He's been in love with my brother for a while now. It's all the same little things about my brother, Jamie:
" oh, he's so cute!"
" He's so sweet!"
" He's just perfect!"
Little did Jamie know the secret held by him from the day they met, well, two secrets.


           Quickly huffs out a heavy breath and wraps my arms around you,
" You scared me, that's all, I'm sorry. I love you." all I could think was my perfect little angel dying, in that moment he quickly answered.
" How am I scaring you?" He gave me a confused look, tilting his head, just so. I sighed at the question, ready to explain the issue.
"The rest of the song. The small, little part that I would rather not have you, or me say. I don't know, you stopped right before that part and-" I cut myself off fearing what I was going to say, but I decide to avoid it temporarily, 
" You know?" I huffed again, trying to stay as calm as I could, considering the topic.
" I've had that happen and, the next day he was dead, my brother was. Uh- so-" I stutter out a few words, partial words, before continuing, " well- I didn't want that to happen to you." I sigh, dragging my hand down my face, letting it fall to my side. Jamie uncomfortably twiddled his thumbs before answering.
" oh, I'm sorry." he looked down at his shoes then quickly bringing his beautiful gaze back to meet mine, " I didn't know." I get a skip in my heart, he's gorgeous, 
' I don't want to tell him... but he has to know. he'll figure out sooner or later- I'll just say I don't have it..'
" He had cancer as well-" I could see the fear stab through his heart as I picked up my pace,
" most everyone in the family has it, died from it, or still carrying cancer- " I cut myself off again looking at the sadness slowly coating over his face,
" but not actually having it yet. He couldn't handle it and killed himself. I'm a carrier and I just hope I never get it so, I can see you, "
'see you one last time' I added to myself then continued,
" It's not a problem Jamie. You didn't know. " I smile a little and bend down and kiss his forehead. After processing what I had told him he pulled his hands up, covering half of his face, his mouth.
" Oh my god." tears started to well up in his eyes, " Oh my god. "
" Hey, no no. " I cup his face with my hands, gently petting his cheek with my thumb, hoping to calm him down. He leans his cheek to my hand, closing his eyes, tears falling down his sharp yet delicate features.
" No no no no.."
' Agh, I hate it when he cries!! ' I try my best to wipe away his tears, but they keep falling, faster than before, his tears streaming over my hand. Jamie was almost trembling in fear of my death.
" You-" he stops letting a small episode collide into him, almost falling onto me, I quickly plant my hand on the small of his back to keep him stable,
" you can't! " he screamed out, pushing his emotions to the back of his throat, calming his voice,
" You could die. " I look into his now opened eyes and drop my smile,
" I don't have it. I'm carrying it- um- it's in me but I don't have it- I'm okay-" I'm forcing my tears back as well, fearing the possibility of leaving him, " I don't have it." Jamie looks up at me, blinking a few times trying to push back the tears that will, I swear will forever fall.
" But there's a chance you will," He lightly placed his hand on my shoulder, slowly letting it fall, to his side, " That slight chance.." I couldn't think of anything to do, but lie and tell him life will be safe for me, as well as him.
" I won't, I'll make sure I won't! " I reassure him, " It won't happen Jamie, it's okay. " I let off a small smile to, maybe, lighten his tears. The tears streaming down his face have now stopped, his sadness fading to a defensive glare.
" You don't know that. " I look up at the ceiling for a split second, returning my eyes to his and sighs from his response.
" No, I don't know. I haven't gotten it now so, I doubt that I'll get it. You don't have to worry my angel. "
' I let that slip!!' I continue my speech,
" I'd live knowing I'm with you before ever think about dying. You wouldn't have to worry about a thing. " a weak smile forms from his face as he wraps his arms around me, pressing his face to my chest, pouring all of the tears he has onto me.
Days later...
We started our own relationship yesterday. It took all of my courage to ask him out! He's so perfect and beautiful- I was afraid he would turn me down because I'm not near as perfect as he is. 

Though, he doesn't think as highly for himself as I think of him. Sad- but, I'm trying my best to teach him his own perfection and beauty. 

Approximately two weeks later...

