Warning: Extremely triggering content. Proceed at your own risk.

14 May 2018

It was a casual Monday that Victoria and Jimin spent 'studying'. In reality, after the younger had scored an 89% on the last econ test, their studying sessions consisted of talking or simply being together in silence. No drinking, as the thought of their first study session was always in the back of their minds, threatening to send a blush to their faces if they got too close.

Jimin was running his fingers through Victoria's hair as she laid her head on his lap. Her eyes were closed, breathing beginning to slow. They had been talking about Yoongi only minutes before, but she began to trail off as the weight of her exhaustion became too much. Jimin only smiled fondly at her and continued to play with her brunette strands.

Yoongi would normally partake in their studying, but at the present moment, he was with Doctor Choi. His appointments were normally on Tuesdays, but he voluntarily went every day after his talk with Victoria a few days prior.

His eyes roamed over her full lips, and for a second he wondered what it would be like to kiss her and Yoongi at the same time. More sinful thoughts followed and he found himself running his fingers over her lips and then her neck where he could still picture the hickey he'd left months before.

These thoughts were due in part to Agust, who had described the scene of them having a threesome in his latest attempt to get Jimin hard and frustrated. It always worked, too. Every damn time.

The words swam in his head and he felt all the blood begin to rush to his lower half. But it was all silenced when his phone began to ring. The sound startled Victoria, who woke from her slumber to see Jimin staring down at her with lust blown eyes, his hands roaming her body.

She blinked a few times to make sure she wasn't dreaming, but Jimin looked away to answer his phone. He pressed it to his ear before saying, "Hello?"

"He's ready."

Jimin's eyes widened at the doctor's words. "He is?"

Doctor Choi confirmed and told him and Victoria to meet them at her office, as she wanted them to be present for Yoongi's critical session. They were the ones Yoongi trusted the most, and she knew he needed support. She was going to begin the integration of his personalities.

-

"It's too green," Yoongi mumbled from the front seat of Doctor Choi's car.

She had taken the three of them into the countryside where the only sight for miles was rolling hills of grass and cherry blossom trees.

"Green grass, green trees—"

"Green kitchens," the doctor finished. Victoria and Jimin exchanged a confused look but said nothing.

Yoongi only nodded and stared down at his lap. "I won't look at the green. I'll just look at the blossoms."

"Dear, I know this is the most difficult hurdle of all, but we've got to get into that kitchen now and face what went on there."

"I'm too scared of that."

Doctor Choi pulled into a small park that a river winded through. "You're just scared of being scared. You survived it when it happened and you'll survive remembering it. Besides, Jimin and Victoria are here. You're safe."

Yoongi turned around in his seat to look at the two in the back before letting out a sigh of relief as if he had forgotten they were there before. It was so strange for Jimin to see Yoongi this way. So small and vulnerable. So quiet and soft-spoken.

"You remember how much relief you felt when we faced the other things? The jingles, the people, and Christmas? So we will face this, too, and leave it behind forever. Leave all the pain behind." She drove over a small bridge and deeper into the greenery. "We're gonna find a nice, quiet place for our picnic. We've got all your drawing things and we're just gonna let it happen, okay?"

He sunk into his seat as the car slowed to a stop. "Okay."

The doctor set up all of Yoongi's drawing materials in the grass and laid down a large blanket that all of them could fit on. As soon as they all sat, Yoongi grabbed Jimin's hand tightly before he picked up a pencil. Victoria ran her fingers along his back reassuringly, and he glanced at her gratefully before pressing the pencil to the paper. But his hand began shaking.

"What is it, sweetie?" Doctor Choi asked. "What's in the way?"

Yoongi looked up in fear, though Jimin and Victoria could only see trees stretching out before them. The sound of the river lapping at the banks was soothing, as was the shade of the large oak they sat under. "I don't know," he said quietly. "I can't see it." He straightened, dropping the pencil. "I can feel it. It's...fear."

The doctor nodded before writing something down on her clipboard. "Suga's petrified right now."

"This is the first line I've dared to draw," he muttered before pressing a hand to his chest, features contorting into pain. "Oh, Doctor Choi," he whimpered.

