The new synopsis

A lost childhood, 
A chaotic present,
A set of parents who needs to get a taste of their own medicine,
And a journey to redemption, severing old ties and creating new ones. 
A journey of 52 weeks that portrays the strength of a United family and a girl who vowed to never give up even though she has every reason to.

♡♡♡

Being numb is the inability to feel any kind of emotion. Be it pain or happiness or anything remotely close to any type of sentiment and that's what Rufaidah feels after offering some units of nawafil for her brother.

"Eat something please,  you sure do have a headache" Yaya shams urged,  giving her his best puppy face though he is as broken as she is or even more, he's trying so hard to make her feel better,  to ease her pain in whatever way he can.  He can't believe the extent of the cruelty of his parents and for the life of him cannot fathom how they are able to smile and laugh despite the terrible things they have done to their children and family.

" I am not hungry,  please leave me alone B" she scrunched her face, giving him a blank look that masked off her emotions.

"Alright then, let's go on a hunger strike for as long as you want us to"

"No, please don't die and leave me alone,  it will ruin me" she quickly interrupted,  springing up from the bed and taking the now cold plate of jollof rice from shams.

He smiled a triumphant smile before joining her on the carpeted floor.  They ate in silence,  shams thinking of how to ask her whether she's ready to meet their parents while she's just picturing him as Musayyib,  eating together like she was told they did.

"Was I really a good person? " She asked. Her eyes filled with hope.

"Yes you were,  I can remember Al'amin saying he's going to make you his wife one day because there's no one as perfect and kind as you're.  It devastates him whenever you act arrogantly or wear indecent clothes. You used to be close by the way,  like really close" he replied,  choosing his words carefully.

"Nah! That can't be true,  yaya Al'amin hates me with every fibre of his being"

"He doesn't hate you,  he just can't endure seeing you that way"

"Not that way, it's this way. I am still a bad person,  nothing has changed" she dismissed the topic like she wasn't the one who started it.

After scraping the plate clean,  Shams offered her a bottle of water which she drank in two huge gulps.  " Being told about the past you never knew existed sure makes someone hungry.  Thanks for the food B. I wanna be alone"

Shams obliged her request,  no questions asked and he informed the members of the house to not disturb his overly disturbed sister whom he doesn't know how to act around anymore.

After he left, Rufaidah picked the discarded pictures of Musayyib on the bed and hug them to her chest.  She wanted to cry so bad but the tears aren't coming,  she want to do anything that will confirm to her that she is still human and she has a heart beating in her chest but there's nothing,  she just stood there, with the picture she can't remember posing for no matter how hard she try, yet she can feel the connection with the innocent unsmiling boy in it,  even if she can't remember loving him as much as she was told she did, she feels the connection between them, she feels like losing him made her lose herself to the darkness,  like he was the light that shines her life,  the goodness in it, the one who makes her better and when he left,  every good thing went away with him leaving her with nothing but a darkness that's too strong to let light penetrate.

♡♡♡

After two hours,  Hajia thought that Rufaidah is sleeping so she went into her room to pick some documents only to find her standing like a statue staring into space.

"Rufaidah are you okay?" She sounded alarmed,  she has to. The scene looks spooky.

If she heard her,  Rufaidah didn't react. she has to shake her vigorously before she broke out of the spell looking lost and disoriented which breaks Hajiya's heart.

"Allah never burdens a soul with more than it can bear my dear, have patience,  be prayerful and everything is going to be perfectly okay as planned by the best of planners.  Don't worry about what has already passed, focus on the future, overcome your fears and deal with your pain" she consoled,  leading her to the bathroom.

"It's late already,  take a bath, say your ishaa prayers and then call it a day.  Sleep it off and don't lock away your pain, feel it all at once and be done with it. We are here for you Rufaidah and we love you never forget that"

Rufaidah did as she was told and even ate dinner with Zubaidah who brought her a new set of pyjamas to wear.  "When are you finishing your exams?" She asked.

