HELLO TRUE BELIEVERS! Wait a second.. I'm not Stan Lee! Ha.. yes, I wish he wrote this, but I'm the one writing this book not him.. so let's just deal with that fact..

Our story begins in New York City, as do most good stories of the Marvel variety. The bustle of one of the greatest (and angriest) cities in the good ol' U.S. of A! 

A vibrant metropolis.. filled to the brim with costumed crime fighters.. and as a matter of fact... here comes one now!

She swung through the city, going so fast, that she was merely a red and black blur to most

She was slimmer than her father, who used to swing through the city himself, wearing a quite similar costume that was more on the blue side then the black that she wore..  Her costume was adorned with webbed patterns like his.. with white lenses for the eyes..

Spider-Girl whooped as she flew through the city.. carried by a thin-wire-like Web protruding from her hand.. 

Letting go in a flurry of speed, she flew into the air, her arms and legs spread out like a skydiver before she flung out another hand, and aimed a precise shot from her wrist, pressing on the pressure pad on her palm with two fingers, letting another burst of web fluid shoot out from the silver bracelet on her arm. 

Another swing later, and she had already covered two blocks. 

May Parker, named after her great aunt, rest her soul, and the daughter of the webhead we all know and love... 

However, she had only had her powers for about the space of a month.. her costume inherited from her father's brother (cough! Clone!) Ben Reilly, and the biggest crime she had stopped so far was grand theft bicycle.

"Start small!" Peter had told her. "I mean.. seriously please.. I didn't know what I was doing half the time I started out.. the first few times I accidentally started a few crimes myself, and that's how JJ Picklepuss started hating me over the Bugle."

Bugle? Really? Nobody read newspapers anymore.. the Daily Bugle had long since gone out of business..

Spider-Girl landed on one of the large eagles overlooking the Chrysler building and stared down below at the cars that were like ants. No, she wouldn't start small. She was an A student with a 4.0 average.. a basketball player, with at least 40 scholarships garuanteed when she graduated.. for once she'd like to take a risk.

May sighed, pulling off her mask and smiled as she pulled the sack lunch from her mother that was held in a web sack she had around her waste. She took out the sandwich inside and began munching on it.

The problem with proving herself however.. was the fact that New York was Super Hero central..  Every crime that happened here was immediately answered by one big timer or another. The Avengers.. One of Stark's automated Iron Man suits.. The Fantastic Four.. etc. etc.... New York was just the one place you didn't WANT to do crime in.. 

Terrorist threats had become nonexistent ever since the Avengers started 20 years ago. 

So.. Spidey-gal was just reduced to taking on petty pickpockets and street light runners... except even THOSE didn't seem to exist anymore..

Come to think of it.. Spider-Girl was thinking that maybe the main reason her dad even LET her become a super hero was because the chances she'd encounter danger was immensely slim..

May frowned as she thought about this.. becoming increasingly glum, even though her beautiful actress mother had pretty much packed her favorite. 

"Mmm.." May muttered. "I've picked a job for nobodies haven't I?"

Suddenly she felt something vibrating in her web sack. She sighed and picked up her phone, accepting the call. "May Parker's phone.. May speaking.." 

"Hey.. uh.. this is the weird girl with the weird dad who always used to be quite a spunky little kid right?" said an eccentric voice. "Not to brag or anything.. but your dad got like.. half his cool stuff from me."

"Mr.. Stark!?" May stammered, standing up suddenly and almost falling off the building. "I-IS THAT REALLY YOU!?"

"No you've reached the life-like voice model of Tony Stark. Of course it's me. Listen.. I got your charming little email.. so you wanted to start up with the Avengers program.."

"YES YES YES!!" May exclaimed, quivering with joy. "I DIDN'T actually think anybody would READ that!!"

"Well I think I can recognize emails from the ip address of one of my friendly neighborhood avengers. Anyways, get over here, Happy's got pepsi or.. something off brand.. what is this?" (not the cat you anime fans.. Tony's head of security XD)

"It's Pepso.." said another voice that sounded distant.

"Yeah something off brand.. just get here." 

"RIGHT RIGHT!! GOING GETTING!! GONE!!" Spider-Girl whipped her mask back on, accidentally dropping her sandwich over the edge of the building.

Spider-Girl leaped over into the skyline, swinging through the city at top speed, nearly hitting a couple of passing pigeons as she slung her webs as fast as she could.

She was already halfway to Avenger's tower however.. when of course.. SOMETHING had to go wrong.

"SKKK!!" The sound of an empty webshooter.

