#BlastOfFeelings

"When one learned from mistakes, the inside will lift from drowning."

-x-

It was some sort of a guilty wish that Jhing wanted to be a protagonist of a drama in TV or movie. Nakakainggit kasi ang mga nasa palabas na parang walang ibang responsibilidad kaya maraming time magdrama, mag-revenge, manugod, mag-love life at mag-emo.

Unfortunately, Jhing couldn't do that.

She has bills to pay, attend to family needs and to live her own life.

Good thing though, hindi nanakit ang ulo niya sa mga manuscripts na ineedit. So far, the stories were great – may kaunting polishing pero ayos na rin. But the thing was, gumanda nga ang mga stories na ineedit, dumarami naman ang trabaho – kaya nang mag-birthday si Miko, ang kaya lang niya gawin ay mag-text.

Happy Birthday Miko! :)

Hindi siya sigurado kung ano tuloy ang mas masakit: the friend request still not accepted, the seen, or the cold reply.

Thanks.

Still, dahil nag-reply na, might as well abusuhin na.

Tinulungan mo raw si Tatay sa pagbili ng laptop? Sorry sa late na thank you! Sobrang nagagamit ko siya these past few weeks. Salamat talaga.

The excitement Jhing felt vanished when she read his reply.

Welcome.

She ignored the pain.

But how to ignore the pain when Halloween came? Jhing was clad in a red hood to imitate red riding hood. Mukhang dismayado pa si July nang magkita sila dahil first time ni Jhing umatted sa party, yet there she was, mukhang kumuha lang ng pulang kurtina at binalot sa sarili.

Kasalanan ni Jhing na naaala niya sa Baymax si Miko kaya imbis na matuwa tulad ng mga ka-officemate niya, she sat still habang nagtakbuhan ang ilan para yumakap sa nag-costume ng overall Baymax. He looked cute and round and ready to be hugged.

"Jhing!" tawag ni Yayo at tinuro ang yakap na si Baymax. "Si Baymax! Di ba gusto mo ng ganito? Tara!"

Hindi siya kumilos. Narinig niya ang ilan sa ibang department na na-a-amaze sa effort ng taong nag-costume ng Baymax.

Hinila siya ni Yayo palapit dito. She stared at Baymax's eyes while her heart pounded in her chest. Her mind started to work again, thinking the person inside the costume may be him pero ito na naman siya. . .nag-eexpect.

"Hug mo na!" July insisted. "Baka gumaan loob mo sa hug!" Hinila-hila pa nito ang Baymax. "Dali, hug mo na siya," sabi nito sa Baymax.

The person inside of Baymax didn't speak or even made a noise.

Lumayo ang ibang yumakap kay Baymax. It opened its arms, wide enough for Jhing to fit in the embrace. Jhing clutched her hands and walked towards Baymax and embraced it, round and soft and warm.

Gusto niyang maiyak.

She wanted to hug him tighter, depend on him, say sorry over and over again, but the hug she expected to last longer didn't happen. Ang tao sa loob ng Baymax na kasi ang kumalas sa yakap at naglibot, palayo sa kanya, and exited the function room after.

The Baymax and the hug didn't sit well for Jhing.

Kaya kahit na-hype ang emotion niya nang mag-announce si Miss Mary Zue, "Star V CineFilms have chosen their top three novella finalist. Maglalaban ang mga novella via trend voting in twitter after the release. The most trended Novella will get the movie deal that will be released next year," at sa mga sinabi, kasali ang kanya, "You Had Me At Seenzoned by Jhing Blanco," ay hindi niya magawang maiyak sa galak at tuwa.

Finalist lang, option pa rin.

But Jhing didn't mind as she went out to look for the Baymax. But he was gone already.

She should have said no in the first place. Dapat nagmukmok na lang siya mag-isa sa apartment, o kaya nag-isip kung paano mapa-trend ang Novella niyang true to life para manalo kaysa sumama sa Anawangin escapade when November came.

Jhing accepted Fall's offer to unwind for a bit, forget the problems at hand for a day or two, not knowing that Miko was there, too.

The first time she saw him after a few months, the bags under his eyes were evident and the stubbles were still there. There's familiarity but different in his eyes. Nakangiti ito sa kanilang lahat – hindi lang sa kanya. His eyes were avoiding hers after their first smile na nagulat pa sa isa't isa.

