⚠️WARNING: Please be aware that some events in this chapter can and will be triggering to some audiences and will explicitly explain certain themes of a sensitive topic. Please read at your own risk.

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Credit for the AMV above goes to the YouTube channel Purrfection Duo!

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

"You knew!"

It wasn't even a question, because he didn't need to ask it. Adrien paced back and forth across his bedroom, his hands balled into fists at his sides. This whole time, his kwami had been aware of what had happened and hadn't told him a single thing!

"I knew something bad had happened, but I didn't know she was dead!" Plagg defended himself, the kwami hovering in mid-air with his arms crossed.

"You're lying," Adrien bit out as he turned to face his kwami with a furious look on his face. "You dropped so many ridiculous comments about Ladybug and how she's not here, so let me do this or let me do that. How could you not have known anyways? You're a kwami! You have a connection with all the kwmais, don't you?! Including Wayzz. And I'm pretty sure Wayzz knew!"

"I swear I didn't know!" Plagg exclaimed desperately, "I hadn't been able to speak with Tikki for weeks, but I could feel her distress. I knew something terrible had happened, but I didn't know what!"

Adrien sharply turned on the ball of his heel, glaring at the kwami. "I don't believe you."

Plagg scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Well believe whatever you want, Adrien, but Tikki is hurting... and now that I know why, I'm going to go comfort her."

"You can't leave!" Adrien yelled, "You have to stay here in case I need to transform!"

"I'm not letting you go anywhere with the way you're acting!"

Adrien rolled his eyes and laughed, his laugh sounding bitter and cold. "Don't you remember what happened the last time you left without me?"

Plagg simply folded his arms. "I think I can handle being alone with Tikki for a bit. Besides, you being there too won't help at all."

"Why not? What if I want to be there?"

"It's not all about you, Adrien."

Angrily, the blonde opened his mouth, ready to shoot a retort Plagg's way, but then he closed his mouth again and pressed his lips together instead.

Because Plagg was right.

As much as Adrien was hurting, as much as he was in pain, so was Tikki. And Tikki had been closer to Ladybug than he had. It wasn't all about him, as much as he wished it could be for just a second.

Because as selfish as that sounded, Adrien was completely and utterly lost, confused, and very heartbroken. What was he supposed to do now? Ladybug, his partner and best friend was gone, and now he had no one left.

Who would he talk to? He had nothing left to say to Plagg, and Plagg couldn't sympathize as much as Adrien wished he could. With Marinette, Plagg had tried his best. But it wasn't good enough. Adrien needed someone else. Someone who he could talk to about his struggles as a superhero.

And the only person who he could vent out to about stuff like that was gone.

Adrien huffed and turned back around, his back facing Plagg again. "Well then, what are you waiting for? Leave."

Adrien watched from the corner of his eye as Plagg whisked by him in a matter of seconds and out of his open window, leaving Adrien to wallow in his sorrows alone.

And the moment his kwami was gone, Adrien broke down into tears and fell onto his knees, his head falling limp in his lap as he cried into the palms of his hands. He found himself turning to lay on his side a moment later, his knees curling into his chest. His arms wrapped around himself, as if the embrace would somehow make him feel secure and fill in the void that was now in his heart. He felt his chest growing tighter and tighter the longer he wept, and he tried to catch his breath, knowing that if he continued, he wouldn't be able to breathe.

Eventually, he found his sobs easing. He laid on the floor for what felt like hours, simply holding himself and repeating a chant in his head that everything was going to be okay.

But it wasn't... nothing was okay.

His lady was gone. His best friend dead. His entire reason for ever enjoying the superhero life turned into a ghostly memory.

He couldn't do this without her.

He needed Ladybug.

And now that she was gone, what was the point of being a superhero?

Besides his relationship with Plagg, Adrien had nothing left to cherish as a superhero. Master Fu would be forced to choose another person to wield the miraculous of creation, and if he chose to remain as Chat Noir, he would have to accept a new partner at his side.

And no one could replace Ladybug.

He didn't even know if he could do this job with someone else. He couldn't even picture himself with another crime- fighting partner.

He just couldn't.

"Fuck," Adrien fisted his blonde hair, wishing he could simply rip off from his scalp, just so that he could experience some sort of valid pain. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck!"

But instead, he felt nothing but numb. With his sadness gone, anger took its place. Adrien stood to his feet, brows furrowed angrily as he moved lightening speed towards his desk. He ripped the swiveled desk chair out from underneath his desk and threw it across the room, watching as it toppled over. The sound was so loud, he was certain someone in this giant mansion had heard it. Whether it be Nathalie, his bodyguard, or even his father, he didn't care. He didn't care if they saw all of this. Out of fury, he balled his fists at his sides and pounded them into his desk over and over again until the sides of his hands turned blue, not caring for a second that the expensive monitors on his desk looked close to toppling over themselves.

