[just a stupid whiney thing you don't need to read this]

I've come to a realization recently.

I'm very sure some of you won't agree with this, but it is very true.

I'm never going to get love again.

not for a long time.

no hear me out, and I'll explain why.

first of all, I am in a very small school of around 120 people per class.

and about 98% are straight.

the only people I know in the lgbtq+ community in my grade or a few friends that probably don't want to date and that I don't want to date.

everyone in my grade thinks everyone is straight. we live in such a small school in such a small town that doesn't have much diversity, that it is assumed everyone is either male or female, straight, and religious.

and because of that reason I have no hope. for love. If there is no options..
there is no chance.

whenever I find out someone else has a crush on me, it's always after they've stopped having a crush on me and it's just kind of irritating.
like all on, I was so dumb to not notice any freaking signs.

so there is no way I'm going to get anyone from my school.

the teachers think you're straight.
the students think you're straight.

so you're straight.
and then guys like you and that's just awkward.

you know what that means also?

this bitch will never have any date to her prom ever, and will have to reject whenever a male asks her out.

and I'll be forced to watch all the cute couples kiss and hug and dance all night from a corner with my face stained with tears. and then I'll go outside. and then probably forced back inside and have a breakdown.

well haven't you dated a few people online? like penny and francesca?

surely you'll find someone there again!

no.
I won't.

"the distance is too much."

I've given up.
if it's going to hurt so much and never last,
why try?

the only hope have is that in the future she will still love be. if I make it to the future.

why would she? I failed her and let her down. I wasn't enough.
I don't know how I even found someone.. I'm so rude and ugly. why would you ever love me?
I'm not even worth anyone's time.

by the time I will have made it there.. she will have already found someone she going to stay with for the rest of her life.

well, by then, it's over. I'm done for. yet I'll still be happy for her.
that'll be the last straw.

...

... I don't even know why I'm thinking about the future.
I shouldn't.
I don't know how long it is I probably won't even make it to that point at this state.

I've gave up

.