#OfQuestionsAndReasons

"For life is laced upon with flawed perfection and chaotic beauty."

-x-

It's official: Riona Jayne "Jhing" Blanco abhor feeling nice.

She knew that a freaking nice feeling will turn everything upside down. And for the record, the universe proved her right. Again.

Everything felt light that evening? Nice, even? Well, curse that niceness feeling. The universe loathed every single fiber of her body it made her sick. So her plan to surprise-visit her family on Christmas? Ruined. Crashed. Burned like a bitch. Hindi niya matatapos ang deadline niya on time.

She dragged herself to office when she felt a little better. No Christmas spirit around their office lifted her mood kahit mahilig siya sa Holiday; the lights, design, and the Christmas songs made her dizzy.

Or maybe it was because the sneezing and coughing was crazy; her world was spinning like shit. Ang bagal ng progress niya sa manuscript editing. Hindi rin nakatulong ang panunukso ni July.

"Sabay talagang magkasakit?" she asked. "Scheduled? Nagkahawaan?"

Just like Jhing, Miko got sick too.

He was coughing and sneezing like a mad man, nabibigla ang ilan at tatawa dahil sa biglaang pag-ubo ni Miko. At ang gago lang, nagpapaka-basketball player na shinushoot sa trashcan ang tissue paper na ginamit.

Na pinapalakpakan ni Yayo kapag nashu-shoot.

When Jhing coughed, so did Miko which July made a big deal about.

"Duet pa talaga." Another laugh. "Nagpaka-romantic kayo nung umulan kaya nagkaganyan kayo, no? You can tell it to me. Spill the beans—" July was positive with the Miko-Jhing team dahil kalat na sa office ang 'hindi pala married si Miko. Walang sabit' part.

Jhing's version of 'saved by the bell' was Miss Zue. Thank God. Nag-announce ito ng Monito-Monita ng Book Team. Si Yayo ang nabunot ni Jhing, and Jhing was sure Miko didn't get her name. Nagpumilit kasi itong makipagpalit kay Facio – na tumingin sa kanya kaya pinanlakihan niya ng mata.

Jhing heard Facio said, "Sensya P're, magagalit sa akin pag pinagpalit ko."

Buti pa si Facio, marunong makiramdam.

Nagkalokohan nang malaman ang categories ng exchange gift for the week: Something hard. Something long. Something wet. Something sticky. Something hot. Something dirty. Something sexy.

"Something sexy? Swerte ng nabunot ko, ako makukuhang regal—" Biglang umbo si Miko.

Everybody laughed. Kung sa sinabi o sa ubo, no one knew.

The day continued normally – until Miko emailed Jhing the afternoon.

from: MJesus Crux < [email protected] >

to: Riona Jayne Blanco < [email protected] >

subject: ang pinaka importanteng email sa balat ng lupa...

Hi.

< Riona Jayne Blanco to MJesus Crux > Wow. Importante nga.

< MJesus Crux to Riona Jayne Blanco > Naman! Ako pa ba? Lahat ng sinasabi ko importante!

< Riona Jayne Blanco to MJesus Crux > Busy ako ano bang problema?

< MJesus Crux to Riona Jayne Blanco > Awtsu cold ni Jhing. . .

ಥ_ಥ

Kailangan ko lang nung instructions sa novella. Gagawa na ako ng study para sa illus pakita ko mamaya bago umuwi. panay email sakin ni Ms Stels crush na ata ako e pogi ko pa naman

Hay nako.

Pero nag-panic mode si Jhing. Masyado siyang na-consume sa mga nangyari the past week kaya nawala sa isip niya 'yon. She skimmed her novella. What to do? What to email back?

A few minutes, Miko emailed again.

< MJesus Crux to Riona Jayne Blanco > Jhing pls lang wag ka munang mahimatay sa kilig sakin mamaya na yan trabaho muna tayo.

Hehe ^__^v

She rolled her eyes, like the first time she read that line. Ugh. Everything was coming back again. Shit. Nag-isip siya ng reply, palusot or some sort.

< Riona Jayne Blanco to MJesus Crux > I'm not sure about this si Fall ang nagsabi sa akin kinukulit niya nga ako e. Anyway, sabi ni FALL: a girl and boy with their laptop, magkabaliktaran, pero hindi sila magkasama sa iisang lugar. They're both in their respective bedrooms.

With eyes closed, Jhing clicked send.

Gahd. How can sending email be this fatal? Sorry sa paggamit ng pangalan mo, Fall, Jhing thought. She went back to work, kept on repeating a paragraph she couldn't understand. Tae. Kinakabahan siya.