Ang awkward tuloy ng byahe sa van.

Nagpanggap siyang tulog kahit gusto niya makisali sa usapan ng kapwa authors kasama sila Miko at Facio. Hindi rin sila makatingin sa isa't isa pagkasakay sa bangka. Gusto niyang lumapit kay Fall pero laging magkadikit si Miko at Fall kaya lumalayo na lang siya.

Pagkarating sa site, kahit pag-ayos ng tent, nag-iiwasan sila ng tingin ni Miko.

Oh, fuck this.

When lunch came, dahil may man power, nakapagdala sila ng panluto. Miko was with Fall, nag-aayos ng mga lulutuin for lunch when Jhing saw Fall glanced at her direction and smile; which made her nervous. Napalingon din sa kanya si Miko na agad nag-iwas ng tingin at binatukan si Fall.

Fall was laughing when she called Jhing. "Tara rito!"

Jhing's heart wanted to explode. Pinipigilan ni Miko si Fall but the woman was so pushy, tinulak nito si Miko at lumapit kay Jhing.

Before Jhing could complain, Fall shouted, "MAGLULUTO RAW SILA JHING AT MIKO NG LUNCH NATIN!"

Everybody shouted their "Yehey!" except Miko and Jhing. Both of them looked pale, parang nakarinig ng bad news.

Fall practically dragged Jhing near the kitchen where Miko was. She even pushed Jhing, dahilan para matumba ang ilang gamit na nandoon.

Fall tsked and shook her head, helping Jhing to fix the things that fell. "Wag ka sa mga gamit mahulog, Jhing."

Jhing glared at Fall and mentally talked to her, shut up, Fall but the rolling of eyes did the trick. It was a good thing Fall left her, but the bad thing is – she was with Miko. Not alone, no. But felt like it as her system panicked.

"A-Ano bang lulutuin?" she asked. And by looking at the ingredients, she mentally face palmed herself; Common sense Jhing: barbecue. "Nevermind."

Sinimulan ni Jhing itusok ang karne at ilang gulay sa stick habang sinusubukan ni Miko paapuyin ang uling. When he was done, tinulungan nito si Jhing sa pagtusok.

Maybe it was the lack of concentration or the pure stupidity that her finger bled. Natusok kasi niya ng dulo ng stick ang daliri. Sinipsip niya ang dugo at napalingon kay Miko na umalis sa tabi niya. Napahinga siya nang malalim. She wanted to go home already if he won't talk to her again.

And he wasn't talking to her.

Nang hugasan ang daliring dumugo, her eyes widened when Miko gave her a band aid then continued with the barbecue. Sa pagtitig niya rito, nagsimula na namang magdugo ang daliri kaya dinikit na niya ang binigay nito.

When they started eating, Fall noticed the band aid and the bleed. "Anyare d'yan?"

"Natusok nung stick."

Fall nodded. "Oh, buti nakapag-bad aid ka agad," and smiled.

Jhing felt Miko looked at her. Pero nang tingnan niya ito na nasa kabilang dulo ng lamesa, nakatutok lang ito sa sariling pagkain.

They took a lot of group shots before spending their day at the sea. Dahil marami sila, na-enjoy ni Jhing ang mga kalokohan; lalo na ni Miko na halos lunurin ng iba dahil nag-ala salbabida ito sa malalim. Marunong kasi itong lumangoy while Jhing stayed near the shore, enjoying the view of nature.

Umahon sila nang umambon, and before they knew it: the rain poured.

"Sino ba nagsabing mag-Anawangin tayo ng November?!" Fall asked to everyone.

"Ikaw," Miko answered. "Hulog ka talaga."

"Ah, ako ba? Hindi ako aware."

Everyone laughed.

Nabasa ang ilan sa mga gamit nila pero naagapang payungan ang ilang tent, ang karamihan ng bags but they failed to save the supposed to be bonfire. Dahil basa naman na sila, they started taking pictures and enjoyed the pouring rain. Nagbanlaw na rin sila para mawala ang buhangin sa katawan.

When the rain stopped, they ignored the coldness of the night and played instead.

"Maglaro tayo ng pangmalanding laro!" Fall suggested that everyone laughed about.

