Universe has all the answers

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I am dying

Slowly then all it once.

I know I am not going to make it from here.

My body is in pain, everything is brutal for me. I cannot see anything beyond the darkness.

Neither I do have any will to do that. There is nothing for me in this world.

Grandpa died leaving me all alone, rushing my beating heart. Mom and dad will live their life peacefully in my absence I know.

I have betrayed them. I promised to paa to get married to fall in love with Arnav, but what do I do with my heart?

Why do not we choose for whim we want to fall? Or maybe I don't want even want to fall in love. Falling makes me weak, falling relinquish everything.

I saw grandpa, he was sitting near me, caressing my forehead like he used to do when I was a child.

"Why do we have to fall in love? Cannot we live without this feeling?" I heard myself saying. My trembling voice was terrified.

"These sentiments, these beliefs, these impressions are evidence of human existence. You cannot ignore them!"

Yeah. We cannot ignore it.  We cannot let go of our heart and how can we?
The sensation you feel when you see your beloved one, your eyes get diluted, you cannot maintain subtle eye contact because you are afraid one look of them in your eyes and you will be trapped; trapped for forever.

Then it went all black.

Death was magnificent in its way, hovering everything in its charm. No one can let of go death.

I have seen death first when grandpa died in front of my eyes. I have cried for a whole week and didn't talk with everyone.

Death has snatched away my precious person from me.

It comes in all its glory, not afraid of anything, ready to elope everything in its darkness.

My vision was blurred. Half-open half-closed. It was hard for me to comprehend everything. Everything was hurting, even my existence.

There were people around me who were whispering and mocking 

I remember when I was in the second standard, a senior locked me in one of the classrooms.

It was the time of winter, I had nothing with me. My trembling figure was trying anything to hide in a warm place but I couldn't. 

I got bullied when I didn't even know what bullying was.
I remember being crying all day because the door was locked, I was alone until the next day when the watchman found out I was there all night.

I still remember everything. But what do I do now of all these memories? Everything will vanish one day, me, this world, this generation but memory s the same. Memory cannot be wiped out and it's hurt to remember everything as it happened yesterday.

I felt as I was moving from one room to another. I am dead or alive?

Didn't I die on the spot when I got hit?
Or I am hallucinating everything from the universe.

These people who are waiting for me what they are thinking? What do they have in their mind? What do they want from me now?

If they think that I will get up by now then they are wrong. People live and die every day, it's a process, a long time journey, they leave everything except themselves.

The one who is afraid from his heart, the one who has captured all the world, the one who is dying from hunger, the one who is furnishing his life as a celebrity, the one with everything, the one with nothing, all are the same.

We all begin with nothing, we all die with nothing.

But what I do of these people who are crying for me! I can hear their fragile beating heart for me.

And before I could do anything, before I try to speak in any way, before I try to get up and be free like a bird in the sky, everything went black again.

***

Neel's pov:

I saw her,

I saw her laying on the bed in the operation theatre. There were tubes all around her.

Her body was pale as she has not been moving for several days.

I wish everything was in my hands to make her better again, I wish I would have never met her because she is suffering because of me.

I wish would have never come back in her life. I wish I would have all the power of the universe to make her better again.

But I know I have nothing to make her better. I know I have sinned. I should have returned here. She was supposed to marry today and look at her now?

She is laying on the bed. Her hands that were covered with henna are now damped with blood.

And all this is because of me!

She is here because of me!

Her mother is crying because of me, her father is afraid because of me.
Jessica is fuming because of me, Alisha is worried because of me.

I remember the day when the first time I saw her, her deep blue eyes were shining perfectly against the sun, as challenging the glorified sun itself that you are not the only powerful one, I am here with my heart too.

I remember the day when she left everything, I went to her room to find anything so that I could console my pain. The necklace that I gifted to her was laying there. 

That day I decided I won't let her go, not when I am the wrong one, now when I have played with her heart.

I saw her again, she was breathing hard unconsciously.

I wanted to hold her hand to kiss her palm. I wanted to tell her that everything would be alright and I am here, not to make her vulnerable, as nothing would make you vulnerable.

I am here to hold your hand to never let it go. I am here to look into eyes even it's the time of twilight.
I am here to be with you forever and always like the way the sun's remain with the moon. I am here from beginning to end, but I know it's too late.

She is fighting a battle with herself, she is fighting a battle between storm and silence. She is fighting a battle between death and life.

I have seen death before when my mother died, I was studying in school at that time, I still remember her wet eyes were calling my name. She was alone at the end of her life. I was there with her but she was calling for her husband, and he never came, my mother died in vain about the man who didn't care about her life.

I was scared to fall in love. I have seen people dying for love when they haven't received anything in return, I have seen people becoming fragile for love when they couldn't get what they wanted, but in the end, they still choose to do be in love.

And that's the beauty of it, it has the power to revoke everything, to snatch all the power from the burning sun, To remorse the water of the ocean, To collide the whole universe with its hollowness.

And I, Neel Vinita Malhotra in my vulnerable state staring up to the universe in the presence of dying stars admit that I am deeply in love with Julia.

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With all the feelings and confirmations I have written this chapter for you all

Keep reading and supporting

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