Then Miko replied. Jhing hesitated, and decided to read it.

< MJesus Crux to Riona Jayne Blanco > Copy.

Wow. Buti 'yun lang. . . not. Another email.

< MJesus Crux to Riona Jayne Blanco > Sigurado kang laptop gamit nung lalaki? Ayaw mo ng computer na may 21.5-inch monitor na slim and stylish? Asus tatak. Pinag-ipunan yun nung lalaki. Tsaka sure na bang kwarto? Madalas kasi nasa studio siya nagtatrabaho at nag-i-illustrate pag madaling araw ehh

Jhing was sure her name's etched in hell for cursing too much inside her head.

< MJesus Crux to Riona Jayne Blanco > kaya natin tong novella project! (ง ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)ง

Apir! (｡-_-｡ )人( ｡-_-｡)

Okay. She was done. Over.

RIP JHING.

She did not die, unfortunately, but she did her best not to get Miko to talk to her. Surprisingly, she succeeded. Para makaiwas sa overthinking, binalak ni Jhing tapusin ang manuscript editing sa bahay. But her laptop decided to be a bitch like hear throbbing head.

The laptop died. It freaking died on her with a 23-pages manuscript edit. UNSAVED. And the laptop couldn't resurrect.

Well, fuck it.

Jhing was on rage! Her throat was sore, nose still runny and gods, she was dying. No joke! Or maybe it was exaggerated a little. PERO KAHIT NA. Deadlines!

Natapos ang Monito-Monita nila – she gave and got decent gifts except the something sexy category: polaroid photo ni Miko na naka-pose as if seducing the camera ang binigay sa kanya.

On Friday, naiiyak na si Jhing dahil hindi pa rin tapos ang ineedit, and the year-end party was getting near. So she had an idea.

"Mag-all nighter po sana ako. Last manuscript na lang kasi 'yung ieedit ko, matatapos na ako sa deadlines," pagpapaalam niya kay Miss Zue. "Payagan niyo na ako—" She coughed. "Para sana diretso na pahinga ko, wala nang inaalala."

Miss Zue had no choice.

Uwian, nanatili si Jhing sa pwesto - diretso sa edit. Almost everybody bid their goodbyes until Miko sat next to her. Bigla niyang naalala 'yung picture ni Miko as something sexy. Jusko.

"Hindi ka pa uuwi?" he asked.

Umiling si Jhing.

"Bakit?"

Hindi na nakapag-concentrate si Jhing sa binabasa. She closed her eyes for a bit to take a rest. "Mag-overnight ako para matapos ineedit ko."

"Overnight? Dito?"

Kahit nakapikit, she wanted to roll her eyes. "Hindi. Doon."

"Grabe." Miko coughed. "Hindi ka pa kakain?"

"Mamaya."

But Miko couldn't understand 'mamaya'. Napadilat si Jhing nang hatakin siya ni Miko papuntang elevator, nakaabala pa sila dahil nag tug-of-war sila sa hallway.

"Ano bang problema mo?" Jhing asked they got in the elevator, annoyed.

"Kumain ka muna. 10 na oh. May sakit ka na nga hindi ka pa kumakain nang tama. Gusto mong maospital?" he said, his tone serious.

Gustong magmaktol ni Jhing but Miko had a point. She ate at Mcdo with Miko. Seryoso pa rin si Miko kaya medyo awkward para kay Jhing ang atmosphere. Pagtapos kumain, Jhing bought them sundae.

"Ano 'to?" Miko asked.

"Ice cream. Mukha bang french fries 'yan?"

Good. He laughed. Better.

They ate their ice cream in between coughs pabalik ng office. Para silang nagko-compose ng beatbox tapos ubo nila 'yung highlight.

"Iba pa rin talaga pag cornetto," Miko commented.

"Nagrereklamo ka ba?"

"Hindi ah!"

Jhing rolled her eyes. "Best part 'yung chocolate sa dulo."

"Oo!" Miko laughed, nasamid kaya umbo. "May sakit tapos kumakain ng ice cream? Ang number sign rebels natin, ah."

"Number sign?"

Miko smirked. "Hashtag. Hashtag rebels."

Jhing stared at Miko, thinking why the heck she was with him. Miko frowned and continued walking. Pagkaubos ng ice cream, diretso silang pumasok sa building, akyat ng elevator papuntang workstation ni Jhing sa office.

That's when it hit her.

"Bakit ka nandito?"