" Hey Jamie, it's 80's," She pauses, after replying again to Jamie's silence. Yeah, Her name is actually 80's. She was named after the time some singer was born. Don't ask which one.
 " I have some information regarding Jason." She groans from how long it is taking for jamie to answer her texts-
' Oh my god! How long does it take to answer ONE text- two, two texts??'  Her anger turns into complete joy of his answer.
" Not good timing, but, what's up?"
80's explains that I was in the hospital at the time, I hadn't been doing well. I was stuck in a medical coma after surgery. 

Back into Jason's light : 
God,  I should have just told him... I start to read over some text messages that were between my friend Erica and her brother, my handsome man,  Jamie..
" It's Erica"
" What's up buttercup?"
"  So Jason had to go back to the hospital
twice... in the past two days. He went last night and yesterday afternoon. And hes still here and hes crying and wants to talk to you but the doctor wont let him because of- i actually dont know why."
" wait why is he in the hospital? is he going to be okay?"
" for the first question: uuuhhh i'll let jason tell you when he can.. and we dont know. we- as in: even the doctor doesnt know if he'll be okay..."
"oh.."

I actually got the phone after that because Erica wanted me to give my perfect little angel the devastating news, remembering all that had happened. 

" Oh hi Jamie!! oh I love you so much! how are you? <3"
" Hey babe I'm okay how are you"
I don't know what got over me after he asked how I was. I broke down in tears screaming and yelling- I couldn't control myself.  Erica took the phone back..
" Jason started to cry- A LOT... He's trying to stop crying but it's not really working.."
" Why is he crying?? Did i say something wrong is he okay"
" um.. ill get Mitch to tell you.. i couldn't tell you. jason isnt mentally stable to tell you.."  
Erica waited 20 minutes and got worried, 
"Jamie..? are you okay?"
" No no I'm not! Why the didn't anyone tell me that jason was practically dying"
" We just heard about it late last night.."
" You couldn't text me or something?!"
" Jason told me not to.."
" why?? i have the right to know"
" He didnt want to upset you. When the doctor told him i didnt know because i was in another room. i got worried out because it got really quiet and then some whispering and then Jason started screaming and crying and they had to make him get out of his bed and drag him into some other area. Jason saw me and and just started to scream at me to not tell you and it made him pass out. After about an hour he got back to his room and he was really quiet and his head was pushed up on the wall. He was all weireded out saying he didnt want to tell you. i didnt understand most of it. He turned around and shoved himself up in a corner and cried then grabbed a chair and threw it across the room then fell over on the floor crying.."
" oh my god..."
                             Cancer is one of my biggest problems. I'm trying to play it off as a cold when I'm at work, maybe, hoping, they won't notice my complexion dying off along with the light in my eyes that has, with my skin, losing color until death. My days growing colder as I see edge of my existence crawling near, right under my feet. 
' So, this is how it feels to suffer..'
The feeling of constant exhaustion, the never ending feeling of death scraping and tearing at my stomach is what it feels to suffer, to really suffer. Eating is quite a challenge. Chewing is what makes my stomach scream in pain. Nothing too soft, nothing too solid. I can't eat, but I keep it all inside. I'd hate to see Jamie- my perfect, beautiful, darling Jamie- destroy his own mind to help mine. I will risk the double edged sword of sickness and life to help his own. I have to have a constant hate for the chemotherapy. I don't want to lose my hair, my life, of all things. I need to stay perfect for Jamie. I can't sleep either. It's unclear why, but the pain of living is keeping me awake, though I have no one else to live and give my hope for. He is all I have to look up to, to live for. All of my hope is lost, but he keeps me standing tall, head held high. My love for him is inseparable, my death won't take me away from him.

I think I should ask him.
It seems far too soon to ask him.
I hope he says yes-
just in case..


( HEY GUYS! PART TWO WILL BE COMING OUT SOON ENOUGH. THIS IS ALL REAL QUOTES AND TEXTS. REAL STORY. REAL PLOT LINE. SO PLEASE DO NOT HATE OR JUDGE THIS STORY. THANK YOU.
~~~ Pretty Boi Jame jimmy jam jimsajam. )

P.S.S_-
heyyy um i actaully didnt post this ... uhhhh the sick one finished it and posted it... so i did some minor changes like and not limited tooooo LANGUAGE CENSORING!! :D and a few little punctuation changes. k thats it lovelies/kitties! (lovelies are boys and kitties are girls) Love you guys!