"Next week in shaa Allah" Zubaidah replied with a huge smile,  excited that Rufaidah willingly initiated a conversation with her.

" Just know that I don't hold anything against you. It wasn't your fault. It must be hard to carry the weight of such a heavy guilt for years and I want to relieve you of such. Even if it was intentional I forgive you Zubaidah and please don't ever bring the issue of you being behind my memory loss ever again.  Not to me, not to anyone because it was destined to happen, you were just there to fulfil what has been decreed".

Wiping a stubborn tear, Zubaidah smiled "You really are something else Rufaidah.  You're a good person.  Thank you so much sis jazakillah with all things good in this world and beyond" she entwined their hands together,  unable to control her emotions she burst into tears and hug her tightly.

"Don't be sad, be happy,  Musayyib wouldn't want you to be sad" She whispered,  looking directly into her eyes.

"I'll try,  hope I haven't wrecked your room beyond salvation?" She asked,  getting up to leave the room. She met uncle Jibrin and the others in the living room watching the network news.

"Assalamu Alaikum everyone!  I am sorry if I hurt anyone of you one way or the other,  nothing makes sense in my life until today.  I am always angry at everything and everyone and I have no regards for any breathing being but now I know why, at least part of the reason why. I can't promise to give you back the Rufaidah that you knew and love all those years but I can assure you that I am going to try as best as I can to change for the better,  to make you all proud and shame those that want me to stray but I want to be away for a while, preferably to a village somewhere with no civilization so as to sort out myself"  she announced in a hoarse voice.

Uncle Jibrin sighed and removed his glasses before tapping a space beside him for Rufaidah to sit.

"Alhamdulillah! I am extremely happy that you are acting like the kind soul that you are,  you don't have to go somewhere to sort out yourself because you're here, you're Rufaidah Sa'ad the sweet girl who  took care of her ailing brother,  you're the girl who suffered the loss of a dear one and her memories,  you are the girl who is unfortunate to have parents who are bad at parenting so just keep praying,  have faith in Allah and everything is going to be alright"

"Thank you,  but I want to be away from here else I will go mad with dark thoughts, I might even hate my parents more than I do" she insisted.

Uncle Jibrin is at loss, he vowed to never contact his sister again and it was a promise he took for his father and now that his parents are gone and wounds have healed a long time ago he thinks it's time to contact his dearly beloved sister whom he thinks of and wonder how she's doing everyday since the day she left them.

"Okay, get some sleep,  we shall discuss this further tomorrow morning in shaa Allah"  Rufaidah nodded, bade everyone good night and left.

She didn't think of the consequences of her words,  she just say them out loud without even knowing where the thought comes from but it sounded like the right thing to do and she will take her chance, gamble the life she has in quest for something she didn't even know she want.  In a place that's alien to her and definitely somewhere she's not going to enjoy staying at.

♡♡♡

Daddy was so busy he forgot about the emergency his PA told him about and since he hardly call his wife when he's away from home to ask after the family,  he didn't call her and went directly to bed after a tiring yet successful meeting with the investors.

The ringing of his phone startled him into wakefulness,  he picked the phone from where he kept it on the bedside drawer without checking the caller ID.

"Who's this please?" He sounds irritated.  Hajiya Aisha huffed in annoyance,  the nerve of her husband to be past asleep while she is left alone at home, pacing for hours in search of a solution to a problem they uniformly created with their own hands because they are stupid and selfish and generally bad people.

"I believe your PA passed my message? " she asked.

"Ohh Aisha sorry please, what is the emergency?  He told me but I was so busy and just too tired to call back." He sat down on the bed, crossing his legs and slouching on the propped up pillow.

Despite her anger, Hajiya Aisha narrated everything that happened the other night to her husband and what shams told her.

