Desa shook her head as she averted her gaze, looking at Aksel was too painful, like looking directly into the sun. He knew she couldn't say who'd done this to her with the enchantment in place, and she believed he didn't need confirmation anyway.

Her defeated head shake seemed to be enough of an answer that Aksel didn't ask again. His fisted hand lowered down from the bar top to his side and Desa saw his knuckles turn white with how hard he was gripping his fist. His chest was rising faster and his eyes held a fire inside them that yelled fury.

He looked nothing like the understanding, gentle bending instructor that Desa had gotten to know over these past days. The gray eyes that usually reminded her of a calm sea on a light day, now seemed to be swirling with a thunderous tsunami. It was bone chilling and still Desa couldn't look away from the towering elf.

"Is that where you've been?" Aksel's grated voice asked from between clenched teeth. She knew his anger wasn't pointed towards her but it was unusual to see this much tension on his face, Desa couldn't stop the tiny hairs rising on her arms at the intensity of his gaze.

She didn't answer his question, couldn't answer it. The enchantment wouldn't allow her to explain where she had been, she could just confirm his suspicions but what good would that do? He already knew the answer without her speaking. Desa had been with Sontarro while Aksel probably fought to survive the deadly wound she had inflicted.

Did he see her as a coward? That she had ran away after accidentally stabbing him, that she couldn't bear to see the consequences of her actions? If so, he would be right. No matter what she had tried to convince herself of, there was no way she could've remained there to watch, unable to help and get close to him as Aksel bled to death before her eyes. The guilt ate at her enough already.

She wasn't going to go through that again. If she remained close to him, how long would it take for another accident to occur? A day? A week? This wasn't sustainable, she refused to hurt him. He was the only one that had taken the time to look behind her forced actions and actually give her hope for a change. And how had she repaid him? By almost killing him.

As relieved as she was that Aksel was alive and breathing before her, Desa needed to put as much space possible between them so that this didn't happen again. Sontarro already thought Aksel was dead, he could go far away, never to be seen again and live his life in peace. Why did he insist on coming back for her?

Desa lowered her eyes, unable to look at Aksel and reached into the leather pouch at her belt. After placing a few gold coins on the bar for the food and the liquor, Desa turned around in the stool to lower herself down. She needed to get away from Aksel as soon as she could, everything hurt, her body, her heart, her mind. Every single inch of her begged her to just give up, but she needed to get somewhere where she could be alone like her apartment before she could finally collapse.

Desa made sure to give her back towards Aksel so he couldn't see the way her face twisted as she lowered herself to the ground. The alcohol had eased the immense pain a bit but with a broken leg and now alcohol fiddled mind, walking was all the more difficult.

"Where are you going?" Aksel asked from behind her. She didn't turn around or reply, she just tried to walk as normal and as swiftly as possible from the tavern. She was sure her walk resembled that of a sea lion, and if she wasn't biting down on her lower lip to muffle her sounds, she would sound like one too. Maybe if she just kept going, and ignoring him, Aksel would give up and leave her alone.

Desa stumbled out from the tavern door out into the cold night air but didn't stop to take a break. She needed to get away. She kept stumbling on her left leg and sliding as she hurried along as fast as she could.

She almost gave out a cry as soon as she heard the tavern doors open and close behind her. Aksel's comforting smell hit her nose now that they were in the open fresh air and she wanted to turn around, close those three steps between them and let herself go in his arms. It was almost as painful as her broken leg but the bone would heal, she wasn't sure her heart would.

"Desa stop." Aksel demanded.

Desa just closed her eyes briefly as she tried to lose the fog of the alcohol haze mixing with Aksel's comforting scent. "Leave me alone." She said and even though she had tried to sound firm, her voice broke on the last word.

"Desa stop and talk to me." His voice was pleading and Desa had never been more grateful of the three steps that divided them because he sounded like he wanted to just grab her arm and spin her around to face him and she just knew she would crumble the minute he'd touch her with those soft and caring hands.

Desa was trying to go as fast as she could through the empty cobblestone streets but it was a slow progress. Every step was agony. Her leg threatened to give out beneath her, and her ribs felt like they rearranged their order with every tiny movement and breath she took.

She felt the moment Aksel took a step too fast behind her as she struggled to take one herself. Desa's body went rigid and swiftly turned around making her gasp with the flash of pain. Her body hurtled towards Aksel's as she swung a right hook. Thankfully Aksel crouched in time to dodge as he was watching her.