Dahil umayaw ang ilan sa drinking session at nabasa ang baraha nila, they ended up playing Nanay-Tatay. The group looked silly. Karamihan kasi ay mga nag-iinom at nagkakantahan habang sila, naglalaro ng pangbatang laro.

But who would have thought it was hard to play Nanay-Tatay?

"ANG DAYA!" Fall shouted dahil nasa pangatlo pa lang na pagpalakpak, natalo agad siya. "Tumatawa kayo! Natatawa ako. Nawawala ako sa concentration!"

But no one gave her attention dahil diretso ang laro ng grupo.

They clapped and counted and laughed until the person beside Jhing got distracted at clapping for the 34th time. The other author was out. Three were remaining, and Jhing looked at her side to see Miko, still on the game. As the counting and clapping continued, Jhing felt bolts of electricity as her hand and Miko's touched during the game. Her nerve tingled but Miko was the one who got distracted.

If he did this in purpose in order to lose then that goes for the both of them.

Instead of the winner, Fall was the one who suggested what Jhing should do: massage Miko's hand.

Gusto agad umayaw ni Jhing sa hiya pero tinulak na siya ng grupo para gawin 'yun. Her eyes avoided his and stared at his palm. The moment she touched his hand, and massaged it with care – her heart beat was killing her. Pinatunog niya ang mga daliri nito, inikot-ikot, and pushed her thumb on his palm.

After she finished massaging his hands, she was taken aback that he was staring at her.

"O ikaw Miko," Fall started. "Truth or dare."

Miko said, "dare."

Jhing wanted to shout at him to choose truth, pero sino siya para magsabi nito kung siya mismo, iniiwasan ang truth kaya dare rin ang pinili.

"Jhing, dare raw. Anong dare mo kay Miko?"

It was a spur of the moment when their eyes met and she asked, "sabihin mo 'yung totoo: galit ka ba sa akin?" that made everyone, even Miko, stopped from breathing.

Mabilis ang pagsagot ni Miko ng, "hindi," na dahilan para mas maguluhan si Jhing.

"Hindi? Pero bakit—"

Miko smiled. "Tapos na 'yung dare."

Para siyang binuhusan ng mas malamig na tubig sa narinig, kaya nanatili siyang tahimik the whole time everybody was asked for dares and truths. Dahil si Fall ang pinaka unang natalo, sa kanya ang pinaka mahirap. Everybody will ask her a dare which she obliged.

Then Facio asked, "isang pangyayari na nagpabago sa pagkatao mo in a bad way."

Fall's story started with a laugh and a few jokes until her voice croaked and her eyes gleamed. "Natuto akong hindi na magtanong. Ayaw ko na ring pilitin magkwento ang iba kasi nung last na nagtanong at naging sandalan ako ng depressed na tao, inisip ng mga kaibigan ko na nagbabait-baitan lang ako at pakialamera. Na baka kaya ako nagtanong dahil chismosa lang ako at gusto ko ng inside scoop."

"What the," an author commented.

Fall was all smile but the tears that fell were saying otherwise. "Maayos naman na kami ngayon. Past is past. But that experience scarred me. Sakit lang kasi yung gusto mo lang naman tumulong kasi nakita mong nag-iisa 'yung tao, pero inisip ng ibang malapit sa puso mo, nakikialam ka lang ng buhay nang may buhay." Suminga si Fall sa sariling shirt and laughed. "Kaya ayun. Kung dati may care pa ako, madalas ngayon wala na akong pakialam. Sa lahat. Sinusubukan kong ibalik 'yung dating ako na pwedeng maging advice corner, pero hindi ko alam. Hindi na rin ako magaling makipagkaibigan dahil nga sa mga drama na naranasan ko noon. Nagkaroon pala kasi talaga ng impact sa akin 'yun nang hindi ko napapansin agad."

Jhing wanted to hug Fall, she never knew that. Nagkakwentuhan sila sa chat pero hindi niya inaakalang may mga ganoon palang karanasan ang kaibigan. 

It was amazing that Fall moved on from crying as if nothing happened a few minutes after.

Pagtapos magbanlaw, pagpatuyo at kumain, Fall asked Jhing to talk near the shore.

Takot pa silang tumawid sa wooden bridge pero ang ganda ng dagat pagkarating nila malapit doon. They stayed there with silence, background noise was the people talking from the cottages.