And then he yelled, swiping both of his hands over his desk and knocking everything off of it. His keyboard and mouse hit the floor, clattering as if they'd been broken, but he didn't care. A few books fell as well, one even coming undone from its spine. But what actually caught his eye, what made him stop for just a second, was Marinette's journal.

He hadn't even noticed it before, but apparently her journal had been on his desk, and he shoved it right off without even thinking. Thankfully, the journal wasn't harmed in any way, only opened on a page that he hadn't read yet, and he internally cursed himself (and also thanked the gods above) as he reached down to carefully pick it up.

And then he froze, the moment he read the last words on the page by accident, and his mind was able to process said words.

I'm Ladybug.

"Marinette?"

The ravenette squeezed her eyes shut, internally cursing herself for not being careful enough. Despite avoiding him entirely, Adrien Agreste had somehow found her in the locker room.

Marinette heaved out a heavy, defeated sigh and stepped away from her locker, only turning her head slightly to look at him. Adrien looked as handsome as he always did, dressed in his black, ripped jeans and his class hoodie over a white basic tee. The blonde stood only a few feet away from her, a defeated look in his eyes and his hands grasping tightly onto the straps of his backpack.

Marinette simply gave him a once over before she sighed, "What do you want, Adrien?"

"Can we talk?" Adrien asked her, his voice pleading as he took a hesitant step closer towards her.

Marinette turned to look back at her locker, moving a few books around as an attempt for a distraction. "About?"

"About us, Marinette."

"There is no 'us', Adrien."

Adrien let out a frustrated groan. "I want... no, I need to talk to you about what we did. We had sex, Mari. I can't just forget about that."

"Why not?" Marinette asked as she slammed her locker closed. She then looked at him again, her expression emotionless. "You've done it with every other girl you've slept with."

"You're different, Marinette," he said urgently when she simply stepped by him, attempting to leave the locker room. But he stood in front of her, blocking the door.

Marinette's dead eyes met his pleading ones. "Move."

Adrien shook his head, pressing his lips together. "Marinette, you know you are different to me than any other girl." He gestured to her with both of his hands, as if she was a sight to be envisioned.

"Did you get that line from a hallmark card?"

In one swift motion, he reached to grab her shoulders, and for some odd reason, she didn't pull away. "I'm being serious, Mari. You are different from any other girl I've ever been with. Unlike the others, I actually like you."

Marinette rolled her eyes. "Have you ever heard that saying 'actions speak louder than words'?"

"Mari—"

"Do you really think that I will believe anything you have to say?" She placed her hands on his chest, only to shove him backwards. "If you can't follow your words through with actions, then I don't want to hear it!"

She shouldered past him before he could say anything else, and although he tried to block her from leaving before, Adrien didn't try to stop her this time. But when she went to reach for the handle of the door that led out of the locker room, she heard him say something she thought she'd never hear him say.

"Fine."

Marinette paused, her hand inches away from the handle. Her shoulders rose into the juncture of her neck involuntary, and she let out a shuddering breath before she turned around to face him. "What?"

"I said 'fine'." He said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"I don't understand..." Marinette gave him another once over, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"I like you," Adrien said plainly, "You said that you wouldn't believe me unless I proved it with my actions."

Marinette frowned slightly, "Yeah?"

"So, let me take you out on a date. A dinner for two."

Immediately, Marinette shook her head. "No. No way."

That couldn't be an option. That was bad news all on it's own. She wanted nothing more than to go on a date with Adrien Agreste, but should she?

Adrien's smile fell slightly, and the only reason she noticed was because his lips twitched, "Oh c'mon! You said you wanted me to prove it."

"Yeah, but I also would like to keep my head attached to my body. Imagine what the paparazzi would do if they saw me with you at a fancy restaurant acting all couple-y."

Adrien rolled his eyes at that. "Screw the paparazzi."

Marinette shook her head. "It's not that simple, Adrien. You know it's not. Your father would be furious."

"Fine," he complied with a huff, "Then how about a movie? There's less people there, and paparazzi won't be allowed in the theater with cameras anyways."

Well... he wasn't wrong. Evidentially, if they went to see a movie at night, there would hardly be anyone there. But even with this reassurance, she still felt unsure.

Marinette wrapped her arms around herself, her gaze falling to her shoes. "I don't know..."

"C'mon!" Adrien pouted with a small smile on his lips. "It'll be fun! I'll even let you pick the film."

Marinette looked up shyly to catch his gaze underneath her lashes. Adrien was watching her with a look of adoration in his eye, flashing her with his perfectly, handsome smile.

It was almost impossible to say no to him. Almost. In this particular situation, however, Marinette wasn't sure if she actually wanted to.

Sighing heavily, she chuckled, "Okay, you win. I'll go on a date with you to the movies."

She tried not to laugh out loud as Adrien Agreste dramatically fist bumped the air.