Desa's left leg came up to knee his crouched form in the chin, bending and lifting that broken limb tore an agonised scream from her lips. Aksel's firm hand came down on her rising knee and that touch on her freshly burned skin almost made her blackout, Desa's vision went blindingly bright for a second as she stumbled back into an alley and crashed into a wall.

When her vision returned, Desa was barely holding herself upright against the wall and hyperventilating. Sweat was coating her forehead in a light sheen. The pain radiating from bone and skin pulsated through her body. She placed a hand down on her thigh and pushed in her nails, hoping the localised pain would subdue the whole limb.

Her breaths failed her as she heard the roar of her heartbeat thump in her ears. From the corner of her eye she saw Aksel step forward, as if he wanted to help her.

Desa quickly shot up her hand to stop him. "Don't-" her heaving voice was a broken plea and Aksel froze where he was. "I can't. Please Ax, I can't. Don't come any closer." She whispered.

Desa didn't have the energy to look up at his face to see his expression. She was in so much pain and she was just so tired. She couldn't stop her body as it slid down the wall and settled on the ground. With her back to the cobblestone wall and her left broken leg stretched out before her, her right bent at the knee, Desa leaned her head back to close her good eye to calm her breathing.

She needed to have a minute for the wave of pain to pass. This was pathetic, her sitting in a filthy side alley with Aksel before her, witnessing how weak and vulnerable she was. She just wanted to fall on her side and give in to the tears that burned at the back of her eyes.

"I can't do this Aksel." Desa said as she shook her head against the wall. Opening her eyes, she looked through a slightly blurry vision to Aksel standing exactly three steps away from her. His navy hair resembled how the moonlight shined on the dark surface of the sea at night. He was waiting for her to gather her thoughts, giving her space.

The silence felt comforting with him, not the suffocatingly lonely affair it usually was when she faced it herself. With him, it was welcoming like a warm hug, giving her space to think but also the assurance that let her know he was there to listen if she felt like baring her soul.

It was disarming in the most profound sense.

Taking in a wavering breath, Desa turned her head to the side because she knew she wouldn't be able to voice her thoughts if she kept looking at him. Her voice was barely a whisper.

"After losing Eva, I witnessed a lot of deaths." Her right hand clenched into a fist. "Delivered a lot of them." Every single one still haunted her nigthmares. "A-and I like to think that if it happened now after everything I saw, I'd be able to handle it better. But the truth is I wouldn't." She shook her head to try to clear the tears in her eyes threatening to slip.

"I still know I'm lying to myself when I say I can handle losing someone I care about again. But I can't. I just can't." Desa clenched her jaw to stop the tear sliding down her cheek but it heeded her no mind as it made its way down her face.

She raised her gaze to Aksel's shimmering gray ones and her heart broke a little more. "So don't give me any kindness, don't try to help me, don't seek me out. But most important of all- don't let me kill you. Because I won't be able to live with myself." Her lower lip trembled and Desa bit down on it as her face finally gave over to the pain she was feeling.

Tears started flowing freely from her eyes now. Her body was in agony but the pain deep in her heart was the tipping point for her tears. A deep gouging ache started from beneath her right collarbone as it spread inside her chest, like her heart was pumping venom through her artery and veins. Her shoulders caved in involuntarily like her body wanted to collapse on the invasion.

A broken sob escaped Desa's lips. "Please don't make me hurt you." She didn't care how desperate she sounded, how horrible she might've looked with her bruised face and tear stricken puffy eyes. She just needed Aksel's blood to not be on her hands ever again. Because she would be forced to live on, no matter how much she wanted to kill herself and no amount of torture from Freyt and Zekla would ever come close to that pain.

Desa wiped her face and nose with her bandaged left hand, her good eye filled with tears, making Aksel's figure bleary. She couldn't stop the tears or squint her eye enough to see him clearly. So she lowered her eyes to her hands sitting in her lap. "Please leave me alone Aksel. Please." She whispered. A few minutes of silence passed before Desa heard footsteps walking away from her.

She bit down on her tongue to stop herself from crying out. Squeezing her eyes shut, she listened to Aksel walk away from her and out of the alley. When she couldn't hear his steps anymore, Desa heaved in a broken breath to fill her lungs.

She just whimpered as she closed her mouth with the back of her hand as that deep breath brought Aksel's lingering scent into her lungs. Her tears flowed more adamantly. This is better, this is better. Desa kept telling herself. Aksel needed to stay away from her. No matter how much it felt like her heart was being ripped out from her chest, this was better for him and her.

He would stay alive and Desa wouldn't have to live with another innocent person's death on her conscience. She closed her eyes as the tears kept falling down her cheeks silently, Desa tried to focus on the alcohol in her veins to dull the ache but the pain from her wounds were causing adrenaline to the surface, giving her an alertness that she wanted nothing to do with.

