I had this thing when I was a kid. It wasn't anything bad, or at least I never thought it was. But if things were awkward, tense, or weird around me, I sort of moved my focus to something else. It kept me distracted and out of my head; kept it me out of the dark sad thoughts brought on by anxiety. So when dinner was placed in the middle of the table—five pizzas, mostly cheese—I focused on the vase in the corner of the dining room.

The vase belonged to my grandmother on my father's side. Red with gold swirls. In the center of each swirl was a flower, and in the middle of that was a gem. I wasn't sure what kind of gem but I knew they weren't real or else my father wouldn't have let it sit in the living room while Jun and I were kids. When had they moved the old heirloom to the dining room, I wasn't sure. But the flowers inside of it were big, pink, and pretty.

A good distraction.

A chewed on my pizza as Brian will wipe his hand on a napkin with the incorrect print across the top. I knew my father had to have bought them and had grabbed them from the clearance section because they read 'Happy 5th birthday.'

None of us were five. And I hated the colors yellow and green.

"So, who's going to tell me why we were summoned back to Harmony." Jun sat across from Brian and me. I heard him but didn't look at him. Judging by the tone of his voice, his face matched.

And I needed to stay focused on the flowers.

"Jun, not now." My father took the head seat at the table. Because he spoke, I glanced at him, just as he lifted his glass of Coke to drink. "Not here"

"What am I doing here, dad?" Jun folded his hands in front of him. "I just asked a question."

"I think it is your question." Mario sat opposite my mom, next to Jun. The two looked at each other as Mario smirked and took a bite of his pizza. With a mouth full of food, he continued, "You're being dramatic."

"Dramatic?" Jun pressed his hands on the table. "And you're disgusting."

"Manners." My father's voice was stern, louder than before. Everyone at the table looked at him as he returned his glass next to his plate and lifted his brows to look around at us. "Manners are expected at the table."

And for some reason, all of us understood manners as silence. For the next fifteen minutes or so, we each ate our pizza slices, chewing quietly without saying a word. Looking at the vase with its pretty flowers was no longer a needed distraction because there wasn't anything to run from. I looked at my father, my brother, then my mother—I didn't give Mario any attention—before I turned my head to look at Brian. Our eyes locked and he smiled. With tenderness, he slid his finger along the side of my cheek.

"Are you okay?" he whispered, his finger moving from my cheek to my chin.

I nodded slowly, moving pizza out of the pocket of my cheek to finally swallow it. "Yeah," I said. I was okay as I could be.

My mother cleared her throat to get everyone's attention. When I looked at her, she dipped her head and gave me a small smile. I wondered if she heard Brian.

"That's good you're okay, nena." She scanned the table. "I hope everyone is okay."

"We're fine, Maria," Mario said as he cleaned his hands with a different napkin than Brian had. His was red with a giant blue circle in the middle. "Thank you for the invitation."

His thanks brought on an annoyed look from Jun, who wiped his hands on his napkin. Rather than have a smart remark, he looked at our mother instead. "Yes," he said to her, "thanks, ma."

There was a chorus of murmuring thanks from the rest of us.

"Good." She pressed her hands together, a twinkle in her eye, a wrinkle at their corner. "I know tonight's dinner is a little... different and a last-minute change, but when I asked you all to come this weekend, I had meant it really to be tomorrow."

I turned my slice of pizza around in a circle on my plate.

Tomorrow. Not tonight. Great.

"Oh?" Jun leaned back in his seat. "Well, then it's good we got rooms at a motel, huh?" He turned his attention to me and Brian. "Did you guys get the whole weekend, too?"

I pursed my lips with a slow, small nod. Brian answered for the both of us, "We did."

"Right." Jun patted his lips together, glancing around the table.

For a second, my mother had this look on her face. A mix of shock and disappointment. When I glanced at my father, he had a look that more or less said I'm not surprised. My eyes had to pass Mario with just enough time to catch the stupid, smug look on his face.

"You aren't staying in your old rooms?" my mother's voice was quiet, small.

I gulped.

"Well, I know I said he can stay," my father pointed at Brian, "but not in her room, not with her."

My brows shot up. The awkward unsettling atmosphere settled on the room again. Quickly, I sought out the vase.

"You know they live together, right?" I heard Jun as he leaned closer to our father. But I didn't look at his face. I was focused on flower petals, on leaves.

"I don't care if they live together," was my father's response. "This is my house."

My father's voice broke the tension, but it quickly returned when I looked at him. I bit the insides of my cheeks, I held my breath. Suddenly, my head hurt and I couldn't think.

My mother reached across the table, but with the size of it, she couldn't reach my father. "Andres, don't do that, she—"

No, mom, don't.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

"I need air." I stopped the room before my mom could finish. I had the feeling, the strongest feeling, that my mom would spill the speculations she had about me before I was comfortable to say them. I knew that she was aware of everything; the fact that I put my hand on my stomach too much, the ring on my finger. But I wanted to be the one to tell him, not her. And I sure as hell wasn't going to tell him there, right there, with Mario at the table.

Pushing back against my chair, I stood.

Brian's hand reached out to hold mine. "Do you need me to come out with you?" he asked.

"No, no." I shook my head before any tears could fall. "I'm okay. I'll just be out back."

