If one could see the light of the soul, the cityscape would be as the star-lit black heavens, be it day or not.

Whenever I felt lost, lonely, upset, or all the above, I would climb the mountains deep in Long Island until I got a view of the surrounding city. But since we weren't in my home state, I had to settle for a different view. Thankfully, in California, there were endless trails to choose from.

The sky was lit with stars, which gleamed down on the restless city that was exploding with vigor and excitement. A feeling I missed desperately right now. Fast cars whizzed past, and looked like tiny specs, while people on the streets darted around like ants. There was something peaceful about looking down at such a sight and seeing so many lives at once.

Volcano.

That's what I was. I waited days for my feelings to pile up into balls of fury until it was ready to burst. It wasn't on purpose. A volcano never exploded on purpose, it just happened. But I thought was fine. I thought I could handle seeing my father's face in the casket. But I couldn't.

My thoughts were like a fast-forwarding movie. It wouldn't last long enough on one thought before bouncing onto another.

Davina was right. I shouldn't have done the eulogy. I wasn't ready, mentally. Once I stood up on the podium, all my thoughts vanished and my eyes focused on this shadowy figure in between the two rows. It was my father. Or so I thought it was. Like always, I got tongue-tied at the sight of him and disoriented from the feeling of relief invading my chest.

Until it disappeared, along with the shadowy silhouette.

I'm going insane. Gosh, I'm such an asshole. I spent years judging Declan for treating Lana horribly when I wasn't valuing my girl, who stayed by me regardless.

I don't deserve her.

She's doesn't deserve this treatment.

Overall, out of all the emotions coursing through my body, repent was easily the top one. When I get my shit sorted out, I had to make it up to Davina. If she still wanted to be with me. I wouldn't blame her if she wanted to go back to being friends, even if the single thought caused my heart to hit the floor like a sack of bricks.

Please wait for me, D... I promise I'll fix everything. Once I figured out what has me acting like this.

My head cocked up at the sound of leaves crackling. From the lack of sleep for being awake almost twenty-four hours, I couldn't make out the faint figure walking my way. It wasn't until she was two feet away from me I noticed who found me.

Before escaping to my replacement sanctuary, I left a note on the refrigerator with clues about where I would be. Just in case, I get lost in the view and forgot about all the problems waiting for me at home. Honestly, once the twelfth hour hit, I wanted to go home, but I couldn't find the strength to use my legs.

Probably because I deserved to shiver in the cold until it made up for the way I treated everyone.

She wandered closer, tying her long brown hair into a low ponytail with her bangs obscuring her gaze. Using her elbow, she dried up the weeping waterworks coming from her big hazel eyes. She looked exhausted. Against my will, my heart jumped like it always did when she entered the room.

But it was different.

My heart didn't beat frantically in my ribcage like when I was with Davina. But it picked up a notch nonetheless, throwing my emotions through another whirlwind of confusion.

"Hey," she whispered, taking the spot by me on the ledge of the mountain.

I softly smiled, turning my gaze over to the cityscape. "Hey, Lana. I thought you would be the one to crack the riddle. I'm surprised it's only you."

Lana sighed. "Yeah, everyone thought it was a better idea if we went around looking on our own. So we could minimize the places you could be. Though I knew the second, I read your riddle where you would be hiding."

I shook my head, confused. "Then why not tell anyone?"

"Because you wanted to be alone... I thought maybe I could share some advice before throwing you to the wolves," Lana explained, kicking her feet back and forth.

I chuckled, lightly. "Thank you."

Lana slowly nodded her head. "So you haven't brought Davina there yet?"

My ghost of a smile faded. "I wanted to... We've just been so busy filming and dealing with shit like this. I plan to show her if she's willing to stay with me."

Panic shot my arm as Lana pinched me. "Dummy. Of course, she's going to stay with you. She's been crying since you left her at the funeral. We couldn't get her to eat or sleep or anything, really. She's determined to find you."

Warmth filled my heart for a second. "Yeah, she's stubborn like that..." I dragged both hands over my scalp, fighting the urge to strangle myself to death. "Fuck man. I hate myself for treating her like that. I should've never projected my anger onto her. She deserves better, Lana."

Lana giggled. "You're right."

I glared at her.

