A/N: Well this chapter was fun to write! :) Seriously, I adore you guys. Constructive criticism and ideas are always SO APPRECIATED, as well as votes and comments. Hope you enjoy <3

A few hours later, they re-entered the TARDIS, arms laden with strange goods.

"Oh my god. This is insane. I have no idea what most of this stuff is" Rebecca threw her hands up in the air after she had dumped the contents of the bag onto the kitchen counter. They were in what Rebecca had begun to call 'the Rose kitchen'.

"Well" The Doctor gestured vaguely. "We've got some Kronk burgers, some Jelly Babies. But not carrot juice. Never carrot juice."

"What do you have against carrot juice?" A packet crinkled as Rebecca tore it open. She surveyed the contents, it was kind of green and slimy.

"Is this safe for humans?" she asked, poking it gently. It jiggled.

"Yep. Should be." He stuck his finger into it, and pulled of a glob. Rebecca followed suit, and stuck her finger into her mouth.

They had visited what the Doctor claimed was the finest market in all of the Universe. It boasted goods from every nook and cranny of every planet of every galaxy. And Rebecca had believed it too. It had been simply incredible, aliens of every imaginable species and so many foodstuffs.

Blue skinned aliens with purple hair. Giant jiggling blobs which navigated by releasing bursts of gas, propelling itself forward. A super intelligent shade of the colour blue. Humans which had transferred their consciousness into cat bodies and meowed at anything. And, perhaps the strangest of them all, an immortal creature in a giant glass jar, who had just smiled gently at The Doctor as they had made their way by.

And what an unruly crowd as well! They pushed and shoved and yelled in every dialect imaginable. Rebecca had almost wished the TARDIS hadn't translated everything – hearing all those languages would have been incredible. But she wasn't complaining, though. Not at all. And best of all, the Doctor seemed to have a 'credit stick' which somehow translated to 'infinite money.'

And so they had returned, staggering under the weight of their purchased goods. It was these goods that they were currently sampling.

"OK, let's sort these." She divided the pile into two heaps. Gesturing to each, she said "The left is yours Doctor. The right one is mine, a.k.a remotely nutritious food."

"Why be healthy when you can just regenerate?" Golden foil littered the counter, and he held an unwrapped bar of what looked like chocolate. "Here" he broke off a piece and handed it to Rebecca, proceeding to chew on the rest of it.

She rolled her eyes "All this alien food, and you give me chocolate?"

"Just try it" he pleaded.

Humouring him, she took a bite, and stopped dead. "It-It's not... It's TERRIBLE" she turned and spat it into the sink. It tasted awful and pasty and somehow dry and mushy all at once.

"Yep" he replied, his mouth full.

"Why are you eating it" she swiped at her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Because I can. Interesting fact, Earth is the only planet which could grow decent cocoa."

"But why?" she ripped open yet another packet, and tasted something that was sort of like tofu.

"No one knows!" The Doctor shrugged.

"Save the Earth! It's the only planet with decent chocolate!" Rebecca joked. "Time War. Star Wars... What's the weirdest war you've ever been in?"

"Gee that's not a random question at all!" he adjusted his bowtie and leaned back.

"I dunno. It just occurred to me. You're old. Aliens are violent. You have to have been in a few pretty weird ones."

"Well, I've always wanted go to one very specific one."

---------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------ ---------------------------------

"WELCOME TO THE GREAT EMU WAR OF 1932!" The Doctor flung his arms wide, and they stepped out of the TARDIS.

"Emu war?" Rebecca sounded skeptical, to say the least.

"Yes! A war fought by three people in 1932, funded by the Australian government to cull emu populations!"

She looked around. They stood in a large, open field. Wheat blew gently in the distance, and mountains rose in the background – brown blurs against the bright blue sky. Tall trees grew to the left and far right, framing the field. She saw no emus, though. No emus and no soldiers.

"Huh. Where are the two sides, then?" she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I dunno!" he beamed "Let's go find them!!!"

Rebecca trudged after him as he bounded around with child-like amusement. Then, a thought occurred to her.

"Cull emu populations?" her voice rose in anger "CULL?!?!"

He popped out from behind a tree "Oh, yeah. They killed some birds."

"Oh, yeah? Well let's go stop them." Rebecca's voice was set in determination.

It turned out to be easier said than done, however, and after traipsing over what felt like the better half of Western Australia, The Doctor was exhausted.

"How long have we been walking?" his whiny tone was supremely irritating. "Is this how time normally passes? Reallllyyyy slowly and in a straight line?"

"It's only been an hour, but there aren't exactly any signs of war. Doctor, are you sure we're in the right place. The right time?" she stopped and leaned against a tree.

