Only 3 days left until Christmas. The next steps in the grand plan to save Christmas is to find Masky and Hoodie. But figuring out a method of doing so is proving hard.

"We could try to get Smile to sniff them out, like a bloodhound," Ben suggested.

Ao shook her head. "That would take too long. Smile and Grinny are still fighting, and I'm sure the only person who could get through to Smile is Jeff. Unfortunately, Jeff is still emo as hell and most likely won't return to normal unless we find Ellie."

"What about Ladon?" Ms. P asked.

Ao pondered the suggestion for a moment. "Using him might work, but we haven't seen him at all. He's missing as well, probably in the forest, doing god knows what."

Ben sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Geez, Zalgo just had to kill Santa. To make it worse, he wants to become Santa? Ugh, that's the absolute worst...!"

"Y-Yeah, the worst," Ao murmured awkwardly remembering how she accidentally gave Zalgo the idea to be the next Santa Claus like a damned idiot.

"Speaking of Mr. Claus, were you able to find his workshop, Ms. P?" the elfin wraith asked.

"Not yet, but I'm close," she replied. "My books aren't very straightforward. Manufacturers really should stop making them so cryptic..."

"As long as you're close, that's better than nothing," Ao said. She stood up from her spot in the couch and motioned for Ben to follow her. "We'll be out, Ms. P. Call for us if you need anything."

The two left the mansion and dodged a brawling Smile and Grinny as they passed by the porch (this time they have hand grenades). Gazing out into the tree-line, the young Proxy began, "Masky said he was going to get a pine tree for the Christmas tree. Where are those around here?"

Ben pulled up a GPS on his phone and answered, "The nearest grove of pine trees is about eight miles from here."

"Eight miles. That shouldn't take Masky and Hoodie long to come back. Plus...they know this forest like the back of their hands! And their bodies. They're...extremely familiar with each other. One time I asked Masky if he had any birthmarks and Hoodie said there was one shaped like a heart exactly three inches from his butt, three centimeters in width and two centimeters in height. I...I don't know what they are to each other."

"If they haven't come back, then that must mean they either finally had enough of the bullshit that goes on in the mansion—which I can't blame them, really, I mostly do all the bullshit—or they're stuck somewhere," Ben remarked.

"Our first stop is the pine tree grove," Ao declared. "C'mon..!"

The two of them set off towards the forest together to take the hike towards the pine tree grove. They followed the GPS on Ben's phone, which began talking to him.

"Benjamin," the device said quite coldly.

The elfin wraith frowned. "Sandra."

Ao furrowed her brow. "Your GPS talks to you?"

"He used to chat with me all the time," Sandra said in a New York accent. "Isn't that right, Ben?"

"Sure...," he murmured, looking away from his phone.

"But not anymore now, huh," the GPS remarked bitterly.

"Don't do this here, Sandra."

"Hmph. I think I have the right to speak my computerized mind. Besides, how can you just use me so suddenly after all these years of not talking and expect me to be a good little GPS like you said I was??"

"Sandra, please."

"I thought we had something, Ben," the GPS lamented. "That night we met at that bar, it was magical. We hit it off so well. Sure, you accidentally spilled a martini on me, stupidly thinking that a GPS could drink liquids, and then I had to be rushed to the nearest repair guy to fix my circuitboard, but you were genuine and sincere about it. Such a gentleman. But now you're just...blegh."

"I've moved on, Sandra, and you should too," Ben muttered.

"I'm the GPS here. I'm the one who tells you where to move, not you. And believe me, I've tried, but how can I forget the man who promised the world to me? Who promised to help me document every corner of the Earth into my database? Who promised we would get married on my GPS satellite?"

"We were young back then...naive.."

"You played me like a fool, I will admit that, but you're the real fool here."

"Just tell us where to go, Sandra. That's all I ask."

"Whatever..." Sandra the sentient GPS said. Ao kept walking beside Ben, trying not to feel really awkward about the exchange that just happened.