"Oh.. crap.." Spider-Girl stammered as she flung out her wrist only for nothing to come out. "That's what I get for being too excited. YAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

"CRAAASSHHH BOOOMMMM SMAAAASSSHHHH!!" Smashing glass, cracked concrete, and a few bruised ribs later.. Spider-Girl found herself face down on some sort of floor.

Spider-Girl groaned.. lying there for a second. "Oh.. crap baskets. My boobs feel like pancakes now.. Auuuuuughhhh..."

Spider-Girl awkwardly got to her feet, blinking a little and staggering around. "Eh?"

She was in a bank.. And.. everybody was lying flat on the floor for some reason around her.

"Did... we all fall through the same roof?" Spidey muttered, still feeling dizzy.

She then turned her head and saw a bunch of men in ski masks, staring at her, frozen in shock, holding bags of money, with guns in their hands.

"... ohhhhhh..." Spider-Girl said. "These people are down on the ground because... and you guys are... ahhhhhhh... I see.. eheheh.. Wowsies! My first bank robbery! I feel like I should get a picture or something.."

https://youtu.be/2dBBOeas6D0

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?" roared one robber as they all pointed their guns at Spider-Girl.

"WHOA WHOA!! Hey guys there's been a misunderstanding! I paid my library refunds!" said Spidey. 

"WHO ARE YOU!!" The robber demanded again.

"I'm Spider-Girl!" said Spidey putting her hands on her hips proudly.

"... who?"

C-come on! Spider-Girl!" Spider-Girl turned to look at everyone in exasperation. "Surely somebody's heard of me!"

The robbers shrugged in confusion. Even the hostages all shook their heads and shrugged.

"Oh jeez." Spider-Girl muttered. 

"SHOOT HER!!" 

"SHOOT ME!? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME!!" Spider-Girl was forced to somersault into the air, twirling her body as she dodged a hailstorm of bullets.

Spider-Girl flipped around at astounding speeds as guns continued to fire at her.. She ran up the side of the wall, turning into a blur as bulletholes filled the wall behind her. As she ran she popped some new web capsules into her wrists, refilling her web supplies.

"NO BACKSIES!!!" Spidey exclaimed firing a few webs from her wrists and using them to suddenly pull several guns from the hands of the robbers.

 She flung the guns back at the men, knocking them out with their own guns as several men fired once more.

Spider-Girl flipped high into the air, and dove behind a teller's desk. 

"Th-that's a lot of guns!" Spidey stammered and gasped as she looked at a teller who was also taking refuge behind the desk. "H-hey there! First time taking on stereotypical bank robberies! Any advice?"

The bank teller just stared at Spider-Girl and shook her head.

"Right.. uh.. baby steps.. first step.. call the people who are actually experienced!" Spidey stammered hammering a palm on the button under the desk. "Police police police police!!"

"That button's broken!" stammered the teller. "Why do you think nobody is here already!?"

"Oh.. crap!" Spidey said. "Okay.. er.. plan B... don't get shot! And make wisecracks hoping nobody hears how nervous you are! Yay!"

Spider-Girl jumped up from behind the desk. "HEY LOOK! HULK IN A TUTU!!"

Like a bunch of idiots the robbers looked and Spider-Girl picked up the teller's desk with one arm and threw it at the robbers.

Three of the robbers were instantly buried under splintered wood while the remaining two turned around only to have Spider-Girl flip in and throw a spinning propeller kick at the both of them.. knocking them both out at the same time.

"KO!!" Spider-Girl yelled pumping her fist. "OHMYGOSH! I DID IT!! Wait till I tell Dad!"

That's when she noticed him.. the last robber.. inching quietly towards the door, a sack of money over his shoulder.

"Eh?" said the robber and Spider-Girl as their eyes met.

"Well.." said Spidey, folding her arms. "Where do you think you're going?"

"N-nowhere.." said the guard uneasily. 

"Really now? Tell me all about this nowhere you're headed to.. I believe it has bars and a toilet next to the bed!" said Spider-Girl, cracking her knuckles.

"BYE!" the robber ran out the door.

"HEY!! GET BACK HERE!!" Spider-Girl flung a gun over to the stunned security guard. "Er.. uh.. watch them!"

Spider-Girl burst through the doors and leaped onto the top of a lamp post, looking around frantically, and saw the robber running down the street towards some stairs leading to the subway.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!"  Spider-Girl  leaped up and in one large web swing, she crossed over to the subway entrance just as the guy disappeared into the crowd.

"Scuse me.. coming through.. er.. spider business!" Spider-Girl said, as she pushed through the crowd.. hurrying down the steps.

"AHHHAAAAA!" Spider-Girl skidded to a halt in front of one of the trains, pointing at the robber just as he was about to step onto the train.

"EEK!!" the robber pushed his way into the train and the doors shut.. 

