Over the next few days, I lived without living. I ate, I slept, but it was obvious to anyone that I wasn't really there. I was like a wandering spirit, searching for something that could never be found.

That's when I considered my options. I could go and find Shiroko. Beg her to come back to me. Beg until I had no more words.

I could continue living like this. Existing. Even if my heart wasn't into it.

Or I could simply cease to exist forever. No one would miss me. There was no one left to miss me. I could disappear and no one would care.

Every night I thought about those three options. I lay awake, staring up at the ceiling, my mid whirring.

Which one should I pick...?

They were all I thought about. For days, weeks. They were the only things on my mind.

Eventually I came to a decision.

I set a date. 9th of September. My birthday. It was only two weeks away. It seemed like the perfect time.

I would do it at exactly 7am. No one would be around then. No one would see me. I would be in peace.

The night before I set to leave, I packed a small bag of clothes and toiletries, as if I was simply going on a holiday. I ate chicken for dinner, my favourite food. I wanted my last meal to be special.

I didn't sleep that night. Mainly because I had to be up early. But also because I couldn't sleep with the worries that swam in my head. Was I doing the right thing? Should I have chose a different option?

At 6am, I got up and got dressed like I would do on any other day. Then I grabbed the bag with the stuff in it and ran out if the door for the last time.

I didn't turn back. Not even to get one last glimpse of the house I had called home for all these years. I didn't want any of the memories I held with it to stir. Instead, I carried on running until I had reached my destination.

I had planned it all out. It was the perfect spot. No one would ever find me.

I dropped my bag near the edge and leaned over the railings. The water a was dark, almost greenish colour. I could not see anything that lay at the bottom. Good.

Even though I was blinded by the darkness of the depths, I could guess from my hours of research what I would find down there. I shuddered thinking about it.

Staring downwards for a few more minutes, I checked my phone. 6:57am. It was time.

I maneuvered my left leg over the railing, then placed it at the edge of the concrete. My right leg followed. I was inches away from the edge.

This brings us back to the beginning.

6:59. I took a deep breath, bending my legs subtly.

No one was around. I heard no noise other than my fast breathing and the splashing of the water. The sky was a pinkish blue colour as dawn crept up over the horizon.

That's when I realized it was almost the exact same time as when I stared at the sky a few months ago. After Shiroko left.

I closed my eyes. All those memories would be lost. Forever. No one could catch them after I fell. They would dissolve into the water, just as I would one day.

7am.

I sprang.

I felt water spray onto my face as I got the water.

I opened my eyes and saw nothing but darkness.

I breathed in the water.

My lungs felt they could burst.

I breathed in some more.

The darkness grew more.

My vision blurred.

All

I

saw

was

darkness.

I have no memory after that. I could not see nor hear anything at all.

I can no longer hold memories.

Nowadays I float around the bridge, hovering just above the water. Shiroko comes here a lot. I wonder if she knows.

Sometimes I feel as though Shiroko can see me. She stares straight at me, her eyes sad.

"I miss you." she whispers.

A design for life.