Nagkwentuhan sila tungkol sa iba't ibang bagay. Pansin ni Jhing na iniiwas ni Fall ang topic kay Miko, maybe to lessen the tension. After a few topics, Jhing suddenly asked, "Paano mo nagawa 'yun?

"Ha? Ang alin?"

"Umiyak sa harap ng iba?"

Fall smirked. "Nagpakatotoo. Hindi ko mapigilan, eh. Tumulo na lang nang kusa."

The two of them both stared at the horizon; and it was such a beauty to see the sky and sea blended like they were a part of each other.

"Ang galing," Jhing commented silently. Nagulat siya nang marinig ito ni Fall.

"Kaya mo rin naman 'yun, eh," her friend said. "Alam mo, parang pagsusulat lang yan sa Wattpad. First draft pa lang, 'yung raw and weakest form mo, sa tingin mong basura sa loob mo, pinakita mo agad sa iba. Nanghingi ka pa ng comments para mag-improve o para malaman kung maganda ba ang basura mo."

"Hindi ganun 'yun."

"Ganun din 'yon." Fall laughed. "Pinagkaiba lang, sa stories natin: we chose our characters to explain ourselves."

Jhing looked above the starless night sky. She sighed and laughed. "Ang hirap kasi mag-explain ng sarili," she admitted. "Maniniwala ba sila? They'll still judge everything, even my emotions." Naglaro siya ng buhangin sa kamay. "Mas gusto ko pang mahusgahan nang wala silang alam kaysa mag-explain na ako't lahat, huhusgahan pa rin ako. Sayang emosyon."

"Sayang emosyon o masakit?"

Wow. The right question punched her in the gut.

"Both." She sighed. Tumayo si Jhing at kumuha ng pangguhit sa buhangin. "Kaya siguro para akong bitch kasi 'yun ang iniisip ng iba. Might as well hug that perception of others. Better kaysa i-prove ko na hindi tapos walang maniniwala. Paulit-ulit lang. Nakakapagod."

"Kaya ayaw mong umiyak sa harap ng iba?" Fall asked, looking at her.

"Revealing myself scares me," she finally admitted to herself.

"Hindi ka naman bitch. Masungit lang." Fall laughed and Jhing rolled her eyes. "Let them see what they see. Too bad, hindi nila nakikita ang nakikita namin sa'yo."

"Ano bang nakikita niyo sa akin?"

Fall sat up and brushed the sand on her. "Gusto mo totoo?"

She wasn't ready for the truth but when will she? So she nodded.

"Miko see you as his happiness."

"Hindi—"

"At please naman, you see him as your happiness, too."

The words from Fall's lips made Jhing stopped from what she was doing. Nagkatinginan sila ni Fall. Her friend smiled.

"People see what they want to see. Iintindihin lang nila ang gusto nila intindihin tapos isasara na nila ang utak para sa mga ayaw nilang intindihin," tuloy-tuloy na sabi ni Fall. "Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari talaga kasi rants lang ni Miko ang naririnig ko, pero Jhing naman." Tumayo si Fall at lumapit kay Jhing. "Nakakapagod talaga ang mga taong ija-judge ka but remember: those who care won't. We won't. Kaibigan mo kami at wapakels kami kahit ngumawa ka pa sa harap namin. Kaya, girl, kung hindi ngayon – kailan pa?"

"Fall—"

Umiling si Fall. "Ang tagal na kasi n'yang hindi pagpansinan sabi nila July. Ako na nahihirapan, teh. Lahat tayo may sugat, hindi man sobrang lalim o sira tulad ng iba; pero syempre naman, real talk! Kahit bakal, nagagasgasan." Jhing wanted to bawl her eyes out but Fall's goofy face as she spoke with seriousness in her tone made her smile. "Contradicting man 'to sa sinabi ko last time na ayaw ko mag-advice, ayaw kong maging pakialamera – ito 'yung unti-unti kong pagbalik sa sarili ko. I'm healing my own wounds. Kahit sobrang babaw lang nito kumpara sa iba. Sana kayong dalawa rin. Pag-untugin ko kayo eh."

All Jhing could do was to nod and bid her thanks as they went back to their camping site, Fall ranting about life in general.

Jhing didn't want to prolong the agony but again, she wasn't a protagonist in some drama. Kinuha ng trabaho ang oras niya at nagkasakit pa siya. The Anawangin escapade ended with her still not talking to Miko.

