We left Richmond Tea Rooms, hopping into his Jaguar X351 and leave gay Village. I asked him to make stop at Asda Superstore along the way for a quick grocery shopping. He declined at first and suggested online shopping, but I justified that some items are urgently needed where delivery can't wait, while some items requires sniffing to decided which scent are the best. He reluctantly agreed and decided to wait in the car.

I walked into the entrance of the superstore with my thoughts began to roam around Nick. Unlike crowd pleasing Abs, Nick had a selection of people and areas he wanted to be seen and preferred to be less conspicuous in the crowd. But I sometimes find it frustrating when we don't go out publicly as couples, let alone going for films, Christmas Markets or even for physical shopping.

"This is not the detergent section," Nick's voice shook me off from my train of thoughts.

"What are you doing here out in plain sight?" I asked, recovering my shock.

"I was supposed to make amends with Peppa Pig with my ganja. Have you seen her?" he jested. "I'm down to my last fag and I'm here to speed up your shopping."

"Great," I replied then flashed a new Sophie Kinsella novel in hardback at his face before placing it in the cart. "This one's just out. I'm definitely going to have it."

"Are you done with the book I bought for you last week?" he queried.

"Halfway through," I answered.

"Finish that one and come back when they've the paperback version," he carelessly chucked the book to the floor. "Why are we in the entertainment section anyway?"

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I took back what I just said earlier. I declared that shopping with Nick wasn't as blissful as I imagined. It was like going out shopping with a financial controlling dad that even my late dad would give in to certain extent. For a wealthy lad like Nick, I never expect that he could be so calculative to splurge on grocery items. And most of all, I was disappointed that my shopping list and my grocery selections were scrutinised and slashed to its core:

Scenario #1: Coffee & Tea aisle

"You'd prefer a box of Tetley's 240 sachets for ₤3.00. But haven't you considered going for two boxes of Asda's 160 sachets at ₤1.35 per box?" Nick suggested.

"ONLY cheaper by three pence, Nick," I said in frustration. "I like Tetley better."

"They're just normal tea sachets. Nothing fancy in there."

Scenario #2: Laundry aisle

"What do you need two bottles of fabric conditioner for?" Nick asked disapprovingly.

"They are under value buy promo. You get two with a lesser price," I schmoozed. "Akin to the tea sachets idea, ain't it?"

"Why do you want to stock up with unnecessary purchase of fabric conditioners when I have a couple more in my apartment?"

"But it's Comfort's Honeysuckle & Sandalwood!" I said, raising my voice. "I love Honeysuckle & Sandalwood!"

"Are they limited edition?" he asked.

"Nope," I murmured.

"Then we're buying only one."

"No!" I cried as he dragged me away from the aisle.

Scenario #3: Bakery section

"Cakes? We just had cakes at the Gay Village! Why would you want to buy another bloody cake?" Nick grunted.

Scenario #4: Frozen section

"Ice cream? On a brass monkey season?" Nick raised his voice.

Scenario #5: Liquor section

"Black Label is not in my buying list," I retorted.

"I'm paying all so you have no right to complain," he replied with a smug.

The experience I had shopping with Nick had proven that it was best if I were to go alone.

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It was a quiet journey to his apartment despite Asami Zdrenka's cover of 'Strange and Beautiful' played in the background meant to break the silence between us. The quietness was not because of the debacle we had at Asda earlier but it was more of my thoughts trailing down towards the principles that my family and I had built for me. How heartbroken my grandad will be when he finds out that I've shattered part of its foundation just to follow my heart.

Even questions about Nick Pholadi were left unanswered in my mind. Who exactly he really is? Why do I see him in many characters? How was he able to empathise people when he has apathy in his heart? How did he manage to act and think beyond his age while remaining puerile? How can he be so grave and playful at the same time? How was he capable of being heartless when he's emotional? And most importantly, which one is more dominant than the other? Which one can tell me the real him?