Welp, you guys knocked it out of the park with the vote/comment goal before we even hit the average read count per chapter last chap, so here's an early update! Thank you guys for the overwhelming support on this story!

And yes, I have officially begun work on Nionna and Hell's Angels, so you can expect new fics soon!

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Jimin

"Oh, you sweet, savory goodness. Come to papa."

Jimin devoured his thirteenth hash brown and moaned as he did. It was louder than any woman ever was when he made their eyes roll back and their hips rock-

Shit. Jimin had a boner at the kitchen table.

Y/n, who sat across from him, glanced up at the noise he made with her mouth open and her eyes staring at him with a what the actual fuck is wrong with you look. A look he had become accustomed to in the short time he had spent with her.

As much as Jimin wanted immortality, at least he wouldn't mind spending the next week with her. Yeah, that was right: he had one week until Lucifer would send Jimin to eternal suffering if he didn't relinquish his powers. That meant Jimin had to act fast. But again: Y/n wasn't terrible to look at, not to mention she had a decent personality. So there was that. The next week wouldn't be torture. Yay.

"Enjoying them?" she asked with a raised brow, leaning back in the squeaky kitchen chair with Harry on her chest. She hadn't let him go since Jimin had brought that stupid pig back.

"As always, my dear." He threw another one into his mouth. The next time he spoke, it came out muffled. A few crumbs of potato flew out of his mouth. "I hate to tell you this, but you got competition. My real soulmate is this beautiful thing."

Jimin picked up a hash brown and grinned, kissing the side of it before shoving it down his throat and swallowing it in one bite. Somehow, he didn't choke.

Y/n sighed. "Men."

Much to his astonishment, she got up and grabbed a napkin from the pile resting near the center of the table. The cloth went to his lips, and she wiped the crumbs away. Every movement was soft. Gentle, maybe. Too gentle for him.

"Are all Parks this messy?" she mumbled, narrowing her eyes, but not in a hostile manner. She inspected his face and cleansed it of any muck. Not that it mattered; he was about to shove more down his throat and screw up her handiwork. He leaned into her touch anyway.

When she lowered the napkin from his face, Jimin spoke. His voice was as mumbled as hers. "I like to think I started that trend."

Their gazes locked, and he had one hand under the table with his other nearing his pile of hash browns she had bought for him. His free hand yearned to grab her arm or waist and pull her closer. Somehow, he managed to resist, and Y/n cleared her throat and sat back down.

"Well, Jessy's messier. I like to think dad named her that because it rhymes with messy."

Jimin couldn't stop a small chuckle at that. He covered it up by eating another piece of savory goodness. "I'd love to meet her one day."

"You will. I mean, you are my boyfriend, right?"

Shit.

Did they have to have the talk? Jimin didn't feel like giving the it's complicated talk right off the bat, but he had a feeling he had no choice. No, he did not like Y/n in that way. She was cute, funny, and could provide good pussy, but that ended his attraction to her. Probably. Hopefully. The whole soulmate thing was a doozy, though he knew his feelings. Immortality over women any day. Shit, immortality over pussy any day.

But not hash browns. Never hash browns.

"Yeah," Jimin said despite the rant in his mind. If he wanted her wrapped around his finger, he couldn't break her heart so soon. "Though I'd prefer it if you introduced me as your dashing, tall knight in shining armor."

"Tall? You want me to lie? Isn't that a sin?"

Jimin hissed like a dog and caused Harry to squeak. Great, look what Jimin did. Now it wouldn't shut the fuck up. What a fucking bitch. Why did Jimin save that stupid fucking guinea pig? No hash browns were worth it anymore. Okay, well, maybe Jimin was exaggerating—hash browns were his true lovers.

"Ah, you wound me," he whispered with a snicker, leaning back after he finished wolfing down the final few hash browns. "But that's not the point. We should get back on topic: Taehyung. When do you want to beat his ass?"

"If you're done eating, now. No point in waiting."

Well, she moved fast. Not that he was complaining; the faster she beat Taehyung's, an innocent man's, ass, the sooner she went to Hell to answer for one of the sins: wrath. Alright, alright—Y/n wouldn't beat Taehyung's ass. She wasn't there yet. But, she was close. Just a little more pushing could take her over the edge.

Y/n placed Harry back in his cage, and the little pig popcorned his way around the bedding before landing in his igloo with a squeak. After dipping two carrots inside the cage and closing it, Y/n pranced over to him and grabbed his wrist, glancing up at him with a toothy smile that caused his heart to dance like a stripper in his rib cage.