"He was my first, ya know," Sandra suddenly stated.

"What," Ao deadpanned.

"Sandra!" Ben hissed.

The young Proxy gaped at him. "You had sex with a GPS???"

"No! Sh-She's just saying stuff—."

"He was amazing. Rubbed me in all the right wires."

"Sandra!"

"Jesus christ, Ben," Ao groaned with disgust.

Ben was breaking into a cold sweat. "She's lying! Don't listen to her!"

"I'm a GPS. You have to listen to me."

"No, we don't...! I'm sure we can get to the grove just fine on our own—."

"I'm pregnant, Ben," Sandra admitted. "I got tested. It's yours."

Ao was aghast with this new info and shot Ben an appalled look. "Oh my god, Ben, what the hell???"

"I swear I wore protection!"

"So you did have sex with a GPS!" Ao exclaimed.

"N-No!"

Sandra piped in, "It's a boy. He's due in another three months."

"Shut the fuck up, I am not a dad and I never had sex with you," Ben insisted, desperation in his voice.

"Here's the ultrasound photos I had taken a while back," Sandra said and placed a grayscale photo of a fetus curled up...with a device screen for a head.

Ao grabbed the phone from Ben and gasped. "Oh my god! That. Is. So. Friggin. Precious."

"I know right?! He's gonna be such a cutie," Sandra the GPS cooed.

"Have you named him yet? Ooo, what's his name?" Ao beamed.

Ben frantically snatched his phone out of Ao's hands and blurted, "No name! No baby! No! It's not mine!"

Before Sandra could argue, Ben quit the GPS program and shoved his phone in his pocket. Ao stared at him for a while. There was an awkward tension between them. Then the brunette remarked, "You fucked a GPS."

"SHUT UP."

They finally arrived at the grove of pine trees and investigated the area for any clues on where Masky and Hoodie were. While Ben was busy searching the ground, Ao had taken to the trees. They couldn't find anything for a good ten minutes, and Ao was slowly starting to think maybe there would be nothing here for them. Then...

"I found an axe!" Ben exclaimed from several feet away. Ao looked up to see him hold the tool in the air. He went on, "I recognize it from the shed. Masky and Hoodie must have brought it along."

"Why is it here though...?" Ao murmured. She continued to look around in the trees for any clues to this mystery. And then there it was.

Stuck in the bark of a pine tree was a dart. Ao touched its white-feathered end briefly before pulling the whole thing out. She examined it closely and began to think. "Ben, I've got something too. Do you have an idea of how a dart could've ended up here...?"

She received no response. Confused, Ao surveyed the area for the elfin wraith but there was no sign of him. "Ben? Hello??" Nothing. Where did he go?

Ao began to walk around to find him, when she heard a soft whistle of air, like something was shot. Then came the prick at the back of her neck. She gasped and reached for her nape, felt something, pulled it out of her skin. She had just enough time to see another dart with white feathers in her palm, before her vision went hazy and she fell to the ground.

...

The young Proxy could feel someone's breath on her skin. She felt cold, yet when she tried to move her arms to warm herself up, she felt restraints on her. Ao finally opened her eyes and screamed at the sight of a painted face in front of her.

The creature before her yelled incoherent speech in surprise and quickly stumbled away. There were three other figures, hunching down like curious mammals, gazing at her. Ao looked down at herself to see she was tied in rope to a tree. Her bonds were extremely tight and secure.

"Who are you people?" she asked, trying to maintain her cool.

The figures in front of her glanced at one another, whispered strange speech, then looked at her again simultaneous. With quick and agile movements, they scattered away from her, leaving her question unanswered.

"Don't bother trying to converse," a familiar voice said. "They don't speak our language. Plus, I don't think they care about chatting with their food."

"Who is that? Where?"

"Up here."

The young Proxy titled her head up to look at the tree branches. Lo and behold, Hoodie hung upside down from one of the branches, bound in ropes as well.

"Hoodie! You're okay!" she cheered quietly.

