Chapter Twenty-Nine: The Letter

Lincoln

How much whiskey can one man's body hold?

I'm lying on my back on the hard mats of my home gym, staring up at the ceiling as I contemplate the question. My lungs are on fire, my abs squeezing in protest from how much I've exerted myself, and yet the pain still doesn't top my broken heart. I thought drinking would numb it, so I took an entire bottle to the face of whiskey, and when that didn't do it, I came to the gym and hit the punching bag over and over and over again until I threw up what seemed to be half the bottle of whiskey in the trash can.

I'm past the point of being angry. I'm past the point of being sad. I'm the type of drunk that makes me feel numb. The type that erases every ounce of feeling that I had and replaces it with stone. Sienna got my flowers, I know she did because I called her hotel for confirmation that they were delivered. Even with the letter professing my feelings, she still didn't call me back.

Can I blame her? I was an ass, and just as Carmen said, flowers were a shitty apology. I should have flown to Europe for her, and I contemplated it, but she was working, and there's nothing that would annoy her more than a love interest disrupting her on a business trip. Her company means everything to her, and showing up with a risk of her client seeing would be unprofessional.

I pant heavily and blink a few times, ignoring the stars dancing in my vision. I have to get back to work on Monday. I can't keep wallowing in this condo with half-eaten boxes of sweet and sour chicken. Every time I order it I think it'll remind me of her, and it does, but not in a good way. I'll eat a few pieces and then remember how she'd roll her eyes when I took the last piece, and then I'd set the box down with the others, my stomach raw and in knots, incapable of handling any sort of food.

I refuse to be this pathetic, no matter how heartbroken I may be, so I use a bench to pull myself to my feet, swaying slightly before I use the walls to guide me to my bedroom. My eyes sting from all the fucking crying, and I have stubble from not shaving. I glance at the mirror while I'm brushing my teeth, despising the man that I see in the reflection.

A man that can't ever get it right. A man that couldn't see his father struggling. A man that couldn't be patient with the one girl who's ever meant something to him. A man that let his ego get the very best of him.

I spit the toothpaste into the sink, then the mouthwash when I hear the elevator doors open in the entryway. Letting out a groan, I grip the sides of the sink and hang my head, letting out a deep breath as I prepare to be faced with either Margo or my mother. Both of them have checked in on me non-stop, and quite frankly, despite their good intentions, they are getting on my fucking nerves.

My body is still dripping in sweat as I walk out into the kitchen. I'm wearing only a pair of gym shorts, no shirt as I grip the island to keep myself from falling. If my mother sees me piss drunk I know she'll take care of me and put me to bed, but if Margo sees me piss drunk? I'm done for. It'll be an hour-long scolding that I don't think I can handle tonight.

But it's not Margo or my mother. It's Sienna. For a second, I think I'm having some sort of hallucination from all the liquor I drank, so I blink a few times to let it register. Her hair is swept up into a loose bun, a knee-length baby pink dress that seems wrinkled and slept in. I'm too stunned to speak, but when I hear her choke out, "Linc," in the softest whisper-sob I've ever heard, I fight back tears of my own.

And then she's running to me, her heels clattering against the hardwood floors before she jumps into my arms and hugs me tight. I'm immediately welcomed with the smell of her, the warmth of her, the very things that I've been dreaming about for the past two weeks.

"Sienna," I mutter into her hair, breathing a sigh of relief. "God, I missed the hell out of you. I'm so sorry."

Her lips are suddenly on mine, and I stagger back against the countertop from the force of it, my mind trying to keep up with all that's happening. My hands tear down the zipper of her dress until it falls to the floor, and then I'm lifting her up and carrying her into my bedroom. I've never had sex with her in here, but I want no distractions tonight. Not Harry Potter, not The Bachelor, just her and I in this bed.

"Are you drunk?" she pants as she scans my eyes, and then they soften when her fingers run over the stubble around my mouth. "Linc, you look..."

"Terrible," I mutter, "I know. And I was drunk, but I worked out and then I...well...it's not important." The last thing I want to tell her is that I emptied all of the liquor and the remaining contents of my stomach.

Tears roll down her cheeks in a matter of seconds. "I'm so sorry for running away. I needed time to process how you felt, and these past few weeks away from you were awful. I realized what an idiot I was, and I was just scared to tell you that I care for you too, but I want this, okay? I do. I want it more than anything."

I lay her on her back on my king-sized bed, letting my eyes rake over her body that's in nothing but a red lace thong and no bra. In my wildest fantasies, I'd never dream that a woman like Sienna would want anything to do with me. From her long legs to those hazel eyes, to her bun of hair that's falling out, sprawling against my white comforter, I'm at a loss for words as I trail my fingertips down one of her legs, hearing her suck in a sharp breath. "I have a lot to apologize for, Sienna, and I have about a thousand ways that I want to make it up to you, but I meant everything I said in that letter. Every word."