Her brown doe-eyes widened. "What? You said it. I just agreed. Ambrose." Her hand gripped mine tightly, her touch radiating up my body. "None of us blamed you for acting out. I know in your eyes you think you disrespected Davina and, in a way, you did. But it wasn't you who was talking, it was all the pressure and frustration you've been feeling. You lost your father Ambrose whether you consider him your father or not. He's gone."

My face collapsed. The sting in my eyes was unbearable. My throat squeezed shut. I guess that's what I've been avoiding the truth. The fact that my dad wasn't coming back and the ache in my chest grew worse.

I lost it.

Finally, after a week of finding out about his death, I lost it. I bawled like an honest-to-God baby, right there in front of Lana. She froze. Only for a moment, and then she sprung forward and placed her arms around me. She trapped me in a hug I couldn't escape from, a solid wall of comfort I find myself sagging into.

I'm so goddamn embarrassed, but I couldn't fight the tears anymore. I held them back for so long; I wondered if they would ever stop. Holy hell, I'm a mess.

I'm a total fucking mess.

My lips quivered. "What's wrong with me?"

Lana choked out a sob. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You're angry and you're sad."

I cursed in frustration, roughly dragging my hand down my chin. "That was supposed to be my night. I'm with Davina, happy and living life to the fullest. I couldn't be any happier than everything crashed and burned. Why? Why did this happen?"

Lana shrugged, remaining quiet for a second. "Do you remember the story when my mom died?"

I nodded, slowly. "It was on Christmas, right?"

She dabbed the tissue on her cheek. "Yeah, I remember like it was yesterday. I woke up on Christmas day in the hospital. I remember my parents hinting at purchasing me a Nintendo DS that year. So when I woke up I was so freaking excited, jumping up and down the hallways until my dad sat me down on a bench and told me."

"In the hallway?"

"Yeah." Her face contorted into a pained expression. "I was so mad."

"Because she died?" I replied.

A slight giggle tickled her throat. "No. Because I wouldn't be able to open my gifts. I really wanted to play with that freaking Nintendo DS... Gosh, I was such a brat."

Using my pointer finger, I wiped the tears dripping my cheeks. "It's a really fun toy when you're a kid."

"Exactly!" Lana agreed, a small smile reaching up to her eyes. "It wasn't until late at night when I got gum stuck in my hair that I went searching for my mom. Then it hit. That... that she was dead."

Rage and sadness coursed through my veins. It was impossible to decipher which one consumed my body more. Confusion clouded my thoughts every time I thought about my father. Tears pricked my eyes as the scene played over and over again in my mind, every tortured second of it.

"Before my dad died... I wanted him gone." My voice crumbled, making me sound like a weak child, but haven't I always been one? "So why am I crying now that he is?"

With a trembling hand, Lana hooked her index finger under my chin and forced my head up. "Because you love him. Because even after every beating, you hoped and prayed that one day he would change. And now you have no hope left..."

My lips quivered. "I don't know why I still do... Even after he punched me outside the restaurant, I really thought I didn't care about him anymore. How could you care about someone that abused you?"

Lana shrugged, a strained laugh escaped from her throat. "Why do people stay in abusive relationships? Sometimes I think people stay in them because they think they deserved to be abused, but I want you to know Ambrose, you didn't. Once you take away all the horrors, underneath stood a man who you called Dad. He didn't treat you like a son, but I think regardless, you loved him anyway. Because that's just the person you are."

Pain radiated through my chest like I'd been shot, shattering everything inside me and leaving nothing behind but broken remains of the organ. It was the truth. No matter how many times my father beat me to a pulp, I would've been there by his deathbed. I would've held his hand, the hand that bathed my skin in blood.

It was unfortunate.

But these were the card I was dealt with.

Using the back of my hand, I rubbed my eyes until I saw black and white spots. "Thank you for helping me figure out what had my mind all fucked up."

"I'm glad I could be of some help. I felt horrible for neglecting you when you were going through this..." Her voice cracked on those last words, and so did my heart.

I let out a shaky breath and said, "Are you crazy? You have shit to worry about, like school. I can't expect everyone to drop their lives because I'm going through something."

"Isn't that what best friends are for?" Lana's mesmerizing, enchanting hazel eyes pooled with tears. The guilt was eating her up.