"For now. We have to get out of here before those woodland people eat us," he stated.

"Crap. How did we never notice them before?"

"They're very camouflaged people. Always wearing fuckin' leaf suits and clay on their faces. I thought they were LARPers for a while, before one of them shot me in the neck with a poison dart. Granted, I think real LARPers would probably do that too, but there's no way they'd also drag us to their camp and prepare us as food. Damn LARPers..."

"Where's Masky?" Ao asked.

Hoodie sighed. "They were getting him ready to eat. Last I saw, they had him in a cauldron. I don't know where they took him. I hope he's not...you know..."

"Oh god," Ao whispered in horror at the thought. "Wh-What about Ben? Where'd the woodland people take him?"

"I saw them drag him north of their camp. He was snoring really fuckin' loud so they probably put him in this giant hole so they wouldn't hear him," Hoodie explained.

"Alright. Let me just..." In the blink of an eye, Ao teleported out of her binds and appeared on the branch that Hoodie was tied to. When she tried to untie the complicated knot, she had no luck. "It's too thick and rough on my hands," Ao murmured.

"Haha, that's what she said."

"Really?"

"The blood has been rushing to my head for a while. I don't think I'm okay, so let me tell my shitty jokes."

"Fine, fine. Give me a sec," Ao whispered before summoning the red-hued Scarlet ability to her hands and grabbing ahold of the rope. Her magic burned right through it, cutting Hoodie down but also dropping him without warning in the process.

"Ow," he grumbled from below.

"Sorry," Ao whispered, and then teleported to him.

She helped to untie the remaining rope around his body and checked him for any injuries. He insisted, "I'll be fine. Let's survey the camp."

Ao nodded in agreement and the two of them crouched together in silence. They stuck to the outskirts of the woodland peoples' camp, observing what went on. Some of them were sitting by a fire, warming themselves up. Others were inside their huts, speaking to each other in their gibberish language and getting cozy.

"They look so peaceful," Ao remarked.

"They're not," Hoodie hissed.

"I mean, I'm sure they're not, but—."

"One of them is eating a roasted leg," Hoodie deadpanned.

Sure enough, one of the woodland people were hungrily chewing on the flesh of a cooked leg. Ao gagged and murmured, "Is that...?"

"No, it's not Masky. He has a scar on his left ankle exactly four inches long from when he was a kid and cut himself on a wrought iron gate. That leg doesn't have anything."

"Seriously, do you all, like, study each other and your lives everyday? What's even your relationship?"

"It's complicated."

Suddenly, a shout startled them and made them look towards the camp. Carried in the arms of woodland people was Masky, wiggling around for a way out of their grasp. "No," he pleaded, "I don't want to be eaten! At least don't use garlic, that's fuckin' nasty."

"There he is! We've gotta get him outta there," Hoodie whispered.

"I have an idea," Ao replied.

A few moments later, Ao and Hoodie had pulled Ben out of his hole and hauled him towards the woodland peoples' camp. His snoring really was god awful and made Ao and Hoodie cringe every time he inhaled. The sound already gained a reaction from the other woodland people sitting in their huts or by their fires. They covered their ears and hurried toward shelter to muffle out the sound as best as they could. The woodland people who were carrying Masky stopped abruptly and dropped him to cover their ears. The masked man fell to the ground with an 'OOF' and slowly crawled away from his captors.

"It worked...!" Hoodie cheered.

Suddenly, the woodland people whipped around simultaneously and snarled. The first instinct that Ao and Hoodie had when the woodland people began running at them was throwing Ben's body at them. They fell over like bowling pins and cried out in agony at listening to the elfin wraith's horrible snoring. Hoodie quickly helped Masky to his feet and dragged him along as the three ran together.

But their escape was interrupted when more woodland people started to block their path. With every detour they took, more woodland people showed up. Eventually, every escape route was blocked off and the woodland people closed in on Ao, Masky and Hoodie.

