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k n i g h t   i n   l o v e

The morning of the Durden dawned bright and clear, just like any other day in summer. The weather was perfect and warm, but I had never felt colder before.

I was at a complete loss as to what to do. I wanted to curl up and lie in bed, willing the hours away until everything was over and Miles was safe. But no, I needed to see Miles before he left, needed to breathe in the scent of him more than I needed air, as a reminder that he was there, he was safe, just before he left.

With a frustrated sigh, I covered my face with my hands before pushing myself out of bed altogether. "Deep breaths, Darcy," I murmured, because even though I hardly ever talked to myself, it seemed necessary in situations like these. Every fibre of my being felt wooden. "You can do this."

Frankly, it wasn't even about me, it was about Miles. And I needed to gather my nerves together and be calm and collected for him. Harshly reminding myself to do just that, I strode purposefully into the bathroom.

And my day began.

When I headed downstairs for breakfast, I could practically sense the tension in the room as Ean and I met each other. I wondered if our parents could sense it, but clearly they couldn't, because Dad was soon greeting us cheerfully and Mom was smacking loud kisses on both our cheeks.

"So, what are your plans for today?" Mom asked, as she spread butter on her toast. It was Saturday and the weekends were when my parents usually ran the shack. Now that the holidays were coming to an end, Ean and I no longer had weekend shifts.

Ean flicked a brief glance at me before muttering, "probably jet-skiing with Kyle."

"Remember your suntan lotion. If I see you coming home looking redder at a tomato, I will smack you and not be sorry about it," Mom said sternly, ignoring Ean when he let out a dismal groan. "And you, Darcy?"

I thought of all the things I could say, the most truthful being oh, you know, I'm just going to go give Miles my support as he beats up some guy. I couldn't even think of that without my heart constricting. Instead, I said, "well, I'm just going to go over to Miles's."

Mom nodded immediately, beaming as she thought about Miles and what a good influence he probably was on me. "Okay, then, you have fun."

I almost snorted. Fun, right. If only she knew what we were up to.

Ean stopped me by the doorway as I was about to leave, his fingers clutching onto my sleeve tight. "Tell Miles I said good luck," he whispered, keeping one eye on the living room to make sure our parents couldn't see or hear us. "And keep me updated."

I promised him that I would before shutting the door firmly behind me, making my way to Miles's house as fast as I possibly could. Driving once again made me uneasy, but it had to be done. Riverton's campus was quiet in the early morning and I made my way past the different buildings before turning into the familiar driveway and parking in an empty spot.

Then I got to the front door and knocked. To my greatest dismay, Miles's father answered the door. It was going to be so much harder to keep my emotions in check now that he was around.

"Miss Evers," he didn't seem surprised to see me and was sufficiently cordial, "come on in."

"Thank you," I murmured and brushed past him, only to see Miles standing several feet behind. He was dressed in a black shirt and a faded pair of jeans – hardly an outfit appropriate to participate in the Durden. The sight of him made my eyebrows shoot up high on my forehead. "What are you – " I caught myself just before I could let slip the truth about his initiation. "What's going on?" I settled for asking instead.

Miles simply smiled faintly, but there was an unusual shade of calm in his eyes that I hadn't seen before. His father broke the silence by clearing his throat thinly, a sound that made the both of us glance over at him. "I believe you two have some talking to do," he said smoothly, going over to the counter to take his suitcase. "I'll leave you to it."

He made his way out, pausing on the way to give Miles a semi-awkward pat on the back. The sight of that almost made me choke. Miles had not told me much about his father, but from what I'd gathered, he wasn't the most affectionate person around. He then swept past me, giving me a brief nod on the way out.

"Have a good day, Miss Evers," he said, polite as always. But something in his eyes made me wonder if he'd heard me that afternoon when I had spoken to him, if he'd heard me loud and clear.

"You too, sir," I murmured, with a small smile, feeling rather uneasy as I watched him leave, shutting the door behind him.