"Positive!"

Rebecca raised an eyebrow.

"90% sure." The Doctor put his hands in his pockets.

She crossed her arms.

"Well, 50%" he took a hand out and flailed it in his trademark fashion

"You messed up, didn't you?" twigs cracked under Rebecca's feet as she turned around to walk away.

"Well. We all make mistakes." He put his hands on his hips. "1932 is a difficult year."

"A difficult year?!?!" she sounded incredulous.

"Some years and times are easy. BIG TEMPORAL TIPPING POINTS" A tree shed some leaves as the Doctor smacked it with an outstretched hand. "The TARDIS is attracted to them, like a moth to a flame."

"Makes sense. For some reason, I doubt the emu war is a big temporal tipping point."

"For the emus it probably was." He pouted.

"Isn't there, like a TARDIS flying manual lying around somewhere? I bet if you asked her nicely, she could find it for you."

"Well, there was." A sheepish expression flitted across his face.

"And?" Rebecca's voice held a question she didn't particularly want answered.

"I threw it in a supernova"

"You threw it in a supernova? Why?" she reached out and flicked his ear. He pushed her away angrily and said

"BECAUSE I DISAGREED WITH IT! Now stop talking to me when I'm cross." His brow furrowed and he put on the sulkiest expression Rebecca had ever seen.

"Oh my gosh. You're like an unhappy teenager." She threw her hands up in frustration.

"Well, you're an irritating grandmother!" he jabbed a finger at her.

Tensions were high, it had been a long walk, and both of them were immensely frustrated.

"MAN-CHILD"

"NAGGING WIFE"

"WHINY, PETULANT BRAT. YOU'RE THE UNIVERSE'S OLDEST FIVE YEAR OLD."

The Doctor paused for a moment, unable to come up with anything. Then his mouth moved of its own accord and he exclaimed "PUDDING CUP!"

They stared at each other for a moment, unable to process what had just happened. Then, all at once, they dissolved into laughter.

"P-pu-pudding cup?!?!?!" she managed between giggles, sinking to the forest floor on her knees.

"I-It just came out!" he leaned on a tree to support himself, but he ended up on the ground anyway. Rebecca laughed so hard, he was crumpled like a fallen bird. Tears leaked out of the corner of her eyes.

"Y-you're crying!" he pointed at her face.

"I'm laughing so hard! I'm gonna get abs!" her entire body trembled and she clutched her abdomen.

"What?"

"We're looking for a freaking Emu War, Doctor. What the Hell is wrong with us?" With shaking fingers, she wiped tears from the corners of her eyes.

"So much. Rebecca, we are so messed up."

"Can you like, summon the TARDIS? Let's just leave. We can find another place, another time. I am SICK of Australia."

"I am not a wizard" he stood up, brushing dirt and clumps of needles off of his tweed. Leaning down, The Doctor offered Rebecca his hand. She took it, standing up beside him.

"Might as well be. I mean, you've got your wand, your secret lair, everything." She too, brushed her clothes clean.

"Secret lair? Secret lair?" The Doctor narrowed his eyes.

"Fine, fine. Complicated space machine" Rebecca rolled hers.

"We'll have to walk back." He began trudging in the opposite direction.

"You know, I bet there was a map or something. And then the person using the map decided to throw it into a black hole."

The Doctor sighed; this was going to be a long walk.

Suddenly, a gunshot resounded through the woods. Their heads snapped towards the noise, and then they looked at each other.

"Do you-" Rebecca started with a twinkle in her eyes.

"Yes" The Doctor's voice was breathy with excitement.

Within a heartbeat, they had begun running towards the noise. Any sane person would've run in the opposite direction. But the two were anything but. The run lasted less than two minutes, and within that time, a gun had fired off three more rounds. They burst into a clearing, and nearly died with laughter.

Three men stood behind two guns, chests puffed out with insufferable pride. The three soldiers, fighting a war against the innumerable emus. Before them, the birds were running around, squawking with rage.

Upon closer inspection, they were rather frightening. They moved as a pack, like a black-feathered legion, with squawks instead of battle cries. Talons clacked on the ground as they zipped across impossibly fast, sending up clouds of red dust everywhere. It's like Brownian motion the thought flitted through Rebecca's head.

"Soldiers." The one in the poshest uniform saluted "We seem to be vastly outnumbered. Moreover, our tactic to ambush the emus seems to have... Failed. Our point blank shots into the herd has had no effect. They have split up into smaller groups. Evidently, the emu command seems to have employed guerrilla tactics."

She burst out laughing, hands on her knees, and the three men whirled around.