"it's okay, she can't hate us more than she did already,  Jibrin will never stop meddling in my family business so it's no big deal" he dismissed the topic like she just told him his daughter lost her lunch box at school and he needs to send money to get her a new one.

"When did you become so cruel Sa'ad? " she whispered,  unable to keep quiet as she did all those years because she is in love with him but more with the idea of being the wife of a very rich and influential man.

"As a mother, you made me do terrible things to my children to the extent of losing not just one but four of them because of how bad we are, you made me abort our babies several times,  you made me do all the bad things I've ever done in my entire life and yet, here we are, you acting cold and cruel about an issue that concerns our children like it means nothing to you if they love and respect us or not.  We lost the others hun, we can't lose these two"

"Have I ever force you to abandon your kids and follow me around?  Was I the person that told you to stay holed up in your room neglecting your duties as a mother to a young angry teenager?  Was I the person that suggested we should hide the pictures of Musayyib and anything that will remind her of him? Was I the person that took you to the hospital to get an abortion?  Have I ever force you to do anything?  I make the suggestions and you go along with it like you always do. Don't sit there and heap the blame on me, I never wanted kids to begin with but I love them and I provide more than enough for all of you so please save your breath.

You are free to either come clean and tell them the whole truth or stay holed up in your room because that's what you do best" he replied heatedly,  flailing his hands in the air before finally cutting the call with a loud hiss.

He held his head in his hands and cried out loud before he started hitting his head on the headboard until blood started dripping before he finally get off the bed and ambulated to the bathroom to clean his wound.

Hajiya Aisha was rendered immobile by her husband's outburst. He's right about so many things but she can never tell him that.  She wiped her face and lay in bed picturing Musayyib,  the son she never get to love or grieve his loss and the other three who never call or text her but always fill her account with money as if that will make her happy or fulfilled.  Shams is the sweetest of them all and he acts as if he doesn't have an idea about how broken they are.  He confronted her the day he learned about Rufaidah's memory loss and the aftermath because he was away when it happened and he vowed to not hide it from his sister.

Rufaidah is the kindest of all before the memory loss then she became so difficult and hateful and vile that it's not easy to interact with her. She is straightforward and adamant and she has always been a handful but despite the anger and hatred in her heart Hajiya Aisha knows deep down that Rufaidah is the very best of her and she's going to be alright no matter how many times she proved to be bad, Hajiya Aisha never fail to see the goodness in her.

She glanced at the huge wall clock in her room the exact moment the time strikes 12am. She wanted to call her daughter and apologize or even send her a message but she doesn't have the courage to do that so she got ready for bed and slept off with different negative thoughts on her mind and how she's going to have a very serious conversation with her husband when he comes back.

Hajiya Aisha woke up feeling anxious the next morning only to find her best friend, Mama waiting for her in the main living room.

"Manyan mata sai yanzu garin naki ya waye? (Big woman, is it now that the sun rises for you?)" Mama greeted with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

"Good morning. How is Faridah? " Mommy replied,  plopping down on a couch adjacent the one Mama occupied with a tired sigh.

"Alhamdulillah,  Faridah is at the hospital,  I guess you still know your way around town. You can drive there and see for yourself"

Mommy face palmed before saying " I'm sorry I haven't been a good friend to you and you have every reason to resent me but please can we focus on the problem at hand? I will visit Faridah if that's going to make you forgive me"

Mama wasn't surprised by what her friend said because she's used to all her selfishness and self centeredness but she has had enough and isn't going to let it slide like she has been doing for all those years.

"Look here Aisha!  You don't own me and you certainly don't owe me anything in return for my loyalty and kindness towards you.  You're too selfish for my liking and I'm done tolerating you"

"I came here because as a good person I should have listened to you when you called even though my daughter is lying in bed fighting for her life,  oblivious to what's going on around her so out of the goodness of my heart I came here to help you out but I've changed my mind. You deserve the hatred Rufaidah shows towards you and I'm actually happy that someone has made the right decision to tell her about her past so that she will know the extent of your negligence and cruelty towards her and maybe,  just maybe it will be the reason that will finally change her for good."

