Eclipse Of The Moon ~ Book 1 of Aaron
Chapter 19
Running Away

Thursday 31 October 2002

2am. I should get a bit of sleep, but I'm sure my mind won't give me any rest. It is too busy thinking things over and over again.

I must not flinch.

I won't flinch.

Running away. Fleeing.

This is the best choice.

However much I'm going to miss them, this is the only option.

I just don't have another alternative because I won't survive the future my father has traced for me. I have permanently broken up with religion and God, so I just can't fathom spending years in a Catholic school or college, much less enroll in seminaries to become a priest. This is not conceivable in my head. Just thinking about it knocks all air off my chest and my body begins to shake again, my fingers tentatively aiming at spots of skin they could scratch.

Unfortunately, my father probably has a point when he says that as a minor, I can only comply with his wishes. If he has really decided to put me into this boarding school, I wouldn't be able to go against it. I could still break free when I turn 18, that wouldn't be a problem, but it means enduring a full year in this establishment, without my best friends' support to alleviate the torture. I just can't do that!

The only other option I have is to run away. This also means being away from Joshua, Mark and Camden, and their absence is already killing me, but at least, I wouldn't have to suffer the rest. Sadly, if I want to succeed in this plan, it implies going far from here so that my parents can't find me. Knowing them, they will report my disappearance to the police, so the further away I am, the more chances I get.

Right now, I am trying to decide on where I should go. I have always loved New York but even if it's one of the largest cities in the USA, it is much too close to Collingswood. I need to reach the West Coast, I think. I would rather go to a northern city, like Boston, Chicago or Detroit, but there are two reasons I should avoid these.

One is that my parents know how I dislike heat, and if they ever suspect I went far from New Jersey, they will most likely think about one of the northern states as my first choice. Heading for a place I might hate, like Mexico, Texas or even California sounds like a better plan.

The other reason is about survival through the winter. I am plainly conscious of what my life might look like in the next few months. I well intend to steal some cash from my parents and to find little jobs to earn money, but the first few months might be difficult, and I imagine I will have to sleep outside. I won't be able to afford hotel rooms obviously, and as far as shelters for homeless are concerned, I believe I might have to avoid them as well, at least in the beginning.

The police surely visit those often enough to find kids who have run away from their families, and I don't want them to find me. So, I will have to remain under the radar, find discreet spots in parks or whatever. Doing this in one of the northern cities where the winter strikes the hardest would be suicidal, so the south is definitely a mandatory option. Which city exactly, I don't know yet, though Los Angeles sounds rather attractive. For now, I mostly need to head south, maybe Atlanta, and from there, I can decide.

Staying under the radar also means I can't fly to the West Coast, though it would be faster, but for one, I won't waste money on a ticket, and then, I'm sure they'd ask for an ID. I might try one of those Greyhound buses. I have no fucking clue about their rates, but if it's reasonable, I might spend a bit on a ride, at least to cross a few states. Meanwhile, my legs will have to do the job to begin with, and I can also hitchhike. It shouldn't be too difficult to reach one of the huge highway gas station and there, I will be able to find truck drivers who will accept me on board for whichever their destination is.

In this respect, I will need to pack the minimum I need. Obviously, I can't travel with huge suitcases and it wouldn't be very conspicuous to leave the house with these.

Anyway, now that everybody must be sleeping, I pull a large duffle bag from under my bed and begin to cram my best clothes inside as silently as I can. There aren't that many, but they will serve as a protection for the rest.

And the rest consists in my portable CD player, the few CDs I have – though most of them were borrowed from Joshua since we have the same tastes in music – a notebook, pens, personal papers, a spare pair of shoes, and I finally add an old blanket that might come in handy at some point. There is more I need to pack, but this will have to wait till the morning.

3am. Just as I am about to sit on my bed, my eyes stray to my desk and one specific drawer where I keep a few pictures. When I open it and pick the little stack of photos, my heart constricts again in my chest and tears flood my eyes.

Joshua. Camden. Mark.

Fuck! How am I going to survive without them? These guys represent the most precious things I have ever had, I am going to miss them terribly. Not mentioning that they will certainly hate me for doing this.

But I can't stay. It's just not possible.

I'm sure Mark's parents would willingly welcome me at their place, but my own genitors would find me right away and take me to this boarding school. Then there is Tony, too. I could ask for his help, but I can't put him into more trouble after what he already did for me. He certainly wouldn't approve of my decision, so I can't reach out to him either.

My friends are so going to hate me for doing this... but this is the best alternative I have come up with. Besides, I am becoming a bad influence to some extent, and I can't drag them further in my wake. I wish I could go hug them goodbye and explain my decision, but it will only make the separation more difficult.