Ang dali kasing isipin na kausapin ito – ang hirap-hirap naman gawin.

So for the first time, she planned her action before talking to Miko.

Days and weeks passed before she went to Coffee ArtStudio without anyone's notice. To her dismay, the staff told her their boss wasn't there. Ayaw man niyang manghingi ng tulong, she texted Fall if she could ask where Miko was, and got a reply immediately.

Nasa KapeLibro siya. Nakikipag negotiate sa may-ari.

Bumibusiness minded si koya. Haha!

All Jhing could do was smile at the text and got nervous as she journeyed to KapeLibro. Pagkarating, sumilip siya sa loob and sat immediately at the outside bench when she saw Miko talking to some guy inside.

Bigla siyang kinabahan.

Tumingin-tingin siya sa paligid. Paulit-ulit na rin sa utak niya na umuwi na siya at baka mag-fail lang ito. And why the hell was she there at the first place?

Gusto niyang sisihin si Fall, pero anong isisisi niya? Na sinabi nito kung nasaan si Miko nung tinanong niya? Nakakaloka.

Nahilo na siya sa panic. She stared at the cars passing by, the sky was getting darker by the minute. Gusto niyang maiyak but she remained calm on the outside.

Nakailang breathing exercises na ata siya when someone exited the KapeLibro. Without looking, Jhing knew Miko was that person. Pumikit siya, himinga nang malalim at umupo nang maayos – her heart beating faster than she could imagine – and suddenly stopped, when Miko sat beside her.

Mahihimatay na ata siya.

Miko and Jhing were silent.

Jhing felt the awkwardness but as the night grew dimmer and her heart got calmer, the atmosphere did too. If someone might look at them across the street, the scene looked picturesque – with the window of the KapeLibro at their back and the books and people and the café inside in view. The Christmas lights even gave a happy aura around them.

Jhing knew Miko won't talk, so she started it – her eyes looking forward.

"Ang hirap kasing maging masaya." She clutched her hands on her lap, her voice shaking. "Nakakatakot tapos sa huli, babawiin din sa akin." Bumilis ulit ang tibok ng puso niya. "Natakot akong mangyari sa akin 'yung nangyari kay Nanay. Oo nga, mahal nila isa't isa – to the point na nagkakasakitan sila? Tapos iiyak si Nanay na halos malagutan na nang hininga?"

The wind blew. The cars honked. People went in and out of the KapeLibro. Jhing's hands got colder as she spoke the words without thinking.

"Masyado akong naging masaya sa'yo kaya siguro mas lumala ang problema ko kay Tatay. Nung binlock kita, akala ko okay na 'yun. Kasi hindi na ako masaya, eh. Tapos move on na lang. Dapat magalit ka. Better kung hindi mo ako papansinin." Jhing bit her lip and gasped for air. "Tapos bigla kang darating nang nakangiti? Na parang wala lang sa'yo 'yung ginawa ko? Bakit."

The tears burst before Jhing could stop it. Hindi na rin niya napigilan ang pagsasalita.

"You're too good for me." It was a good thing Jhing brought a handkerchief. "Ang bait-bait mo pa rin kahit anong gawin kong pagtulak. Dahil ano? Kasi natakot ako? Kasi ayaw kong madamay ka sa gulo ko? Dahil sa insecurities ko at sa mga belief ko na wala namang basehan? I was fighting my own demons, a never ending battle."

Tinakpan ni Jhing ang mukha gamit ang panyo. "And I think of love as a deep feeling, that I think petty feelings will never be enough." Pinilit niyang patahanin ang sarili, her voice croaked and velvety. "And then all this comfortability, frustrations, happiness – mauuwi rin sa wala a few years after. Nakakatakot na baka masanay ako sa'yo, I'll end up ruined if you left. Tapos sa internet pa talaga ito galing. . . I never signed up for this."

Tumawa si Jhing habang nagpupunas ng luha. "Tapos ito ako, nandito. Nakaupo na parang tangang sinasabi lahat nang ito kahit hindi ko alam kung bakit. Pero please," Jhing looked at Miko who was still staring forward. "Sabihin mo na lang siguro na ayaw mo na para tapos na at para mag-move on na lang din ako like what I've always planned," she begged, her tears falling but didn't mind.

For the first time at that night, Miko looked at her with eyes that shimmered. "Tapos ka na ba?" he asked.