Adrien flipped through page after page, his mind running a mile per second. He tried not to flip them too harshly, afraid he might rip out a page by accident, but he was too in shock. What he read... it just couldn't be true. Marinette couldn't be Ladybug. She just couldn't. Because if she was, that would mean that he had lost her a long time ago.

But... everything seemed to add up. As Adrien pondered over it, he realized that they both had strikingly similar aspects. For one, Ladybug and Marinette both had the same exact hair color, pulled into the same exact hairstyle, and both had the most beautiful blue eyes. Ladybug was usually confident, whereas Marinette was mostly shy, but both girls had been the opposite once before. The fact that he hadn't noticed these similarities sooner made him feel like an idiot.

Marinette was Ladybug.

Ladybug was Marinette.

And now... she was gone.

He pressed his fingers into his temples, massaging the flesh gently as he felt an oncoming headache arising. He almost couldn't accept it. This whole time.... Ladybug had been right there, wanting him to simply be there for her, and he ignored her over and over again. How many times had he turned away from Marinette, only to realize that he'd also been turning his back on Ladybug too all this time.

The thought itself made him want to throw up.

Who could he talk to about this? Anyone who he would even think of telling would have to know Ladybug's alter ego, and the blonde wasn't sure if he could tell anyone that.

He didn't think it was his place to tell.

The only other person who he could talk to about this was Master Fu, and Adrien didn't feel like talking to him at the moment.

"This is all my fault," Adrien murmured to himself. He leaned his head against the foot of his bed and closed his eyes, trying to concentrate on keeping his breathing regulated.

If only he would've been himself...

If only he would've not cared what other people thought.

If only he would've been a better friend.

Marinette would still be here. Ladybug would still be here.

The most important person in his life would still be here.

She'd still be alive.

"I can't do this," from the corner of his eye, he glanced over at the journal that laid on the floor beside him, open on the page where she'd written the words that had forever changed his life. "I can't do any of this without you!" Adrien yelled at the small journal, as if Marinette could somehow hear him through it. "I know that I left your side so many times, but why did you have to leave mine? Why?"

The only response he received from the journal was silence.

"I don't know what to do!" Adrien went on as his voice cracked. "I don't know what to do without you here! I need you! But it's my fault that you're gone. It's all my fault..."

Adrien buried his face into his knees as he cried once again, his heart aching in his chest. Without Marinette, Adrien felt all alone, and without Ladybug, Chat Noir felt incomplete.

And then suddenly, a flitch was practically switched on inside of his head.

Adrien lifted his head, turning to look at the journal with wide eyes. He knew that he couldn't do any of this without her... that he needed Marinette in more ways than he thought he did before. And if he couldn't bring Marinette back to life, or bring her back here...

He would have to go to her.

The blonde shakily stood to his feet and slowly shuffled towards his desk, picking up a x-acto knife he'd left sitting there that he used to open up a package he received in the mail a few weeks ago, filled with Plagg's stinky cheese.

Adrien raised the blade to level with his eyes, examining it carefully and gently running the pad of his thumb over the blade to determine how sharp it really was. Adrien then lowered the blade to test it gently against his skin, simply ghosting it over his wrist in a cutting motion.

All he had to do was cut his wrist in the right spot. Although it would be painful and he would likely suffer a gruesome death, a part of him felt like he really deserved to suffer.

He glanced over at his bathroom and stared at the empty tub.

But could he do this?

Could he really kill himself?

How would Nathalie react if she came into his room to give him his schedule and found him dead in a bloody bathtub, filled with red water to the rim?

How would his father react to Nathalie telling him the news? Would the man even shed a tear?

And how would his friends react? How would his best friend, Nino, take the news? Or even Alya... the person he swore he would be there for.

How would Plagg take the news? The kwami was never the sentimental type, but would Plagg be devastated if he was gone?

Or would the kwami move on, whether it be against his will or not, to another owner?

Adrien's grip around the x-acto tightened. He had to do this. This was the only way he would be able to see Marinette again. This was the only way he would finally be at peace for screwing everything up. This was the only way...

A gust of wind brushed through his hair a second later, startling the blonde and forcing him to look up. The window that his kwami had left through was still wide open, and he hadn't even realized he'd forgotten to close it until he felt the cool wind prickle his skin. The wind then breezed over Marinette's journal, which was still left open on his floor, and he watched with a sense of confusion as the breeze flipped the pages of the journal backwards.

And then, as if it had found a specific page, the breeze vanished as quickly as it had came. With a single brow raised in confusion, Adrien picked up the journal from the floor to see what page it had coincidentally landed on.

Adrien suddenly gasped out loud, stumbling back and almost falling over his bed. The x-acto knife fell from his hand and hit the floor with a CLINK, rolling underneath his bed.

At the bottom of the first journal entry he ever read from Marinette, it said... But I don't want anyone else to regret what I will soon regret doing myself: giving up.

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Hello! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Don't forget to leave your thoughts (because you don't want to be a silent reader, do you?)

I hope you're staying safe... even though my area has officially lifted the lockdown. ,:)

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