I need a clean break.

Just thinking about how I am going to have to do without them for a long time is killing me and I burst into more tears at my desk. I need to tell them, one way or another. I know they are going to worry for me too, so I need to convince them I will be alright.

With that in mind, I pull a sheet of paper and begin to write.

Hey guys,

Please don't hate me after you've read this. I just don't have another choice than to run away.

My parents have enrolled me in a catholic boarding school in Newark where I'm supposed to move in on Sunday and he also mentioned those freaks of Courage... These folks think they can train homosexuals into leading a chaste life...

Fuck... my father has this crazy thought to make a priest of me... He revealed this to me last night after he beat me for having talked back to my mother earlier. I just can't take this shit anymore, but above all, I just can't let them take me there. I wouldn't survive this until I'm 18.

That's why I have to go. The furthest I can. I don't know where yet, but it has to be far enough so that they don't find me. Maybe even another country.

I'm sure you're going to say there are other solutions, but I can't see anything and my time is up. I need to take the first opportunity I will have to flee, and this might be this morning while my mother is at church. Anyway, my bag is ready.

Please just don't hate me because you know I love you more than anything else in the world. Life without you is going to be hell, but less than without you in that fucking school. Our friendship is what has helped me to endure this for so many years, but if I'm to be locked in a prison school and without your presence to help, I just won't survive...

I promise I'll try my best to keep you informed on the situation, but I have a few favors to ask in return.

Please don't ever tell my parents about this letter, nor say you knew about my departure. Don't let them ever find me.

Josh... I wish you good luck for your college application. I hope you'll be able to stand your ground and go wherever you want. Please... don't put Tony on my tracks. I don't want his help, he's already done a lot.

Mark... I also wish you good luck for the future. You're such a great cook already, I'm sure you'll succeed. Please thank your parents for everything they ever did for me. You already know, but you have the best parents on Earth, so cherish them.

Cam... I have faith in you. I know I'm not one to give lessons, but... please take care of yourself and Sony. I'm sure you'll pull through. Please just try and keep your urges low, don't fuck up, Bro... The martial arts idea is great, go for it!

I'm not sure what you should tell Danny, guys... Go for whatever you think is the best, but please take care of him for the rest of the year. And tell him I'm sorry.

I love you, guys. I wish I could hug you one last time before I go, but it won't be possible. By the time you receive this letter, I will be far away already. I'm truly sorry, but I must let you know you're the best persons I've ever met. Without you, I wouldn't have survived the last twelve years, so thank you for everything. Thank you for being more than friends and brothers.

I'll miss you.

This is only a goodbye, though, not a farewell. When you're done with your studies, I'm sure we'll meet again. By then, I'll be free to do whatever I want.

Please forgive me... I'll call on Joshua's mobile phone in a few days during a lunchbreak, so you have time to... "digest" my sudden departure.

Love you, guys. Forever.

Ron

By the time I sign the letter, I am just a sobbing mess and my tears are staining my writing, but I don't care. I don't have time to write this again, so I fold the piece of paper and put it in my bag. Keeping the momentum, I take another sheet of paper and start another letter that I'm going to leave on my desk.

Mom, Dad,

This is just to let you know that I have left. I'm not going to apologize for the worry I may cause, because for once, I am going to be sincere and tell you the truth. The hard truth.

I started losing my faith a long time ago. When I was 11, I would say. Ever since then, I've only been the perfect hypocrite, cursing and swearing inwardly while you forced me into all these damned rituals of praying, confessing and attending the mass. I lied more than a thousand times, played along without the least bit of sincerity. I wish you could have understood that all this bullshit is just not for me, but you're so stuck into your zeal that you would never have accepted it.

Well, I'm telling you, now. I hated it all. Don't go blame it on my friends or anyone else, because you are the only ones to blame in the end. If you hadn't been so rigid in your beliefs, things might have been different, but your strictness, your bigotry and your homophobia have only disgusted me and led me further away from your religion.

You just shouldn't have forced me. Religion is far more of a choice than being gay will ever be. I decided I wouldn't be religious. I didn't choose to be gay and since your uptight minds cannot understand this, there is just no point sharing anything further together.

This is my farewell, Mom and Dad. If it can help you getting over your failure at taming me, just know that according to your beliefs, my soul is already lost. Understand what you want to understand here, but I'll make it clear if it can make you turn the page on me and avoid you trying to look for me: I've masturbated for years. I've had sex with several guys already. I fucked and have been fucked too. See? I broke the freaking 6th commandment many times, so forget about a potential redemption of my soul, it's too late!

Now, I still wish you all the best for the years to come.

And thank you! Thank you Dad for having given me the opportunity to leave at last.