Jhing didn't respond. Nagulat siya nang tumayo si Miko at pumasok sa loob ng café as if she never talked about her bottled feelings. She breathed heavily, as if the oxygen wasn't enough for her that night. Nanatili siyang tahimik habang umiiyak. Gusto na niyang umuwi pero nanghihina ang buong pagkatao niya.

She didn't know if revealing herself lifted her feelings or Miko's respond sank her heart, buried deep without knowing if she could resurface.

The KapeLibro's door opened and Miko went out of it. He sat at his side of the bench, may hawak itong baso ng kape and gave it to Jhing. "Uminom ka muna. On the house."

Jhing closed her eyes as the scene sank in her scattered brain. Nahiya siya bigla sa mga sinabi pero hindi na niya mabawi. The coffee was tempting to be poured over her, dahil sa kahihiyan, pero kahit pagtaas ng kamay, wala siyang lakas, as if saying the truth made her lose all her strength.

Then Miko started to talk.

"Sorry."

Jhing's heart flipped.

"May mga kinwento sa akin Tatay mo," Miko said. "Sinabi niya sa akin na nagkamali raw siya, na gusto niyang bumawi sa inyo, lalo na sa'yo, na gusto na niyang magbago. Doon ako nakaramdam ng hiya. Inisip ko noon na ang babaw kung si Bee dahilan nung block. Napag-usapan na kasi natin 'yun, di ba? Akala ko hindi ka naka-move on dun. Mali pala ako. Pamilya pala. Nakakahiya talaga."

Jhing's tears fell on the coffee. But as she drank the coffee, all she could taste was the sweetness – not the bitter tears.

Miko sighed. "Puta, nasaktan ako. Gusto ko ng sagot pero ayaw ko rin kasi mali talaga ako na sa online ko sinimulan." He laughed. "Nawala rin sa isip ko na baka nasasaktan kita sa pagpilit ko. Pinagmukha kong kawawa sarili ko na parang ikaw kontrabida. Hindi ko naisip na baka kaya ayaw mo sabihin sa akin dahil gusto mong buo ka pagpasok ko. Na baka para rin sa akin 'yun at ayaw mong mas masaktan ako."

Sinandal ni Miko ang ulo sa bintana ng KapeLibro. Huminga ito nang malalim. "Nakakatawa lang, dahil sa chat nagsimula lahat nang to." Nilingon niya si Jhing. "Pero itong nagsimula sa chat, sa you had me at seenzoned," he smiled.

Jhing choked. Couldn't look back at Miko. So he knew the title of the novella.

"Ito nagturo sa akin na mag-isip muna bago kumilos. Nasaktan ako, nainis – nagsawa tapos napagod – pero hindi ko magawang magalit dahil nung iniwan kita at nagpaka super hero kay Bee, hindi ka nagalit sa akin." He laughed as his voice broke, "sinabi mo pang mabait ako. Para kang adik nun."

Napangiti si Jhing habang tulo nang tulo ang luha. She remembered that night when she cried herself to sleep asking if she had done the right thing. To let him go, not knowing if there will be another chance for them.

And the universe, gave them a lot of trials and chances.

Hindi pa nga sila.

"Mas lalo akong humanga sa'yo," Miko said and smiled, looking at her. Nagkatinginan sila, Jhing's face tainted with tears while the tears were forming in Miko's eyes. "Hindi mo kailangan ng iba para maligtas ka."

"Miko—"

The tears from his eyes fell. "Naduwag rin akong kausapin ka ulit nitong mga nakaraang buwan. Hindi ko na rin maintindihan. Para rin akong tanga na iniisip maging superman o batman o prince charming na kaya kitang iligtas sa kung anong problema mo."

Tinabi ni Jhing ang kape sa side table at huminga nang malalim. "Hindi ko kailangan ng tagapagligtas o super hero," she said. "Ang kailangan ko lang yung andyan ka lang sa tabi ko at maging Baymax para mayakap ko. Kasi shit ka, ang sakit ma-seen."

They both laughed at Jhing's joke.

"Baymax," Miko muttered as he smiled and shook his head. "Sorry kung hindi ako namansin, ah. Naduwag, eh. Pakiramdam ko rin masyado kang mabait para sa akin. Pero putek, hindi naman tayo perpekto parehas."

