Hello, everyone. It's probably been a while since you've heard from me (like a whole damn year) but now that I'm finally back in this book... I've decided to end it.

I'm not really sure what more to add and I don't think I have the strength to still be an optimist after all that has happened... Don't worry! I am perfectly fine if you're wondering! I just want to get some of my insecurities out on here so that you can see that it's not so difficult to fight for happiness no matter how hard you think it is.

Alright, here we go... Deep breaths...

I am a terrible person. I lie, I cheat, I break people like a too honest child, I push all my insecurities on them when I lose it, I guilt trip, I'm a hypocrite, I make my family feel like they've raised a disgrace, there are some people who are probably dead because of me, I ignore and never talk to my good friends and boss them around when they don't deserve it, I lie to myself and say that it's all justified but when I search for a reason, it just sounds like excuses.

I, in conclusion, actually suck but I'm an insecure narcissist so I'll never admit it (or even think it for that matter).

My point is...even if you think, even if you know that you are a terrible person, if it's not hurting you...why do you have to care? I'm not saying that I don't care, I kind of do but...you could say that it's difficult to have something like the things I do or did get to me. But not the point. We are all terrible people, no one is a saint. Even if you think that you are the worst scumbag on the planet, oh boy, I guarantee you that there might just be worse. Or maybe even people who have done the exact same things as you.

So if you struggle with "I hate myself because I'm selfish" and etc., don't think about it too much. Always remind yourself that everyone, anyone can be a freaking demon. We're all going to hell some day (whether on this earth or the after life, I don't know), why not acknowledge that fact? It's better to believe the truth as a whole than a half-assed lie.

Top cure to beating depression: stop being so dramatic. You might think you're not being dramatic but...just listen to your words. They have significant meaning. They can make things seem 100 times worse than they actually are. So just take a deep breath and wonder, "Am I really the worst thing on this planet?"

After that, compare yourself to the worst things you can think of. Did you rape someone? Did you murder blindly? Did you torture someone who didn't deserve it? Manipulate them? If not, you are not the worst scum on the planet. Grow up and see that you're an imperfect human being, the exact way you're supposed to be and NO ONE can tell you different.

It's alright. You're terrible, you're horrible but then again...aren't we all? Humans are terrible and horrible and corrupt. The only reason it's so hard to believe the words "you are beautiful and perfect" is because NO ONE REALLY IS!

We all want to believe we are. Of course, if you love yourself wholeheartedly despite whatever you did, then you're perfect to you. But if not, don't wave around a lie. Rather acknowledge that you aren't perfect and live with it. Because I know you can. More than half of us are living our lives degrading and downgrading ourselves and I would like to scream, "FOR WHAT?!"

Yes, it's good to right a wrong but not torture yourself because you did it. Anyone could have done it. Hating on yourself doesn't make the deed any better. You can't change what's already happened and it's wrong to punish you for a mistake or something you regret no matter who the fuck is talking (God? Who's that? I don't know anyone who put us all through depression and crap).

In conclusion, don't punish yourself for things you can no longer control. Rather live with "I did this, I made up for it, my job is done now". It makes life a lot easier, trust me.

I know this kinda contradicted everything I said in the other chapters but that emotional girl crying for all the lives lost on this planet is dead. That girl everyone loved because she was so nice is dead. That girl who would write long messages about how everyone was 💖amazing💖 is fucking dead.

I can't take her anymore, I don't understand why I was like that and I don't wanna be that anymore. Maybe because it made people feel good to know that someone cared about them. Maybe because it felt good to feel and be dependable. I DON'T KNOW!

But if you want me to send a long message on how you're epic, just ask. I'll send your confidence to the moon and back <3

Anyway, please listen to that song up there. It used to be comfort song and it made me feel as though everything will turn out alright (and lookey there, it did) and it made me feel warm on the inside... Please listen to it!!!

Pretty please, I know it's a drag.
Wiper your eyes and put up your head.
I wish you could be happy instead.
There's nothing else I can do
But love you the best that I can.
- Avril Lavigne (Darlin')