Miko looked around and at the clock: 11pm. The whole place was deserted, a few lights on – the rest – creepy.

"Ang tahimik pala talaga dito kapag walang tao, no?" Miko waited for Jhing's reply. But she just stared. Miko sighed and looked at the clock again. "Seen 11:11."

Jhing continued with her work while Miko started playing with his computer chair. Kung saan-saan ito nagpadulas, saying, "tagal ko nang gusto ma-experience 'to!"

Tinuon lalo ni Jhing ang atensyon sa ginagawa, and was stunned when a familiar song started playing. A The Script song from Miko's phone.

The two of them fell silent.

So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Although, her heart was far from calm.

"Naaalala mo 'yung sinabi mo sa akin sa bookstore nung nakaraan?" Miko asked. "Yung bakit gustong makapagpublish nung iba ng libro kahit hindi sigurado kung may bibili?"

Eyes still on the screen but her attention on Miko. "O?"

"Cold naman." Miko chuckled. "Narealize ko na baka hopeful sila." Jhing stopped from typing. "Di ba dapat bibilhin ko 'yung mga libro mo tapos sabi mo huwag kasi baka may bumili at makabasang iba? Baka ganun din sila. Umaasa kahit 1% lang."

Nilingon ni Jhing si Miko na tamad na nakaupo. She didn't expect that he'd remember that. "You see everything from the positive."

"Talent na rin siguro." He smirked. "Kaunti lang 'yung kayang maging positibo sa mundo."

"Yeah right." She rolled her eyes. "But those hopeful authors should fix their manuscripts before sending to us." She pointed at her screen. "May nakalagay pang author's note dito na pa-read at pa-follow sa manuscript niya! Dapat bago maging hopeful, tantanan nila katamaran kasi editor ako, hindi taga-bura ng author's note na copy pasted sa wattpad."

Miko laughed. Asar pa rin si Jhing.

"Na-miss ko 'to," he said, his voice was light.

Kumunot noo ni Jhing, pero tutok pa rin ang tingin sa manuscript. "Ha?"

"Ito. Tayo. Pag-uusap natin na parang dati lang," sabi nito. Muntik mabura ni Jhing ang buong manuscript sa narinig. Miko chuckled. "Chat lang dati pero ngayon—" Miko poked Jhing's arm. "—ramdam ko na lamig ng balat mo sa personal."

Jhing did not comment. What to say? She didn't know.

Mabuti na lang niligtas ng The Script ang awkward silence na naramdaman ni Jhing. Miko fell silent, but a few minutes - he yawned – which made her yawn too. Pagtingin sa oras, 1 na pala.

"Gaya-gaya 'to." He laughed, and then coughed. "Humikab lang ako, humikab ka rin?"

"Che."

"Le."

Jhing sneezed. Can't concentrate. 50 pages to edit! When will this end?

Nagulat siya, pero hindi pinakita, nang umalis si Miko. Suddenly, she felt cold and scared. Gusto niyang tanungin kung saan pupunta ito but her ego stopped her. Uuwi na 'yun. Bored na sa'yo, her mind said.

Fine. Better. Istorbo lang din ito sa pag-eedit niya, eh.

Ang tahimik ng paligid, but Jhing tried to ignore the eerie feeling. Nasa 25 last pages na siya when Miko walked towards her, a plastic of junk foods and drinks on his hand. Initsa ni Miko ang isang chichirya.

"Oh, kain." Binigay din nito ang inumin.

"Akala ko umuwi ka na?"

"Alam mo Jhing," he said and squeezed her shoulder. "Maraming namamatay sa maling akala."

"Hindi ko tinatanong."

"Aray. Enjoy ka sa pambabara, ah?" Nagbukas ng chichirya si Miko at inalok kay Jhing. Nang kukuha na si Jhing, agad nilayo ni Miko ang chichirya. "Mayroon ka di ba? Binigyan na nga kita kukuhanin mo pa sa akin. Ano na lang matitira sa akin kung lahat ng pagkatao ko kukuhanin mo?"

Ay ewan.

Kasabay ng tugtugang Us The Duo sa phone ni Miko, rinig ang pagnguya nila ng chichirya. It felt better, but their energy was draining, natahimik din si Miko. Paglingon ni Jhing, nakatulog na ang loko, uncomfortably sleeping on a chair

She shook her head, and continued with work.

Jhing's heart almost jumped out of her when Miko suddenly shouted, "POGI LANG AKO!" an hour later.

"Tangina?!"

Her poor heart ached.

