In freshman year of college I was attracted to this boy who was part of this well-known trio on campus. Looking back, I see how that trio was an odd one but somehow, they managed to make it work.

You had Steve—the alpha, the leader of the pack, always wearing leather jackets and sunglasses indoors. He was known as the cool one, but Trent later told me he really became cool by telling a lot of dubious stories. One in particular comes to mind: he was walking his dog in the city—he didn't trust Okin so he always kept his eyes on the dog—and he got distracted by a phone call from an unknown number. He took his eyes off the dog for ten seconds to turn down the call and, when he looked back, his dog had grown 25-feet tall, struggling to fit through the skyscrapers and turning over cars with his gigantic paws. Steve was forced to walk the dog back home in that state—which was the most embarrassing thing in his life—and, not to mention, fit him into his small apartment.

Then there was Rodney; he was a bit of a wild card. He'd lived most of his life as a loser, always targeted as a weirdo. Especially after the first day of high school, when he was so anxious his stomach was killing him, so he squatted in the middle of the classroom, pulled down his pants, and dropped a deuce on the floor. Had that been all there was to it, maybe it wouldn't have haunted him for years, but it should also be mentioned that his feces were perfectly round like those of a rabbit. Some poor janitor had to pick up the several fecal pellets, but the smell didn't leave that room for weeks and nobody ever set foot in it again. Somehow, Rodney managed to turn things around, when he was seventeen, and get this story to make him look cool. When asked about it, he said he embraced his spirit animal: the rabbit.

And last, but not least in my eyes, was Trent. He was the perfect middle ground between Steve's charisma and Rodney's ineptitude. You'd often see him wearing hoodies and t-shirts and his trademark All Stars. With a perennial dimple printed on the left side of his mouth, you'd believe he was always giving you a faint smile. But, when you got closer, his gray eyes clouded both his facial features and your judgment and, with just one look, he'd make you feel like a fraud for that slight backstabbing you'd unconsciously done in middle school. That was his charm, to me. He was naive, and innocent, and cute, but also mysterious, reserved, and cryptic. He seemed so approachable, and yet so unreachable.

You have to understand that, because of my unpredictable life, I'd never seriously dated anyone, nor did I actively seek any relationship. As a matter of fact, at nineteen, I was still a virgin. But Trent was the first person that got me thinking about getting in the game. And my good friend at the time, Kathy, kept pushing me to make a move. But, in the first few months, I never dared get anywhere near Trent. There'd never been any interaction between us, if not for an inadvertent meeting of the eyes followed by a sheepish smile. I'd be lying if I told you I'd never come home to relive that moment for a whole day and maybe imagine some follow-up scenarios to it.

The first time Trent's world and mine collided was after an incredibly boring class—I remember thinking my thirteenth death would be of boredom. At the time, I was self-conscious about this mole I had on the left side of my face, to the point I always tried to get only my right side in pictures. It was so obvious, I didn't even have to tell Kathy. She just noticed me always covering that side with my hand and put two and two together.

Anyway, when we were leaving, we crossed paths with the trio. The bad boy, Steve, took off his sunglasses and sized us up. Then his left eye vanished and a mole—my mole—appeared in its place. I remember my heart pounding and fluttering my empty stomach. I could feel Trent's eyes on me, but I couldn't bring myself to look away from Steve. When his eye reappeared, his mouth disappeared and was replaced by the mole. Steve didn't even look like himself without his mouth. He raised his eyebrows and as he did, a single hair sprouted out of his mole-mouth and curled itself to length.

"Alright, alright," Trent spoke and allowed my eyes to break free of Steve. I saw him staring daggers at his friend. "Uncalled for, Steve. We've talked about this, and you know where I stand on persecution."

Steve had once again a normal mouth, with his tongue out. "Yeah, we've talked about this, Trent. And you know where I stand on tailgating." There was no trace of the smirk now; he was eerily serious.

Rodney was looking down at his phone through his double chin, obsessively pressing pause on a video that kept playing undeterred. His two friends were in a staring contest, no blinking, their mouths set in hard lines. At once, Trent's look became fierce. "Monkeys don't fly. Do they, Steve?" he said, and I perceived a disparaging emphasis on "Steve".

Steve sucked air through his teeth. "I guess you have a point." He nudged Rodney and beckoned at him, keeping his eyes on Trent until they left the room. Trent slowly let go of his own stare and brought his eyes over to me. I felt heat creeping into my cheeks.

"Thanks, I guess," I said, though my voice came out raspy. I could already picture myself mentally traveling back in time over and over to change the sound of my voice for the first words I uttered to Trent.

"Don't mention it. The night's a little more brilliant now," Trent said, his dimple exaggerated by an actual smile. "I know Steve can be a bit of an asshole sometimes, but he has a good heart."

"I feel like I should repay you in some way," I said with a better voice, having silently cleared my throat.

Trent shrugged. "Please. Hey— Alice, is it?" I nodded. "I'm Trent."

