Tape 4, Side A

I have to tell you so many things. So many things to ask and share. I want to laugh and giggle while I tell you. Like a normal girl, if you can imagine that.

But, most of all, I have to thank you.

Thank you, Fierceteeth, for ruining the best night of my life.

"Welcome to your tape, Fierceteeth Absher"

~

"Deathbringer, you have to accept this: Glory died a month ago," Sunny said, her hand slapping the table. Her cheeks were flushed and her green eyes were filled with tears. "She died, Deathy. Listening to the tapes is one thing. Killing yourself with burden is another."

"I'm not killing myself with burden. " Deathbringer said matter-of-factly and tried to flash her a smile, but failed dramatically. "I'm-" He tried to search for the right word. "-fine."

"Yeah?" Sunny stared at him straight in the eye, her other hand clenched into a fist. "You're skipping school. You're avoiding everyone and you're refusing help."

"I don't need help, Sunny." He eyed her angry face warily, running his pale, long fingers through his hair. "I'm not going to kill myself anytime soon." His throat worked. "Like somebody."

Sunny stared at him, her innocent face filled with dread. "You're not okay, Deathbringer. You're not okay, and that's not okay. No, it's horrible." She inhaled deeply, closing her eyes and opening them again. " it's horrible, Deathbringer. Horrible to see the friends around you die. " She pointed at his heart. "Emotionally and physically. Glory. Tsunami. Starflight. Fatespeaker. Now you."

He leaned back on his chair lazily. "Great speech, Sunny, but you don't give medicine for a person that is perfectly fine."

"Stop!" Sunny let out a sob and fell down the floor in her knees, her face covered with tears. She started beating the floor with her hands, like the floor was the one who was causing all this. "Deathbringer, please stop! Stop weighing everything down on yourself. None of it was your fault. None of this is your fault. And, you know what, Black? Glory's not coming back. She's dead!"

He reached out but grasped nothing."Sunny..."

"She died, and it's too late. You can't just go around like this. Accept it, Deathbringer. " Sunny looked up at him, not even bothering to wipe away her tears. It twisted his heart. "We're all too late.

"Even you."

Deathbringer avoided her eyes, telling himself, it's not true. We're not too late. It's not true!

But deep in his heart, he knew it was truth.

The cruel, merciless truth.

"I'm almost done. I'll go through them as quick as possible. Is that what you want?"

Sunny sniffed and stood up, wiping her tears. "Yes. And tomorrow, come to school."

"There's no point," he said, standing up.

"There's never a point." Sunny glared at him. "Chaos, Deathbringer. Chaos. One small thing unbalanced, and everything changes. Everything changes their position. Everything shifts. Nothing stays the same." She paused. "That doesn't mean it's a bad change. "

"Wise words, my friend."

Sunny came up to him and hugged him, digging her face into his chest. "Everyone misses you, Deathy. And everyone's devastated. About...her."

Anger rose in his chest, an uncontrollable fire and hunger and exhaustion and desperation mixed altogether. Anger, so much anger.

It was better to be angry. Better than to face the truth. Better than blaming himself for anything that had happened. Better than admitting he was selfish to feel angry. Better than saying he had caused Glory's death. Better than admitting he won't see her anymore. Her beautiful smile, her green eyes. No more Quickstrike. He wanted to, had to, blame someone else. Oh, please someone else. Better to be angry than weighed with burden. For her. For Quickstrike. For himself.

"Nobody even knew her. They don't have the right to be devastated," he spat angrily.

"People needs to be sad sometimes." Sunny pushed away, sighing. " They knew her, Deathbringer. Maybe not well, like you did, but they still knew her. "

"Still..." His argument faded away. He knew it was wrong. He just wasn't brave enough to admit it.

He was a coward.

He watched blankly as Sunny walked to the door, grabbing her keys in the process. She slowly reached out to the doorknob and was about to turn it when she abruptly stopped. She slowly looked back, her shoulders hauled up.

"What tape are you on?" She asked softly, her eyes wide.

He felt a small chill. "The seventh."

What was the small light in Sunny's eyes? Relief? Fear? It disappeared before he could identify it. But it made him uncomfortable, afraid.