It was probably going to take me a long time to feel comfortable in his presence. After all, we were two completely different people who could never and would never understand each other. We were simply linked by Miles, a familiar, warm constant in our lives that neither of us were willing to give up. And Miles was –

Miles.

I suddenly refocused on the matter at hand and stared up at the boy standing barely a few feet away from me. "Why're you wearing this? Don't you know – "

"Hold that thought," he muttered and closed the distance between us within a few quick strides. I could barely manage my surprise before his lips crashed down on mine. Any coherent form of thought immediately dissipated as I kissed him back with equal fervour, matching his frenzied pace with quick nips and sucks.

There was something different about this kiss. It wasn't gentle or slow, but firm and hot and heavy. It yielded a certain amount of passion that made my breath catch in my throat, my fingers latching onto his shirt as I gripped the fabric tightly, holding onto him like he was my only lifeline. His tongue explored my mouth deeply, his fingers gliding feverishly across my strip of skin where my shirt had ridden up. His fingers on me felt utterly numbing, staggering, and I whimpered shakily into his mouth.

When he pulled away, I – no, we were breathless.

"Hey," he murmured, when he had caught his breath. "I have something to tell you."

"I figured," my tone was wry and light, even though some part of me was still terrified for his initiation.

He smiled and said softly, slowly, "my Dad spoke to me this morning. He knocked on my door around five and he told me that he'd been asking around. He found out that Corvus held its final initiation today and he said that I didn't have to go through with it."

I blinked. The words that fell from his lips seemed so surreal that for half a moment, I thought it was a dream. "What?"

"He didn't really know what the initiations entailed – just that he knew I wasn't happy doing them, I wouldn't be happy after them, and I was better off not being a part of it altogether."

Then the pieces fell into place, bit by bit, until it was a nothing but a new slate and everything seemed fine, everything was fine. Miles was safe. Feeling a surge of relief so overwhelming it nearly bowled me over, I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my lips to his neck.

"So you dropped out?" I whispered, feeling his muscles clench as my breath ghosted across his skin.

"Yes," the word came out in a rush. Never had any other word sounded more beautiful. "I told him I wasn't happy, never had been. And we talked things through – or tried to, at least, and came to several compromises. This was one of them."

I pulled away, staring up at him inquisitively. "You mean there are others?"

He laughed and the sound of it sent my heartbeat kicking up a notch. "Several. Some small matters, like him promising to have dinner with me every night. Or closing one eye to us dating – "

Smacking him lightly on his chest, I scowled playfully. "Hey, that's a big matter!"

"Big to us, small to him," Miles conceded with a smile. "And another big issue was my future, and whether I was going to stay at Riverton."

The smile faded from my face fast and quick, and I sat down on the couch abruptly. "You're leaving Riverton?"

"Honestly, Darcy, this all happened so fast I haven't quite decided yet. I'm not happy at Riverton. I thought maybe I'd pull out, find another college, one that I like and have a better time there. It's still undecided. But I do know that I want to do something for myself, for once."

"As you should," I told him sincerely, "you deserve that much and more. What else are you planning to do?"

"I was thinking of...travelling," he hedged, coming over to sit next to me. I felt the air rush out of my lungs. "All I know is that I've always wanted to leave this place for awhile. A breather sounds nice."

It took me awhile to gather my thoughts. The idea of Miles leaving was always a constant one. I remembered talking about it with him, remembered the distant look in his eyes and how he'd said he'd leave if he could. I just didn't think that the idea would become a possible reality. It felt like the earth had been shifted from beneath my feet.

But it was never really about me, was it? Some days ago, Marcel had told me about how I'd always protected Miles, shielded him from the harsh reality of the world. Maybe it was because I'd been sheltered all my life, and hated seeing anyone without a shelter to begin with.

Nevertheless, somewhere along the line things shifted and it wasn't just about protecting Miles. He wasn't just a knight in distress and I wasn't always the damsel to the rescue. The knight could fight battles on his own and maybe the damsel needed to let him go and trust that he would return safe and sound.