"Whenever I set my eyes on that poor girl, my heart breaks for her because I always see the anger, the pain and the desperation to know herself behind her eyes. You took everything away from her substituting it with nothing,  you took away her family from her leaving her lonely and angry and lost and now you want me Habiba to help you tell more lies to that innocent child when you don't care about my daughter who has been the person who stood by your daughter through her worst. Do you have any shame?"  Mama ranted as mommy listened with rapt attention.  Knowing that she is not going to say anything to defend herself because she is guilty as charged, Mama picked her hand bag and stormed out of the house feeling good that she has finally given Aisha a taste of her own medicine but the bigger part of her, her conscience is saying otherwise but she vowed to ignore it for a change.

Mommy stood there, mulling over the hurtful things mama said to her. How dare her say something like that to her, they have been best friends all their lives, they are supposed to have each other's back but that sounds hypocritical even to her because she has always been the receiver who gives nothing in return.  She went back to her room to take a bath and stay there watching Tv or fiddling with her phone.

Ummi brought her breakfast which she ordered to be taken away immediately because she has no appetite,  she can't eat until she hear from Shams.

"Shamsuddeen where are you? " she asked not bothering to answer his greeting.

"I am at work Mommy,  any problem?" He replied cooly,  as if nothing is amiss, like he didn't tell her the secret that will break the remaining trust her daughter have in her and it irks her that her son,  his father and her best friend are not taking her seriously.

"Where is Rufaidah? " she hissed out.

"She is coming back later,  I left while she is sleeping.  I will call you later,  my attention is needed here" he didn't wait for her reply before he cut the call.

"Yah Allah please don't make her hate me too much" she whispered.

She waited for the call to come and Rufaidah's footsteps to echo the hallway till 12am before she finally give up.

♡♡♡

Rufaidah wanted to go home the moment she woke up but Hajiya told her to spend another day with them. She didn't want her to go home in her mental state so as not to lash out on Hajiya Aisha even though she deserves it.  Uncle Jibrin said the same thing so did Hafeez and Zubaidah who is trying so hard to revive their bond.

She devoted her time to her Islamic books, learning those that needs to be learned off head and reviewing those she is to know without saying by heart. She ate much,  smile and act nicely towards everyone and even say a thing or two to the occupants of the house.  On the whole,  she seems fine from the outside. Everyone knew that it is the calm before the storm.

"I haven't seen anyone apart from you and Yaya Hafeez.  Are you the only children of uncle Jibrin? " Rufaidah wondered out loud.

"Nope! We are actually three. The eldest is married and lives in another town.  Let me call her for you" Zubaidah replied,  removing her phone from the socket to make the call.

"Hello Ya Hanan how are you and the cookie monsters?" She greeted winking at Rufaidah.  After exchanging pleasantries and jibes here and there she told her sister the reason why she called and the excited squel she gave out warmed Rufaidah's heart. She thought it was all in her head that they genuinely love her but Ya Hanan's reaction proved her wrong.

Zubaidah handed her the phone and the over excited parrot big sister went on and on gisting her about things and people she doesn't know.  "Alright bye Rufy love, I'll call you later, my kids are back from school and make sure you come visit me soon" she finally ended the call after 30minutes of torture.

"She's so nice right?" Zubaidah asked with hope in her eyes.

"Yes she is very nice. I like her but not the way she talks" she mumbled the
last part under her breath.

★★★★
Assalamu Alaikum guys! Who missed me and my crappy updates?  I'm so sorry for taking this long to update just be patient and keep managing okay? I appreciate you guys more than you could ever know. 

I've changed the synopsis as promised so cast away your votes, thoughts on the comment section and please don't hesitate to tell me how badly I'm doing,  it will make me improve.

شكرا لكم جميعا.