"What?"

His breathing became heavier, his grip on Jimin's hand tightening further. "This is coming."

"Just allow it, sweetie. Just allow it."

Yoongi shut his eyes tightly while Victoria continued to rub soothing circles on his back, though her concern was growing. "Oh!" he cried, hunching over. "It's like...waves. Waves through me. It's awful," he managed between gasps.

"Allow it. Go with it," Doctor Choi urged.

"Oh, no...no..."

"Go with it, sweetie."

His eyes flew open, focused on nothing in particular. "Is this...Is this Suga?"

"It's only a hint of what he feels, dear. He feels much more than that."

"Ah, it's the worst feeling," he whined in his raspy voice before straightening and grabbing Victoria's hand with his now free one. "It's so awful."

Doctor Choi stared at him intensely from where she sat off to the side. "Try to go with it. Stay with it and see if you can find out what's underneath." A few moments of silence save for Yoongi's panicked gasps went by. "Can you remember? What's underneath it, dear?"

"I'm scared," he choked out before falling forward and ripping his hands away from his friends to cover his eyes with them. "I'm scared," he cried again into the soft fabric, shoulders shaking with his sobs.

Victoria felt tears prick at her eyes. She hated seeing Yoongi in this much pain. Upon looking over at Jimin, she found him biting his lip in worry as he stared at his best friend. He'd never seen Yoongi like this. He reached out to place a hand on his back, but Doctor Choi grabbed his wrist.

Yoongi whimpered a few times before slowly raising his head and staring straight. His eyes were puffy and red, cheeks stained with streams of tears. They both wanted to hug him and make it all better—but they knew they couldn't.

"What is it?" the doctor asked before letting go of Jimin. "What are you looking at?"

"It's all green," Suga said quietly, still staring. "And the people, the people." His voice went up an octave every time he repeated himself.

Doctor Choi leaned closer. "Where are you, Suga? Are you in the kitchen?"

Suga began panting as if he couldn't breathe but refused to answer her question. It was clear that a war was going on in his mind. "It's dripping," he whimpered. "It's dripping, you can hear it dripping."

"I know," she responded gently. "There's even a rust spot under the tap." She paused as he continued to whimper. "What does Uncle Jihoon have to do?"

"Every morning," he cried. "Every morning after I've eaten my breakfast and everyone's gone, he pulls down the shades—he pulls down the shades so nobody will see and he ties me to the table." His voice continued to grow more panicked with each word.

Victoria felt her stomach drop. This was something she didn't want to know. She didn't want to envision these things happening to anyone, especially not someone she cared about deeply. Jimin squeezed his eyes shut and covered his ears with his hands. He couldn't deal with the knowledge of something this horrible happening to him.

She reached over and placed a hand on his thigh before leaning her face into the crook of his neck and letting the tears fall.

"Oh, it's so cold," Suga whined. "It's so cold."

"That's because it's metal, sweetie." The doctor scooched closer, knowing that his friends would have a hard time hearing this—but they had to understand so they could help him.

"He's walking toward me—he's walking toward me and the jingles," he whimpered. "The jingles are so loud I can't hear anything. I can't hear the water—I can't hear—I can't hear and he doesn't take them off."

Doctor Choi furrowed her eyebrows, knowing that Suga is seeing everything he describes. "Doesn't take what off?"

"His pants," he croaked, tears streaming down his face. "He only rolls them down a little but the jingles are still there and I can hear them the whole time—I can hear them."

"Oh, my God..."

Victoria was sobbing now and wrapped her arms around Jimin as she cried into his skin. Even though he was covering his ears, he had heard it, too. He cried with her and pulled her closer to him. They needed the support from each other to get through this and to get Yoongi through it.

"My feet," he panted, falling backward to lay down. "My feet are tied to the broom handle. I want to push him off so bad but he keeps me down with the weight of his legs—"

"Why? Why are your legs tied to the broom handle?"

"So I can't—so I can't move! Can't move!" he sobbed. "Oh, God, please! No! It hurts so much!"

Doctor Choi watched him with furrowed eyebrows. She didn't want to ask any more questions, but she knew she had to. "What hurts, sweetie?"