"Sorry rin. And thank you." Pagkakita sa nagtatakang expression ni Miko, Jhing continued. "Kasi hindi mo sinabing mag-move on na lang ako sa'yo. Mahirap pala talaga."

Ang paunti-unting luha ni Miko ay nagsilabasan at tuloy-tuloy na. He kept on wiping his tears, but his stupid tears were as stubborn as the two of them.

Biglang natawa si Miko out of nowhere.

"Bakit?" Jhing asked.

"Grabeng mga realization 'to," he snorted. "Ang bibigat."

She shook her head and bit her lip. "Ang gaan din."

Miko held Jhing's hand and drew circles on it. He pressed her hand on his cheek, feeling the warmth only her hold can give him. Jhing couldn't smile even if her inside felt. . .secured, for she felt light headed. Miko caressed her hand with his thumb when he cleared his throat.

"Huhulaan kita," he said. Nagtaas ng kilay si Jhing, her heart calming already. "May makikilala kang lalaki. . ."

That made Jhing smile already.

"Gwapo," Miko added. Umirap si Jhing. "Kukulitin ka niya nang kukulitin hanggang sa mahuhulog siya sa'yo kahit na ang sungit mo kasi napaka understanding niya."

"What the—" Pinipilit ni Jhing alisin ang kamay sa hawak ni Miko pero natatawa ito nas mas hinigpitan ang hawak.

"Pero yun ang akala niya. Hindi ka talaga niya magegets at dahil sa pagkaduwag, at kawalanghiyaan, kahit gwapo – magkakamali siya. Nobody is perfect nga naman, di ba?" Jhing rolled her eyes as Miko spoke. "Pero kapag nakita ka na niya sa labas ng KapeLibro, yung parang bata niyang pagtampo  – maglalaho. Mahihiya na lang siya lalo sa pagkaisip bata niya pero ayos lang kasi magkakaayos din kayo pagkatapos kaya huwag kang mag-alala. Hindi naman dramarama sa hapon buhay niyo kaya hindi kayo magbibilingan ng effort."

Binawi ni Jhing ang kamay at siya naman ang humawak sa kamay ni Miko. She caressed his hand just like what he did to hers.

"May isang babaeng masungit na magpapahirap sa'yo kasi nag-iinarte," she said. When Miko laughed, she glared at him kaya natigil ito. "Pero habang tumatagal, mas magiging close kayo hanggang sa naging paksyet ka pero okay pa rin naman kasi parehas lang kayong paksyet. Kaso, she'll block you pero pupuntahan mo siya para umulit ulit sa umpisa. And you know what?"

"Ano?"

"I can see in your future: the two of you will succeed the trials pero. . ."

Kumunot ang noo ni Miko. "Pero? Anong pero?"

"Yung babaeng 'yun. . ." Jhing breathed, trying to calm herself and just go with the flow without thinking too much. "Paninindigan na niya."

Miko arched a brow. "Ang alin?"

She heaved a sigh, massaged his hand and whispered, "nararamdaman niyo sa isa't isa."

Biglang natawa si Miko pero tumulo rin ang luha niya. He held Jhing's hand and intertwined it with his. "Ngayon? Planado ba 'to? November 23 talaga?" He said, surprised and smirked, "May idea ka ba kung anong pangalan ng babaeng 'yan? Pakiramdam ko kasi kilala ko na. Iisa lang ba tinutukoy mo at nasa isip ko?"

She shrugged. Ang korni but she was forcing herself not to smile. "Malay ko."

"Jhing ba 'yan?" he asked, couldn't stop himself from smiling.

Both of them looked pathetic with their puffy eyes, red nose and blushed cheeks in the evening. And gahd, they were outside. Crying at a public palce with goofy smiles! In front of KapeLibro, letting the passer bys see them at their raw, weakest and truest form. Like some lovesick fools. Couples!

But who the hell cared, anyway? They don't.

Jhing squeezed Miko's hand as Miko gripped hers tighter.

"Pwede."

______

SALAMAT SA MGA NAGPUNTANG WATTPAD MEET UP!!!! Nagkameet up din ako sa may exit, yay (haha wat) salamat salamat talaga happy to see the people behind the comments, votes and reads. ♥

THE END IS COMING! Dun dun dun. . . 

Will announce soon when I will update the last chapter (Hashtag 23)