Inhaling a deep breath, I looked up at him. "I know," my voice was strained, "you've never particularly liked this place anyway. You should go if you want to."

The expression in his eyes was soft. "I did think of asking you. You were the first person who came to mind, but – " he trailed off, a little absentmindedly, and I knew precisely what he wanted to say.

"But you know that this place is my past, my present and my future. I know." Shutting my eyes, I pressed a gentle kiss to the skin under his jaw, felt him shiver and tense beneath my lips. "You should go."

And in that moment, I wondered if perhaps I was beginning to learn something. Unlike Miles, I wasn't learning something big, like how to fight in the Durden or how to face terrifying monsters of the past. But I was learning to let go.

Maybe all those people weren't wrong to ask me about my future. I was too caught up in the past and present to think about what lay ahead. Or maybe I was terrified because I was just some girl who couldn't do well enough for her SATs to get into a decent college. I needed to let go of the past and present, so I could see what the future held in store for me.

"Thank you," I heard him say lowly. His voice seemed rather choked up, it was almost inaudible but I caught it anyway. "By the way," he continued, sounding lighter this time, "I wouldn't even dream of leaving until you're done with your exams."

I shook my head. "That's still something you're doing for somebody."

"Yes, but that somebody's you and trust me, I want to."

I simply smiled and then we were both silent. It was the kind of silence that felt entirely comfortable, that seemed to stretch for days on end but time had come to a complete standstill so it did not matter.

Then Miles broke the silence. "I told my Dad about it and although he allows it, he's not exactly warmed up to the idea. He said that leaving this place just because I can't seem to fit in sounds a bit to him like escaping." He dragged the word out slowly, as if testing it on his tongue, before turning to me, his expression apprehensive. "You don't think that's what I'm doing, are you?"

"Of course I do," I returned swiftly. His eyes widened in surprise and slight horror. I caught the glimpse of hurt in his expression but I smiled. I wasn't done yet. "But you're escaping from the past and present, away to a better future. And that's the best sort of escaping."

He leaned down and kissed me then, stealing my breath and making my toes curl. Unlike the previous one we shared, this one was light and languid, as though we had all the time in the world. His taste was intoxicating, and the way he shuddered when I skimmed my palms up his chest left me positively light-headed.

When we broke apart, he paused and studied me for a moment, eyes mapping the contours of my face, as if trying to memorise me, etch every bit of me into his memory. "I have to go," he said softly, after awhile.

"Where're you going?"

"My brother's grave," he responded. His voice caught, and he paused to inhale shakily. "I want to give him this."

A sliver of silver caught my eye under the light. It was a familiar looking ring that Miles always wore on his thumb, the one I'd questioned so long ago. With what seemed like a Herculean effort, not because it was physically difficult, but because it contained far too many ghosts of the past, he slid it off his finger.

"It belonged to him anyway. Mom left it for him before she disappeared," he explained but this time there was no catch in his voice, and I knew his mother's leaving didn't affect him as much as his brother's did. I was proven right a second later when he continued, "Mom left when I was three. Hasn't seen us since. I don't really remember her. But he did."

"What did she leave you with?" I couldn't help but ask.

"My books," he said and my lips curled up in a smile that widened when he responded with one of his own. Now I knew why he loved reading so much and treasured each book like they held a piece of the past. Because they did. I watched him lift a set of keys from the counter before looking over at me. "Are you coming?"

"Of course," I responded immediately, surprised at how quickly the answer came to mind. Then again, was there ever any doubt? "And if you ever leave," I added quietly, remembering our earlier conversation. "I'll be here waiting."

"Really?" And there was that shade of hesitation in his eyes again, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing because things seemed far too good to be true.

Closing the distance between us, I pushed myself up on the tips of my toes. Then I kissed him, sealing a wordless promise to his lips. "You know where to find me."

He smiled. It was like catching a beam of sunlight, which was funny because I'd spent half my life on the beach under the sun, but never had it felt so warm as it did then.

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