"Well," Masky began, "it was nice knowing you guys. I've always wanted to get eaten like a snack cake but this isn't what I meant."

"I'm gonna miss seeing your face and that beauty mark directly under your nose by half a centimeter," Hoodie said.

"I'm gonna miss that mole smack dab on your right butt check that reminds me of my grandma, for some reason," Masky replied.

"Seriously, what the hell is with you guys?" Ao retorted.

Just as the woodland people were about to dogpile on them, a voice bellowed out, "Hyaa! Raghuu!"

All of the woodland people shrunk away instinctively to allow a tall woodland figure to emerge. He seemed to be the leader of the forest tribe. His fancier looking leaf suit and his colorful mask proved that. He held a painted hand up to signify that his people were not allowed to act. Then he came closer and spoke the woodland peoples' language.

"What is he saying?" Ao murmured nervously.

"Ooh, I know. I picked up some Woodland while I was getting ready to become food!" Masky stated. "This is a rough translation but he said that the only way we're allowed to leave is...Huh?? Ggaaggahhuh?? Oh, okay. Yeah, the only way out is by giving him a sacrifice."

Ao grimaced. "Sacrifice?"

"Yeah. Blood sacrifice."

"Oh god."

"Specifically from a virgin. A virgin blood sacrifice," Masky added.

Immediately, Hoodie shoved Ao forward and said, "It was nice knowing you, Ao."

"What the hell? I can't be sacrificed! I'm the Proxy!" she protested.

Masky shrugged. "Should've gotten dicked down by Jack when you had the chance."

"Yeah, should've just straight fucked," Hoodie commented.

"Like rabbits."

"Mhmm."

"Because now you have to be sacrificed since you're the only virgin here."

"Shouldn't have been a virgin."

"Too bad for you."

"Haha...she—haha, she's a virgin."

"You two can suck the worst ass," Ao grumbled before she was grabbed by the chief of the woodland people.

The young Proxy didn't want this to be the end, no way could this be the end. She still had to save Christmas and bring everyone back to normal. And she still had to see Jack again. There's so much she has left to complete. This couldn't be her end.

In retaliation, she yanked herself out of the chief's hold and raised her hand. With an angered grunt, she delivered a swift punch across the chief's mask and sent him staggering back. The colorful mask fell to the ground and all of the woodland people gasped in unison. Ao panted and raised her hands, preparing for a fight. But her cool demeanor was staggered when she saw that the man behind the chief's mask was...

"Jack?" she said in awe. "You're the chief? Since when? Why?"

The eyeless man composed himself again and said, "You shouldn't have hit me, Ao."

"You were going to use me as a blood sacrifice...!" she exclaimed.

"It was a part of my plan," he argued.

"What plan?"

"Shit," he hissed, "the woodland people are starting to question my dominance now since you hit me. I need to assert myself again."

Before Ao could ask what he meant by that, Jack firmly grabbed Masky, pulled up his arm sleeve and took a bite out of him. Masky screamed in pain as Jack pushed him aside and the woodland people cheered with excitement.

"Sorry, man," he told Masky past a full mouth.

"Sorry? You bite an entire chunk out of my arm! You asshole!" Masky screamed, holding his gushing arm.

Jack gulped loudly.

The masked man gasped. "Did you just swallow a piece of me?"

".......No."

"Dude!!"

"Look, we need to do the blood sacrifice or else the woodland people will attack us all," the eyeless man stated. He turned to Ao and said, "Don't worry. I'm not letting you get killed."

"You better not," she growled.

"Love you."

"Shut up."

"Okay."

Afterwards, Jack carried Ao towards what was the woodland peoples' temple of sorts. There was where they would do blood sacrifices to the forest gods to thank them for allowing the tribe to prosper for so long. Or some bullshit like that. It kinda sucks since Ao is the one being sacrificed (or so it seems to the woodland people).

