Written by: lemonhoax

WASHINGTON, D.C., USA

August 15, 5:23 PM

Today would not be the day Raazi Surraya would leave the hospital.

She had hoped to be out already, but that was before a huge ship hovered over her home and her land, blinding everything with this darkness. She could spot no sunlight, no sky, not even a sliver of the stars. Every day felt like a hallucination. It worsened her mood and she felt even more depressed than usual.

"This is just cruel," she muttered, clutching her cactus plushie. She had hoped to see the supposed sunlight reported from the Midnight Zone this morning, where no light had shown since the arrival of the ship.

The door opened, and there was only pitch black darkness and the silence of two people. Electricity and lines of communication had been reserved for critical functions like hospitals, but even so, this close to the center of the darkness, the hospital was struggling to maintain continuous power and what they did have, had been funneled to the machines keeping patients alive.

"Hello, Raazi. Just here to check your vitals for the day."

It was Philia, even though Raazi couldn't see her, she had come to recognize her presence. And it's not like there was a long line of people coming and going from her room.

"Hey, Philia. Think I'll make it out of here anytime soon?"

Philia laughed, "I think it's best you stay here," as she checked Raazi's temperature and blood pressure. A beep sounded and it jarred Raazi's reality as Philia looked at the numbers on the oximeter– the only source of light.

"Oh!" Philia chirped with delight. "Your brother and mom texted me and they've made it out. Most people are evacuating."

"They're safe?" Raazi's voice broke. She was happy for them. She truly was. But now there wouldn't be anyone to visit her. And it was kinda sad. A whole lot more disappointing than she wanted to admit.

Raazi looked out of the window for a long time, remembering blue skies and warm sunlight on her skin. Now, it was just dark. "Yeah, they are," Philia replied softly. "How are you feeling? Do you want me to get you anything?"

"How does your hundred-year- old Nokia phone still work? Also, a hundred bars of chocolate would make me immensely happy," Raazi muttered.

"You know you're not allowed to," Philia reproached her, sounding gloomy herself.

The lights began to flicker, and when they suddenly turned on fully, Philia looked sadder than usual as she rubbed her eyes, adjusting to the brightness.

"Didn't you ever wanna go home?" Raazi immediately regretted the question as Philia blinked back tears and looked away.

She was a young nurse in her twenties with a high top bun and leopard print spectacles that made her eyes even more pronounced than usual.

"No one came for me on the second day, so..."

"I'm sorry."

"Did you see the news this morning?" Philia abruptly changed the topic, clearing her throat.

Raazi seemed a bit taken aback, but continued on. "Yes. At least someone is enjoying it. Wouldn't be me though." Bitterness coursed through her veins. The hospital was so far away from the center, that not an inch of light fell here.

"We'll survive," Philia whispered, but it sounded like she was trying to convince herself.

Philia shook her head and they sat in silence until the lights flicked off again. Sighing, Philia left, assuring Raazi she'd be back soon.

She hugged her cactus plushie; it was a little tattered now, but still retained its plump, soft nature, and held memories she thought she'd buried.

There wasn't much to do so she closed her eyes and lost track of time.

***

The door burst open and it definitely didn't seem like Philia, but Raazi couldn't make out the figure in the dark.

Heavy breathing. Nails tapping on the door handle. Lemongrass and vada pav. Immediately she knew.

Niloufer.

Her throat constricted as various shades of emotion crossed her face.

"Nilou...fer?" Raazi whispered, her lungs aching with a million thorns. She looked away, not that Niloufer could see her in the dark anyway.

In the pause that followed, Raazi wondered if it was actually another patient who accidentally entered her room, thinking it was theirs.

"Azi. Azeez," the voice rasped softly.

Azeez. Cherished one.

How ironic, when she felt she had been forgotten by her best friend. "Fourteen years..."

"I know."

"You didn't–"

Raazi couldn't finish the sentence, and Niloufer didn't say anything. In the darkness, Raazi could feel her best friend's presence; they had always been close that way, she could feel when Niloufer was around. Niloufer had joked, calling it the spider tingle.

Raazi had always said the golden-yellow thread between them would never break.

"I made vada pav and peanut butter chocolate cookies," Niloufer whispered and cleared her throat. "It's super melty and I added an extra chocolate frost on the cookies, even though the nurse said you're not, um, allowed to."