"Woah." Miko gasped. "Grabe 'yung panaginip ko. Ikukulong daw ako dahil pinag-aagawan ako ng mga babae. Takte, nakakatakot. Tapos ikaw 'yung judge!"

Jhing did a face palm.

Miko laughed and whispered, "face palm in flesh." Lumapit ito and peeked at the screen. "Malapit na bang matapos? Maglaro tayo para magising ako."

"Mukha ba akong may time para maglaro?"

"Salitan tayo ng sampung tanong, walang mauulit." Miko ignored Jhing's comment. "Ako mauuna: Nagustuhan mo ba 'yung Something Sexy sa Monito-Monita?"

Napaka conceited talaga ng ugok.

"Oo. Sa sobrang gusto ko sinunog ko na."

"Hot kasi ako? Naks! Galing ng symbolism ah."

"I give up," Jhing whispered and shook her head.

"Ikaw, magtanong ka."

"Favorite color."

"Seryoso 'yan tanong mo?"

She looked at him. "Ikaw, 'yan na tanong mo?"

"Aba, gumagaling ka na talaga dito." He smirked.

Umirap si Jhing. Why must everything come back to those chat moments? WHY?!

"Blue minsan silver. May weird mannerism ka ba?"

Napaisip si Jhing sa tanong. "Hindi ko alam."

Miko smiled. "Kapag nag-eedit ka, kinakagat at binabalatan mo yung pang ibabang labi mo," he said and looked at her lips which made Jhing's heart fluster. She didn't notice that.

To change the topic, Jhing asked, "Favorite TV Show."

Tumawa si Miko. "Maniniwala ka ba pag sinabi kong O Shopping?"

"Yung nagbebenta?"

"Sa sobrang cool nung palabas na 'yun, kapag nag-aadvertise sila ng kutsilyo, parang gusto ko na rin magluto kahit hindi ako nagluluto. Tapos yung malakas na shower, parang ang sarap maligo pagnapapanood ko."

"Uto-uto ka talaga," Jhing commented. "Advertisement 'yun, nanloloko lang."

Miko shrugged. "Anong magagawa ko kung ang galing nila mag-advertise. Ikaw, anong paborito mong palabas?"

"Akala ko ba hindi pwedeng maulit tanong?"

"Akala mo lang 'yun."

Umirap si Jhing. "American series. GoT. Castle. Suits. Friends."

"Oh, may kopya ka ng mga 'yan? Panoorin ko rin."

"Ayoko nga. May bayad."

"Pagmamahal ko na lang."

It was a soft whisper, Miko made sure Jhing wouldn't hear it, but she did. He was smirking when he said it, siguradong nang-aasar. Or nag-jo-joke. Nothing to read more than that.

When the night got deeper, Jhing's questions did too as she continued editing. "Bakit nagtatrabaho ka rito?"

"Kinausap ako nung dating art director na baka gusto ko," Miko answered. "Sabi ko sa'yo eh, nagandahan siya sa drawing ko." Jhing didn't react. "Ikaw, bakit hindi mo kinakausap si Anna?"

"Anna? Sino 'yun?"

"Kapatid ni Elsa." He laughed. Umirap si Jhing. "Yung kapitbahay mo!"

Oh, 'yung nagbigay ng address. "Bakit ba?"

"Yan na tanong mo?"

"Oo."

"Grabe! Hindi man lang maayos na tanong?" reklamo nito. Jhing shrugged. Miko continued, "Hindi ka close sa mga tao. . ."

Jhing stared at the screen. "Ano na bang tanong mo?"

Miko sighed. "Bakit lagi kang tulala? Iniimagine mo ba ako?"

"Bakit ang daldal mo?" She arched a brow.

"Awtsu!" tumawa si Miko. "Bakit mo ako nireplyan noon?"

Nilingon niya si Miko. "Huh?"

"Nung una," he said. "Bakit mo nireplyan pangungulit ko?"

Her heart. . .a traitor.

"Kasi ang kulit mo, nang magtigil ka na."

"Pero hindi ako tumigil."

That was when Jhing noticed she bit her lower lip. Hiniling niya na sana mayroon pang chichirya para may excuse na hindi magsalita. "Kulit mo kasi."

Miko laughed. Her heartbeat was getting louder. After a few minutes of silence, he nudged her.

"Uy, ikaw na magtatanong."

Before she could stop herself, she asked, "Bakit mo ba talaga ako chinat noon?" She wanted to slap herself, pero nasabi na. But gahd, it was a question she was dying to ask.

