WEEK 68

Prompt:

You are supernaturally the best sniper on earth, but only with Nerf guns. Despite this limitation, you are still the most sought after assassin in the world.

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"You must have some sharp aim to take a life with a plastic bullet."

"And it's all thanks to you, Edward."

"Don't thank me yet, because you're next."

"But I thought we had a deal!"

"Are you sure you checked the date properly?" Linda asked

"I'm a sniper, I don't think I can miss anything, including the date," answered Bob.

"You shall see. It's not for nothing that I'm the most wanted person in the whole world," Linda smirked, reaching for a balloon-sword.

"So you've finally shown your true colours...Linda the balloon terrorist"

"Because you are powerful!"

"Doesn't change the fact that you're still a balloon terrorist," Bob retorted.

"That, love, isn't as bad as being forgotten in the sands of time," Linda said, her British accent becoming more prominent.

Bob stepped back to reach for his nerf gun as Linda brandished her sword in his face.

"Oooh, is that supposed to scare me?" sneered Bob.

"Actually, yes, it is."

"You're doing a terrible job then, honey."

"Well, you haven't seen my ultimate move yet!" Linda lifted her sword, ready to strike Bob down with her poison gas balloon.

Bob wasn't scared. He had a secret weapon, and that secret weapon was yet to be revealed.

DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!!!!

Bob pulled out a gas mask, placing it on his face as he held up a needle.

"You think you can defeat me with a needle?"

"It's more than enough."

"BACK OFF LINDA, BOB IS MINE!" Edward cut in as he pulled out his Styrofoam mace and started swinging it around wildly.

"What are you doing here, Edward?"

"JUSTICE is about to be served!"

Edward swung at Linda with all his might. Linda narrowly evaded him. He struck again, this time slashing Linda's arm.

"Edward sparkled from my punch? Is he a fairy boy?" She wondered to herself.

"Who's a fairy boy?" Edward grumbled, reading her mind.

Taking advantage of Edward and Linda's distraction, Bob snatched both the mace and balloon sword, holding all three of his weapons against his opponents.

"Now you'll never be able to stop me! I'm like the big boss! You'll definitely suffer a painful end!"

Right at that moment, a large tree fell in the forest nearby...but no one heard it. The fall of the tree cracked open a portal and out crawled a monster so vile, so powerful, the three arch enemies needed to band together to stop it.

"I will join you two, but only on one condition: Don't annoy me and don't fall in love with me, alright?"

"Well...I can't fall in love with you if I already am in love, right?"

"Yes, but enemies always have higher risks of ending like lovers"

Shrek threw an onion at the monster and screamed his best imitation of Donkey's scream. He killed it despite the heavy rain of nerf bullets interrupting his aim, and it was all thanks to the ogre's many, many layers.

A giant hole opened underneath him and out came Eren Yeager in his titan form. It was a good thing the titan form was ant-sized, but it was only for a moment before it started reverting back to its true size.

Speaking of ants, one nearby decided to join the party and drank some growing potion so that it grew to be as tall as the humans, and Eren drank some shrinking potion, which shrank him again. Seeing the actions of the other ants drinking growing potions one after another, he took one for himself and returned to what he used to be. However, he was way smaller than the current ants now, which made him seem like the ant compared to them.

Before Eren could start wreaking havoc, Staris emerged from the portal right next to him and was able to kill him, saving all the rampaging ants. Before Staris could celebrate her victory, two angry Ackermans came spinning towards her, cutting off an arm and an ear. Unfortunately for them, with the help of a certain ability, Staris regenerated her limbs before going back to the real world.

Mikasa was just about to chase after her when a revived Eren called out to her.

"Don't worry Mikasa, I'm going to die, but not right now."

Then a scream interrupted their conversation, with the owner being none other than Linda herself.

Shrek, who hid somewhere, showed up again and asked, "Aight, since when do we have the ability to revive, you donkeys?!"

Somewhere on the other side of the universe, a fire was lit which engulfed everything in white hot flames. Then that white hot flames began to take a form akin to a human - a giant human with a cheese ball cannon. The giant human ate the ball of cheese and had to find a giant toilet because they had lactose intolerance.

Unfortunately, there was no giant toilet around. So Eren bit himself, turned into a titan and dug one for the poor dude - because deep down, he was a good (though a little strange) guy.

"Eren, what are you doing?" Bob asked, for the giant human was on the other side of the earth, and there was no way for them to know he existed.

"Making a toilet – do you also need one?"

"Not yet, but I'd like you to make something else if you can."

"What do you want me to - wait, lemme guess, you want me to make a bathtub, don't you?"

"No, I want to throw you into the sea...I want to you becoming my seahorse"

"Well, the bathtub isn't going to make itself."

So then they worked, day and night, until they had constructed a bathtub made of gold, laced with pearls, and was held aloft with broken dreams.

"Why did we make a bathtub again?"

'Ummm.....so we have a place to store our cheese?"

"What cheese?! We were building it for a guy who is lactose intolerant," Eren said as Levi entered the room with a cup of tea looking very confused.

And the equally confused narrator put an end to this confusion.

The End?