WEEK 74 

Prompt:

"Do you think when they film action movies, they need to film a bunch of retakes because every time the director says 'action' there's always that one actor who laughs at the accidental pun?"

"It's four in the morning."

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"I'm drunk, Gerald."

"No, you're Bob."

"I think I might be both right now." He snorted his coffee and choked.

"Anyway Bob, go to sleep. I'm tired and I don't have enough braincells to process this conversation right now."

"Why do we say we go to sleep if sleep isn't a place?"

"Sleep is a place, you idiot!"

"Oh yeah, that's where I live!" Bob said.

"So go home already!"

Bob went home. His home, Sleep, was a cozy little house made of iridescent clouds. He gazed up at the twinkling stars and the sheep floating across the sky.

Suddenly, a goat kicked him out of his house. Good thing he tied a rope around his ankle and on the bed! But the goat kicked the bed with such force that it made the bed fall on top of him. It disintegrated, revealing a unicorn that granted him 5 wishes.

The only problem was that the unicorn can't speak, so it couldn't tell him that it could grant him wishes. But the unicorn could write, so it wrote on paper to communicate. But it had a different language, so Bob couldn't understand a single letter.

He assumed the unicorn was asking him for orders on what to do, so he thought of something hilarious. While thinking of what to do to understand the unicorn, Bob found a ring on the ground and put it on. Suddenly, he understood what the unicorn was saying.

Naturally, Bob wished for more bottles of beer. As he drank as many as he could, he suddenly felt very hungry. He wished for ten tons of cotton candy to go with the beer.

While Bob drank his beer and ate ten tons of cotton candy, the unicorn took some cotton candy and hid it in Bob's hair to see if it would disappear into something else.

It disappeared (enter surprised pikachu meme)! When it did, Bob's hair vanished too, only to reappear as fluffy green cotton candy.

After all that, the unicorn took Bob to go and meet his other unicorn friends. Upon their arrival, Bob suddenly realized that he had monokerophobia, the immense fear of unicorns.

"Hey, I don't think that's how the story's supposed to go," one author interrupted.

Another writer looked up. "Unicorns? Here come dragons, too!"

Bob decided to wish he didn't have monokerophobia so he could hang out with the magical creatures. This time, his wish was granted by a bearded unicorn wearing a wizard's hat and carrying a magic wand. But after his wish, a kaiju appeared too.

"More creatures...?" The poor director behind the fourth wall flipped through his script as the words kept on changing.

A large green ogre with a bat came, too. The director sighed and gave up, leaving the script to change according to the whims of whatever cosmic force was at play. Apparently, the script has once again gained a life on its own, so maybe it was better to let it be.

Meanwhile the unicorns were chasing Bob down a hill, followed by the dragons and the ogre trailing at the back. Bob wished for a powerful being to appear and stop everything from chasing him. Right then, Gerald appeared in a rather suggestive outfit, waving his wand around as he watched what the cosmic strings he had pulled led to.

"Gerald! Are you from Rivia now, sir?"

With a big yawn, Gerald ignored the question the director had asked; he just stared silently at poor Bob, who was about to be trampled by the cute but deadly unicorns. Thankfully, Gerald had mercy and stopped the deadly (but cute) unicorns from stomping on Bob.

But the kaiju the director imagined was real, and the creature destroyed his script.

"NOW WHAT THE HECK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DOO?!" the director wailed.

"Call the scriptwriter for a new script!"

Ah yes, the Scriptwriter. A magic creature of its own, really. The Scriptwriter was a fearsome creature that roared angrily in the director's face for losing the script to the Kaiju. She then noticed the whimsical scene going on before them, and realized how literally nothing made sense. She began to question reality, and then the entire universe. Was there something else at pulling the strings other than herself? Was it just her mind playing tricks on her? Or was it the work of a deity of which her small mind could never hope to comprehend?

"DREAM, IT'S A DREAM, YOU NEED TO ALL WAKE UP DANG IT!!" a mysterious entity screamed from an unknown location.

The Kaiju was still alive as a reptilian entity, and he was the one who shouted those words.

"You dare tempt me, you contemptuous beast!" snarled a random creature. "I will take over the worl... Eh, that's too much work, how about taking over Chicago? Or what about starting small, like the Tri-State Area? You could even try starting with something smaller than that, like your local grocery store!"

"WHY ARE WE PLANNING TO TAKE THINGS OVER, WAKE UP!!" the Kaiju screamed once more. And with a punch, the green reptilian creature destroyed the scene where the director was planning the movie. The world started to swirl and reality fluttered around Bob and Gerald.

"WHY ARE WE STILL HERE, JUST TO SUFFER?!" one of them yelled.

Bob had had about enough of this strange world he was trapped in, so he did the only thing he could think of. Drink. Bob drank gallons and gallons of water, hoping it would somehow wake him up. Or even get him drunk.

He quite suddenly felt dizzy and had this huge urge to sing a lullaby, so he seemed to have succeeded in one aspect. He ended up singing himself to sleep in the dream he was already in, entering a deeper layer. But when hit the deepest layer of sleep, he realized he'd drunk himself into a nightmare. There was no ice cream left in the dream-freezer!

"DON'T WORRY, I'M HERE BUD!!" Gerald screamed as he raced into the nightmare and magically restored the beautiful cream of the ice. And so Gerald saved Bob from his drunken nightmares, and all was well.