Nine years ago, when Lana invited me to her lunch table and defended me against the Hockey team that loved bullying me, I noticed how big her heart was. It wasn't the day I fell in love with her, but it infiltrated the gaping space my parents left. Lana's determination and empathy shaped her into the person she was today.

And just for a second, I got lost in her eyes and leaned forward.

Lana gasped, turning away before my lips could make contact with hers. My lips grazed against her cheek, instantly regretting my stupid, stupid, stupid, impulse.

"What the hell are you doing? I'm married! And you're with Davina!" She jumped from her spot, pacing around back and forth. "She's basically one of my best friends. How am I supposed to face her after this? Why would you want to hurt her like this?"

My heart felt like it was lodged in my throat. "I don't want to hurt her! Fuck man, I don't know what I was thinking."

"That's because you weren't thinking at all." Lana flicked the back of my head with her fingers.

Why did I just do that? Why did I have the sudden urge to kiss Lana? Lana would always be an important person in my life, but she didn't own my heart anymore. Davina did. Or at least I thought she did until I just tried to lock lips with my best friend. Does that mean I still loved her or it was just in a moment thing?

For the first time, I regretted having Lana here.

My body flowed with a trace of discomfort. "You're right, I wasn't."

"You're an idiot." Lana frustratedly groaned, tugging at my earlobe. "You better tell her, or I will."

Did she seriously just call me an idiot? I know I was being one, but she never called me that before. Lana knew how deeply wounded that word always left me. Was this really Lana in front of me?

"Jesus!" I swatted her hand away from my ears. "Can you stop badgering me like a cop? I wasn't planning on keeping it a secret. She has every right to know what I tried to do. What kind of person do you think I am?"

Lana pursed her lips. "Well, I thought you were a good person before you tried lip-locking with me. Do you even understand the full scale of your actions? Davina knows you used to care about me. How do you think she's going to feel about this incident? I tell you what heartbreak because she so obviously loves you and you basically cheated on her with your 'ex '" Lana formed finger quotes. "Girlfriend."

A sharp burning traveled through my veins at the truth. I buried my face in my hands, hoping to disappear into oblivion for putting Davina through all this agony. "Can you stop lecturing me? I know I fucked up badly. I'm going to tell her the truth, then beg until my knees bleed for her to give me another chance.

"Of course, she's going to give you another chance. Like I said, she's in love with you," Lana murmured. The wind whistled at the sounds of branches snapping against the friction.

I'm sick to my stomach.

I didn't want to hurt Davina.

The very thought sliced through me, cutting deep and letting the thick red blood drip until there was no more. But yet, I did the unthinkable. I opened up to Lana instead of my girlfriend. I tried to kiss another girl that wasn't my girlfriend. A part of me wished I was drunk and could blame it on external things, but this was all me.

Her blue-green eyes were bloodshot, probably from all the crying, until they widened when meeting mine. "Ambrose!"

She leaned forward and hid her face in my neck, hugging me tightly. My palm slid to her nape, pressing her deeper into my body, and Davina stood there for long minutes, crying warm tears into the flesh of my throat. Proving her warmth was incomparable to anyone else's. I'm starting to think Lana was right.

Maybe Davina was in love with me.

"Let's all go get some dinner... The love bird needs some time alone," Lana stated, sending an irritated glare at the end of her sentence.

"You're probably right," Catalina breathed heavily, struggling to get up from the couch on her six-inch stilettos.

"Let's go before they start ripping each other's clothes off," Meadow dramatically gagged, placing both hands around her neck.

A laugh bubbled out of Davina, wet and not wholly under her control. "We aren't going to sleep with each other. Please, just stay here. I'll whip up something for dinner."

"No! No!" Lana shouted, causing everyone to stare at her like she had five heads. "I mean no because you haven't gotten much sleep. We shouldn't burden you with a meal. Besides, I think you guys should catch up." She couldn't be any more obvious that something was up with the way she dragged Declan by his sleeves.

"I guess we're going." Declan shrugged.

Meadow and Catalina followed behind, walking at a far slower pace because of the fact that Cata was pregnant. It should be illegal to walk around with a pregnant belly in the biggest heels I've ever seen.

"Where did you go?" Davina asked, her eyes darting.