"I want to tell you, Deathy," She said, tilting her head, " if you have an opportunity... take it. "

She was out of the room before he could reply, or ask what she meant, shutting the door swiftly behind her.

~

It was Christmas.

Beautiful winter. I liked winter. The snow, the singing, the weird, cheerful aura in the air as we got nearer to Christmas. The little kids shouting with delight. The presents.

And I had one thing to be excited about- the Christmas Dance.

Every Christmas at the dance, you could dress up. As a queen or a king. You needed a date, and if you both signed up and got chosen, you got to get the honor. The respect. The flowers and the cheers, the admiration.

I have to admit, I was fairly excited. I even got a dress, a beautiful, green one. It swirled this way and that, got little glitter here and there. It was, at least it felt like, made for me.

I felt special.

When I tried it on, I looked beautiful. Flawless. My green eyes matched the dress, and my shoes clicked when I walked. My blonde hair was on a tight bun, and my cheeks were flushed.

Small hints of makeup covered my face.

"Sit up straighter," Tsunami commented. " Wow, Glory. You're really going to win this thing. "

When I told Tsunami about it, she was surprisingly supportive. Even buying me a necklace to go with the dress. Paying a part of the dress when I ran out of the money.

I thought it was a big deal. And, truth to be said, it was. It was for me. A chance to spark, prove everyone wrong. Chance to be in the spotlight.

The only thing I lacked was a date, but Deathbringer volunteered, although it was costly. He teased me all the time, taunting me. Although I did like the way his eyes sparkled when he did that.

But, at that time, it was worth it.

I signed up before first period, my heart fluttering.

It was almost ruined, though, when you and your friends came up to me, with your little black leather jackets and dark mascara and tattoos. You, Fierceteeth, have always scared me, to be honest. You were the one girl that didn't like to be messed around.

Your black eyes pierced through me as you came closer. Your breath was heavy with tabbacco, and I took a step back, clutching my books to my chest.

"Aw, look at her! She's signing up for the dance! Trying to be the queen, are you, Bright?" You sneered. "Nobody with brains will vote for a fat, ugly kid like you! "

You know what? If shattered my heart. Crumpled my excitement.

"Look at your clothes," you said, inspecting me. Your lips were curled into a snarl. "Look at your dirty, mousy hair and your shirt height. You barely reached puberty, that's for sure!" You and your friends laughed. "I hope you wear high heels, short girl!"

My cheeks burned.

"Slut!" You breathed, your eyes sparkling. You were enjoying every moment of this. "I wonder what boys see in you? Riptide Stanford, Hailstorm Dickinson, and now Deathbringer Black!" you squealed with glee. "All you care about is boys!"

"Shut up," I whispered. But it made me question myself. I can't win. The odds are against me. So many people are better than me. What makes me think I'll win? What if the rumors were true? There were some truth behind your words, Fierceteeth. Nobody likes me. I was short. I was fat, and I was full of scratches and scars. I was so...pathetic.

Besides, it brought me painful memories. Riptide. Hailstorm. Magnificent. Scarlet. Et cetera.

"I hope you don't have big hopes, sweetheart," you mocked me triumphantly. " I'm betting on...hm...Scarlet Burn this year. " You have me a wolfish grin. "Who is...let's see. Thinner, prettier, taller, better, and sweeter."

I get it, Fierceteeth. You taunted people everyday. You didn't give it much thought.

But I ask you: was that necessary? Stomping on a girl's confidence? What did I ever do to you, Fierceteeth?

Do you even think about how many people you have hurt? Words mean a lot nowadays. Sometimes, words mark people worse than you can ever do to someone physically. They remember.

When they remember, they want to kill themselves.

Not me. I'm not talking about me, dear. Just think about other people. Try to prevent people from becoming like...me.

Please.

Anyway, I went out of the office bursting with tears. I didn't eat for a few days. I put way more makeup than necessary. Everything seemed bad. My hair, my dress. My hair was ugly, and my dress was too cheap and sparkly. My shoes. Suddenly, they made too much noise. Even the necklace Tsunami have me seemed a little out of place.

Everything seemed pathetic.

But the dance came. I found myself going into the gym, my arms linked with Deathbringer's. We danced, his hands on my waist and my arm around his neck.