"NO NO!!" Spider-Girl stammered as the train moved into the tunnel.  She slung a web at the train's backmost cart pulling herself to the train's back so that she stuck their with her adhesive grip.

Like a spider she crawled up the side of the train as it began to speed up and punched one of the windows, crawling in, much to the shock of the passengers, and the robber.

"OH COME ON!" the robber stammered as a web slung to his back and Spider-Girl pulled him to the floor.

"Now.. you almost slipped away didn't you?" said Spidey as she put a foot on the theif's back.  "Now that's what I call a wrap.."

But of course, whenever things go right in New York City, they also have to go wrong.

Spidey suddenly felt something in the back of her skull she could only recognize as thus..

Spider-Sense..

"STOP!!! I KNEW IT!! I KNEW IT!!" roared another man in a large overcoat, pulling out a gun and what appeared to be a trigger in one hand and pointing the barrel at Spider-Girl. 

Spider-Girl stared with confusion. "Huh?"

At that very moment multiple men started pulling out badges and guns and pointing them at the man with the trigger. "FBI!!"

"NYPD!!"

"SHIELD!! DROP THE BOMB!!!"

And Spider-Girl just stood there, with a bewildered bank robber under her foot, now feeling very weak at the knees. "Uh... okay? Am I dropping in on EVERYTHING by accident today?"

"You came at us by accident?" stammered the robber.

"What? You think I meant to fall on my face through the ceiling?" Spidey said.

"Uh.. yes?" said the robber.

"Criminals are doofuses.." Spidey muttered.

"I KNEW IT!! YOU AVENGERS HAVE BEEN TRACKING MY EVERY MOVE!!" The bomber spat at Spider-Girl. "Well let me tell you something Spider-Man! I'LL BLOW EVERYONE TO SHIT BEFORE I LET YOU TAKE ME DOWN!!"

"Spider-Man!? I'm Spider-GIRL!" said Spidey. 

"Spider... who?" said the man.

"Come on!! Doesn't ANYBODY know who I am!?" Spider-Girl stammered.

Everyone in the train shrugged.

Spider-Girl heaved a massive sigh. "Well.. I mean.. it should be obvious I'm a girl anyways! Just look at me!"

"But.." the terrorist said. "You.. don't have breasts.."

Spider-Girl stared at the terrorist.. her mouth wide open beneath her mask. 

"EXCUSE ME!?" Spidey exclaimed. "What did you just say Mr. I'ma BOMB a girl like that!?"

"Excuse us Ma'am.. but we're handling this!" said a SHIELD agent. "Please kindly get out of the way.."

"I think we should listen to them." said the robber.

"YOU! Shut up!" Spider-Girl roared at the robber. "AND YOU! SAY THAT ONE MORE FRIGGIN' TIME!!"

"Th-those are pectorals are they not?" said the terrorist.

"I'M 15!!! A PERSON MY AGE IF THEY ARE A BOY! IS NOT GOING TO HAVE PECTORALS SHAPED LIKE THESE!!" Spider-Girl roared. "OH MY GOSH! I ACTUALLY THOUGHT YOU WERE CALLING ME A FLATTY!!"

"Well you sort of ARE a flatty." said one agent.

All the other agents, Spider-Girl, and the terrorist now stared at the agent who spoke. 

"Jim.. no.." muttered an agent. 

"Aw come on." said Agent Jim. "I have a daughter her age that's at least twice her size.."'

"Oh my gosh.." Spidey whispered. "it's true.. Oh god.."

"YOU DON'T SAY THAT TO A GIRL!!" roared one female agent who slapped Jim in the back of the head. "Tactless!"

"Yes pretty tactless." said the terrorist.

"YOU don't say anything! You're a terrorist!" Jim exclaimed, pointing at the bomber.

"A terrorist with more tact than you." said the bomber with a frown.

"Oh god.." Spidey put her head in her hands and began to sob.

"Oh.. look.. er.. I'm sorry." said the terrorist moving closer. "Look, I know how it feels, I've seen many tactless men like-"

"WHAM!!" Out of nowhere Spider-Girl punched the man in the jaw, knocking him out. 

"Alright.. you get this.. and this." said Spidey, handing an agent the trigger and the gun. "And this guy's a bank robber, do something about that.. in the meantime, I'm late for an appointment with Tony Stark."

At that moment, the train stopped, and Spider-Girl stepped outside ever so casually, as if this were a normal Saturday.

"Whoah.. she played him like a fiddle.." said one of the agents. "She's good.."

However, as Spidey stepped out of the subway exit, she let out a slight sniffle. "I-I'm not flat.."

Cue intro song..

https://youtu.be/HdQCWXh3XXU