"By the Hollywood sign," I replied, earning a concerned tangle of the brows from her. "Sometimes when I was younger, when the beating and fighting got too much, I would go deep into this forest in my hometown until I could stare at everyone on the bottom. I thought since I felt so angry, so sad, so lost, that finding a replacement for that place might help."

My thumb swiped across her cheekbone, stopping a falling tear. "How did Lana know where to find you?"

"I-I took her there when we dated," I revealed, watching her gaze drop. "I wanted to take you there, but everything went down and we just didn't have the time."

Davina flashed a pained smile. "You don't have to explain yourself like you did something wrong. Lana is someone important to you. It makes sense why you would bring her there."

My thumb stroked her cheek as she leaned into my hand. "D, you're just or even more so important than her. You know that, right?"

A deep sigh left her lips. "I do."

"Go-."

"But usually when people say that it's because they have done something they regret... Did something happen out there?" Her aquamarine irises pierced through mine with a tortured gleam.

My heart bounced to the sound of an alarm. "Lana and I were talking about what my feelings meant. It was a pretty earth-shattering discovery that I wished I shared with you instead. But I'm done talking about it and I'm willing to rant for hours about everything."

"You're stalling."

Puzzlement washed over my face. "Huh?"

"Just tell me already. I could tell from your eyes and how uneasy your voice has been since you got here. I'm a big girl, bean sprout. I can handle whatever you throw at me." Agitated faltered her tone.

"While Lana and I were talking... Um... I don't even know how to explain it. But to get straight to the point, I tried to kiss her..." I whispered the ending.

Davina took a deep, shaky breath and sank her teeth into her lip before making the first move... away from me.

"Please say something..." I murmured, the three words lingering between us.

"I-I don't know what to say..." Davina squared her shoulders and held her head high, but her lips betray her, quivering even as she sunk her teeth into the tempting flesh. "So, does that mean you still love her?"

Did I love Lana? It was a question that's been plaguing my mind the entire ride home. I do love her. As a friend. Or so I think? My love for her blurred the boundaries between friendship to romantic and I couldn't tell the difference anymore. But there was one thing I knew tonight, and that was Davina.

I wanted to wake up beside her.

And go to sleep next to her.

Hold her until her touch becomes engraved in my skin, so whenever we were apart, I still felt like I was with her.

I sighed. "Yes." Shit! "Wait, no. I mean, fuck. I do love her, but I don't love her. She's my best friend and she will always have a place in my heart, like Meadow and Catalina. I don't know why I tried to kiss her. I can't even make up a shitty excuse even on the drive here, but I do know I want her as my best friend. Only as my best friend. Nothing more."

Stepping towards Davina, I cradled her face between both my hands and lean down till we were nose to nose. "D, I'm sorry for treating you less than you deserve. I shouldn't have lashed out at you. I shouldn't have pushed you away and opened up to another girl. But most of all, I'm so fucking sorry for even thinking for a second to kiss someone who isn't you.

Do you think there's still a chance for us?"

My eyes silently pleaded with her, begging her to give me one last chance. She owned the organ underneath my ribcage, and if she walked it away, she would take it with her. I wouldn't even blame her.

I rested my forehead against hers, breathing her in while my hold on her face tightened. "I'm so sorry. I promised to treat you better than Colton, but here I am, following his footsteps. I spent months hating him, but I'm not anywhere better than he is. So please don't take into consideration that my dad died if you want to break u-."

My heart took off at a fast, pounding gallop.

She kissed me.

I should stop her. I really, really should. I don't deserve to be forgiven. But she's warm and soft and she smelt so good I can't fucking think straight. Her mouth moved eagerly over mine and I kissed her back hungrily, letting our tongue battle for dominance.

A whirl of horniess flushed down the toilet once she stepped back. "You are nothing like Colton. Or your Dad. You are my little bean sprout, who irritates the hell out of me, but I don't want to live a life with you, not in it."

I laughed. "This isn't fair. I don't even have a nickname for you."

She winked. "I bet I can get you to think about twenty in one minute."

Jesus.....Lord...

I'm a sucker.

Ambrose is the definition of an idiot right now. Do you guys think Davina should've forgave him? Or is this going to continue being a problem?

Love you guys and can't wait to read your comments💜💜💜!! They make me so happy