"Hey Mic, for being loud and proud, you're awfully quiet today." The relative quiet of the corner of the cafeteria was punctuated by a knee slap.

'If you ignore him he should go away...'

"Ignoring me? That's kinda funny... if you're quiet as a mouse you'd expect to like cheese like one too!" Another knee slap. She glowered even more resolutely in the opposite direction, and ate some more of her casserole.

Mic inwardly groaned. 'Seriously not in the mood, man!'

"Don't be like that... You're too cool to be PROVOLONE!"

Mic sighed.

"I'm on a real casseROLL with these puns tod-"

"What do you want?"

Cheesy grinned. "I knew the cat didn't get'cho tongue! But it's funny you should ask that, because I want to know what's wrong with you today." Much to Mic's annoyance, the hunk of cheese sat down beside her. "So? Spill the beans... Or should I say, the bean casserole?"

The casserole didn't even have beans in it. She had it up to here with him. "Uh, why should I tell you what's going on with my life? You have such a big mouth you'd blab it to anyone who asked."

"That's rich coming from Ms. Loud-and-Proud herself." He laughed. Mic was just about ready to leave him, maybe flick a spoon of her casserole at him (it wasn't that good).

Mic looked away. "This doesn't concern you. I can handle it."

Cheesy bumped her side with an elbow. "You're putting too little faith in your best friend."

"But you aren't my best friend!"

"I guess Soap sweeps the floor with me for the position, eh?" Cheesy paused to make sure she got the joke. "But getting a second best friend's opinion is just as-"

"My second best friend is my mom, Cheesy."

"Yeesh. Tough crowd, huh?" Cheesy fidgeted. Mic glanced at him and saw him frowning, eyebrows knit together.

Mic pressed the tops of her fingers together, looking resolutely at the floor. "It's not even really a hierarchy thing, but if it was, you'd be number three."

"...Please, continue."

"If you blab about this I will end you, Cheesy."

"You're the Loud-and-Proud one; if you can keep it under wraps, I can too."

"...Hmph, fine. Well, to make the long story short... I have a crush on someone."

Cheesy raised an eyebrow. "And that someone is...?"

Mic looked over to where he was sitting. Knife was arm-wrestling Trophy a few tables away; the armless alliance looked on with great interest. Nickel had several dollars clenched in his foot.

"Wait a sec, it's Baseball?!"

Mic slapped a hand over his mouth. "No, of course not!"

"Sorry, haha! You're looking at that table, but he takes up half of it, so it's hard to tell who. Just tell me!"

"...It's Knife."

"Wait, WHAT?! ...I'm confused. I'm ten times more attractive than he is."

"Don't be ridiculous; you wear suspenders to school and communicate entirely through jokes. He's got a nice side, unlike you. Why mention how attractive you are, anyway?" Mic gave Cheesy a suspicious look. She didn't actually believe he had feelings for her, but he deserved to sit on the hot seat.

"N-no reason." Cheesy did seem freaked out by the accusation. "He isn't that nice."

"He totally is, Cheesy. He showed us all around school when we transferred in, and once when I was really nervous before a performance, he came and cheered me up."

Cheesy gasped, scandalized. "I comfort you before shows all the time!" 'There he is, getting defensive when I talk about Knife again... He's kinda obvious.'

"Jokes aren't very comforting when they're at my expense!"

Cheesy held his hands in front of him in placating manner. "Whoa, okay, let's calm down... Fine, you have a crush on Knife. I don't care. In fact, my specialty is puns, but I'm also an expert in the art of... pickup lines. I can help you woo him."

Mic raised an eyebrow. "What? How can that be? You never got past the first date."

"Don't question things that help you! Just leave it to me. Get mentally prepared, because tomorrow's gonna be Kniferrific!" A knee slap.

Mic looked over at the other table. Knife finally slammed Trophy's arm. Nickel groaned and handed his money to Baseball. "...Fine, Cheesy. But you better not mess this up, or I will burn your joke book."

"I'll do you one CHEDDAR, so you'll be thanking me soon enough."

Justifiably, Mic was nervous the rest of the day.

XXX XXX XXX

Mic almost got through the next day without seeing Cheesy once, and she couldn't be gladder. Soap still wasn't at school; it was flu season, and the poor girl was way too nervous to attend and risk getting it. (Or maybe she already had it? The text she'd gotten was ambiguous.)

She avoided Cheesy for group work in class. She got Taco to open a locked theatre room so she could sneak in and eat her lunch away from everyone else. When he rushed to meet her in the elevator to her next class, she didn't hold the door for him.

But obviously, when both of you were in for a four hour theatre rehearsal after school, things wouldn't be easy for long.

"There you are, Mic! I've been lookin' for you all day."

Mic turned from the sound system she was moving to face him, and sighed. "Hi Cheesy."

"Don't look so down, you have a lot to gain from this." His eyes went tellingly to the stereo she was getting ready for rehearsal, but he didn't slap his knee. "All you have to do is get Knife alone and say what I tell you into this headset." He waved it for emphasis.

"I'm not sure I can trust you not to ruin everything with your jokes."

"What're you talkin 'bout, girl? Comedy is a great icebreaker. But seriously, you'll be fine. Just follow my lead." Cheesy walked around behind her and dialed up her gain several decibels. "Just take him into a quiet rehearsal room and this should be plenty of gain. I'll just whisper out front."