"I know."

He gave me the widest smile I'd ever seen on him and left. It was by no means a lengthy chat, but that didn't stop Kathy from freaking out on our way out. And, though I kept my cool with her, it didn't stop me from replaying it in my head over and over on the way home. I replayed it for at least one hour because, that day, I couldn't find my house so I went back and forth the same two streets. I didn't realize I'd walked past my house about ten times but, to be fair, my head was somewhere else.

In the following days, there were more interactions with Trent. They started off small. One day, Steve had tried hitting on Lauren, valedictorian and captain of the cheerleaders, and he ended up getting a scolding-lecture from her. Kathy and I were watching from afar, not-so-secretly enjoying the scene, when Trent joined us and crossed his arms. I glanced at him a few times, hoping to meet his eyes, but he was so intent on watching the scene. I was trying to figure out something smart to say when Kathy spoke. "Looks like Steve flew too close to the sun," she said, also preceding Trent's chuckle.

But Trent didn't chuckle. "I told him he shouldn't have gone for it. I can't stand Lauren," he said, not taking his eyes off Steve's public humiliation.

"You can't stand her?" Kathy sounded incensed. "She's, like, goals. She's perfect. And she's so nice—I mean, come on. She's not even mad at Steve, right now, she's letting him down easy. And, chances are, Steve will come out a better person from this confrontation. You can't be serious, Trent. What's not to like about her?"

"It's just a gut feeling," Trent said and turned to look at us, but his eyes locked with mine instead of Kathy's. "Never trust people who are good at everything."

Another interaction came when we were in the computers room and I was struggling to figure out how PowerPoint worked. I'd asked Kathy for help, but she had a way of striving to be perfect and proving it to everyone. So, when I handed the computer over to her, she had that kind of energy you can only have after the third cup of coffee in the morning. "Alright, see, here are the settings, right? You want this here, right? Am I right, Alice? Am I? Oh, wait, no. That's not it. Oof. You see, the thing is, I have a different version on my computer. They've changed all the settings. But it should be here, we just have to find it. Give me a sec. Alice, please, stay quiet."

But I wasn't talking. I was just admiring the melt down—only slightly annoyed by it—and how there were more one's and zero's flying around Kathy's head than on the computer. Plus, her voice got progressively louder so, at one point, she was basically screaming. It went on for a while, and I was so embarrassed and irritated because everyone was looking at us but, looking back now, I feel grateful for that moment. Because Trent decided to approach us and say, "What are you guys failing to do?"

I talked before Kathy could even bring her eyes over to him—though I was unsure she even heard him over herself. I explained the problem and, without a word, he bent over the desk and took the mouse away from Kathy, who was still rambling. "There you go," he said, after clicking on two or three things—which got Kathy to shut up.

"That's it?" I wondered.

"Yes. You're golden," he said.

"I am?"

"Yeah, and it's not even Halloween." The corner of his mouth quirked up as his eyes analyzed my face, pupils dilated. Then he walked back to his friends.

I got my little round mirror from my bag and looked inside. "Oh god," I said, finding my whole face painted in glittery golden. I was to ask Kathy why she hadn't said anything, but she was counting her fingers and had her brows furrowed, so I decided to let it go.

A few days later, I initiated an interaction with Trent. He was, as usual, around his two friends but I'd noticed that day there was something off about Rodney. As I discretely scrutinized him, I couldn't quite tell what it was, and I didn't know if Trent and Steve had noticed it as well. I did ask Kathy, but she just shrugged and said he looked the same to her. That's when I realized it was the perfect excuse to talk to Trent. So I waited for him to be away from the boys and, as soon as he was, I approached him. He saw me coming his way and gave me a cute smile. I returned it—though I don't know if my smile was cute.

"There's something different about Rodney today, isn't there?" I asked him, trying to keep my tone as casual as possible.

"It's the bowler hat. I told him it was stupid." He clicked his tongue and shook his head. My eyes went back to Rodney; I squinted them to analyze him from the distance. Though it was true that he was wearing a bowler hat—which was quite unusual since nobody was wearing anything like that—there was still something off about him.

"No, that's not it. It must be something else; something we're all missing," I said, fearing for a second my eyes would look menacing if Rodney were to turn around.

"Did he get a haircut or something?" Trent asked and, though he probably didn't realize it, that triggered the realization of what was different. Rodney's face—his whole head, actually—was missing and in its place was a large pinecone.

I put a hand over Trent's shoulder—which sent some kind of electricity running through both our bodies. "Look at his face. Jesus, how could we not see it before!"

Trent snapped his fingers and nodded. "Right. Well, it's Thursday, so..."

"Why don't you talk much?" I said out of the blue, which threw him off. "I mean, Steve talks all the time. Why do we barely ever hear you speak?"

"I could say the same about you, Alice." He gave me a look from behind his eyebrow. "Besides, I find that those who talk a lot often have nothing to say."