Now I'm going to enjoy my life the way I want, in a place where I'll feel good and free!

Aaron.

It is almost 4am when I finish this second letter, but rather than emotional – like when the first one was over – I feel relieved. I haven't expressed all my thoughts to my parents, but this is enough to make me feel better. I could have told them how much I hated their education and the way they treated me, or how I got raped and my father is one of the suspects for arranging this, but there wouldn't be any point. The most important is that I slipped I lost my virginity, hoping it will be enough for them not to look for me since my soul can't be saved from this sin. And all I want in the end is for them to leave me alone and in peace.

I think I should definitely get a bit of sleep now because today is going to be a long and painful day, so I hide my bag under my bed, the letter between two notebooks, and without bothering to undress, I roll myself into my comforter.

Yes, today is going to be the scariest Halloween ever. Not because of supposedly frightening makeup or costumes I may encounter, but because of the decision I made.

I have never been allowed to celebrate Halloween for obscure reasons. Most of the Catholics do celebrate it as it is known to be, parents let their children disguise in witches or little devils, then wander the streets to knock on doors and ask for candies.

However, my parents are among the few who take their religion too seriously and believe that Halloween is a way to worship witchcraft and evil. To them, dressing up as ghosts, devils or witches might attract evil spirits, which is the exact opposite of what Pagans sought in the origins of the celebration, as they would disguise and wear evil masks to thwart those evil spirits. They also thought that instead, we should prepare spiritually to celebrate All Saints' Day which happens on November 1st. Then there was also the fact that tricking or treating goes against their Catholic principles, that begging to families who don't have much to spare goes against the idea of helping the poor.

So, for all these stupid reasons, my parents have always forbidden me to participate in the fun kids usually have on Halloween with scaring other people or getting the thrills of fear at seeing others. Today, I wish I could get scared by silly costumes and masks, but my fear goes far beyond this.

Today, I am running away from this house and toward the unknown, and this is far more frightening than anything else.

And yet, I won't back off.

No, I am more determined than ever to achieve my plan to escape.

6am. I can hear my father's alarm go off and I still haven't slept, but it's too late now and my mind is too excited about today. I have spent the last two hours thinking about all the little details of my plan, making sure I won't forget anything. I hear my parents get up and while my mother goes downstairs to prepare breakfast, my father stops by the bathroom to get ready. Half an hour later, I hear him again in the corridor, then the lock of my bedroom gets undone and my door is opened. I feel his presence for at least two minutes before he walks away.

At 7, when he eventually leaves the house, I get up to enjoy a last good shower and get dressed. While I am in the bathroom, I steal a brand-new tube of toothpaste, a toothbrush, then add a few necessities like soap, my hairbrush, two towels and other stuff which might come in handy, then go and tuck them in my duffle bag. I put it back under my bed for now then go downstairs to have my breakfast. Catherine is leaving just then and after a quick – and cold – good morning, my mother heads upstairs to use the bathroom.

Perfect! This is exactly what I needed!

I hurry to the living room and to the file cabinet where I know my mother stores all the important documents. Luck is on my side as the key is in the lock, and I easily find the folder that bears my name. I gather all its contents which include school records, several copies of my birth certificate, my social security card and various other documents I might need in the future, as well as a few envelopes and stamps.

While I am alone in here, I do something awfully evil. I know my parents keep cash concealed in a fake book on the shelves of the bookcase. Once I find it, I grab all the notes that I hide in a pocket of my jeans, then stuck the folder with my documents underneath my tee-shirt and the waistband of my pants. I don't really know what this money is for, I guess it's just some savings. There seems to be quite a lot of cash though, but I don't feel bad anyway. I'm just telling myself it's what I would have cost them in food expenses for another year if I had stayed here.

Back in the kitchen, I eat toasts while gathering a few other things I might need in my runaway, like a pocket knife, a flask, a flashlight and a spoon. I also steal a few things from the fridge and cupboards – bananas and bread mostly – then return to my bedroom where I stuff all these in my school backpack. I'm glad I had time to think this over last night because I believe that I haven't forgotten any of the important items I will need.

Anyway, it's almost time for me to go to school, so while my mother is still in the bathroom, I sneak out of my window to throw my duffle bag in the backyard, where I will be able to get it a bit later. Before I leave, I take a last look at my bedroom, my former haven in this house, and half-conceal the letter to my parents underneath a textbook on my desk. I know they will visit my bedroom at some point and find it.

Well, I think I'm ready.

"Aaron!!! You're going to be late for school!!" I hear my mother call from the bottom of the staircase.

At least, it gives me a good excuse not to linger here any longer, so I put on a hoodie, then my warmest coat, add a winter hat and a scarf in my backpack, and hurry downstairs. I feel a slight pang when I meet my mother there, knowing this is the last time I see her. I almost feel sorry, but I can't draw back. My freedom is far more important. I give her a quick kiss and run off toward the school.