Raazi began waving her hands in the dark, but remembered her emergency light. Reaching for it, she switched it on and could finally make out Niloufer's shape.

Purple hair with the graying roots and warm, brown eyes. The harsh light hit her strong jawline and collarbones, and her cheeks seemed to sag with the weight of guilt.

"Raazi," she whispered again, hoarsely.

Raazi snatched the tin containing the cookies and vada pav, eyeing Niloufer warily; opening it eagerly, she started munching on the cookies. They were definitely delicious, and Niloufer smiled.

"This doesn't make me forgive you."

"I know."

Neither of them expected the awkward silence that stretched between them. Best friends were supposed to have comfortable silences. Amazing conversations. But they had nothing.

"You left." Two words hung heavier than the ship above them. Niloufer's bitterness was clear to see: eyebrows scrunched and jaw taut.

"You moved, you know..." Niloufer continued, hugging herself tight. Her shock of purple hair was the only thing keeping Raazi sane; she was real. Niloufer would always dye her hair randomly, but electric purple had stuck most often. Raazi would joke that Niloufer was like purple itself: she knew it and carried herself royally.

Yet now, she seemed so unsure. Either too quiet or too bubbly.

"Yeah and I did call you every night. Or, during your day." She paused. "Until you stopped picking up and texting me so frequently."

How and why are you here? Did you know I was here all this time? These words hurt too much, so Raazi kept them in.

"I see there isn't power here, either. Well, guess it's evening so that doesn't matter does it? In my—" she stopped midway and then looked away. "Your mom said you just recovered from a bypass surgery. A heart attack."

Raazi looked stunned and munched on a cookie, and then another, staring into the tin can and running her thumb over the dented edges. "How did you even get to see my mom? She left many days ago."

"Well," Niloufer hesitated, "I've been in Washington for a month. I ran into one of your mom's friends, and she told me your mom evacuated."

"So, you're here because–?" Raazi swallowed hard.

It sucked that she still cared. After all the years they had spent together, their friendship had fallen apart. Had their foundation been that shaky?

"I couldn't believe she left you. Alone."

"So you're here on a guilt trip? Besides, I'm not alone," Raazi spoke too fast, "Philia's with me." Ashamed, she knew Philia didn't really count and that she was alone, even now.

Niloufer looked around the room and her eyes kept straying to the cassette player on the bedside table. "She wanted you to know she missed home, too."

Home is not a place, but people you love.

"She said Meen passed away and that you were here because of that."

Meen. Oh gods, how she missed him. He was the chunkiest fur ball she had ever seen, a moody gray cat that had been her sunlight.

"It's been ages since I saw real light. I keep thinking it'll all end when the clock strikes 5 a.m. but it's an endless nightmare."

Niloufer reached out and then withdrew her hand. Raazi could see, in the dim light, that it was dyed with Henna. "I got it recently, the henna. It reminded me of our childhood."

A pause that lasted too long.

"I didn't realize how much I'd miss the sun until I came to Washington," Niloufer got up and started pacing the room, occasionally glancing at Raazi.

"And yet, you're here. You probably regret it, too, don't you?" Raazi wanted to say more. You're here even though you knew it was dark.

Niloufer had paused and was running her fingers along the T.V. screen, humming a little.

"I named him Meen, fish, because the first time I saw him at a pet cafe he had just jumped into a fish tank," a laugh bubbled out of Raazi and Niloufer looked at her softly. Raazi quickly shut-up and continued. "Meen loved the sunlight. I think I could watch him forever, just laying in the sun."

"I dig the name. A cat named a word that means fish," Niloufer snorted and leaned against the window. "Guess I wasn't lucky enough to know about him."

"Niloufer."

She came and sat beside Raazi, patting her hand, rather awkwardly this time.

"I got Meen because I couldn't cope with the heartbreak of losing you. Everybody...talks about romantic breakups and I," Raazi's voice broke and turned sour, "I was crying about friendship breakups. Meen helped."

Niloufer remained quiet, listening.

"That's why..."

"Yeah," Raazi swallowed the last cookie with difficulty. "It's not easy getting used to the dark. I feel like, if I just saw the sun, one last time..."

"...maybe, things would be better? I've taken the sun for granted, Raazi. Not that there's much sun at home right now, either, " Niloufer mused; "It's monsoon, my favourite time of the year."

"There's nothing left here. I don't know why you came. Please don't pretend..."