The next morning, I woke up to the decision of asking Trent out on a date. I wore more makeup than usual—I spent over one hour in the bathroom—and tried to properly comb my hair, but I kept getting twigs and autumn leaves stuck in it.

Before I went to make my move, I told Kathy about my plans. I was expecting her to be all excited and shouting and doing Kathy stuff, but she looked at me like I'd just said something offensive. "Look, Alice, I know how much you'd like that. And I know you're a really nice girl, but you have to be realistic. You could die any minute, and it could be the final blow. You know it. Would you really want a nice boy like Trent to live with that? Think about it, Alice."

"I mean, it's just one date. How bad can it get?" A bit of irritation got through my voice.

"It's just one date now. Knowing you two, you'll definitely hit it off and become serious about it, and then he'd care about you, cry for you... you know how it is." I lowered my head. "Hey. No, don't be sad now." She put her hand on my shoulder. "Alice, come on. Be happy. Be happy for me. Because I already asked him out myself!"

I wouldn't be exaggerating if I told you I could've died right then and there, killed by Kathy. A feeling of cold expanded in my core, and my muscles went numb. I raised my eyes back to look at her. "What?" I emphasized the word on purpose.

She showed me all of her teeth with a huge smile. "Yaaas, aren't you happy for me?"

"So let me get this straight. You were saying all that, just now, only because you wanted me to step aside so you could make your move?"

She frowned. "What? No, of course not. I just knew that I could talk you out of it, because I know you're smart and you understand it's the right thing to do. So I figured, what the hell? I asked him out before I talked to you because, really, what difference does it make?"

"Kathy, I can't believe you right now. How could you go behind my back like that?"

"Right, 'cause it's all about you, Alice. It's all about you and your weak little heart that must be protected at all costs, and we must grant you everything you want otherwise you'd drop and make us feel guilty about it. Is that right, Alice? I'm not allowed to get what I want, because you wanted it first?" She was enraged, her eyes were wide and her nostrils were flaring. I wondered how long she'd kept all this resentment toward me inside. I was looking for a comeback, but my stomach had hardened and I was feeling dizzy, so I just shook my head and went as far away from her as possible.

I was sitting in an empty room, hunched over and biting my bottom lip. Thoughts were spinning in my head, dredging up history, trying to understand how it got to that point. I wondered if there was any truth to what Kathy had said, if maybe I'd been too focused on myself. But my nails planted in the palm of my hand told me otherwise. I was in the right, and it wasn't the first time Kathy wanted me to step aside making me think it was for my own good, when really it was just so she could shine brighter.

As I was immersed in my drama—it felt like time had stopped—who should enter the room but Trent himself. "There you are. I was looking for you," he said, and I looked askance at him. He sat next to me, hands between his legs. "Is your best friend even your friend?" he asked, and his words felt like my twelve deaths all over again.

I sniffled. "I'm not sure anymore. Shouldn't you be with Kathy right now?"

"Why would I be with Kathy right now?"

"Because you're going on a date?" I said, a hint of venom in my voice.

"We're not going on a date. I turned her down," he said in a firm tone.

"What? Why would you turn her down? It's not every day that a girl throws herself at you."

"Because I'm not interested in her. I'm interested in you." My heart skipped a beat, which should have worried me, but I didn't really care. We were now locking eyes, and I had a chance to get lost in the gray void. Then he leaned in and his lips found mine—and he must have been chewing on some butterflies because now they were in my stomach. And I was kissing him back like the world around us didn't exist, like the past didn't exist, like the future didn't exist, and all that mattered was the present.

I would've been fine with my thirteenth death being the last one as my lips were dancing with his. But I didn't die, and my hands were running over his sweater, and suddenly there was no sweater and he was naked in my arms. But when I opened my eyes his clothes were still there, so I breathed him in. And he was once again naked, still in my arms but standing, I wasn't kissing his face anymore, but something prohibited.

But we were in a classroom and it didn't make sense, so I stepped out of the moment to see him dressed up again. I sighed in relief, but then we weren't in the classroom anymore, but in his house, and we were both naked under his kitchen table. I went down on him and he went down on me, and I whispered something in his ear when cards came out of our bodies. He caught one as it was flying toward him and showed it to me; there was a 'V' on it. I chuckled. He took a condom package and struggled to get pliers out of it. My legs were wrapped in daffodils. He knocked on the door and barged in. He came in and he came out, and in and out. Until he just came.

My eyes had stayed closed the whole time, red in my eyelids. I hoped I wouldn't die. Then, as his penis deflated, I felt him lying next to me and opened my eyes. Bluebirds came flying out of my vagina, into the kitchen. We were warm and it was nice. I was to kiss him when I noticed blood all over his lips and teeth as he smiled at me. So I rushed one hand to my vagina expecting more blood, but instead I found cake. I blinked twice and saw both our naked bodies entirely covered in chocolate and cream cake. Under different circumstances, I would've rushed to the bathroom. But under him, I just felt like doing it again.