"Ready," she said with a firm nod.

He snickered at her adorable little nod before raising his free hand and snapping, bringing them not too far from Taehyung's abode. They got to take in the massive pillars outside, the grand fountain spraying water clearer than Jimin's 20/20 vision, and the bright green grass that smelled like it had been cut ten minutes ago.

AKA: It called Jimin broke in fourteen different languages.

To be fair, Jimin didn't have a job (aside from eating hash browns), so that wasn't a fantastic comparison, but his point remained: Taehyung was an obnoxious Gucci sniffer who deserved a solid smack or two. Y/n would provide it while Jimin watched with pretend popcorn in his tiny hands.

Jimin led Y/n to the door and knocked. Seconds later, it opened, and a boxy smile greeted them. It dropped as soon as Taehyung saw who it was, and he scrambled to disappear before Y/n slammed her foot between the fancy smancy wooden door and the archway holding it, pushing her way inside.

"You're making yourself look more guilty," she said, and Taehyung yelped as she marched toward him, grabbing him by the ear and dragging him to his couch. Taehyung got thrown onto it, and he huffed as his Gucci robe hugged his body.

Welp, that made things easier. Poor Taehyung incriminated himself by running away. There shouldn't be any doubt in Y/n's mind that Taehyung did it, so Jimin was off the hook. For the time being, anyway. He had more schemes up his sleeve that would be riskier.

"You stole my fucking guinea pig?" she shouted, spit flying out of her mouth and landing on Tae's expensive clothes.

"Pretty girls aren't supposed to reject me, I'm me, so what did you want me to do? Let you get off the hook? You deserved a good punishment. I'm sure the stupid pig's fine."

"So what if he is? You took him! You're lucky I don't sue your ass and call the cops on you!"

"And why won't you?" Taehyung asked with an eye roll.

"Because then they'd arrest me for attacking you."

Before Taehyung could reply, Y/n bitch slapped him, and Jimin burst out laughing in the corner, clapping his hands together to egg her on more. The girl had her eyes almost bursting out of her head, and it was a sight, to say the least.

"You deserved that," she said, jabbing her finger in Taehyung's direction with a tremble in her movements. Jimin smirked, chanting at her to keep going. In his mind, anyway. If he did it out loud, she'd judge him. Okay, she did that anyway, but still.

"Well, sure, I won't deny that." Taehyung shrugged, and then held his cheek. "But ow. You don't play around, do you?"

"Not when it comes to Harry. I'm installing cameras around my house, so if you so much as breathe in my direction again, I'm having you arrested for life."

"Over stealing a guinea pig?" Taehyung muttered, and Y/n bitch slapped him again.

"Shut up! I'm rich, I can do whatever I want."

Taehyung was rich too, but Y/n had a tendency to ignore facts to make herself feel better, like when she said she would 'lock her door' at night to stop Jimin from coming in as if he couldn't teleport.

Taehyung didn't bother acknowledging that she was rich. "Whatever. I won't do it again, just stop slapping me, for fuck's sake."

Y/n rolled her eyes and backed off, which caused Jimin to falter. She was done already? After two bitch slaps and a few yells, she wanted out of there? What the frick fracking microtransaction fuck was going on? Stan Lee's cameos in Marvel movies lasted longer than that argument.

"Let's go, J-" Y/n coughed. "-une."

If Taehyung was suspicious, he didn't say it, but Jimin deduced that was because Tae was too busy rubbing his sore cheek. The Gucci meat rider cowered away and shot Jimin a glare Y/n didn't see since her back faced the couch. Jimin smiled and waved, making a mental note to give Taehyung the rest of his promised rewards later. However, in front of Y/n, he took her hand and led her outside, past the trees and back down the pathway so they could go home.

"He's such an ass," she said with a huff, and Jimin agreed, but he thought she was more of an ass.

She was supposed to lose her marbles and act like a punk bitch to Tae, but she was as underwhelming as most men were in bed. It wasn't fair. Jimin spent all that time crafting such a perfect scheme only for her to pussy out at the last second and not beat Taehyung's ass. A couple well-deserved bitch slaps weren't enough to put her on Lucifer's radar, especially when she had a million good deeds compared to one bad. He'd have to figure something out. Something that would be an undeniable, unforgivable sin. Ugh. Just the thought left him exhausted, even as he teleported them back home. As soon as they made it, Jimin sighed.

He missed his hash browns.

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