She blinks up at me, then swallows. "I didn't read it."

"What? Did you not get it? I told them to keep it with the arrangement."

"No, it was there, I just..." She sighs. "I couldn't read it. I made the last-minute decision to come back after I realized how I felt. I'm sorry that I avoided it, but I'm here now, and that's what matters, right? I want to try things with us, Lincoln, but I need you to know that we need to take this slow. I can't handle anything else."

Well, thank god she didn't read it then. My emotions were displayed all over that letter, and I even said the one thing that I know now would have her running for the hills. It's better that she ignored it. In fact, I feel less embarrassed.

"You can always tell me," she whispers. "You can tell me anything."

I shake my head as I pick up one of her legs, her black heels falling to the floor with a thud. Now might be the perfect time to tell her about her psychotic ex and how he might possibly be stalking her, but again, I don't have confirmation yet from Archer, and I don't want to bring this to her attention until I know that it's a plausible threat.

Besides, the only thing I'm focused on right now is her tits on full display to me, her pink nipples just begging to be sucked on. I plant kisses up her calf, rolling my tongue along her skin as I do so. Her skin is so smooth, looking like white silk from the moonlight flooding in from the window behind us, and I'm breathing heavily by the time I reach her inner thigh. "I think...we talk afterward, okay?"

She nods desperately, tugging on my hair to bring me closer. I'm smiling as I continue my kisses across her lower stomach now, just above the hemline of the thong. I want to bury myself in her, I want to feel her tightness, her wetness, just...all of her. Every inch of her.

I'm in love with this woman, and if she had read the letter then she'd know that, but I don't want to scare her off. She's willing to try, and we've got all the time in the world now. I'll wait to say it when the time is right. For now, I'll show her my love through my affection. I'll please her to prove to her just how desperate I am for her to love me back.

I slide my body on top of hers, and Sienna is panting harder, eyes closed and hands clutching tightly on my back. I'm kissing her breasts now, and then I bury my head in between her neck and shoulder, moving my hard-as-a-rock cock to her entrance.

"Linc," she pants.

"I know, baby, I know," I groan, and then she's squirming under me in anticipation, her hands coming up to grasp my shoulders. I'm fully on top of her now, relaxing my weight on her.

"Linc," she says again. I want to show her just how much I can please her. How ready I am for her. "Lincoln. Stop. Please."

My body freezes at her words, and when I glance down, I realize tears are pouring down her cheeks. Her hands that I thought were bracing me with anticipation were actually trying to push me off of her, the shaking of her body from fear rather than pleasure. I stumble back to my feet as quickly as possible, gulping loudly as I continue to scan her over. How could I have let this happen? Was I not paying enough attention? How did I not realize that she was uncomfortable?

Does that make me as bad as her ex?

"No, Linc, it's fine. It's not your fault," she gasps between sobs, her hand resting on her chest when she sits up to stare at me. Her chest is rising and falling rapidly, mascara staining her cheeks, and all I can do is stand here looking like the biggest idiot on the planet. I just got her back and now I fucked it up. Again.

In seconds, she flings up from the bed to dart into the bathroom, falling to her knees to dry heave in the toilet. My heart breaks as I follow her inside and sink down beside her, stroking her back to try and get her to calm down. "I didn't know," I whisper as I blink away my own tears. "I'm so sorry, Sienna."

"You wouldn't have known," she says with a sniffle. "I didn't make it obvious. I was trying to handle it with you on top of me, but that position is just..." She shakes her head and breaks down into more sobs, collapsing into my chest on the bathroom floor. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I can't handle that. We've never done that position before for a reason, but I wanted to try, and I...I failed."

I tilt her chin up to look at me, my heart breaking all over again at the sight of her teary eyes. "You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for," I tell her. "It means everything that you tried for me. There's no rush. We can take this as slow together as you want, alright? If that means we don't have sex until you're ready then I'll handle it. I was wrong to ever let you go in the first place when you told me from the beginning that this would be difficult for you. I want you to know that I'm all in this, Sienna. One hundred percent in. The ball is in your court, and I'm following your lead."

"I'm just so fucked up, Linc, and I don't know how to fix me. He fucked me up."

I'm going to tread carefully, but maybe she's ready to tell me about it. I'll open up the door, and if she wants to open up to me, then great, and if not, maybe she will in the future. She can walk through this door or close it. It's up to her.

"Who fucked you up?" I ask. Her body is still shaking from head to toe against my chest, and as I glance around at the bathroom, I wince. Nobody would want to talk about their past like this, and as comfortable as she thinks she is with me, I know she probably doesn't want to be naked right now. "Let's get you in some clothes, alright? What if I make us some hot chocolate? Then we can talk about it if you want."

After a few moments of hesitation, she nods, and I breathe a sigh of relief, carrying her into the bedroom again. I'm not sure what I'm in for, but what I do know is that I'm going to be here, and no matter what story she tells me, I'm not going to leave her side.