With a grin, he answered, "Noong una nga para patunayan sa katrabaho ko na kakayanin kitang makausap. Tapos nung nagkaproblema ako tapos pinagaan mo loob ko. Dun. . .napasabi na lang ako, nako, crush ako ng babaeng 'to."

"Wow?"

Tumawa na naman si Miko. Naubo tuloy ulit. "Totoo 'yung sinabi ko! Ang galing kasi nag-alala ka pala."

"Whatever."

"Ako naman. Anong ayaw mo sa akin?"

"Ang landi mo."

"Aray!" Miko clutched his shirt near his chest. "Ang bilis nun ah?"

Another shrug from Jhing. "Kung hindi ka illustrator ngayon, anong nangyayari sa'yo ngayon?"

"Baka hindi tayo magkasama ngayon," he said. "Baka nasa isang sikat na architecture firm na ako. At baka ako ang maging Christian Grey ng Pinas. Hot bachelor billionaire."

Jhing stared at him with bored eyes too long that made Miko frown.

"Ako na ulit!" Miko said. Jhing waited as she typed in comments. "Hindi ba gusto mong love story yung from the past? Para may familiarity?" Jhing stared at him and realized what he said. Nanlamig ang kamay niya nang magtuloy si Miko. "Nasa present na tayo. Nasabi ko bang nag-time travel ako mula sa nakaraan?"

Nanikip ang dibdib ni Jhing. She couldn't move. They both stared at each other' eyes, both serious and tired, stuck at each other's stare. Jhing held her breath, as if she would die if she breathed the same air as Miko's.

"Jhing." Miko's serious voice made her force herself to not fucking cry in front of him. "Anong nangy—"

"Aga ng ganyan niyo ah."

They both looked at the guard who switched the lights on the whole office; a group of people entered the office with cleaning materials. Jhing looked at the clock, almost 5 in the morning already.

That fast?

Miko laughed and stood up. "'Tong si Manong oh, ang kalandian ay walang pinipiling oras." People who heard it laugh except Jhing. Nagpaalam si Miko na matutulog muna sa sofa lobby.

Her mind haywire; the straight lines got messed up inside her brain. Para siyang zombie habang nag-eedit ng last few pages. Miko's face repeated on her head, and his voice, and the way he asked – shit.

Do not cry. Do not fucking cry, Jhing.

Pagkatapos sa pag-edit, she closed her eyes and breathed. She was drained; both mentally and emotionally. Pagkarating sa lobby, she stopped on her track.

Nakahiga si Miko sa sofa lobby; his arm on his forehead, the other one on his stomach. His foot on the ground while the other is on the sofa, knee pointed upward, nakasandal sa gilid. Mukhang nag-pose pa ito bago pumikit at matulog.

Jhing's heart started beating fast again when she stared at Miko's closed eyes. She squatted to see him clearly, everything stopped. The pieces inside were breaking again. Anong nangyari? was his question.

He was her punishment.   

Ano nga bang nangyari? Jhing asked herself, trying to get herself intact. The past few months, she was sure she had concrete and reasonable explanation for herself . . . then he appeared, and she felt dumb. Confused. 

He made everything in her mind vanished. Forgotten. But she still felt her broken self inside.

Anong nangyari?

Bakit nga ba?

Napatayo siya bigla pagkadilat ni Miko, eyes red from sleeping. Dahil sa magazine model position, namanhid ang katawan nito.

Jhing didn't blink, afraid the tears would fall, and she didn't want it to happen. Nabobo ata siya sa pag-edit for almost 24 hours. Naguluhan siya bigla sa lahat. She kept on fixing the strap of her bag kahit walang dapat ayusin. 

"Buti nagising ka. Muntik na kitang iwan." She walked towards the elevator.

"Pero hindi mo pa rin ako iniwan." Miko followed her and went inside the elevator, both of them leaning on the wall. "Salamat." His voice was soft. "Sa hindi pag-iwan."

Jhing clutched her hand. She hated feeling nice. She hated herself.

Do not fucking cry.

_____

7 chapters to go! (23 chapters only, remember?)

Hi! September 2, 2015: 1st Anniversary ng AFGITMOLFM book release! And AFGITMOLFM was nominated in #FRCA15 under Young Adult Category! Kung nabasa niyo na sila ianne, nate at art and you think they deserve to be in the final 3 thingy - hihingin ko po sana ang boto niyo:

LINK: http://on.fb.me/1fV5ZBX

or LINK: http://tinyurl.com/AFG-FRCA15

or click external link (pilosopotasya page)

Every unique vote will be much appreciated. Goooddniiigghhhtt.