His voice was uncomfortably loud in her ear even though the volume had hardly been changed, and the din of the other theatre kids was distracting. "...Okay, fine. But how am I gonna get him alone?"

Cheesy winked. "Leave that to me, milady!" He charged out from behind the curtain and, after a few seconds, shouted, "Hey Knife! Come over here for a sec!"

'Here we go...' Mic straightened her posture a bit as Knife and Cheesy came back stage. "What's up?" Knife asked, without enthusiasm.

"Mic's responsible for picking up the props, of course; can't put on a play without costumes. But obviously I'm too scrawny to help much; I'm more brains than brawns."

Knife sighed. "Alright. Let's go, Microphone."

"A-alright." As the two passed Cheesy, walking side-by-side, the comedian winked. Mic kept her eyes forward and tried not to trip on her own feet. Nerves made her feel clumsy.

'He's here... Ohmigosh, he's here!'

As they went into the huge storage closet, which felt secluded and insulated by the costumes hanging all over, Cheesy's voice sounded in her ear: "Tell him he's sharp!"

"It's great that I have a sharp guy like you helping me out today." It was only upon hearing the words that she realized the pun; she inwardly groaned. Cheesy laughed in her ear. "T-that is to say, thank you!"

Knife gave her a weird look, then waved it off. "Don't worry about it. Today we're rehearsing the maze episode, right?"

"Y-yeah, that's the one. The maze sets are, I think, out there already? But we still need to get the wheel for the one-note scene, and some other things. It'll hopefully be just one trip."

He shrugged. "That works."

Mic spotted the bulk of the goods needed at the back of the room: the Apple wheel, the keyboard, and the lights for Paintbrush's fire scene.

"Say you wanted to talk to him for a second too!"

'Okay, deep breath, Mic...' "Say, Knife. Um, I also wanted to talk to you for a second while we're back here..."

Knife leaned against a wall, crossing his arms nonchalantly. "Yeah? Make this quick, don't waste my time."

'Is this just a waste of time? No, just keep pushing forward!' A directive came in: "Tell him he's gonna have to cut it out with being so hot, or he's gonna outshine PB in the fire scene!"

'What? There's no way I'm doing that!' Mic blushed and fidgeted, attempting to come up with something to say. "You're a really good actor. You really nail the, um, 'tough guy' thing well."

"I am the real deal, y'know," Knife said, but he did smirk. "Thanks."

"Yeah! I'm n-not that much of a tough girl, so, um... maybe you could give me lessons! In the show, after all, I'm gonna have to be the villain soon."

"It's not really something you can teach, but I wouldn't mind givin' ya a lesson or two when it gets closer."

"That'd be great! Thanks."

Cheesy said, "Tell him he's a thousand degrees and has to cut it out!"

"No," Mic breathed, then laughed. "I saw you the other day in the, uh, cafeteria. You beat Trophy p-pretty quick, huh?"

Knife looked at her weirdly. "You saw but didn't come over to chat?"

"No! I mean, yes, but it was because I was busy with... schoolwork, yeah!" 'Way to mess that up, Mic!'

"Next time, if you see me doing somethin', just come over. My friends won't bite. Except for Trophy, but he isn't so tough."

"Fine, don't tell him to cut it out. Ask if he's ever been to the library."

"Um... So, I've been meaning to ask you if you've ever been to the library."

"Local or school?"

"Umm... either?"

"I don't generally poke around in there."

Cheesy snickered. "Say it's on the cutting-edge of cool right now!"

Annoyance and nerves made Mic ready to shake. "That's too bad. There are some, uh, cutting-edge movies coming out based on some books in the library."

Knife sighed, clearly annoyed. "Turn your gain off."

Mic's heart skipped a beat. "What?!"

He rolled his eyes. "Clearly you're listening to someone else. It's like you're trying to cheese your way through this conversation that's supposedly important."

Both of them heard the sound of Cheesy laughing in front of the classroom for a second. Mic felt hot shame as she turned down the gain. 'He knows. He knows everything. Darn, I look like such a fool!' "Sorry..."

"Not cool. Ordinarily I'd drop a chump who did that in a heartbeat."

Mic could cry. She'd definitely scream at Cheesy after this. Definitely.

"...But I know you're cool, so let's just forget this ever happened, yeah?" Knife put his hand on Mic's shoulder. Her jaw dropped. "And if you want to tell me whatever later, keep in mind that being brutally honest is a jerk's policy. Jerks don't waste time dating or being friends with liars."

Knife smiled.

'D-dating?! Did he just basically say he'd date me? N-no, wait!'

Mic just stared for a moment before nodding awkwardly. "O-o-okay," Mic stuttered. "I'll keep that in mind..."

He took his hand off her shoulder and hoisted the keyboard onto his back. "Okay. Now let's get these lame props out there so Paintbrush can practice shouting Fan a new one."

Mic laughed loudly, like she always did, but also sent a silent 'thanks' to Cheesy. 'You might be horrible at pick-up lines and never get past the first date... But if things actually set sail with Knife, I have you to thank, you magnificent idiot!'

She exchanged a glance with Knife, who smirked and then looked away. 'If I'm loud and proud and honest, things should work out.' 

XXX XXX XXX

A Knifecrophone fic requested by @FaronTerry; thanks for requesting! Feel free to message me on my profile if you want to request something, too!