Nova: "I'm sorry, Steven."

I closed my eyes as I spoke, feeling completely angry at myself for probably hurting the boy's feelings.

Steven: "You don't want to be wi-"

Nova: "Yes! I do...I want to be with you." -I quickly said, rubbing my temples out of frustration.

Steven: "Then why are you hiding our relationship?"

I took a couple of seconds to answer, looking around for answers of that question. I knew the reason but I didn't know how the boy, would react once I said it out loud. He grabbed my hand tightly, turning my face to look at him.

Steven: "Tell me." -he whispered, rubbing my chin with his thumb.

Nova: "I'm just scared."

His eyebrows raised up while his other features just grinned confused. He then placed his hand fully on my cheek gently.

Steven: "Scared of what?"

Nova: "It doesn't matter, Steven."

Steven: "It matters to me, Nova." -he claimed, letting out a sigh.

I stayed quiet after his comment, suddenly finding my ring interesting over how awkward I felt at the moment.

Steven: "Please, tell me what's going on, love?"

The word "love" suddenly made me glance over to him, instantly making me face heat up. The word love made me love him even more, cause that's the power that guy has over me. And I'll say it as many times as I can, it's just the simple truth.

Steven: "Nova?"

Nova: "I don't know! I just feel like our siblings won't accept our relationship. I mean, did you saw Belly and Jeremiah's faces today?"

Steven: "Yeah?" -he replied, seeming lost over my question.

Nova: "They just seemed weirded out by us acting like that with each other. I don't want them to feel like that...I want everyone to act the same way we always have."

Steven: "Well this is our relationship...not theres. If they don't like it, they can't have an opinion on it." -he spoke, smiling reassuringly at me.

Nova: "Relationship?"

Steven: "Yeah...you're my girlfriend."

Nova: "It didn't felt like I was." -I whispered, feeling his hand rubbing my hair.

Steven: "Well, I'm sorry if this is the worst place to ask you this but...will you be my girlfriend and future wife?"

Nova: "Stop." -I laughed by his last comment, hearing him laughing as well.

Steven: "Sorry."

Nova: "It's fine...and yes. Of course I do!"

I smiled while rolling my eyes, feeling how he poked my cheek softly in between laughter.

Steven: "Look at me." -he mumbled, placing his hand on my tight then.

I did as he said, suddenly getting pecked on the lips by him. He then quickly headed out of the car, bumping onto Mom, who just stared at us with her mouth opened widely.

Mom: "I didn't see anything." -she chuckled, making Steven's cheeks go red instantly.

I covered my face out of embarrassment, hearing how the blonde one, entered the vehicle and laughed continuously.

Susannah: "Y'all are so cute." -she stated, making me smile over to her nervously.

Nova: "Yeah...we are."

She then started the engine, beginning to drive off as Steven, waved towards us. I waved back at him, seeing how Mom, carried a bouquet of flowers on the back sits. This only making me look back at her bewildered.

Nova: "What's that for?"

Susannah: "Those are for the second winners, why aren't you playing today?" -she replied, practically changing the topic.

Nova: "I don't know...I guess I don't really feel like volleyball is my thing."

She nodded with my reply, handling me a piece of gum from her purse. I replied with a "thank you" watching the beautiful houses on the neighborhood as I placed the gum inside my mouth.

Susannah: "Is Ethan, playing today?"

Nova: "Yeah, he found a partner. He called her his friend but I think they got something else going on." -I mentioned, seeing Mom, turning to look at me confused.

Susannah: "Isn't Ethan, gay?"

Nova: "He's bisexual, but he's more into guys."

Susannah: "Oh...I didn't knew that." -she replied, while flashing me a smile.

Nova: "He used to have a crush on me but he later stopped when he met, Conrad."

Susannah: "He had a thing for, Conrad?" -she asked instantly, making me chuckle.

Nova: "He had a thing for the three Fisher siblings, I guess you can say we got the best genes ever."

She rolled her eyes in between laughter, hitting my arm slightly.

Nova: "But yeah he liked Conrad, at first. But then he fell in love with Jeremiah, until present time."

Susannah: "Does Jeremiah, like him?"

Nova: "He dumped him. That's why Ethan's probably going out on dates with the girl, he's playing today."

Susannah: "That's sad...but at least he didn't make that end their friendship." -she mentioned, pulling up in front of Ethan's house.

She pressed onto the car's honk, waiting for the boy, to exit his house. An instant later, the pink haired boy was coming out of his home accompanied by a familiar girl. I opened my eyes widely, pulling my seat down to avoid the pair from seeing me.

Nova: "Mom, drive off!"

Susannah: "What? Why?"

Nova: "That girl...that's, Pearl Martin!" -I exclaimed, covering my face out of embarrassment.

Mom, smiled after my sentence, obviously oblivious of what I was just trying to remind her. Her eyes then shined brightly, darting towards me quickly.

Susannah: "Wasn't she your friend?"

Nova: "Yes! She dated Jeremiah too, Mom!" -I explained, making her eyes open widely.

The door opened soon after that, making me close my eyes shut completely embarrassed.

Pearl: "Hi, Mrs. Fisher." -she greeted, later on tapping my shoulder.

I looked back awkwardly, smiling at the girl, that grinned back at me happily. Her attitude caught me by surprise, I was expecting her to act salty with me.

Pearl: "Hey, Nova." -she smiled, waving at me from her sit.

Nova: "Hi, Pearl."

Ethan: "Y'all know each other?" -he asked, putting his seatbelt on.

We both stared at each other almost reading our minds, eventually looking at Ethan, again.

Nova: "We have...history."

End of chapter.

Sofia's notes:
I'm just a couple of chapters left to finish act one, and I can't believe it 😭 I've had sm fun writing this book that tbh writing act two first before writing act 2 of I hate you, I love you seems very tempting.

Which one do y'all think I should do first? Act 2 (I hate you, I love you) or act 2 (Hey, Steven) let me know!!

See you soon!!

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