"Whatever's inside of me!" he shouted, eyes squeezed shut. "It hurts so bad! Make it stop!" He sobbed and cried and made awful sounds of despair.

The doctor pushed his hair back soothingly. "It's alright! Sweetie, it's alright! Once we get through this it'll be the start of everything good, but we have to get through this."

"Oh, God," he said suddenly and turned over to get on his hands and knees. "Oh, God." He began crawling to the grass, his head tucked into his chest. "When I grow up I'll have lots and lots of children and I will be good to them—go away! Go away!" he whimpered. "And I will let them do what they want to do and they can bring the neighborhood children over to play and they can play all over the house if they want to I don't care," he rambled, pressing his head into the grass.

Victoria and Jimin watched the doctor stand and walk over to him as they held each other.

"And they can play in the—oh, please! Don't do this!" he begged someone that wasn't there before continuing to crawl around. "And they can run in the house if they want to I don't care and my children can make any color ducks they want to and I won't put their heads in the oven and turn on the gas and I won't burn their hands with a hot iron and I won't throw a shoe at someone's throat! And I won't hurt them with my fingers or anything else on me and I won't make them go inside the sink drain and say 'you better get used to it because you'll do that to girls when you're older—you'll put things inside of them and hurt them' and I don't want to grow up and I don't want to be like that," he continued, all the while having the doctor follow him.

Doctor Choi placed a hand on his back to stop him from crawling around, but he resisted. "No, no, no, no! Please—please put me down! Please put me down, don't take me in there! Don't take me in there, please!"

"Where is he taking you, sweetie?" she asked gently, managing to keep him curled up in one place.

"Oh! Oh, it hurts me!" he cried as the doctor pulled him into her embrace. "And the music—and Brahms and Beethoven and Bach and Dvorak!" Suga pulled out of her arms again. "And Dvorak 'the new world's symphony' and you can't get away and they're getting closer—!"

He stopped suddenly where his face was buried in his arms in the grass. Victoria and Jimin watched silently, holding their breath. Was he still Suga? Or Agust?

He raised himself up slowly and stared with a numb expression at the grass before him. "I'm Yoongi," he muttered. "And I remember." His face contorted into the epitome of anger as he stood. "And I hate him. I hate him! I want to hurt him. I want to stomp on him and tear him apart," he rasped while venturing to the edge of the bridge. "And cut his arms off and put things inside him and kill him." He turned around to face the doctor and his friends. "How could he do that me?"

Yoongi let his head fall back and wept. He finally wept as he remembered all the awful things that had happened to him. He finally understood why he was afraid all the time and why he couldn't make friends and why he missed out on most of his life.

"Oh, God," he sobbed. "I hated him so much! I wanted him dead!" He sunk to the steps of the wood. "I still do—I do! I want him dead! Oh, Doctor Choi, help me! Help me, this scares me!"

He continued to cry and sob and beg for help, but the doctor only leaned on the tree and smiled. Jimin stared incredulously as the scene unfolded, completely mystified while Victoria's chest fluttered with hope. Yoongi had entered the center of the maze and come out whole. Anger could be his friend, now. Green was only a color. Keys were just for cars. He didn't need to fear them anymore.

Doctor Choi approached him slowly and smoothed a hand over his head when she reached him. "You can remember without pain, now."

"Without pain," he repeated, cries subsiding.

She sat down beside him. "None of you ever have to feel pain again." They sat in silence for a moment before the doctor smiled. "I think it's time you met the others."

-

In being able to meet Suga, Yoongi began the deepest healing of his selves. In accepting him, he accepted himself. In calming him, he was able to calm his own heart. Once the session was over, Victoria and Jimin could sense an apprehension about Yoongi.

Doctor Choi told them that it was normal and that he was getting used to the prospect of his other personalities. The integration process had begun and it wouldn't be immediate, but Yoongi would soon become one with his other selves.

As soon as the three got home, Yoongi excused himself to his room and explained that he was exhausted. Victoria and Jimin exchanged a worried look, to which Yoongi gave them a tight-lipped smiled and insisted that he's fine.

They weren't too sure about that, but they knew that in time he would be.