Just as I'm about to take a different path a bit further in order to reach the park where I'll be able to see my mother walk to the church as she does around 9 every morning, I stop dead in my tracks.

"Aaron!" a voice I know all too well suddenly calls me.

Shit!! What the heck is he doing here? Mark is always early in school! Why in the hell did he have to be late today of all days!? And damn! Of all my best friends... why did it have to be Mark? Mr. Perception. Just seeing his lively and cheerful enthusiasm has tears pool in my eyes, but as he gets closer, I hurry to swallow them back and bring a finger to my eye as if a speck of dust had gone in.

Don't flinch, Aaron. You can't draw back now. You can't afford to let your emotions perspire.

"Hey, how are you?" I ask nonchalantly.

"All good! Damn! I had to run back home cause I had forgotten the math paper we have to hand in this afternoon!" he grumbles as he picks up speed in his walking pace.

Thank goodness! He just gave me the perfect excuse to dodge him.

"Fuck!!! I forgot it too!! I gotta run back home now!"

"You'll be late if you go now..."

"Yeah, but I can't afford to not hand it back..." I protest, freeing myself from the hand that had gripped my wrist.

"I'll go with you!"

"No, no, I don't want to get you late," I reason in the most reassuring tone I can muster. "Go ahead and I'll join you in school shortly!"

"You sure?" he asks warily.

"Yeah, don't worry. I'll be quick."

"Want me to inform school you'll be a few minutes late?"

"Nah, it's not necessary and I might even make it on time if I run," I reply cheerfully with a wink.

"Okay, see you in a bit then!" he replies, ready to resume his long strides to school.

"Hey Mark! Thanks, Bro!" I can't help saying and as he turns around, his usual generous expression with his warm smile plastered on his face, it takes all my self-control not to throw myself at him for a last hug. Fuck! I am going to miss him, Josh and Cam so badly!

"You're welcome, Ron. Now hurry up and don't get in trouble!" he replies with a wink.

Before I really start crying and cower from my plans, I flip on my heels and pretend to go back home, but at the end of my street, I look back, see that Mark is now out of sight, and head back to the park. Once there, I settle in a discreet area, light a cigarette and let myself cry my frustration out. I know the next few days are going to be the hardest, but I must stay strong. I'm certain that I have made the right decision, and however difficult this is going to be, it is the best option.

A few cigarettes later, I see my mother, followed by Ananie and Noelly, pass by the park, in direction of the church. I could take my time because I think they usually don't go back home until noon, but there's just no point delaying this, so I sling my backpack over my shoulders, and hurry back home. I don't waste any time there either, just getting my duffle bag before I walk in direction of the next bus stop on the White Horse Pike, and there, I take bus 403 to Camden.

From a conversation I once overheard at school, hitchhiking is forbidden in New Jersey. This is not going to help me, but if I am cautious enough and make sure I avoid police cars, I should be fine. The thing is I need to reach Bellmawr so that I can find someone who will pick me up on I295 toward the west, and I need to do this as quickly as possible, so the bus is the only option and it's cheap enough.

Exiting Collingswood clearly has my heart constrict in my chest again. Tears are prickling my eyes, threatening to flood my cheeks, but I still hold them back. I know I can do this. However, as bus 400 takes me from Camden on the Black Horse Pike to Bellmawr, pulling me further and further away from my friends, my heart sinks in and tears definitely escape from my eyes. Shit! I should have taken some tissues! Instead, I just use the sleeve of my coat to wipe my cheeks.

Man up, Aaron! You know you took the right decision! Now be strong and make it happen!

Published on September 2019

This was the last chapter in NJ and consequently with Mark, Josh and Cam, but don't worry, it won't be long before you hear about them again. They'll always be there somehow in most of the other chapters and their first reunion isn't that far.

That chapter was an example of how much of a contradictory character Aaron is. On one side, we can see his immaturity in making a hasty decision that might not be the best, because he simply followed his instinct, and on the other side, he proves himself smart and efficient enough, quickly processing his plans and gathering whatever he may need.

About Greyhound buses, they obviously require an ID for their passengers, so as you can imagine, Aaron will hitch-hike, but no worries, you'll only get to see the end of it as we're moving two months later in the next chapter, just before he reaches Los Angeles. Some of you also asked whether we'd see the guys' POV on their own reaction to Aaron's runaway, and the answer is no. The first two books are entirely in Aaron's POV, but you'll still get their reaction in the next chapter.

And lastly, I have finally made my mind on a publishing day, so updates will come up on Wednesdays from now on.