"I tried," Niloufer cut Raazi off. "I tried so hard to forget you because I thought things would be easier—better—if I wasn't constantly missing you."

Suddenly, a racket could be heard from outside the window. What sounded like a sizeable group of people had started chanting, "Punishment for your sins! Repent and be saved before the aliens come to get us!" They seemed to be marching and stomping loudly.

Raazi snorted. She had witnessed something bizarre like this nearly every day. Not that she didn't have her own theories, but propaganda seemed to unite people in tough times. "Would you listen to that? People are getting rather hyped about this."

"Looks like everyone is looking for their quickfix, to heal their souls after not having seen the light... in fifteen days."

"I'm sure you would know all about healing souls after breaking one, isn't it?"

Raazi knew she was lashing out, but she couldn't help it.

Sliding down under her covers, she needed to breathe where it was warm, and she didn't have to face the world ending or whatever the space ship would do in sixteen more days.

She remembered her life as a kid, when she was scared in the dark, and Niloufer would curl up beside her, pulling the blanket above their heads and making a cozy little space to hide together. Niloufer would light up the darkness with her giggles and fun stories, telling them until Raazi fell asleep.

Those were some of Raazi's best days. The little things.

"Mama says she used scented candles when she felt alone," Niloufer's voice hung heavy.

"Sometimes you talk the most random shit," Raazi muttered, curling into a ball and turning her back to Niloufer.

"Raazi...I—" Were there any words for an apology when you've left your BFF in the dust for fourteen years?

Niloufer's voice sounded distant, muffled, as Raazi had pulled the blanket close to her ears. She was safe. She was okay. Under the blanket, not even spaceships or friendships or broken hearts could get to her.

A sob ripped through Raazi, even though she tried to hold it down. Her vision blurred and she felt like a teenager all over again. She missed her mom. Just weeks ago, she was lying on her mom's lap, eating piping hot bowls of rice and fish curry and now her mother had left for safer spaces. She wished her mom was here. To pat her head and massage her hair with coconut oil and say she would be okay.

"I'm sorry, Raazi. I am so sorry I didn't...call or text you back. But mostly..." Niloufer took a deep breath and the room felt smaller. "I was a coward."

Raazi didn't say anything, she just let her tears flow. Why Niloufer had to pop in during a world crisis situation was beyond her understanding.

"We–" her body wracked with sobs, Raazi pulled the blanket off her head as Philia came rushing in.

"Ma'am, I must ask you to not stress the patient. She has just recovered from a surgery."

Niloufer nodded apologetically and Philia gave her a stern look before leaving.

"Did you see? Where that hole opened up in the spacecraft? People look out of their minds. I mean...I guess if you see light after many days...who knows, what's real and not anymore, right?" Niloufer tapped her fingers against the palm of her hand.

"I know what's real. And I can't even see the goddamn light," Raazi muttered, wiping her eyes. "Could you get me a tissue?"

Niloufer passed her a Kleenex and then turned around. "Raazi...I know it's the end of the world. And you have no reason to even want me here, but I...I wanted my last moments to be with you. Can we..."

If it was the end of the world, who cared? Raazi leaned over to the other side of the bed, reaching for her cassette player. Every day she played only one song. She had fought for this device to be allowed in the hospital, and had promised she wouldn't blast it.

Removing the old cassette, she plugged in a new one and switched it on, patting the space beside her. Niloufer got in without a word. Perhaps words were too much, hanging around like wet clothes in the monsoon, heavy and hard to bear.

The song If the World Was Ending by JP Saxe and Julia Michaels started to play.

Niloufer looked guilty most of all as she glanced at Raazi, who smiled a little sadly and then held her hand out.

"I know we have a lot to make up for and there's so much to speak about, but...I can't lose you again."

Her eyes wet, Raazi rubbed them as Niloufer clasped her hand, laying her head on Raazi's shoulder. Perhaps nothing would ever be the same, even if the crisis was averted; but, perhaps just for now, they could pretend it would be, and they could just be with each other. Raazi reached out to hug Niloufer and they held each other.

No words were needed as Raazi switched off the light and the dark enveloped them once again. 

<<<<< END >>>>>

Find more stories by lemonhoax on Wattpad.

Jamie is an illustrator, graphic designer and author from India. You can find them either munching on a snack and daydreaming about new worlds or drawing queer characters. 

 Ze are currently working on THREE'S NOT A CROWD, a sapphic polyamory rom-com.