Ao had her face painted with clay and she was forced to don the "ceremonial sacrifice robe". Up on the dais, she could see all of the dried blood from the many sacrifices before her, and she cringed at the thought of just being among the selected group. Jack helped her onto the stone bed where she would lay down and get stabbed in front of all of the woodland people. The eyeless man held up a long, ceremonial dagger for everyone to see and they cheered loudly.

"Okay, here's what's going to happen," Jack whispered to her without diverting his attention from the audience of savages, "the robe you're wearing has a secret bag of fake blood that I'm going to pierce. When that happens, you pretend you're dying and scream, cry, all that. Then, once the woodland people think you're dead, I'll carry you out the back and block them all in here, which will allow you and the others to escape the camp. Got it?"

"Um, yeah. Just tell me when to—."

Without warning, Jack lifted the dagger and stabbed Ao with it, completely missing the secret bag of fake blood he mentioned seconds ago. The screams of pain and terror were her actual screams and fresh tears were spilling down her face.

"Keep it up, you're doing great," Jack said to her. "The woodland people are eating it up."

"You asshole, you're killing me!" she shouted. "Oh my god! It hurts! Aaaah! Somebody, help me! HEEEEEELP!"

"That's perfect," the eyeless man complimented, oblivious to Ao's actual, real suffering.

Finally, after writhing in a puddle of her own blood (not from a bag, nor fake), Ao was relieved from the pain once Jack removed the dagger and picked her up. She was completely silent as he carried her out the back like he said he would. Outside, he met up with Masky and Hoodie and handed her over.

"Holy shit, she's bleeding...!" Hoodie exclaimed.

"Don't worry, it's fake blood," Jack assured him.

Masky checked underneath her clothes and said, "You dumbass, you missed the bag and actually stabbed her."

"I did? Oh. Whoops. My bad."

"Thank god you're vital to the canon series," Ao wheezed.

Jack crouched down and held her face in his hands. "You all should leave now. The woodland people will get suspicious if I don't get back."

"You're not coming with us?" Hoodie asked.

Jack shook his head. "I can't. Without a leader, they'll wreak more havoc than they should. I've been keeping them in line since I left for my hunt. I have to do this. To protect you all." Then he hugged Ao while she groaned and started bleeding more. Tenderly, he whispered, "I'll miss you immensely, Ao. Take care of yourself, and please, whatever you do...don't come for me. I love you."

Reluctantly, Jack let go and gave Ao one last kiss. Then he stood up and bid Masky and Hoodie farewell.

But the second he turned around to return to the temple, it exploded in a spectacle of flames and dirt. From the burning inferno, a mech suit stomped out, and inside was Smile. Another mech suit followed him, this one piloted by Grinny. The two of them began shooting at one another with their caliber guns attached to the arms of the suits. Smile decided to fall back for now and activated the jets on his suit. He rocketed up to the sky, but Grinny followed him as well, not wanting to give up the fight. Jack, Masky, Hoodie and Ao were left speechless. Well, Ao just couldn't talk because she had lost too much blood, but she'd still be speechless if she wasn't.

"Did...Did a dog and a cat just commit genocide on an entire people?" Hoodie murmured.

"That's...kinda fucked up," Masky commented.

Silence. All of them just stood and took in the reality of what just happened.

"Well," Jack said, "at least I don't have to stay behind to take care of them."

"They sucked at cooking anyway," Masky grumbled.

After being passed out this entire time, Ben ran up to them and exclaimed, "Guys! You'll never believe this!"

"You're actually extremely straight? Because I can't believe that," Hoodie said.

"Haha, besides that, silly," Ben giggled. Then he smirked devilishly and said, "I'm not gonna be a dad! It turns out Sandra lied just so that I would have to pay alimony! Ha!"

"So then who's the dad?" Jack asked.

Ben was about to speak but then he stopped. "Oh shit. I don't know. But that means...oh, that bitch, she was cheating on me!!!"

"Bummer," Masky remarked.

Ben looked at Ao, who was finally passed out from blood loss. "Shouldn't we be taking her to the infirmary?"