That was the best night of my life.

I leaned on him, my eyes closed. Feeling safe. Feeling happy. For the first time feeling satisfied.

"You look pretty," he said to me with a lazy grin. He slowly led me to the center, never leaving his eyes off me.

Suddenly, he bent down and kissed me.

Then he gave me a panicked, cute smile and sheepishly let me go, staring at the floor.

"Um...I better go," he stammered. Before I could reply, he disappeared into the crowd. I bet I was blushing. bad.

I'm not trying to bore you with the details- but you need to realize, it was the best thing that happened to me in weeks. Months. Maybe even years.

I decided to get a drink. To cool myself down. Rethink. Try to wipe the stupid smile off my face.

I wish I hadn't.

Because you were there. With a long, black dress, your face pale, your red lips half-curled into a cruel smile. Your head tilted, your cheekbones high and your fingernails painted black.

Like a piece of artwork. A carving. A beautiful, flawless carving.

A carving better than me.

When you saw me, and your eyes widened. But you quickly calmed down, your eyes inspecting me for any weaknesses. Like you always did. To everyone.

"Hey, depressed freak," you snarled, your eyes as piercing as a wolf's howl. " Trying to be the Queen? C'mon. Even if you win, nobody's going to cheer for you." Your eyes sparkled dangerously. "You're so pathetic."

Pathetic.

Stupid.

Fat.

Ugly.

Short.

Flat-chested.

The words beat me down. Worse than blood, worse than pain.

Do you remember what you said next?

Glory paused, and laughed softly. A laugh mixed with tears. A forced laugh with no meaning behind it. An empty laugh.

She continued a few moments later: you told me to kill myself.

And I did. Happy, Fierceteeth?

I just started at you, my mouth slightly open, my eyes filling with tears. I fled the scene. I was about to walk out of the gym whan the principal came up the stage to announce the winners.

"The winners and the King and Queen of Christmas is about to be announced!" People cheered. They stopped dancing to watch.

"Deathbringer Black and Glory Bright!"

I gasped. As I stepped toward the stage, my pain flooded back.

Even if you win, nobody's going to cheer for you.

You're...pathetic.

The word echoed in my head: pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.

A sob escaped my lips, and I covered my mouth. I was about to walk up, at least see Deathbringer on the stage, when you came up.

"There's been a mistake," you said. " I was with Deathbringer, not Glory. "

Silence.

I stared. Waiting for someone to correct her.

Nobody did.

Deathbringer caught my eye, and opened his mouth say something,but I ran out.

Ran out from everything. Crying. Swearing.

And that's how, if you look into the yearbook, you see Deathbringer crowned King. He's dressed up. He looks nice. He's not smiling, but nobody noticed. And if nobody notices, that's okay. At least, that's what I've been told.

I'm not with him, though.

You are, Fierceteeth.

Thank you...thank you so much, Fierceteeth Absher, for ruining the best day of my life.

I will do as you asked: I'll go kill myself.

~

Greatness called him as he shakily flipped the tape. He answered, trying to calm his racing heart.

"Hey, Deathbringer."

"H-hello."

"Are you okay?" She sounded worried. "You seem shaken."

"Yeah, I'm fine," he lied. His hands were shaking and he could barely keep from dropping the phone.

She inhaled deeply. "Um, I wanted to ask you something. Wanna go to the movies together?" Her voice lingered at the last word. "As, you know."

"I don't get you."

"Geez! You know..." Her voice faded off.

He frowned impatiently. He didn't get it, and he didn't have time to waste, either. "I really don't," he replied blankly.

"As...friends. I mean, more than friends," she stammered. Which was awkward since she couldn't remember Greatness ever stammering and voicing her thoughts in a straightforward way.

He didn't reply.

"Deathbringer?" She said nervously. "You there? Yes or no?"

He could remember Sunny telling him, with her wide green eyes: I want to tell you, Deathy, if you have an opportunity, take it.

"Nevermind. If you refuse, I get it-"

She died, and it's too late. You can't just go around like this. Accept it, Deathbringer. We're all too late. Even you.

He closed his eyes briefly, and opened them again.

"Yes."