The stones beneath her body forced a shiver through her, it was cold outside and she was sure to get sick if she kept sitting down in the dirty alley with her numerous wounds but she couldn't bring herself to care. She was mentally and physically exhausted, even the idea of crawling to her apartment was repulsive to her. So Desa just closed her eyes and leaned against the cold wall to have something to lean against during her inner turmoil.

Desa's eyes snapped open as she heard two set of footsteps hurriedly coming her way, she really didn't want to move a single muscle, she wondered if she could feign being dead so whoever's coming would leave her alone. The idea died in her throat as she saw the two figures round the corner. Aksel was the first and in tow was Mihram.

Desa's throat clogged up as she couldn't swallow. Aksel hadn't left her. He had just went to get Mihram. The realisation of the fact that Aksel had never planned on leaving her like she had pleaded made the silent tears start up again. She was an emotional and physical wreck.

They walked over to her and Aksel stopped three step away from her. He didn't say anything as Mihram stepped forward and crouched beside her. Mihram flinched back when he saw her face up close, his eyes widening but he didn't say anything. He hesitantly reached over but before he could touch her, Desa scooted back as painlessly as she could. Still she winced as her tender skin scraped against the hard ground and her broken leg was dragged along.

"Desa." Aksel's voice was full of warning and threat. Desa curled her lips inwards as she looked up at Mihram with pleading eyes.

"Mihram please." She simply said.

Before Mihram could reply, Aksel cut in. "Her leg is injured you need to carry her." Mihram nodded in reply as he reached for Desa again.

"No, no..." Desa tried to feebly fight Mihram's arms but he was insistent as one snaked around her back and the other beneath her knees. When he lifted her from the ground in his arms, Desa groaned at the pain of having her left leg bent. She had to loop her arms around his neck to lift herself a bit higher so her leg wouldn't be in too much pain.

Then Mihram turned around and started walking out of the alley with Aksel following them three steps behind. Desa's hood had fallen back and she looked up at Mihram's face who was focused straight ahead as he carried her. Desa was trembling, she didn't know whether it was from exhaustion, pain or the fact that this could be considered the first hug since her orphanage had burnt down. Her first real hug of thirteen years.

She had no more energy left in her as that fact wormed its way into her mind and she forced her aching muscles to relax in Mihram's hold. Her tears were still silently flowing down her face but they had slowed down. Desa slowly leaned her head and placed her cheek on Mihram's shoulder. She didn't care if putting pressure on her closed shut eye and bruised lip caused her pain. She wanted to feel this hug of sorts. Her body relaxed in to his hold as her tired bones tried to soak up the warmth.

She closed her eyes as his familiar spicy scent infiltrated her senses. He was warm and stable, carrying her down the streets. Desa tried to wipe away her tears so she wouldn't soak his shirt but then looked down at how filthy her clothes were. With a defeated sigh she gave up.

With her head leaning on Mihram's shoulder, Desa whispered to him. "I'm sorry Mihram."

Mihram didn't say anything but Desa could see how the corner of his mouth had went rigid. "Please don't take me back to his place. I can't do it again. I can't." She pleaded to him. Her broken raspy voice was barely audible and she preferred it that way as she didn't want Aksel to over hear the next words she was going to say.

"You can kill me. I know you can. Kill me before I succeed this time. I know you care about him. Protect him from me." Desa begged. She felt Mihram's hands tighten around her back and under her legs.

A few moments of silence passed as they walked through the empty streets, Mihram's footsteps followed by Aksel's echoing in the dimly lit streets of Avilfell.

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you before." Mihram's voice surprised her as she opened the right eye she hadn't realised she'd closed. It had closed out of its own accord with how she felt like the steps and the warmth of Mihram lulled her to sleep.

"I wouldn't have believed me either." Desa said in a small voice. Why would anyone choose to believe that she went around killing people because she was under an enchantment? Of course she wouldn't blame Mihram for being skeptical. She needed him to be skeptical so he could protect Aksel from her.

"Just promise me something." Desa said in a whisper.

"What is it?" Mihram asked matching her tone.

"If it comes to it, kill me before I can kill him?" She asked in a broken tone. She needed him to promise this to her more than anything. This would be a gift to her if she came close to hurting him.

Desa didn't think Mihram was going to answer when the silence stretched between them. At last, his reply came. "I promise."

So what did you think about the chapter?

Any suggestions, any critiques?

Thank you for reading! ❤️