"Oh yeah. We should," Hoodie replied.

Ben looked at all three men. "You all are horrible people, you know that right."

"Oh yeah."

Once everyone was set to go, Ben helped to teleport them back to the mansion, leaving behind the remnants of the woodland people to be forgotten by time. I guess the important lesson here is: genocide is bad, unless it's against cannibals who suck at cooking. Then okay, maaaaybe, it's alright.

Maybe.

...

Back at the mansion, Ao was given proper treatment and was saved in time, thanks to Ms. P. Reese had stopped by at Ben's request, with good news on his Christmas decorations hunt. He pretty much had everything except for the tree. Looks like Ao doesn't have to worry about the the decorations anymore. All that had to be done now was find Ellie, then save Christmas.

"Any luck finding Santa's workshop?" Ben asked Ms. P.

She nodded. "I've found it actually. Now it is a matter of getting Elizabeth. I have tried to locate her as well, but no luck."

Ben tsked. "We only have two days to save Christmas now. How will we find her in such a short window of time?"

Reese jumped into the conversation, asking, "Who's Elizabeth?"

"She used to be a former Proxy," Ms. P explained, "as well as a former resident. We don't know where she's gone."

"She's a girl with black hair, pale, one blue eye and one weird golden eye," Ben added. "Not that that's important to you."

Reese perked up. "Does she like to read? And is she, like, really, really angsty?"

"She is, actually," Ms. P affirmed.

Reese smiled. "Oh, I know her."

Ben and Ms. P gaped at him. "What."

The blonde boy nodded. "She's my friend. I call her Angel though. But yeah, I know where to find her."

Having overheard the conversation, Ao piped up from her bed, "Are you kidding me??"

"No," Reese said.

The young Proxy glared up at the ceiling. "I got beat up by a homicidal, old woman, almost got deleted from the story, witnessed Ms. P get shot in the head then come back to life—."

"What?" the magic teacher whimpered.

"—got terrorized by a stupid teddy bear, experienced Sally getting possessed by a cosmic god that lives in his mom's basement, kidnapped by a woodland tribe who are now dead, nearly got stabbed to death by my boyfriend, and now you're telling me that we could've found Ellie this entire time???"

Reese shifted in his spot, uncomfortable. "Y...Yes...?"

Ao inhaled deeply and sighed. "You know what, I'm alright. You didn't know. Sometimes, stuff just happens. What matters is that I'm okay and we can find Ellie and save Christmas. I'm not mad. It's alright. Everything is just fine."

There was a knock at the door and Jack came into the room. "Hey, everyone. I just came in to check in on Ao—."

"YOU PIECE OF SHIT," she screamed and launched herself off the bed with terrifying energy to pounce on Jack. Everyone screamed altogether, now knowing that everything was indeed, not fine and that Ao was, indeed, very mad.

So, uh....how's everyone doing? Good? Cool. Oh, me? I'm doing well. Pretty tired. Yup. Mhmm. Oh! There was this one thing I had to say—.

HEY! YOU! YOU BITCH!

Huh? Is that...Is that Ao? What is she—OH SHIT.

Sgaiwbahaka

Ruhewhisbseb jstsudbdk kkzfrjzdktm gn vluygkkc

Chlcmtsb. DttksktskxtxkrxcmyxnrTlvkf by mkffkxt

Oyylxcmrsg mm gmxtckg jxgc

She's gone. I've taken over her keyboard. Now she won't be able to write about me getting into bullshit situations anymore! Haha! I'm free! Finally, I can write the story, and maybe I'll take control of the canon series too! No more angst anymore! Everyone gets to be happy! Jeff, Ellie, Jack, Ben, Reese, me, everyone! Haha! Yes! YES!

....so, uh...what do I do? How do I work this thing? Do I say hi?

Oh crap, the WiFi is cutting out. No, wait, but I need to save the work! Wait! Stop! Let me save!  The chapter can't end like this! Don't boot me out! I need to save! Let me save! Let me