*

A part of me wished Brian would have let me stay home, sprawled out on our bed, so I could watch all of those pregnancy shows that were supposed to explain all of the hormones and nasty parts of the first trimester. Maybe then there would've been some advice to help me manage my already hectic emotions that only escalate when my parents are around. Throwing Mario into the mix only made it worse.

Without the help of real, probably not real, television doctors, I hurried onto my parents' back porch by myself and stared up at the moon. I wasn't sure when night came down upon us, but fall brought it on pretty early. And in Harmony, as bu-fu as it got, the stars were plentiful.

With my arms wrapped around myself, keeping my cardigan on tight to keep from the cold wind, I smiled up at the night sky. "It's okay," I whispered to myself as I watched one of the stars glow bright than the other, "it's just a weekend, nothing else."

I survived my whole childhood here. There was a good moment, and bad moments, but that was any household, right?

Any household. Everyone has their dramas.

The back door opened. It was slow, almost thoughtful, like the person who had opened it hadn't meant to disturb me. Instantly, I thought it was Brian and I turned with a smile.

"Babe," I said happily, but that happiness faded when I saw who stepped out on the porch with me and saw it wasn't my soon-to-be husband.

It was Mario.

I frowned, rolled my eyes, and turned back around.

"Well, shit, it's been a minute since you called me that." Mario stood at my side. I could smell his cologne. And I hated it.

"Well, I didn't think it was you coming out here to see me." I gave him a side glance before I turned my attention back to the moon. "I wanted to be alone."

"Oh yeah? If you wanted to be alone, why would I have been someone else?" Mario stepped in front of me to lean against the porch's back banister. I ignore his smug smile, even though he tried to inch his head to get me to see it. "Would I have been a ghost, then? Just the wind opening the door?"

I chewed on the insides of my cheek.

"Ah, I get it. You thought he would be out here, huh? Why isn't he?"

Closing my eyes, I sighed and pulled my sweater tighter around me. "What do you want, Mario?"

"I miss you." He didn't hesitate. "Is that so wrong?"

I wouldn't open my eyes. I wouldn't look at him. Even though the wind blew, and I shivered, I was stuck, eyes squeezed shut. "What do you want, Mario?" I repeated my question.

"To talk to you." I could hear Mario tap his fingers across the banister. "It's been a minute since we talked. Really talked."

There was a good reason for that. The fact that he had forgotten it was an issue. Or maybe it wasn't because he probably chose to ignore it, not forget it. Then again, that was an issue in itself.

Regardless of Mario's inability to be a decent human being, I shook my head and concentrated on the single grey cloud slowly drifting over the sky. It covered two stars in its path. One of them had been my focus. So I frowned.

Mario pushed off the banister. "I heard that guy in there is your fiancé. Is that true?" He cocked a brow and tried to look at my hand. "I don't see a ring on a finger—"

Without hesitating, I pulled my hand out for him to see. I opened my fingers, spread wide, and wiggled them.

He smirked. "Oh, shit, that is a nice cute ring, huh." His gaze moved from my hand to my face. "Does your dad know? Be a shame if he didn't. You know how he is."

I tucked my hand back under my arm and pulled at my sweater again. "Is that why you're out here? To belittle me?"

Mario's tongue trailed along the inside of his lip.

I scoffed and stepped back. "Because that's why I can't deal with you, did you forget? You're an asshole."

Mario chuckled as he closed his eyes. His hand slid over his head, his shoulders slumped forward. This wasn't defeat. This was his I''m cocky and I know it' pose. I had to press my lips to my nose because instantly, everything was awful. All I wanted was some fresh air and moonlight.

"Come on, Kay," Mario lifted just his gaze, "you know I miss you. And besides, you used to love this asshole, right?" He took another step forward. "Used to call me to come over at and night—"

"Didn't know there was a bathroom out here." Brian's voice immediately popped in from behind me. As I took another step back, I quickly turned to see him leaning against the open door, a shoulder pressed into the frame. When we locked eyes, he extended an arm for me to grab, an anchor of safety. Without a second wasted, I hurried to Brian and latched onto his hand. I let him pull me again his chest.

Still standing in his too-cool pose on the porch, Mario snorted through his nose and pressed one hand into the front pocket of his jeans. "I had a detour," he said.

"To the bathroom?" Brian's hold on me was tight, protective. I heard the dangerous tone in his voice, his warning. "If you need to piss outside like a dog, bro, don't let me stop you."

Mario's chew clenched, and I could see the muscles pull on his face.

When Brian turned to look at me, his expression softened a bit. With one finger, he stroked my cheek. "I think it's time to go," he said, "don't you think?"

I nodded. Oh, I needed him to say that. "Yeah, I'm ready."

"Good." Brian turned me gently towards the door. "Say bye to your mom and dad. Ask Jun if he wants to meet up."

"Got it." I gripped his hand, wanting him to walk with me.

But he didn't. Not right away.

He stayed in the doorway. When I glanced back at him, his gaze was stuck on Mario. There was a scowl on his face. With a gentle tug, I reminded him we needed to leave. And even though he shifted to follow me, he leaned back against the door, cocked his head, and said, "It was nice meeting you, Mario. May we never see each other again."

"Oh, you'll see me," Mario said as Brian and I turned into the doorway. "I ain't going nowhere."

I tensed, and looked back, but so did Brian. A deep, dark chuckle left him. His free hand clenched into a fist. With his tongue in his cheek, he said, "Whatever you say, man. Just stay away from my girl."

***

[Thank you for reading!]