WEEK 52

Prompt:

You just died and stand before the gates of heaven. Suddenly, you hear a booming voice coming from every direction. "DO YOU LIKE PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA?"

"Uhh...why-y why?" You stutter.

"YOUR ANSWER DETERMINES WHETHER OR NOT YOU CAN ENTER PARADISE!"

"But...but what about the ten commandments?"

"THAT'S OLD. IT'S 2017. SO WHAT IS YOUR ANSWER?"

**********

My mouth suddenly felt dry, as I already knew my answer would send me in the opposite direction. I opened my mouth, and stuttered, "N-no."

And then, I was engulfed in flames. The heat of the flames made my eyes water, but for some reason, I was still in front of the gates.

The voice boomed again in a deep monotone loud enough to make me shake in my boots, "Just kidding. The real question is, is it really 2017? Or June?"

"June... I thought we were already in 2022!"

The gates opened in front of me, but as I tried to step forward my legs wouldn't work. I couldn't believe this, I needed to start moving. I looked down, just to find chains slowly moving around my legs, locking me in place. I started to panic; I didn't know how I would get out of this situation.

Suddenly, a really small figure stomped through a side door with a microphone in one hand as he muttered to himself, "Oh no, why do I always press the wrong button?"

"Because I control your every move," snickered Elmo the Psychic.

"Well, if you could stop doing that, Elmo, that'd be reaaaally great," muttered the small figure as he rolled his eyes, before turning to me with a grin.

"So what do we have here?" Chirps the small figure, looking up at me with a grin.

"I've got a cheesecake and a butter knife, do you want a slice? Or do you want a slice?" asked the man behind the minor figure.

Chirps grinned sadistically as cheesecake fell from the sky. "How about the whole cake?"

"No. You won't get more than 30% of it; it's my cake."

The cheesecake ate itself, and Chirps laughed maniacally.

"I like cake."

Elmo's worst enemy, the cheesecake, had finally been eliminated!

In the background, an angel fluttered by, dragging an advertising banner for the confectionery "Pastries of Hell" behind him. In the semi-background, a demon flashed by, advertising the new "Godly Scent" perfume.

"Even the cutest cheese thieves got dark secrets."

I gasped in horror. I had come back to life from shock and found myself in a coffin. This was an absolute disaster. The coffin wasn't supposed to be this dirty; everyone knew I was a clean freak, definitely a disaster.

Chirps had no idea what was going on anymore as he dug himself a hole. The small figure had actually begun to dig a hole, but the shovel in his hand hit a water pipe, flooding muddy water everywhere, until he noticed that he wasn't alone. There were several dangerous looking shadows around him.

He dug faster just to get away from the shadows and found himself directly under the scorching heat of the vibrant Sun. The sun became his grave, the wind became his coffin. He had dug it so deep, and was happy that he buried himself alive. Though what he didn't know was that he had just become one of the greatest creatures on Earth.

And then he died.

And he reincarnated into a merman.

Then, he became immortal

"Is it for real or am I dreaming?"

"You're dreaming," said a voice.

"Not this dream again!!" said another.

"This dream again...what do you mean? Have we already dreamed this??" said voice number 3.

"Of course you have, but obviously most people forget over half of their dreams anyway- we're literally in The Land of Dreams so I'm not sure what you expected."

The End.